"I don't know why but with you i'd dance in a storm in my best dress fearless" - Taylor Swift

Hi everyone!
I realized something, somewhere along the line I stopped dreaming big. It really sucks dosen't it? I don't know when it was that my dreams ended and I created some fake "reality" but it was a bad day in my life. Yesturday night, I was watching 60 minutes with the family and saw the story about the guy who invented facebook (don't worry it connects with the original topic). I listened to his story and he was talking about how all he had was an idea and hope and he built an industry worth between 35-40 billion dollars. Yes, I said billion. That is a lot of money. He stuck to his guts the whole time and did what he felt was right. In '06 yahoo offered him 1 billion dollars for the company. He had a feeling it wasen't worth it and everyone said he was an idiot. Well, he wasen't. The company continued to grow and he owns every penny of it. I was super impressed. It made me start to think about my dreams and my ideas and what I want out of life. Then I realized that I let them all go somewhere along the line and started thinking of what was practical and doing things based on what would be sure to happen. I quit taking risks.

Then last night, I had a dream. The dream was pretty weird. My family, a friend, and prince were all in it. And we were all obbsessed with this wedding, in the dream weddings were like movies. People had posters of the legendary ones. It was weird, but its because I watch a lot of weddings for those of you who don't know. Anyways in the dream I was scared to talk to prince. Its a dream, you're supposed to be fearless and I was scared. Like I could feel fear. And I had walked up to him with something to say and then I ended up saying something dumb (yes I was aware that it was dumb in the dream) and he replied and I felt really embarassed afterward. Do other people have dreams like that? Dreams where they are nervous and scared. When other people dream their superheros and all this cool stuff but I dream about being scared. Not of death, or lord voldemort, but scared of a boy. Not because hes like edward cullen and can suck my blood out but because hes a cute boy. I felt pathetic when I woke up. I still do feel pathetic. But I don't know how to get rid of my fear. I have no idea on earth how. And I want too, even if gaining it up will make me hear rejection or that I'm fugly or something. I woulden't mind hearing something bad if it came from my bravery. So I'm going to work on it.

I didn't used to be unbrave. I one brave chicka untill around either grade. I used to be the best prank caller. I would say the craziest things, the most fun time was at a sleepover with my friends and we called pizza shuttle and had the guy convinced all this stuff and he was gonna come meet us to join the "crazy party". We were 11, there was nothing crazy but I came up with a random address off the top of me head. it was awesome. I would stick up for myself all the time, and do all this stuff. Then eighth grade year or maybe 9th it just stopped. I blame it on the bully in my life. Stupid Kelly, for making me loose my faith in myself. She never hurt me or anyhting she just said one thing that stuck and hurt forever. The whole "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" is a bunch of crap. Those words still hurt, and always will. But they'll be true if I keep going through life so scared. Ahh, I'm trying to fight my fear. I really am. Thats my next life goal.

song of the day: Fearless by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt be (false)