Hello everyone! How was the long road back to school? Mine was suprisingly not soo bad. The break got me to school refreshed and I really enjoyed it. The classes have been going by fast and everyone has been really nice. Its been good. And guess what? We got a new seating arrangment in history and I still get to sit by sebastion! Not I know I said their not really a priority and I wasent lieing their totally not but i just like talking to guys as friends but I can when their not like right in front of my face. I have some serious confidence issues. And winter formal is comming up! People have began talking about it and i hate to toot my own horn but ive been incouraging my friends to go. And they're listening. They were all bummed about not have a date but i told them that it dosent really matter and just because you dont go with one dosent mean you cant find one there. and its fun with your friends beause then you dont have to be so nearvous and stuff. So hopefully ill have a small group of people to go with.

Ok, so i've been writing bits and pieces of this blog for the longest time. I guess you can say ive been busy and lazy and just havent finished. Today im taking my drivers test. Its really important for me to pass it, because i only have this month to pass so that I can be able to drive everywhere at 16. Today I had to wait outside for my dad. I was kind of angrey that he didnt think about his poor daughter who could have forgot her key. But im happy hes doing a little better and driving. But I can tell that hes scared that he wont be able to walk like normally. According to the doctors the surgery went really well though.

Im being inspired with Tyra again. Theres this couple who have been together for 12 years. They met in college and they've been dating and got proposed and then he just keeps puttin git off. His excuse is that they dont have enough money to be finacially stable. I dont understand that. Why is it that people think that poor people cant get married and stay married? We're all people and if your in love there wont be problems, because the love can get through everything. Another thing I dont get and that tyra dosent either is that the guy wanted to have a kid. He was willing to be the baby daddy but didnt want to comitt to the mommy. And children are forever you know. You can divorce your child (well you can but thats a diffrent story). If the marrige dosent work you can always divorce but your child will always be alive. For all the men out there. PUT A RING ON IT! Listen to the words of the great beyonce, they'll answer everything.

Gossip girl and one tree hill were amazing last night! I dont know if I mentioned it but brooke found out she cant have kids and her and julian were getting ready to marry but that kind of changed things. Because Julian wants kids but hes been lying to brooke about not wanting them. Who does he choose to confide in? Alex who happens to be in love with him. So ofcourse alex talks to brooke and absolutley crushes her. Its terrible. It was so sad I wanted to cry. I felt for brooke because she was the one character on one tree hill who always wanted to have a baby and be married and be a mom. But now shes the last of the original girls who dosent have a man and a baby. Its really sad. But anyways julian freaked out at alex and I think she commited suicide because she was in a bathtube filled with blood looking dead. GOSSIP GIRL had some baby drama too. Guess whos pregnant now? Dorota! Her maid. Shes getting a baby. And serena decided to ignore nates plea for her to stay and be with him and go off with a married man!! It made me so mad. And chuck being the hot amazing guy that he is let his girlfriend blair go to paris without him so he can nurse his best friends heart back to health. I love, love love it. And cant wait till nxt week.

Song of the day: Single ladies, Say my name, Baby boy. Just anything beyonce and destinys child. Im in the mood for it!



quote of the day: Do it with class but undress that ass - Kourntey Kardashian talking about Kim Kardashions playboy shoot.

Ok so I thought for a long time about it and decided that im not asking prince a. to go to formal with me. Dont get me wrong I would love to go with him and it would be a dream come true but I dont think thats the enviorment I want that moment to be in. And I dont know if i'm ready to ask him out yet. Or if I can. Like I have asked like one guy out and it wasent even face to face. So I was thinking some day next summer , I could just call him and just say how I feel? But anyways im not ready to do that in my school with all these people (some of which I dont even like) ruining the day thats supposed to be perfect. So I will do something about it but formal isent the step im going to take for it. I think I'll just go to formal on my own and enjoy myself with some friends and hope it goes well. But the idea of asking him out is officially an option because life is too short to just be pleased with a fantasy. Am I right? I'm pretty sure im right.



Next week i'm going to take my written drivers test and then i'm going to be able to start practicing with an actual car! I'm really excited becaue now seems like a good time and i've been taking practice tests and at first I was failing but I just got an a 100% one! Its really exciting! I've also been reading the newest book in the pretty little liars series. Its amazingly good!! I'm starting to believe the dont trust the cop stuff after this mystery book. I've also been very into keeping up with the kardashions latley. And there was a recent episode where kris was urging her husband bruce to have plastic surgery. To me it seemed like she thought he was ugly and made him fix it. But she ofcourse said its because she thinks he feels uncomforable with himself. Is that ok? To make someone you love change themselves because you dont like it. I think not. But the show has been really good but it ended with a LOT of breakups. Which is always saddening. Rob is no longer dating that cheetah girl after he totally intruduced her to his family and was caring to her. It was sad. But her family was too conservitive for his crazy family. It was cute though, him trying to change them.



