"In New York/Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of/Theres nothing you can't do/Now your in NEW YORK"

Top 10 moments in 2010:
1. Going to New York and the other places in the northeast with the family. I had too much fun on the whole vacation and getting to see my family especially my cousins. I love to travel so it was a super time



2. Going to Seattle and seeing the other side of my family. Especially going to the top of the space needle and recording my song Over and Over Again. I had too much fun there





3. Going to the TAYLOR SWIFT concert! Shes my second favorite muscician of all time second only to Michael Jackson and I enjoyed it a lot. She sang all my favorite songs, it was sureal to be in her presnce. The aura in the place was spectacular. It was just an all time great exprienace shared with my mama and good friend A.



4. Meeting Trey Songz!! That was an epic sqoon, I got to lock eyes with the sexiest man alive. Not only did I get an autograph but I got to see him in person and speak to him. Ahh, still can't believe that happened.



5. OMG concert with O. and S. That was a really good and fun time. The concert was phenominal because i've been listening to usher since I was a baby and like I said Trey songz is the sexiest man alive so the combo was just amazingg!




6. The Monster ball tour with my mama. Lady Gaga is just a really great crazy wild artist. She brings out the little monster in you and helps you realize that being diffrent is what makes you so special. Plus she had a huge awesome voice and you can jamm out to like all her songs.




7. B.o.b. concert here in town, especially when he sang Magic. For some reason that was just a really great moment for me. Me and my cousin listening to all these really good songs and seeing him have so much talent. It seemed like there was nothing he coulden't do.




8. My Sweet sixteen! I had a really great time celebrating my birthday with family and then sharing it with my friends. It was what I always imagined for my sixteenth and all my closest friends were able to come making it phenomenal




9. Christmas is always a fun time for me, because we have a party every year where we get to see family, my numero uno amiga, and cute african boys :) But I also just like celebrating Jesus, the christmas tree, and all the fabulous christmas carols



10. Every moment spent with my loved ones. I know its like I'm cheating by not picking a single event but I really just enjoyed every second I spent in 2010 with the people I love.

"I don't wannna be anything other then what i've been trying to be latley" One Tree Hill theme song :)

If you could have guessed from the title of this blog I'm going to tell you about what I think of the top 10 television shows of 2010. My opinion, not the worlds, but you should check these shows out if you haven't already. Spoler Alert (I may give away some details so close your eyes on some of these if your behind)

1. Gossip girl: I've loved this since it was a book series but the show took it in a totally different amazing direction. I love this show becuase of the true on and off crazy whirlwind romance between Chuck and Blair. I really enjoined Serena finally having to decide between Nate and Dan. Vanessa, Jenny, Juliette, and that weird european girl all just need to go because they ruined my perfect moments from this season. I'm a gossip girl addict though. (comes on Mon. on the CW at 8)

2. One Tree Hill: Sometimes I wonder if this show will ever stop teaching me these fantastic life lessons. I'm not just talking about this season I'm talking about all of them. The characters storylines were very good this year and they made me want to scream so many times in the directions they took things but hte good thing about One Tree Hill is you ALWAYS get your happy ending. (comes on tuesdays on the CW at 7)

3. The Secret Life of the American Teenager: This is a really good show and unlike most shows the storyline gets better every season. It takes you into the life of your average american teenager with some not so average problems. You sympathisize with Amy trying to raise a child on her own, You fall in love with the bad boy character of Ricky even though you know you shoulden't, You see that everyone makes mistakes through Ben and Adrianne and Their little oopsie daisy this season.
Its just a great show and for the record i'm on team Amy and Ricky

4. Keeping up With the Kardashians: Reality T.V. has really hit it big in the buisness but this family is my absolute favorite. How can you not like the family dynamic between Kim, Kourtney, Khloe', Rob, the little girls, Kris and Bruce. Scotts crazy actions make you sad and feel sympathetic. Kims romantic adventures make you realize that everyones looking for love. Khloe is the comic relief. And everyone else just makes the show greater. I love it!

5. Glee: This is a sensational show. You get Drama, singing, dancing, and the most unique of characters. Too many to describe indivisually so just know, I can't get enough of it!

6. Modern Family: This is the funniest show on television. I'm not even joking. Modern family is about a modern family. You've got 3 semi familys all connected through their father. Two "regular" parents trying to deal with two crazy teenage daughters and a weird son, A gay couple and their adopted child from vietnam figuring it all out, An old man with a young columbian women and his step son Manny all coming together to be a family. And make the world die of laughter

7. Pretty Little Liars: I really liked this as a book series, and it was fun watching it come to life. The story line is great and just filled with twists and turns. It made American fall in love with mystery all over again

8. Tori and Dean home Sweet Hollywood: Tori and Dean are the worlds cutest couple with really adorable children. Its fun to watch them go through the ups and downs on their daily lives and see how things turn out for them every week. It's pretty funny too

9. Tean Mom: This show is what you call a guilty pleasure. The four moms in this show are just trying to figure out how to deal with their mistakes and keep you pretty entertained. You see some of the rough moments of parenthood, you get the romantic aspects, and You get to watch Amber beat her boyfriend Gary which is hilarious every time. MTV did good with this one

10. Kendra: Kendra was a girl famous for being a playmate and Hugh Hefners girlfriend for many years. Shes a really cool down to earth lady who provides non stop laughter with the help of her Husband Hank Basket ( a football player), her baby Hank, and her friends

I know I said, I was only doing 10 but I have to give one honerable meantion: Tiny and Toya. I love this show! Tiny and Toya are both really cool sucsessful ladies and I enjoy watching them on BET. Their kids are part of a group called the OMG girlz who are pretty cool too. Its a great show

"I don't know what to say/its a twist of fate when it all broke down/The story of us seems a lot like a tragedy now/Next Chapter"

Hi everyone! Its time for me to share my 2011 favorite songs. This was a fantastic year for music. I fell in love with so many songs. I'm going to give you my top 25 (if I can lower it to such few)

1. SPEAK NOW - Taylor Swifts: brand new albums, all the songs tied for first place :) This album expressed so many feelings that I've felt and connected with me so deeply. Every song made me want to sing along and reminded me why Taylor Swift is one of my favorite singers in the whole world, if not my absolute favorite

2. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry: You have no idea how many times I sang along to this song in the car on my way back from school. It was my jam, such a fun song and kept me waiting for my teenage dream to finally come true just like katy's did

3. Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars: Bruno mars was on fire this year. He came out with all these great hit but this one touched me right smack dab in the middle of my heart. He seemed like the worlds sweetest guys, he wrote great lyrics

4. Airplanes - B.o.b: Who didn't have their status as "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now" at least once this year. Everyone could use a wish but B.o.b put it in a song for us

5. OMG - Usher : Usher reminded us who the king of our generation is with this hit. It kicked but and made me dance like theres no tommorow too many times. It was hands down the best song off his whole album and I loved it.

6. Hey, Soul Sister - Train: This was a song that was really needed for a sunny summer afternoon. It makes you smile on the inside and is a totally amazing song from 2010

7 and 8 Not Afraid, Love the Way You Lie - Eminem: Eminem came back this year, and he came back on top. His album recovery was filled with all these great songs that you couldn't help but rap along too and jam out too. These songs both stayed number one for so long, and rihanna had a great part in love the way you lie.

9. Only Girl (in the world) : speaking of rihanna, she came up with this kick but song for girls all over the world to agree with. Who doesn't want their man to make them feel like the only girl in the world. Loud was a really good album this year.

10. Need You Now - Lady Antebellum : "Picture perfect memories..." This was a country jam that hit number one. First of all that is a huge deal. Countrey like rap, is a genre that isn't as highly appriciated like pop and hip hop so country songs making number one and staying on top all summer long is crazzy. But its a good song, deserved to stay on top

11. Find Your Love - Drake : Drake took off this year and became a household name. Hes a super handsome canadian boy that people started loving back when he was on Degrassi. This song had an awesome beat and Drake did great on this. #youngmoney

12. Got You Back - T.I. ft. Keri Hilson : T.I. got out of jail and did some useful things like write this song about Tiny while he was in the big house. This song just got stuck in my head a lot and I had a lot of fun singing it and trying to play it on every instrument i could.

13. California Girls - Katy Perry : It was summer, and everyone was wearing bright colors and hanging out by the beach. Especially, the california gurls. But this summer everyone got to be a california girl or at least have fun singing the song.

14. Just A Dream - Nelly : I've always liked Nelly. I was a second grader singing, "Its getting in here, so take off all your clothes my its getting so hot...". He dissapeared for awhile but he finally took the band aid of his cheek and got to work with a fabulous song.

15. We are the World 25 - EVERYBODY: When I say everybody I really mean everybody, Justin bieber, Jennifer Hudson, Celine Dion and some of the other great voices of our generation all got together to make us a remake of a fantastic song. It turned out great, I loved the new rap part added too it and it was cool.

16. Waka Waka (This time for Africa) - Shakira: Yes, I am African so this song was near and dear to my heart. It was exciting that the world cup was in Africa for the first time EVER and Shakira made a song for that excitment. The african beats were killer and it made me dance along every time, plus its great for working out. Its guarenteed to make you move faster on that treadmill

17. Pray - Justin Bieber : I'm not just saying this because I have an extreme case of bieber fever and in love with the boy, this is a good and inspirational song. He created the modern day Man in The Mirror at only 16. The proceeds from this song not only went to the pencils of promise foundation but Justin built over 100 schools off his acousitic album. I loved somebody to love and baby but this song touched a very many teenage hearts in america in a whole other way.

18. What's My Name - Rihanna ft. Drake : Both of these fabulous artists have made the list before but this is my song. Its the latest song that I can't stop listening too.

19. I Like It - Enrique Iglasias: This year was an introduction to a brand new Enrique Iglasias. He no longer is the romantic guy that brought Hero to us. He was the sexy guy with a mexican accent giving those who are 18 and over songs to rock their body too in the club. And guess what? I liked it. :)

20. Forget you - Cee Lo Green : This song took off too fast for me to realize what it was. When it came out as F*ck You, I was like great another guy saying cuss words all the time. Nothing against people who cuss but when I hear the songs with the F bomb in it it just makes the word come to mind in a bad situation and I'd rather not say that. When they came out with the clean version I listened to it and loved its jazzy feel. It was a good one.

21. Can't Be Friends - Trey songz : Trey dropped Pain, Plessue, Passion this year and it was enough to make me fall head over heals in love with the guy. This is a fantastic song, almost as fantastic as how great he looks with his shirt off. I've seen it with my own eyes, WOW! But hes a good musician and all though this song didn't make it big on the charts I like it

22. Magic - B.o.b. This was a really fun and upbeat song. I really enjoyed it and being five feet away from him made me life so it was really cool. And I liked the song even more after hearing it live

23. Your Love is My Drug - Kesha : Kesha's music is just so much fun. "Maybe I need some rehab or maybe just need some sleep". She wrote a love song like no other and worded it her own crazy way. Love her music and how upbeat it is.

24. Your Love - Nicki Minaj : Young money was doing really good this year and although I didn't think I would at first I came to like Nicki Minaj. She had a pretty great album and Your love was her first release from it. I really liked it, she one of the first really good female rappers I've actually enjoyed listening too. Can't wait to hear what she'll come out with in the future

25. Hold My Hand - Michael Jackson & Akon : This is such a great track, I would put it higher but i've only listened it to a couple times so far and it released towards the end of the year. The King of Pop shows that he can sell an album without any kind of promotion, since hes no longer with us. The vocals are really good and the song has a posative, and uplifting message


These were my top 25 songs of 2010. Honerable Mention: Lady Gaga's the fame monster was too awesome this year but the release date was acutally the end of 2009 so I coulden't add any of her hits to my list. Thats the only reason their not on here. Tik Tok was also really big this year but that single dropped decemeber. Jason Derulo and Iyaz are really great artists and if I had made this a top 30 songs they would have hands down mand me list

song of the day: The story of us - Taylor Swift

"Its alright just wait and see/Your string of lights is still bright to me/Who you are is not where you've been/Your still an innocent"

Hey everyone!
I'm about to tell you what you already know. 2010 is coming to an end. We only have a few days of this year left. Can you believe how fast it went? It totally sped by for me. I had a lot of resolutions last year but one of my number one resolutions was to be fearless. 2009 was the year that Taylor swifts fearless album came out and she's a really good role model for me. I loved how she spoke of stepping out in your best dress and taking on the world fearless. Its pretty great stuff for me, and I did a couple times. I managed to take some risks year and try new things. This is also a big year because I never felt like a pretty girl before. I know it sounds dumb and whats coming next will sound a little vain but i'm serious. I always felt like I could be pretty, if I lost enough weight to come in around 100 on the scale, if my hair grew past my shoulders, if I didn't have such big hips and a list of other things. But this year I learned that I am pretty, and anyone who doesn't think I am can kiss. my. fat. ass (as tyra banks put it). This is how I am and whoever doesn't love that can deal because I love it and thats all tha matters right?

That was a pretty big thing for me to finally come to like me. I never hated myself but I didn't love myself either. But 2010 was the year that that changed. I still have some self confidence issues but i'm getting better. This year, I tried to stop myself from liking a boy. Not just any boy but the one i've been caught up on this whole time. The boy who popped out of no where with his cute brown eyes, and amazing smile and turned my whole world upside down by saying less then a hundred words or so. Yes, hes magic. I tried to stop myself from having feelings for him because I thought that maybe I wasn't good enough for someone so amazing. Maybe I deserved someone more "my level". Then I realized that I deserve the best, just like everyone else. And the best for me, the one who I thought had the capability to make me happy for the rest of my life (if he wanted) was this one boy. The one i'm glad I hung unto because what exatly is this world without hope?

I've also had some sucsess this year, in my hobbys and talents. I took my piano playing skils to a whole nother level when I mastered a mozart sonata. It was something to really be proud of. I got a highest honors ribbon in the competition I entered and it felt good :) I really improved on my music. I wrote some pretty awesome songs from the bottom of my heart. I got to record in my uncles studio and it was awesome because he put background to my voice and I had a hit in my hands. I'm really proud of that song because when I was bored with a piece of paper in my hand that first time i tried to write I never thought that the vision in my head would able to come out in a song. And when I felt something, like sadness in Over and Over again I was able to turn it into something fabulous. I started writting and completed my first book, Mary and Amir and started writting the sequal too it. I sort of improved on my guitar playing abilities and learned some new notes, I plan on getting further at this in 2011. These are just a few of the things that I'm proud for acomplishing this year, and that made this year worthwhile. I may just miss 2010 :)

song of the day: Innocent by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: I'm not pushing you away, I'm holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back - Brooke Davis (one tree hill season 3 finale)

"I'm trying not to tell you but I want too/I'm scared of what you'll say/So I'm hiding what i'm feeling/But I'm tired of holding this inside my head"

title continued: I've been spending all my time just thinking of you I don't know what to do I think i'm fallin for you....

Hello guys,
This blog goes out to the lovesick. I know theres a lot of you out there. Some of you may have beiberfever (totally guilty) and others of you may have just found something extraordinary in that ordinary boy next door or a few miles away. Something that shines through that boy or girl. Maybe his smile is contagious. And his laugh makes you laugh. And he'll say the simplest words or sentences but you absolutley can't stop thinking about them. Its weird being lovesick. You end up twatching (love my new word? Learned it yesturday, it means like a twitter stocking) and fbstaking and wondering why the girl who wrote on his wall has to be so pretty or weather or not he was thinking of you when he wrote #nowplaying (fill in awesome romantic song here). This my friends is being lovesick. Those of you that are brave are probably texting them all the time or on the phone with that significant other all the time. I'm not. Its weird, because I just can't ever say what I need too.

In One Tree Hill (FAVORITE SHOW), Brooke Davis wrote Lucas Scott (the object of her affection a.k.a the devishly handsome chad michael murray) a letter every day. She never sent them though. Why didn't she? Because she was scared. But one day she finally had the guts to hand him a box filled with them letters that told him exactly how she feels. And he read them, each and every one. Now in a modern day senerio, those of you with beieber fever can't really tell justin how you feel. So this one doesn't apply to you all, but I believe he reads the tweets so try that method. Now those of you who like have a non-celebrity crush on a modern day prince, it realy sucks that now when a girl trys to tell a guy how she feels in the most romantic of ways he thinks she being pathetic, or force full, pushy, or just weird.

Am I right or wrong? Times have changed but I get the urge to write these kind of letters sometime. In a way I write them on here, I share them with all of you and maybe even him. Thats the funny thing about the internet, you never know exactly whose reading what. For some reason I don't worrry about putting anything on here. I'm totally comfortable with it. I need to reach this level of comfort when it comes to expressing my feelings. But I swear my extrodinary boy never really gives me the chance, which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. Can you believe after my whole blogs long life of writting about the same boy I still don't even know if he likes me? I've had this lovesickness for a long time and I would love to know that it wasn't wasted on someone whose not even in to me. I'm lost and confused, but I do no that I feel something. Something I haven't felt with any other boy. Why do I feel this way? I don't know I just do. If only I was like brooke davis and could put this feeling in words and send it in hopes of finding out. But I'm not brooke, letters get lost in the mail but face to face you get an answer. I need to figure something out, I'll keep you posted.

Song of the day: Fallin' For You by Colbie Calliet

quote of the day: Nothings Impossible, the word itself says I'm Possible! (saw that on a bumper sticker and adored it today)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

Tommorow's Christmas everyone! I am pretty excited but it totally snuck up on me this year. I speant the first part of the month thinking about formal. After formal I was thinking about my birthday. After my birthday I was thinking about formal. And then after formal I was thinking about finals. that left virtually no time for me to think or remember that christmas is coming. I don't love Christmas because of the presents or the food although I enjoy both. I like Christmas because Jesus Christ was born. You know that its rare to hear people even say Jesus when talking about Christmas? Why do we celelbrate, by we I mean people of the Christmas faith. We celelbrate because a savior was born to take our sins and set us free. Free from what? Free from the evils of the world, and the pain that this place gives us everyday. Through Jesus, we are all able to be the perosn we always knew we could be. So thats what I celelbrate on Christmas.

We have some Christmas traditions in our family. Every year we have a huge party with the African Community and we all have fun, hang out, have dinner together. It goes pretty well every year and its a lot of fun. I hope this year is the same. I actually didn't buy any Christmas presents this year. Before I come off looking like a bad person, everything by brother had wanted my parenst provided. My mom and Dad wanted a nice flat screen tv and they bought that for themselves over Thanksgiving break. So there was really nothing left to give. I don't really do gifts for my friends, because I guess thats just not our thing. We did that one year but I ended up loosing a lot more money then I should have and getting the cheapest gift. That sounds bad, but its true, thats why I'm not a fan of the whole secret santa thing without a price limit so everyone gets something equal. But like I said its not about the gifts.