I think im addicted to keeping up with the kardashions. I just cant stop watching it. Theres just something exciting about the way they live their lives. I'm going to watch again in a second but I figured something out. I dont really want those realationships with some of the guys I meantioned to work out. I just enjoy their attention and kinda like talking to them but im its really superficial and i dont like their personalitys. BUT I do want i to work with prince. I REALLY do. And I need to do something about it. So im going to start thinking about a possible fb mail letter to send him.....

Song of the day:
My boo - Usher and alicia keys

quote of the day:
Make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway (a.k.a. talk to prince)

OMG! HELP TWEETER....

I spent the day with some of my BEST FRIENDS! I love them all . I hung out with SAMIRA, OLIVIA M. , and OLIVIA W. And I was telling Olivia(s) about how much fun had with samira and my "African clique". And they were all reminding me how lucky I am to have all of you guys cause I blab about you all the time like samira, Iman, the guys, the aunties just all of you. And So the olivias said that since formals coming up and I NEED A date that i should ask my prince..... I told them we were totally not allowed to bring other people and they said I had to talk guidence counsler and beg. And they got the image in my head of him going with me. And walking me in and bringing me a crossage and all that good stuff. It would be magic! Im really good at begging but im not gonna beg if I dont get the courage to ask. And I realize its far away and rides are totally a problem. And i would have to tell my parents that I like him and that he was taking me obviously. But maybe? And it would be a good time to bring up that I really like him and show him how much fun I can be.

my little birdy friend (tweet, tweet) what do you think? Have the olivias lost it or is it about time average cinderella got her prince and turned into a princess? The shoe does fit. :)



BUT he could say no, and then that could make life a whole lot more awkward and id have to get over it and give the whole things up and that would be crushing. Not to meantion i'd be so nearvous I might make a fool out of myself. I need some help and some thinking over to do do.

Holiday season has begun!!

So yesturday was thanksgiving and today is eid and im pretty much thinking that holiday season has begun!!! Thats really exciting. Even though I dont celebrate half of them its still fun to see people cheery. Like kwanza. I love seeing people pretend to be african. Wearing nigerian shirts and saying upendo a lot. Its nice and when hannukah comes around I watch that movie about the jewish basketball players, then my birthday (party? , no party?), and then christmas which is always great. I decided to ask for an ipod touch for chirstmas and some little stuff for my birthday. Like a curling iron, cake decorating kit, new jacket thats in between heavy and light. That kind of stuff. By the way Samira. If I was ot have a party it would be on the 18th. So mark the date. But the way things are looking so far no party for me. But maybe just maybe I can have one the first day of break but thats always bad because people are traveling and stuff. Anyways ill keep you guys posted.

Today I went to kansas city! I love going there because I always see the BEST people I know. Like Princess Samira (tweet tweet, tweet tweet), and the REALLY hot prince with the most attractive new haircut. Wow he just Keeps getting better! :) And then the "sweet and sour" little kids who are so cute and nice but can change within the snap of fingers. And all the nice aunties and some nice uncles. Its great to go there. Then I also have a new FORMAL DRESS!! Yay. I got it in olathe and its realllly cute. Its like a pinkish purple but not magenta ith a black bow and then this black floral design and then this black thing over it but you can see the pink. Its really pretty. Im getting excited about winter formal.

tweet, tweet tweet. (that is just too fun)

Now im gonna go eat cake and probably watch new moon again! bye

Song of the day:
Halo/walking on sunshine glee version

quote of the day:
tweet tweet tweet tweet

Happy Thanksgiving!

This has been an exceptionally great Thanksgiving. I think its the best I've ever had. We watched the Macys Day parade when I woke up and then we made biscuts and tea for breakfast. And then my mom kicked people out of the kitchen and started cooking. Although she will never admit it I think she likes to cook. So she cooked up a storm while I cleaned and then talked to Samira and took care of my dad. Then when she was all cooked out I made the cake, rock cake and monitared the turkey to make sure it dosent burn or anything while she showers. I was thinking it might turn out to be bad because theres a little family fighting going on with my extended family but it was a civilized event. It was my family, plus my grandpa, my aunt bite and my uncle denis,and My uncles moses, sunday, and muhadjeir. We pigged out and then the discussions began...