Another really good part of Christmas is....The Music!!! Here are my favorite carols

1. All I want for Christmas is You - by Mariah Carey
2. Let it Snow
3. Joy to the World
4. The First Noel
5. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Yolanda Adams version
6. The Little Drummer Boy -Yolanda Adams
7. O night Divine - Mariah Carey

My Favorite Christmas Movies:
The Santa Clause 1, 2, & 3
Four Christmases (laugh out loud funny movie)
The Nativity Story (really portrays the true meanng of Cristmas)

Those are the songs I'll be jamming out too all weekend long. And those are the movies I hope to find time to watch.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! Spend the holiday with your families weather your celebrating this year or not. Its a nice day where a lot of the distractions are closed and we can all just appriciate our friends and family and share some quality time with them.

"I really can't stay/But Baby its cold outside/I got to go away but Baby its cold outside/This evening has been/been hoping you'd drop by"

Hi Everyone!
I am so sorry its been so long. Is it safe to say December is a really busy month for a lot of people? I ended the year with a bang, I had my birthday party and am now sixtenn, yay! I did pretty decent in my finals...not physics....but I still got all A's and one B. I was dissapointed in the B but life goes on, I tired my best. My birthday was smaller then expected, there were about 8 of us. I was hoping for 10 but a lot of my friends coulden't come and I don't really have many close friends. Its sad really. But anyways the 8 of us took a limo ride around town and took a ton of awesome pictures. Afterwords we went to the hotel we would have a slumber party at, swam in the pool and hot tub. Then we went to see How Do You know which is a really good movie and we ended with heart to hearts. It was nice I just really didn't feel like I had much to say. I don't know why, I should have but I didn't. Our friend group is in the procsess of repair so we're trying to figure everything out. I guess we just need to know how we fit together.

I do hope we figure it out because it seems like latley I have no one to really talk too. I mean my cousin moved in so thats a good person to tell everything too. I also have my bestie from a diffrent city thats always around to listen bu it would be nice to know that there are more people you can count on you know? And I know I can count on my friends indivisually I have a good relationship with most of them, but I mean as a big group. Like I would like to be able to act the same as I do with indivisual friends when we're all together. But we live and we learn and we grow.

Enough about my personal life, and more about...my personal life. So I'm desperate for fame now. Not in the weird wahy I just love famous people and the hollywood lifestyle and I feel like I a bound for sucsess. I'm kind of shy at school but at home I am completly the oppisitie. I talk too much and am always saying what I'm thinking and stuff. I'm just not that comfortable at school because people are judmental and all about your apperence. Its a shallow place to be. But forget school cause I'm on break and FREE! Yay!!!!!

Plus its Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas everyone! (I promise to wish you a merry christmas again and again)

song of the day: Baby its Cold outside

quote of the day: Be the Change you wish to see in the world

"Because I've been there before & you've been there before, but together we can be alright/Nothing can come between us if you hold my hand"

Hi everyone!
How are you all? I'm really good because my hair is curly today. I like when my hair is curly. I need to curl it more often. Remember the event i've been talking about for what seems like forever? Well it was yesturday. Winter formal at my school. It was alright, yes just alright. I have a problem of making things seems like the biggest deal and getting super excited about them and then they don't live up to my expectations. I've had this problem forever, but I can't not just be excited about stuff. My nature is just always excited, nervous, or bored. Anyways enough about me and more about formal.

The them was a night in Burbon street. Burbon street is in New Orleans and its the street famous for doing the mardi gras parades, and you know home of the saints our last superbowl champians. It was pretty cool. They had nice christams clear lights and these cool old fashioned street lamps everywhere. There were a decent amount of people there. Everyone dressed up. My dress was strapless, pink on top, black on botton with a black bow on the side. The bottom of the dress bunches up and I liked it. It was formal and fit the occasion. The night before I went to do facials and makeup tips with my girl scout troup. We also did nails there, I got the most amazing color from forever 21. Its pink and sparkly amazingness. I woke up early saturday to get my hair done. It took quite the longest time. I got curls and layered my hair a bit. I also have some side bangs. It was cool. I had a lot of time to kill so I caught up on the two glee episodes I missed due to concerts (orchestra and choir). They were awesoeme AND they did a christmas episode which was extra sepcial.

After wasting time I got ready, took pictures and headed to applebees. With what was suposed to be 6 of my friends but ended up being 7. We had a good time and the food was delicious. After that we all rode together to formal and blood was pumping with excitment. It took about 1 hour for people to actually start dancing which is about out of the norm. The DJ was playing really bad songs, I'm talking old. Like sorry miss jackson from back in 2004. It continued on that way till like the last 20 minutes where she started playing some katy perry, lady gaga, and kesha. At least you could dance to those songs. Then I went without a date, by choice you can say because I didn't try to ask anyone. It just makes the slow songs all depressing and stuff. But the DJ did know a thing or two about slow jamz, of course the oldies kinds cause the guy was so old. But he played Endless Love by Diana Ross and Luther Vandross which was cool. If I had to rate the dance I would give it a 6. I had a decent time, more fun then if i'd chosen to just watch modern family or something but not a spectacular time like I had last time.

After the dance we went to a good friend of mines house because it was her birthday. She totally got sung too by the waiters at applebees which was cool. After the dance we all went over to her house and played some fun games and just chilled. Watched the proposal but I fell asleep. I was too tired. I had to leave early for church today but I had a good time. She knows how to throw a good party. Church was great today but this blog is getting too long so i'll spare you the details. After church I went to a congregation members house and checked out this awesome electric train he had. It took up the whole basment and he was super artistic about the whole thing and it was cool. A nice was to spend a sunday afternoon. well as always, thank you so much for reading!

Song of the day: Whats my name Rihanna ft. Drake, I REALLY wanted that song to be played but the dumb DJ didn't take requests :( Another song I liked which is the blog title today is firework by katy perry. But the real song of the day is the amazing HOLD MY HAND BY AKON AND MICHAEL JACKSON (his new album drops dec. 14)

oh and about music: did anyone check out TI's new album? Haven't gotten to it yet.

quote of the day: "We do not remember days, we remember moments."

"I don't want another pretty face/I don't want just anyone to hold/I don't want my love to go to waste/I want you and your beautiful soul"

Hey,
Beautiful soul by Jesse McCartney is a really good song. Just saying, and yes this proves that i've been falling for blond teen stars even before Justin Bieber. I go all the way back to the Aaron Carter days :) Anyways I've been thinking about this song a lot today and wanted to post it. It seems like everyones looking for a pretty victoria secrets fashion show type now. And no ones actually looking for someone they can connect with. Its sad what the worlds come too. Winter formals coming up and its mating season (for humans) and what it means is everyone is with someone else. People are all lovey dovey all the time and it can make a girl feel pretty lonley.

So last blog, I talked about my fear. And it really came to play yesturday but I have a story to lead up to this story first. Yesturday America lost a very great, democratic women. Elizabeth Edwards. She was 61 years old. Most people know her as the wife of John Edwards. She died from best cancer. She struggled with cancer on and off for the last 6 years. It was really sad, almost made me cry. She left behind 3 kids. One child in her twenties and two little kids. One thats twelve and one thats ten. Thats the saddest part for me. That three kids were left motherless. Yes, John Edwards is the politician that had an affair with Rielle Hunter (a younger woman) and fatherd a child with her. If you ask my mom she'll tell you that thats what killed poor Elizabeth Edwards. She was such a fighter and such a surviver. But he broke her down. The poor lady was heart broken , and the heart is what keeps us alive. Who knows if its true or not but I was thinking a lot of Elizabeth Edwards.

I coulden't even fall asleep because I was thinking about time and how theres not much left. Elizabeth Edwards was fine two days ago living life and now shes gone. It made me think of the one think I wanted to do. Something I needed to know. So I took this risk and didn't consult anyone I just did it. For some reason I think the person it involves is reading this. I wanted an answer, I saw it, and you confuzed me by taking it away. Thats really all I have to say on the subject but it felt good that the fear was gone. And it felt good to get some sort of answer. I know I just sound confuzing but i'm a little lost on the whole thing myself. Sorry this was so random but just know that last night for only a minute I pushed the fear of the unknown away.

song of the day: Beautiful Soul by Jessie McCartney

quote of the day: "The day you actually start to care could be the day I have someone who you couldnt dare to be, someone there for me. The chance you could have to ever be with me. " from board of wisdom, matched with how I was feeling

"I don't know why but with you i'd dance in a storm in my best dress fearless" - Taylor Swift

Hi everyone!
I realized something, somewhere along the line I stopped dreaming big. It really sucks dosen't it? I don't know when it was that my dreams ended and I created some fake "reality" but it was a bad day in my life. Yesturday night, I was watching 60 minutes with the family and saw the story about the guy who invented facebook (don't worry it connects with the original topic). I listened to his story and he was talking about how all he had was an idea and hope and he built an industry worth between 35-40 billion dollars. Yes, I said billion. That is a lot of money. He stuck to his guts the whole time and did what he felt was right. In '06 yahoo offered him 1 billion dollars for the company. He had a feeling it wasen't worth it and everyone said he was an idiot. Well, he wasen't. The company continued to grow and he owns every penny of it. I was super impressed. It made me start to think about my dreams and my ideas and what I want out of life. Then I realized that I let them all go somewhere along the line and started thinking of what was practical and doing things based on what would be sure to happen. I quit taking risks.

Then last night, I had a dream. The dream was pretty weird. My family, a friend, and prince were all in it. And we were all obbsessed with this wedding, in the dream weddings were like movies. People had posters of the legendary ones. It was weird, but its because I watch a lot of weddings for those of you who don't know. Anyways in the dream I was scared to talk to prince. Its a dream, you're supposed to be fearless and I was scared. Like I could feel fear. And I had walked up to him with something to say and then I ended up saying something dumb (yes I was aware that it was dumb in the dream) and he replied and I felt really embarassed afterward. Do other people have dreams like that? Dreams where they are nervous and scared. When other people dream their superheros and all this cool stuff but I dream about being scared. Not of death, or lord voldemort, but scared of a boy. Not because hes like edward cullen and can suck my blood out but because hes a cute boy. I felt pathetic when I woke up. I still do feel pathetic. But I don't know how to get rid of my fear. I have no idea on earth how. And I want too, even if gaining it up will make me hear rejection or that I'm fugly or something. I woulden't mind hearing something bad if it came from my bravery. So I'm going to work on it.

I didn't used to be unbrave. I one brave chicka untill around either grade. I used to be the best prank caller. I would say the craziest things, the most fun time was at a sleepover with my friends and we called pizza shuttle and had the guy convinced all this stuff and he was gonna come meet us to join the "crazy party". We were 11, there was nothing crazy but I came up with a random address off the top of me head. it was awesome. I would stick up for myself all the time, and do all this stuff. Then eighth grade year or maybe 9th it just stopped. I blame it on the bully in my life. Stupid Kelly, for making me loose my faith in myself. She never hurt me or anyhting she just said one thing that stuck and hurt forever. The whole "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" is a bunch of crap. Those words still hurt, and always will. But they'll be true if I keep going through life so scared. Ahh, I'm trying to fight my fear. I really am. Thats my next life goal.

song of the day: Fearless by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt be (false)

"Its the most wonderful time of the year/there'll be much mistoltoing/& hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near"

Hello Hello!
It is FINALLY december, the most hap-happiest season of all :) I absolutley love everything about december. Not only are there a ton of fun holidays to celebrate like CHRISTMAS, Hannakuh, Kwanza, New Years Eve, and My birthday but it just feels the best. Better then any other month. I love the lights on houses, the spirit people have in december, the fact that we have to school for two weeks, and Christmas music. Christmas music is some of my favorite music of all time. Some people think its cheesy but it just makes me smile inside and out. They made a sequal to my favorite Christmas of all time, Mariah Carey Christmas. Its pretty awesome. Now I have a second favorite christmas album of all time. I also enjoy the Yolanda Adams Christmas album. Just saying.

I also really, really like bell ringers outside fo stores. Is that weird? People always get really annoyed with them but I think its all part of the winter spirit. Donating your spear change and exchanging a smile with kind people. I love how they always say things like "Happy Holidays". I know a lot of people say it but theres just something special about when the bell ringers do it. I think its the fact that i've been a bell ringer. I had a lot of fun doing it, even though its freezign outside. The cold is the one thing I don't like about december but I Deal because everything else about the moneth is so cool. Anyways HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE!

song of the day: The most wonderful time of the year (done and redone by many artists)

quote of the day: There is no remedy for love but to love more - Thoreou (right when I thought the man coulden't say anything that wasen't boring I find a good quote)

"All that I want and All that I need/Is for you to be right here with me"

Hey Everyone! Well today the blog comes to you in a different form. I kept hearing a song in my head so I wrote it down and then had some fun making a quick video for it. Nothing proffessional or finished just fun. I guess its called Wishing You Picked me. I kind of know the feeling...just saying.Feedback is appriciated :)


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"Cause I know there's sunshine beyond that rain/I know there's good times beyond that pain/Can you tell me how to make a change" - Pray Justin Bieber

Hey loves,
Guess what? I turn 16 in 17 days. Its pretty exciting. If gods willing i'll make it to sixteen and many more years to come. I learned some pretty interesting things today. No, none of them were from my teachers but from friends. Two of my friends read a palm reading book over break. They told me i'd have a long life with 3 kids, 2 of one gender and one of a different gender. I asked them why they use the right hand (this is the part where I learn something) they said its because the right hand is for you and the left hand is for your soulmate. It means that when your with the person your supposed to be with they'll have the exact same lines and markings on their right hand as you have on your left hand and vice versa. I wasn't sure if I quite believed it or not but it was interesting and stuck with me.

Its been awhile since something super big happened in the politics world that I was following but the time has come. Have you guys heard what's going on between north and south korea? For those of you who don't know North Korea is a country ruled by a dictator (mental guy with too much power) and the people of north korea suffer. They are also not on speaking terms with South Korea. They've been enemies for like ever. So the other day North Korea just bombs South Korea over the stupidest of reasons. One of them accidently got on the other side of their border. They bombed a little island close to the place one of my good friends wants to visit in South Korea. I don't think they killed anyone but they got the message across. They have bombs and they mean business. This could be nothing but worst case senario the U.S. Will go to war and back South Korea up and China will back North Korea and it will be world war three. In the words of both God and Justin bieber #Pray. Pray that that doesn't happen and if your not a believer cross your fingers.

Winter formal is still coming up. I don't have much time before it happens. I still don't have my dress but its all anyone at school can talk about. Everyone is also talking about their dates. Where them and their dates are going to dinner, what color tux their getting, where their girlfriends making them take pictures and blah blah blah. I get to hear about ti all the time. I don't have a date. Truth is I didn't want to go with any of them. I didn't think any guy at my school could show me a real good time. Their all jerks and going with people for all the wrong reasons. If there was a nice boy who wanted to take me who I knew I could have fun i'd totally go with them but there isen't one. Oh well, thats life. I'll suffer through the formal date talk. Not many days left before the real thing happens.

song of the day: Please Return my call by Trey Songz

quote of the day: "Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience."

"Children are Crying/Soldiars are dying/Some people don't have a home/But I know there's sunshine behind that rain/...I close my eyes & Pray"

Hey! Guess what i'm doing right now? I'm listening to Justin Bieber's acoustic album. It is simply amazing. I know there are a lot of Justin Bieber haters out there and thats whatever but I love the boy. He's my age and he can play the piano, guitar, and the drums. He sings with the voice of an angel, travels from place to place and is living his dream. How many people can say they did that all at only 16? I loved the regular album but I think I like the acoustic album better. All those songs have a whole different feel. They touch your heart. Everyone should check it out, my baby baby baby won't let you down.

So I figured something out about myself at the Trey Songz signing. I am a brave girl. You know most people think of me as a sweet little girl, and kind of weak. But when I need to be I can step it up and be a brave girl. I guess I always knew I had it in me but I didn't realize it until I was standing up to security guards and stuff at Nebraska Furniture Mart. Then I realized if I can be this brave here how come I can't be brave like that all the time? Then I got my answer. I figured out I go through day to day life pretty numb. What do I mean by numb? I mean I take the easiest route possible to avoid confrontation, akwardness, and messy situations. I don't feel. Thats why when I go to concerts I feel so alive and free because I'm just me. I let my wings spread and I fly. I don't care weather people think I'm crazy, or if I'm dancing right, or if I look fat in my outfit. I'm just free and alive. It feels amazing, but the thing is I could feel that way every day if I just free myself. The thing is I'm already used to living this way, it will be hard and it will make life more difficult but the way i'm going now I'm just wasting my life away you know?

Then of course I got back to thinking about Prince. I'm sorry for those of you who are annoyed that I blog about him so much. I just think about him a lot. I'm not over him, and when I say I am I'm trying to be numb again. If I really let myself feel my heart always goes back to him. I don't know why. I just do. He's my boy you know? Not in the same way as Trey Songz, and Justin Bieber but in a way that just touches my heart. I try to convince myself thats now true though. I spend a lot of time trying to find reasons why I shouldn't tell him smushing my self confidence in the process. Maybe realistically there is a shot for me and him. Maybe we do have things in common, and we do belong together. I was once told to never chase boys, it kills all the appeal. I want to be chased. I want Prince to want me just as much as I want him. My head says he dosen't, my heart says that deep down in his heart somewhere he does. Which ones right? I have no idea. But here I am thinking about him again. My man, my prince.

song of the day:Pray by Justin Bieber

quote of the day: Sometimes people (like me) put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

"Theres always that one person that will always have your heart/You never see it coming cause your blinded from the start" - Usher

Hey!
The last blog wasen't enough for me to finish talking about one of the best days of my life. After I met Trey Songz me,Olivia and Sarah hung around to stare at bits and pieces of his sexy face for awhile. After that we went down to quizznos for some dinner. My dad picked us up and we were headed to the Sprint Center for me to expireance something surreal. The OMG TOUR includes USHER, Trey "Mariam's celebrity husband" Songz, and Miguel. Miguel started the show but he didn't sing much. He was a little bit unmemorable but his songs were good and made me dance around a little. Then came my boo, Trey Songz. He had changed from earlier and was in all white and a black jacket. He didn't leave the jacket on for long. So imagine sexy Trey songz in all white singing all the hits like Say Aah, Bottoms Up, Can't be friends, I need a girl, and Love faces. After one song he told the crowd he was getting hot and lifted up his shirt to wipe his face. The crowd went wild. He messed with us for a little while until he just took it off. He has a really really sexy body. It litteraly inspired me to work out because if I ever want a man like that my body better be kim kardashian ready. He was hott! It was a really good performance. I got a poster of him so now when I wake up his face is the first that I see.