Every year we talk about world issues. Its just a given that the conversation will lead to it. The first one was isreal and whos land it is. We are christians and christians started out as jewish people. Not all of us but some. And in the bible it says that god helped moses (musa) take the people out of egypt and lead them to their promised land. And it said that they would suffer for 40 years untill they got there. They believe that the place they reached after 40 years was isreal. Then there are the origninal people that were already there. And its this big never ending debate which causes a ton more world issues. And its fun to talk about it.

Another dicussion that seems to come up is adam and eve. The words in the swahilli bible is that god made a helper for adam and she was eve. Therefore woman were meant to be helpers according to some members of my family. Not me! I think it was meant that they were meant to help each other and make an easier life style. Then today something else came up and I didnt want to believe it but it made sense. Someone said that they believe that more white people will make it to heaven then colored people. Dont freak out just yet. The point was that it seems that although people of colored attend religious places and stuff they dont actually follow through with the deads. Theres a story that took place in zanizbar. A leader of islam was on his was to the mosque when he ran into this blind man with a stick and this white girl walking him across the street and helping him out. He was curious what was going on and asked where are you from, and how do you know him? She said that she dosent know him but shes from denmark and shes with a group of peope trying to help the handicapped people of zanzibar. And he decided to stand by and watch how many other people would take an intrest in the person helping the handicapped person. No one stopped. No one of any religion, of shamba or mainland, tall or short stopped to see what was going on. Where were the african people to help their neighbor, family member, and friend cross the street and survive doing the daily stuff? It took someone white from america to care for the person. Who do you see doing good deeds? Im not going to lie I never really see black people voulenteering. And if they do its a minority. Its really sad when you think about it.

Things I am thankful for: Having such a wondeful family, Having the best friends in the world, Good health, Having something to believe in, God never giving up on me even when I make mistakes, Teachers and world leaders for making sure things arent caotic and teaching us, and for having a genuinly good life. :)

Anyways ill dicuss more of the issues later. Im having a fashion emergency. I have nothing to wear tommorow and I might see prince there. And I have to look cute because i wont be looking small after pigging out today. But I WILL find something nice to wear.

Song of the day:
WE are the world - Michael jackson and others

Quote of the day:
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

I forgot to mention who else was at the Kardashion wedding! Adrian balon the spainsh cheetah girl! And she seemed like a female dog! Sorry but its ture. Like Rob kim and khloe and all of thems brother used to date her and despretly wanted her back and she went up and talked to him and she was pretty mean. Like he asked her if she cried and she goes I dont do s*** like that. I mean what? And she was drinking up a storm. And it was not good. And to think she was my favorite cheetah girl!

I just finished watching the movie precious. It was phenomenal! I believe it. I felt like I was in the movie. The main character precious is being emotionally/mentally/physically abused by her mother. The reason her mom is doing all of this stuff is because precious was being raped by her father and had one kind and one on the way. Her first child, a girl named mongo has down syndram. It was really sad and she let her live with her grandmother because her mother was such a mean person. When she had her secound chance he was healthy thanks to this new school shes been going to that sent her to the hospital for the birth and guess what his name was? Abdul, only they said it Ah-bdool. Like two seperate words. And it had a happy ending but it was tough to watch and see all thost scenes. Monique is a wonderful actress. I had never taken her seriously as an actress before this movie. Her emotions make her feel so real. and mariah carey was ok but her part wasent too hard in my opinion. I would suggest the movie to anyone but theres a lot of bad language and there are some scenes that made it rated r. But its online. And it will make you be thankful for your life. :)

I finally got to see the kerdashian wedding episode today. Everyday people in my history class talk about how much they love the shoe and I sleep realllly early and I never get to see it. The kerdashian family is beautiful. Their all like drop dead perfect. Perfect hair....anyways I got to see the wedding tomorow. And I played which one is the misfit. ding ding. Its the bruce guy. He seems to have a close connection to their father but how could he marry his wife? And he seems to love those girls. Theres not denying it but I dont like how he went and married their mother when he was best friends with their father. I just dont like that. When you were in love and married and they died, I mean its diffrent if they hurt you or you grow apart but they were married and they lost each other by bad fate. And then you forget that love and give it to someone else? I perfer that romeo and juliet thing. Their love is so strong they cant bare to live while the other is gone. Call me crazy but thats my veiw. My mom nows this 77 year old man whos wife died 3 months ago and he went to the nursing home to tell them all hes remairing a "younger" woman. Shes 71. They get married two days after christmas. Is that fair to that poor woman who died?