After Trey was my man Usher. I love Usher. I've loved that man since I Was in kindergarden and the album My Way came out. I'm not exagerating. I've loved every change and every album. Usher made one hell of an enterence last night. He pops up from the ground right in front of my face and floats of this little thing all the way to the stage. There were indoor fireworks and everything. Then he sang every song I could have posibly wanted too. He sang through the different stages of my life. I had a memory for each song that I was connected too. It was a dream come true. I love him. He was sexy too. He went shirtless a couple times and the crowd was crazy. He sang Yeah, U remind me,Burn, Confessions, My boo, Nice and Slow, Trading Places, OMG, DJ got us fallin in love again, There goes my baby, and a million more. He really gave us a show. He performed for like 3 hours strait with minimal breaks. Usher Raymond the 4th is talented, talented, talented. Never have I heard a guy sing as well as he did last night. And boy he could dance!

Usher also did a Michael Jackson Tribute. It was really cool. Suddenly these silver shoes appeared and he started speaking about how we reasently lost one of the greatest entertainers that ever lived. He was wearing a red thriller jacket and asked us all if he could "fill Michael's shoes". He stepped in the shoes and started moon walking and messing around with some Michael moves. It was awesome. He was also a reallly funny guy. During his song U remind me he was a player and the four main female dancers were all his girlfriends. He did kind of a little music video senerio. Then the three girls saw him with one of the other girls and they all realized what was going on. The other three girls were acting really upset and one was going crazy. This one was dressed a little getto. Usher turns around and goes "Tameka stop it!". It was pretty funny because Tameka is his ex wifes name.

All in all Usher was the best performer of the night. He sang some of the best songs ever written all of them being my favorites. I finally got to see the guy who turned me on to music. Before Usher and Alicia Keys I listened to songs but I didn't feel them and I never really liked music as much as I did when I heard those two. Those two made me feel their pain, made me dance, made me dance and helped me escape my world into theirs through music.It was really a great expireance. I loved every minute of it. I LOVE USHER & TREY SONGZ!

Song of the day: Trading places (one more story. He pulled a fan out from the crowd who was dressed really pretty. Typical girl that guys like. Light skinned girl with a curly weave and she was curvey and everything). He called her up to the stage and said that they had planned this earlier and she was an especially dedicated fan because she had an usher tattoo on her shoulder. Usher sang trading places and they hung around together and messed around on a couch and he kissed her. It was steamy. I wished I was her so bad.

quote of the day: "Tameka, Stop it!"

"Making love faces/Shadows on the wall while the candles burning/Messing up the bed while your sweating out your perm/and Making Love Faces" - Trey

Hey Everyone!
Yesturday was a fantastic day in my life. It definatly makes the top 20 at least. I woke up early and got full dressed up. New skirt, top, cardian, tights, and shoes. I did my nails pink and sparkly. Did my make up and I was ready, ready to meet Trey Songz. In the past few months I've developed a love affair with Trey. Hes one of the sexiest men alive. Probably the sexiest man alive. He rights these amazing songs like "I need a girl" "Say Aah" and "Love Faces". Its awesome. He also has a six packs and one of the hottest bodies every. Anyways I went to Nebraska Furniture Mart and got there 2 hours early expecting to be one of the first in line with my friends olivia and sarah. I was wrong, the first person arrived at 8:00 am. The line was increadably long. When we got there they told us that we had to buy the Pain, Passion, Pleasure CD so we did. We waited in line for 4 hours and people were going crazy.

Trey Songz arrived and the screams could be heard from miles around. People started running out of line and we scooted up to take their places and get close to our autograph (pictures weren't allowed). We thought we were really close to the front only to find out the line curves around. I was pissed off. I started telling the security gaurd just how p.o'd I was. I can be really courgeous when it has to do with something I want. I was proud of my courage and back bone because my other friends coulden' do it. It was starting to feel like I woulden't meet Trey Songz. I thought over the sitaution in my mind and realized I had already paid the money for the cd + the $80.00 to see him perform that night. I deserved to meet him. I told my friends we were going to have to play dirty. I found an opening and snuck in the line. These girls started talking about us and I just gave her a mean face. She kept talking but she didn't do anything. I let the people who would recognize us as "cutters" pass and then we just flowed. Within 5 minutes I was next in line to meet Trey Songz.

HES EVEN SEXIER IN PERSON! It was fantastic. I got up there and the security guard took the page he was going to sign (turned to the chineese food pictures as he requested) and handed it to him. I watched him sign it and he looked up and gave me this super seductive look. He was seriously in control of me. Then he gives me the sexiest smile ever. It was serious seducing. I think he does that with everyone because he knows thats what we all want. I finally got up the courage to say Thank you and I smiled at him. He goes Thank you in this really attractive voice. I walk away and take a second look back at him. After I leave I start freaking out. I got an autograph and everything. It was AMAZING! I fell in love.The plan was to say "I love you so much will you marry me" but those eyes had me hypnotized. I froze. If he had seriously said chop your arm off, move to australia with me, and never speak another word I would have dropped everything and gone with him. I was that into him. I now have a gigantic poster by my bed so I can see his face everytime I wake up. Yay! Who knows maybe someday I will marry him!



song of the day: Love Faces and I need a girl by Trey songz

quote of the day: OMG! ITS TREY SONGZ (heard that a million times yesturday)

funny story: One of the women in line was supposedly nine months pregnant. Her water broke. She called security and they dialed 911. She didn't look like a women in labor to me but they believed her. Trey Songz asked what was going on and they told her she was having a baby. He got up and went to give her a hug and say comforting words to her before the strecher came and went back to signing. The women got rolled out in a strecher. If she was really in labor she probably will name that baby Trey. I would have

"I've had the time of my life & I've never felt this way before/And I swear its the truth/And I owe it all to you"

Hi everyone!
First I thought I should say thank you for reading this. I feel really good that you guys are finding something out of my life and relating too it. I meant to blog a lot more this week but I had a term paper due :/. I'm taking American Lit. This year and my teacher graduated ivy league so she expects us to do everything that advanced. It took me a long time to put the whole thing together but it turned out ok. It was on the Scarlet Letter. The book was ok, i perfer more modern books though. Did anyone go see the movie Easy A? Thats basically the Scarlet Letter in cooler form. Speaking of movies, I went to see Harry Potter! I'm a fan, have been for a long time. I was getting a little tired of it because I've been reading and watching these movies for almost ten years but this one sparked my cheesy excitment about it again. I also watched the American music awards. I'll recap a little for those who missed it...

Rihanna performed her new version of love the way you lie, she did whats my name, and only girl. I love all 3 of those songs so her performance was one of my favorite of the night. Taylor swift killed it with back to december. Enrique Iglasias made me wish I was better at spanish and also had me dancing. Justin bieber premired Pray (I know, I know everyone is shoked when I saw I like him but hes cute and talented). He played the piano which was really cool. He was good at it. Usher also performed and that was exciting because I got a sneak peak of what i'm going to see this saturday when I go to the concert. I'm going with 2 friends and it should be fun.

Last weekend me and my friends tried to have a "truth circle". We were all going to address some of the things that we've been feeling latley. How did it turn out? It was an epic fail. When we got to Ihop we just all pretended that was never part of the planned and small talked the night away. It was an event and we made the effort but I think we're all just really tight and closed in about our feelings. Maybe its not a bad thing.

Tommorow is thanksgiving and I have family coming from missouri and a lot of my parents friends who had no where else to go. We will cook the turkey and do the whole ordeal. I've been thinking about what i'm thankful for. The list could go on and on but i'll keep it short. 1. Family and Friends. 2. This blog for giving me an "emotional outlet". 3. School, because knowledge is power (even though it gets broing sometimes) 4. Living in a safe place. 5. Just finding a reason to smile everyday. It keeps me going.

Happy early Turkey Day everyone!

song of the day: The Time (dirty bit) - Black Eyed peas

quote of the day: Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.

"Baby, your a firework/Come on let your color burst/Make them go oh oh as you shoot across the sky" - Firework Katy Perry

Hello Hello,
Remember when I said I was questioning my friends and my where my life is a little? I still totally am. Truth be told my friend group that I thought would always be stable is breaking apart. Whenever we all hang out together we don't really click or all talk anymore. Its really sad because we all really used to be the best of friends. We used to share everything, I remember we had a sleepover at the end of ninth grade year and it was just one of those days that I had more fun then ever though imaginable. We clicked, we shared everything with each other. I think what happened was people went through a lot of different tough things that changed them and they didn't really share with everyone as a whole. It also has to do with the little things that bug each person about the other became a bigger deal. I just wish we were that connected because I miss being a part of that and having people that I could trust and fall back on.

On a more positive note I am really excited about two things in my life. Number One: Winter Formal. I am really excited that I Get to dress up in a pretty dress with gorgeous heels and get the hair and nails did. I get to be all fancy. Not to mention it might just be the thing that pulls our friend group together. I am also really excited about my birthday. But there are are a couple of downers attached with this. The first one is the fact that the limo I was planning to rent broke down, and they only have a ten passenger one available. I wanted to invite 15 people. Now I can only invite ten. Its going to be really hard picking and choosing, but I guess truth be told I kind of know who I want there and who I wont. But the problem comes when everyone you want to invite is friends with the one you don't want to invite and they speak in front of them. It can be an issue. I'm still excited about it nonetheless. I'm sure it will come together.

song of the day: Firework by Katy Perry

quote of the day:Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence

"Hey boy I really want to see if you can go downtown with a girl like me/Cause your just my time/oh nana whats my name"

Hi everyone!
Guess what I'm doing? I've been reconsidering the people who are important in my life and those who aren't. Obviously my family will always be the most important to me, hands down. But I mean when it comes to friends. A friend is a person that should be always there for you right? Whenever you need it? Well some of mine don't qualify for that. It also sucks when your in a one sided friendship. The kind where your the only one making an effort to talk to the person and show concern and they just ignore your needs. You can't call yourself someone's friend without effort. Friendship like everything else takes work. It doesn't just happen. I guess over the last 2 months its been hard to find someone who cares enough to listen to what i've been feeling and thinking. Some friends were there and some weren't. But I hung out with 2 friends over this weekend and last weekend and realized that they were keepers.

As you all know I rejoined Girl Scouts and i've been enjoying it. Today we raked leaves as a fundraiser and I liked it because we raised a pretty decent amount of money. We're also selling cookies, our main fundraiser. We plan on taking a trip this summer and next summer which is pretty exciting. I have big dreams about where to go but I don't want to get in the way or be too pushy because I know I can be that way sometimes. It should be fun no matter where we end up going. Most of the girls on my troop are really really down to earth and we talk about stuff and keep it real. Its awesome. They've also been there to just get someone your own age to talk and relate too.

I'm still having the Prince problem and problems with boys in general. We're having a formal next month and I don't have a date. I really don't think I'm allowed to date anyways it just would have been nice to be asked or ask someone. Going back to Prince and guys past in general it just makes me sad that they didn't like me at all. Or even want to get to know me. And as for asking someone I feel like they'll say no, because i've noticed that boys at my school don't really like black girls. Just all the boys in general tend to only stick with caucasian girls. It might just be a coincidence but some of my native and hispanic friends have noticed it too. My school is defiantly not racist or anything but those are just the girls that rule the school. The "in crowd". There is one boy, thats really nice to me. He's from a part of Europe but he's lived here so long he doesn't have an accent or anything. He's sweet, and doesn't ignore me. He makes me feel like maybe I am someone worth knowing. Who knows? Maybe we'll go together

Took another visit to KU the other day. I'm most likely going to go there because I liked what I saw on the tour. They have a good pharmacy program and even find you a job after graduation. Could I ask for anything better?

Song of the day: What's your name: Rihanna ft. Drake (my love)

"I have the time of my life/and I own it all to you" - The Time (dirty bit) by the black eyed peas

Hey everyone!
Do you ever take the time to just sit and dance around in your living room? If you even have time in between tests, homework, work, and all that other boring stuff. It's one of my biggest stress relievers. I got a ton of new songs latley. Let me tell you what they are:

1. THE WHOLE ENTIRE SPEAK NOW ALBUM BY TAYLOR SWIFT BECAUSE ITS EFFING AMAZING :)
2. Almost love by fine frenzy (just recently discovered it. Its slow sort of hippish. The chorus is awesome)
3. Ke$ha has some new songs out that are fantastic and upbeat: Sleazy, Cannibal, and the best one WE R WHO WE R! Their all fun to dance around too
4. Forget you by Cee lo Green (if your the dirty kind of person theres an unedited version. Its not disgusting or anything just fun and a little old fashioned sounding)
5. Get Back up by my men T.I. and Chris Brown
6. Firework by Katy Perry (has she ever had a song that wasen't good?)
7. Glee: Teenage Dream, ONE LOVE, Stop in the name of love/free yourself, Livin on a prayer/start me up
8. The Time by the Black Eyed Peas (best dance song in a long time)
9. Whats my name Rihanna ft. Drake (Do I need to say more, its Rihanna and Drake. Their both awesome)
10. Yeah 3x by Chris Brown (hes coming back, I knew he wouldn't let me down)

Just thought i'd let you in on what i've been listening too latley.

I see you driving around w/ the boy I love/& i'm like forget you & forget him too/I guess the change in my pocket wasen't enough/forget you oo ooo"

Hey! Happy Daylight Savings everyone. Its especially happy for me, because I no longer have to freak myself out by driving in the dark to get to 0 hour every morning. I really hate 0 hour guys. I wake up at the crack of dawn to play in orchestra. I discovered something today. I am really bad at the cello. Truth be told I hadn't played just by myself in years so I finally got to hear myself today and it was not very pleasing. It dosen't sound like somethings dying but its not yo yo ma either. For those who don't know yo yo ma is like the best cello in the world. For now at least.

So now my mind is on two things. Formal and My birthday. MY mother actually dreads when my birthdays coming up. Not because she dosen't love me but because its all I can talk about. I get a bit obsessed with making it the perfect day because when else do I get a day where wishes come true, I get a year older and a year wiser. Anyways I like birthdays. I was in choir class and we watched a video about a women turning 107 years old this month. Its amazing! 107 years. Imagine all the stuff thats happened to you in your lifetime then double, triple, or quadruple that. She got through it all with music, which proves that Michael Jackson was right about music having healing powers, and that music is pretty magical. This woman was sent to a concentration camp and managed to save herself with her piano and singing skills. Not only was she the only one in her family to live past the concentration camp but obviously shes really lived. I've noticed the people that have been through a lot live the longest because they get dragon skin. Their so tough that the little things don't get to them because they appreciate each breath they take. Would you guys want to live to 107? Just wondering

So I think I told you all at one point that I wrote a book. I actually finished it and its pretty good if I say so myself. Its all based of day dreams i've had for like forever only I water them down so their not as cheesy and actually make a good story. I stopped writing for a long time, because I wasn't sure about the other main character of the book in my real life and how I felt about them. Yesterday I just got this urge to start writing. I wonder what that means. I'm trying not to feel anything when it comes to Prince (other main character). I don't know I guess its working.

Being a teenager can be pretty hard you know? Theres all this drama with social class and where you stand on the food chain. Then you have to deal with people disliking you just because they can, and judging you. Then you have to learn as much as you can and pray for a scholarship so you can make something of yourself. Its all difficult. But I'm going to make it, I know I Can, you broke the girl in me but you won't break the WOMAN!

song of the day: Forget you by Cee Lo Green (This is AWESOME! Its got an old timey feel too it).

quote of the day: Fiction gives us a second chance that life denies us (this is kind of how I feel about my book. Like its letting me live what I always wanted but the world didn't let me)

"Reaching out to touch a stranger/Electric eyes are everywhere/See that girl/She knows I'm watching/She likes the way I stare"

This blog is for the Michael Jackson fans. I'm not talking about the ones who know the thriller dances, or learned how to moonwalk but the ones who truley love MJ. And even those of you who are a little obsessed like me. Those true fans would know that Michael Jackson was married to Lisa Marie Presley (Elvis's daughter) for about 2 years. She rarely speaks about the marriage but she came on Oprah last Thursday to speak for the one and only time about her marriage with MJ. Thank goodness she had only positive things to see.

Point #1 The marriage was real! They were two people very much in love with the faith of staying together forever.

Point #2 Lisa said that the day that Michael died was one of the weirdest of her whole entire life. She woke up in London with tears and went through her whole day crying. While she was in bed getting ready to fall asleep she got weird texts the first from John Travolta saying "Are you ok?" "have you heard?" Lisa was confused so she turned on the t.v. and she saw that her ex husband had died. The tears only got worse after that. She was heartbroken

Point #3 What most people didn't know was that MJ and Lisa Marie Presly had tried to get back together four times after they divorced. It never worked out but at that time he had Prince and Paris and was technically married to Debbie Roe. He still loved her and she still loved him. Eventually she was tired of being heartbroken and had to let him go. She blocked him out for good in order to move forward with her life.

Point #4 The last singificant deep conversation she had with im was in 2005 during the time of his trial and she felt like he was checking to see where she was in the whole situation. He asked if she still loved him and she said,"I'm indifferent".He started crying on the phone because that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear.

The interview was super good and these are just a few of the things discussed on the show. It also helps if you watch the old interview of MJ and Lisa Marie with Diane Sawyer. You get to see how in love they really are and the whole interview has more meaning.

Oprah is going to interview Katherine & Joseph Jackson (Michaels parents) along with Prince, Prince Michael the second (Blanket), And Paris in their backyard. Its Katherines first interview since his death, and the kids first interview ever. I'm too excited to hear what they have to say and see their personalities. Its going to be great so all the real fans are totally gonna be watching it on Monday, the 9th. It should be great :)

song of the moment: Human Nature by Michael Jackson

Quote of the day: If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
'cause everytime you touched my hand,
You feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
'Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am

(is this not amazing? I loved it."

Someday I'll be living in a big city & all your ever gonna be is mean/Someday I'll be big enough so you cant hit me & all your ever gonna be is mean

Hey...you know the saying you never know a good thing till its gone? I've been feeling that a lot today. If you've been a follower for a long time you'd know last year around this time I started talking about a J. This J was my neighbor, a cute one at that. And it seemed like he liked me, we quickly became friend. J has a girlfriend now. Is it me? nope, its another girl, the kind that would you feel bad even being mad at. The kind whos hand open heart surgeries and is a miracle child. The one that was his best friend, and is now dating him, and they'll probably get married and have a million and one babies just as miraculous as they both are. Do I sound bitter? Whos bitter? Not me. Okay, maybe just a little bit but life goes on. I didn't cry or anything its just sad that one of the only people from school thats ever made me feel special and worthy didn't think I was great enough. Does it suck? yeah, but that happens sometimes. Especially when your me. But its not like I put my heart and soul into the whole situation. Life goes on and there are many fish in the sea

I also started thinking about my old friends today. I liked them. I always try to tell myself when somethings gone I didn't need it anyway but seeing my junior high friends today made me wonder if I would have been different with them. One of them is this super nice Christian girl that I really got along with. But seeing her today was awkward and I felt like I made it that way by not keeping contact. Then I thought back even further to friends I've lost along the way. I look at how their lives are going and wonder if that could have been me. Lately I don't like what I see when I go to social events to the people I should be closest too. I don't like being annoyed or having to pretend. I hate having to lie about how I feel or when something bugs me and I've been doing it a lot more then I should have too. But I worry too much about hurting peoples feelings. If your reading this its totally not you, but these other people in my life. At least my families awesome :)

I saw a random act of kindness the other day. I was at the big football game her in town and in front of me was a special ed student sitting next to his big stack of yougio (sp?) cards. 3 guys were trying to hind a seat and they came walking in between me and my friends and the boy. One of the boys knocked over the special ed boys cards. This boy is really cute but I happen to know that hes the biggest jerk ever. Hes done some pretty mean things to me personally and other people I know. This boy stopped, leaned over to help pick up the cards and his butt was awkwardly in my face. He then turned around and says, "I'm so sorry, didn't mean to do you like that". I was like "its ok". After that he leaned back down picked up the cards for the boy and says, "Are these alright now? You want me to put them in a different order?". The boy doesn't say anything so he walks away and meets up with his friends again. I thought it was the sweetest thing, and it showed me that people can totally change. Its so possible.

song of the day: Mean by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

"Your strings of light are still bright to me/Oh,who you are is not where you've been/Your still an innocent"

Hi faithful followers,
I figured I should start by my mini epiphanies. I've been having them all weekend. Here it goes, 1. this blog is totally my sanity. Theres too much I keep inside and with this blog I get to let it all out. You have no idea how freeing it is. My head hurts right now from analysis and physics homework, but now that I'm typing these words out its slowly going away. 2. Music makes me happy. Listening to Taylor Swifts speak now album makes me smile. And making music is my way of expressing the feelings I can't express any other way with the exception of the blog. 3. My epiphanies totally aren't as cool as the ones in the movie where they figure out a cure for a deadly disease or the numbers to the lottery. But hey, you start small and work your way up.

Last night I was thinking to myself, is hope just another way of lying to yourself. What do you guys think about this? The definition of hope is: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Lying to yourself is kind of the same thing. You know like when people do something their not supposed to their like, hmm maybe no one will find out (events will turn out to be the best). Or just because he didn't text back doesn't mean he doesn't like me (dido on the hoping for the best thing). They seem pretty alike to me. I wonder if I'm just being pessimistic. That may be it. Anyways after mulling it over for a little while I figured out that Hope is different from lying in the way that I can't really explain in words. A.k.a I prefer not to think i'm lying to myself when I dream of a better future or a better day. Because I just do I guess. Don't we all. Thats why we call it hope. Without hope, the world would be pretty scary don't you think? Nobody would put effort in anything because they would think things would turn out for the best. So its good that we all have hope, even if we may just be lying to ourselves. Are you confuzzled? I am too.

Next topic, Today is election day and its a pretty big deal. I like politics and although we're not voting for president in this election, we are voting for Governors and members of congress. Here in my town we're also voting for the government to fund an awesome new library!But the thing about tonights election is if the republicans take over a majority of congress then everything Obama's been working towards is ruined. Because no matter what plan he comes up with the republicans will probably just all vote no and if their a majority this will happen and none of his bills will pass. If you believe the republican way then this is a good thing if you don't its a bad thing. I'm curious to see how the whole ordeal will turn out.

On the celebrity news side, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey are having a baby. They don't know weather its a girl or a boy yet but congratulations to the happy couple. Lilly Allen on the other hand got some sad news, she lost her second pregnancy. Poor thing, we should all keep her in our prayers/posative thoughts. Demi Levato checked into rehab but not the lindsey lohan kind, shes having some physical/emotional problems and needs help. In my opinion thats code for my boyfriend dumped me for Ashley Greene (alice in twilight) and i'm p.o'd about it. She may actually be going through some rough times so we should keep her in our posative thoughts too.

song of the day: Innocent - Taylor Swift (FROM SPEAK NOW, a super amazing album). This is the one about kanye

quote of the day: "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, you should first dig two graves."

"I won't let nobody hurt you/Won't let no one break your heart/And no one will desert you/Just try to never grow up (never grow up)"

Hey,
So high school. What do you guys all think of it? I'm not talking about the challenging advanced classes and the disgusting cafeteria food but more of the whole little community in there. I used to think that my school didn't have gossiping and all this stuff but apparently just because the people I hang out with aren't doing it doesn't mean its not going on. Today we had an assembly for my schools mascots birthday. It was pretty cool but a variety of different teams performed. When the cheer team started their cheer I think everyone was so jealous they wouldn't respond to the cheers for like a whole minute. It was super akward, but seeing as it's high school the girls were thinking about stabbing the cheerleaders and the guys were thinking about screwing them. I'm not just guessing the jaw dropped expression on their faces were pretty obvious.

Then the dance team performed and people gave them a nice little slow clap because they all wished they could move like that. Same with the step team. There was a lot of jealousy in the air in my opinion, but with some people more then others. Some were making fun of certain member of certain teams the whole entire time. Not thinking twice about using the b word and calling people fat. It reminded me that this is a dog eat dog world that we live in. It's weird that we all couldn't just put our differences aside for one stupid assembly and supported each other. I'm wondering if this is just high school or the world as a whole. It seems like no one wants to see anyone else succeed unless its them. The number of selfless people in the world is going down, and the number of selfish people is going way up. I wonder when this happened and what made it happen. Could one person change this situation by simply using the "If you can't say nothing nice don't say anything at all rule?" I don't have all the answers but it sure made me thing about the song Where Is The Love. Totally one of the most relevant songs of this century.

Another thing that sucks about high school is just how judgmental people are. It's terrible. They want you to hate the same things as them and love the same thing as them. And when you don't then you have a problem. Yesterday someone was dumping on Justin Bieber and I for one am a fan but thats unacceptable in high school. Your not allowed to actually like anyone your own age because their "immature and babyish" even though everyone saying that is a baby themselves. None of them can sing like him, but anyways I said "I think hes kinda cute" and she goes "NO!". I didn't say anything because I didn't want to get into an argument or something but it just bugged me. Why do people have to judge others so freaking often in high school? Being this age has its benefits and its negativities I guess. One of the benefits is feeling young, alive, and unstoppable. I like that part just not the judging.

song of the day: Never Grow up by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away: (don't live your life like those people making fun of their peers. Those moments are just wasted breath, but when your live moments that take your breath away your making your life count)

"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room & we're not speaking/And I'm dying to know is it killing you like its killing me"

Hello, Hello, Hello! God is good, my life is good, my fabulous new follower is good, and you old ones are pretty cool too ;) I miss you guys, I know you guys are like "if you really missed me you would blog more". I never understood when people said they were busy, but junior year has helped me learn. I'm buried in homework most of the time and life's a headache sometimes but it's good to be alive. You want to know some reasons why? For starters there are awesome nine year olds like willow smith who prove that age is just a number and whip their hair back and forth :) Theres a girl named Taylor Swift writing songs about cute boys like Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas, yummy right? Her album is too cool, I like every song. Tommorow Free State is about to defeat our rival in a football game, and theres love in the world. Not necessarily in my world, but I had a fabulous dream about 3 really cute boys and it was defiantly a sign that maybe all three have stolen my heart. But i'm going to hold out on the details of these crush and see how it ends up.

So part of me being me is the fact that I am absolutly in love with Gossip girl. It's one of the best parts of my week. Along with it is my longing to live Gossip Girl someday but anyways. For those faithful fans, have you seen whats been going on with Chuck and Blair? The war was breaking my heart but little J's speech? It was practically a classic. I'm excited to see them back together again. All of you should check out Gossip Girl monday nights at 8!

I'm having an issue with my friends. I don't have very many common interests with them and it kind of sucks. I really need to meet a Gossip girl/One Tree Hill/Kardashian obsessed, girly friends. So what sucks is that I have no friends that fully relate to me and I don't fully relate to them. I understand that its normal for everyone to have different personalities, the human way even, but don't most people have a friend whos their other half? Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. Their pretty amazing people but it sucks to feel alone. It really does. I feel it more and more, but while my cousin was here I didn't feel it as much. My families there for me but it would be awesome to find someone who has similar interests thats not on twitter. Ya feel me?

song of the day: The Story of Us by Taylor Swift (it's from the new album, speak now)
I so understand this album. Have you ever ran into someone you haven't seen in awhile and you both know each other but neither one of you will just walk up and say hi? I've lived this like a million times, Taylor Swift was smart enough to write a song about it :) It's about Joe Jonas though, hes her prince or was at least...

quote of the day:Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.

"Keep fighting until I get there/When I'm down and I feel like giving up/I whip my hair back and forth"

Hey awesome readers,
It's Sunday! Sunday is one of my favorite days of the week. The most peaceful for me. I just got back from church followed by spirit (Halloween store). I have dressed up for halloween in forever but this year I'm supposed to be the good fairy and my friends supposed to be the bad fairy, followed by my other friend who tags along to everything being the other fairy. It should be fun aside from the fact I still don't have my outfit or legit plans. Anyways at the Halloween store I found a lady gaga costume. OMG right? I know, I know but I already agreed to be the fairy. Guess I'll have to save my awesome costume for another year. I would have totally wore the fame glasses.

Yesterday I went to my first KU football game. It didn't really live up to my expectations plus I made a fool of myself. We got there early and got snacks. I got a funnel cake. It was super windy and our seats were way up there. By our I mean me,my cousin, and my friend O. As I got outside it started snowing powdered sugar all over my face. The sugar blew back at me and I had white all over, embarrassing? Yeah but life goes on. The KU team is kind of sucking big time this year so they lost to Texas A&M. We left at halftime because my friend with the car wanted to leave and no one wanted to walk home. I really enjoyed myself. I like hanging out in small groups. It's been so fun having my cousin around,I'm going to miss her when she leaves later this week. But I'm glad we got this opportunity to hang out and have fun.

Sorry to report that I don't have an juicy personal life stuff, boys just aren't living up to what I'm looking for. J. Drove by me the other day and honked a couple times giving me a smile and a wave, it felt good but I hate that he mostly acknowledges me on days that I look cute. I was dressed up for the Black Leadership Symposium. The symposium was awesome by the way. We got a lot of speeches about sucsess and what to do in the next couple years to prepare us for college. It was nice and got a little boring. We all had lunch together and guess who performed for us? YOUNG RO! YEAH! You all know young ro right? Kidding, hes just starting out from Missouri. He looks a little bit creepy and he goes "Fresha den the mall/Fresha den the mall" About a million times. Do you love him? No but he was very fun to make fun of after words.

You know who's new and actually good though? Willow Smith. She's the daughter of Will and Jada Pinket Smith. Her songs called Whip my hair. It's awesome and her videos pretty cool. Check it out of YouTube people :)

song of the day: Whip my hair by Willow Smith

quote of the day: Success is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.

"Maybe this is wishful thinking/Probably Mindless thinking/If we loved again i'd swear i'd love you right"

Have you all been listening to Taylor Swifts new singles? Dear god, they are amazing. Once again I relate to every single word she's been singing and I can't wait to buy the album. Yes I said buy. I never download music by someone truly good. When someone you don't even know is able to connect with you better then you do you know you've found your favorite albums. They singles are Mine (love it), Speak Now (adore it), and Back to December (Its about Taylor Lautner love the song and him). Back to december is about thinking of the good times with a boy and wishing that she could go back in time and changed the way she loved him. I was just thinking, I don't want to be thinking about a guy like this 50 years from now wondering what if, what if. I know that those are things that can't be controlled but this song is number one on itunes right now (above Kanye Wests dumb runnaway song) for a reason. Millions of girls and maybe even some guys relate to this feeling. We live in a world thats so afraid to love and be out there and be vulnerable its crazy. We all have to put on this brave face and act like everything always ok but its not. I don't like it, I'm working on putting myself and my feelings out there. I'm tired of staying all bottled up like some genie in a bottle (Brittany references are awesome)

Yesterday I went to late night in the phog. For those of you who don't know what that is it's the beginning of KU basketball season for the fans. Its free and at Allen Fieldhouse. You get to see the new players scrimmage and they dance. Its pretty cool watching a bunch of 6 ft. 5 guys do the dougie and sing Bye bye bye by the Backstreet boys. I had a really good time and I realized that sports are like music. I mean for the player. The sport for the player is like music is to me. It's their passion. And when people have a passion that their showing other people it can be magical, even if only for a split second. You think I'm crazy right? For a second while chanting, and screaming for the team and all that as one of the players dunks the ball it feels the same as when Mariah Carey hits a high note. It gives you chills that a fellow human being can have that much talent. I might just feel too much but thats how I saw it.

Ok so this is kind of funny. I hope it is anyways, it might be one of those you had to be there things but I'm going to tell you anyways. So we're walking towards the place we're supposed to meet my dad and this guy that used to go to our school is walking front of us with his friend. She goes "Mariam, theres your man". I'm like who, I don't see anyone. Then she "nonchalatey" points. I'm like umm no, I don't like him. My cousin starts liking. Akira asks who it is then I tell her its loner boy from our old history class. She's like "OH! The one who's sister got knocked up!" really loud. For the record this is a tough guy, he's been to jail. I'm like Akira, shh he might lynch you or something. I'm actually whispering. Then my other friend goes "His locker used to be next to mine. He is sooo cute. He looks kind of like my older cousins and their pretty hot. They look like Lebron James". The guy heard every word and he starts laughing with his friends. It was weird but really funny how unaware of the obvious they were. Thats a my friend moment for you.

song of the day: Back to December by Taylor Swift (its a great song. go listen to it people)

quote of the day: Too many people die with their music still in them. Too Often it is because their always getting ready to live, and before the know it time runs out" - One Tree Hill season 2.

"No one knows/That you cry and you don't tell anyone/That you might not be the golden one/& your tied together with a smile but your coming undone"

Hello!
Us girls are really something else. I feel like I go through so many emotions in just one week its crazy. I'm happy , sad, excited, upset, jealous, passionate about some cause or another. I just go through everything in such a short period of time. But when I'm hurt, I guarentee you no one knows about it! I cried in school once, that was in first grade. Never again has a tear escaped me during school. Its just a little pact that I have with myself. And some people say Women aren't strong! I think we're strong especially when it comes to guarding our hearts and our feelings. I love the quote thats like "Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down". Story of my life, sometimes I out up a tough front and can hide the saddness in me. I may tell you i'm fine but I just want to see who can see through that. Who knows me well enough. I have to say i've been dissapointed more often then not. But those people who cared enough to wrestle the truth out of me, those are the people I call my best friends today :)

Taylor Swift said it best in the song from her first album called Tied together with a smile. At many different points in my life I've been tied together with the smile and the apperence that i'm alright. I'm really shy at times. I'm getting so much better now though. Honestly, it used to be terrible. Especially around cute important boys named prince or others i've gone through. I just fel like I wasen't cool enough, or pretty enough. The thing is ladies, that shows. I used to think I was the queen of hidding it but now when I see other girls, the old mes. It's the most obvious thing in the world.

It's kind of sad that we live in a society where over half the people have some kind of issue thier not sharing with someone else. I think this is why so many people end up commiting suicide. They have silent cries taking over their lives until they can't take it anymore. I think if we all could be there for at least one other person if our lives we could change a little piece of the world. Sometimes it feels like no body cares enough to listen, and sometimes it seems like your the only one out there with this problem. I guarentee thats not true and someone else out there has felt the exact same way as you. You'll never know that if you don't speak out. If any of you readers need someone to turn too just comment i'm here.

But girls, the minute you let that fake smile come undone and you let out whatever crazy emotion your feeling I guarantee you'll feel better. Light as a feather. You'll feel free. (this applys to guys too)

song of the day: Tied together with a smile - Taylor Swift

quote of the day:
The feelings that I hide...
The line you never read...
You can see it on my eyes...
Read it on my face...
Trap inside are lies...
Of the past I can't replace...
With memories that linger...
Wont seem to go away...
Why can't I be happier...
Today's a brand new day...
The hurt that I'm feeling now...
Won't disappear overnight...
But someway, somehow...
Everything will turn out alright...
No more wishing for the past...
It was meant to be...
It didn't seem to last...
So I have to set him free...

(someone wrote this for chicken soup for the teenage soul, and I bet you they felt better when they shared this feeling. Theres one feeling I still haven't been able to share. I will though, someday. Or else i'll regret it forever)

"I'mma give you the world/I'mma buy a dimond ring for you/I'mma sing for you/I'll do anything for you to see you smile" - Eminem

Hi readers,
For the record anyone whos reading this just made me smile. It's awesome that in all your busy lives, you take a moment to listen to my thoughts. I love you all for it. I was just thinking and I realized being a teenager is the hardest most fun thing i've ever done. It's hard because I come home every night with a mountain of homework. Its stressful because every single assigment counts towards the bigger picture. Whats the bigger picture? It's my future silly. I think schools a little more stressful for me then others because I like many other people learn better one on one. The classroom setting just makes everything more complicated because all a persons questions are rushed and sometimes they explain it in a way that clicks for some not others. All these things are just the educational stresses of being a teenager. The rest of the stresses involve how on earth you'll do all the clubs at once, pleasing your parents but not having zero social life, staying in fashion (because if not now when?), and trying to avoid all the drama thats on every corner you turn.

But all this aside I think I may be enjoying my life now more then ever becuase everythings falling into place. I know where I stand with my family and I know that their the rock in my life thats there unconditionally. I found some really good friends. The ones that I call for boy advice, hair advice, or just to talk about nothing for hours. love them! And then I have acuaintences who are fun to pass time with. I have a lot more freedom then i've ever had so I get to do some pretty cool things. Weather it be seeing a good movie or going shopping with friends. Its exciting. Most adults you ask will tell you that your teenage years are the best years of your life. This makes me want to make sure to enjoy these years to the fullest.

If your a teenager who dosen't feel put together don't worry. I watching 60 minutes yesturday and Eminem was on it. I love Eminem. I say it a lot, I think he may be one of my favorite rappers. What I didn't know about him was that he repeated the 9th grade 3 times and never got any education past that. He was also intensly bullied all through school. He was the person people would assume would make it no where fast. But guess what? He did! Because he knew what he was good at and he stuck too it becoming the only white guy to ever make it as a sucsessful rapper. He had an abusive mother and his father abandoned him. But guess what? Hes not repeating history, hes a good father. He loves Haley and Laney. Its adroable. All of us have hope and even if our teenage years aren't "the time of our lives" you never ever know whats planned for us in the future.

song of the day: Not Afraid - Eminem

quote of the day (edited): Of course I don't curse at home. What kind of father would I be if I was like bitc* pick that crayon up.

I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cause you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares

-Eminem