Ok back to the kerdashians. People seem to be like Chloe rushed into the marrige thing. They knew each other for a month. etc. But from what I See she loves that man and he loves her too. Its the sweetest thing. I love it. I want that for myself. That happy romance where you smile all the time and nothing is bring you down? you know? Its the sweetest thing. And then courtney is having a baby with that one guy and they also seem pretty happy. And hes standing by her and loving her so it should be a happy baby with happy parents. Its an amazing wedding. True love is the best thing that can happen to a person. Im gonna live by that.

To love! Happy early thanksgiving everyone! :)


song of the day:
Imagine - glee version
I absoulutley love imagine. It makes me feel so good inside. And it gives me hope. I love it!

quote of the day:There are three things that last: faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love.- I Corinthians 13:13

Ok so I had a good field trip. I went to the world war 1 museum and it was intresting. It was kind of sad at the same time. 9 million people died and that was definatly no good. I never understood the point of war. I think what should happen is that if countrys dont agree they should agree to disagree and then isolate themselves from each other diplomatically. I wont hurt you and you wont hurt me but I no longer consider you part of my world. does that sound terrible? Like a signed document divorcing one and other and then later on if one changes their ways they can just publically shred the document. But it was really sad and I felt bad for all the men. They had to fight the war but the woman ended up with yellow skin and hair from factory work! And then they had to marry old men or babys just to make more men for the next world war. crazy huh? Thank god I live in todays world.


I've been really out of it latley. I dont know whats wrong with me. I just get side tracked and weird stuff happens to me. I dont know if ive just not been paying good enough attention to my life. This break will do me some good. Ill sleep in and make sure to get enough rest. Tommorow im going looking for a formal dress. That should be fun. I cant decide if I should ask someone or not. Is it fair to ask someone if their not the only one your heart desires? Like the guy Im thinking about asking is ok but hes NO prince. But prince lives far away and cant take me to formal, not to mention i could NEVER ask him. that would be mission impossible. So is it ok to ask another guy and be dancing with him and share dinner with him when your really thinking, your a great guy but your not as good as my prince. I think maybe its not a good idea. Plus I may have more fun just going with my friends. :)

Follow up on Adam Lambert. So im not the ONLY one who though his performance was unappropriate. Good morning america and some other news stations canceled him after his American Music Awards performance. They didnt want someone who was so innapropriate on stage. Oh and guess who we rememered today? Hes a one hit wonder and won the songs of the day award presented by Ms. Mariam princess ali lautner Jackson! :)

Song of the day:
Angel by Shaggy!
"girl your my angel, your my darling angel"

Quote of the day:
The truth is that many people set rules to keep from making decisions.

AMAs and mores

The american music awards were FANTASTIC! I loved them. The show was opened up by janet jackson who did good, but I was a little dissapointed. It wasent nearly as active as scream was at the mtv awards and I would love if she did that again but I guess he has to move past her brothers shadow. Alicia keys was PHENOMENAL! She did two performances and its hard to choose which was better but she was DEFINATLY the best performer of the night. hands down. She sang empire state of mind and Try sleeping with an oen heart. Empire state of mind was with Jay Z and that was really good. Mrs. z wasent there though? Hmm was she green with gucci envy? We will never know. Whitney Huston was the biggest dissapointment of the night. I liked her strength but it seems like her voice is wearing away with age. It wasent as powerful as the old songs. Eminem and 50 cent though both good rappers were just a little.....cussy. Every other word was a cuss world. I was shoked that lady gaga won NO awards last night. Shes a big name and that was not the best way to appriciate her. Her outfit was confuzing. At first glance I thought she was naked but she was wearing this flesh colored thing. Bad romance was GREAT though.

Adam lamert....I knew voting for chris allen was a good idea. My god what he did on stage was not appropriate. He had this guy go up to his private area and act like he was sucking on it with his mouth for awhile. He made out with this guy on stage for awhile. It was not very good. I thought it was pretty unappropriate. I dont mind if hes doing that stuff downtown or at a restraunt and he just got caught but on a stage, where kids are watching admiring him. Idol was a family show you know. im not just saying it because the whole thing was guy on guy but because its inaproppriate for private stuff being made public no mater whos doing it. So no pda ok? Samira no matter how wild you feel in front of a camara , dont do it :)

Now to my two favorites. Taylor swift and Michael Jackson. Taylor wasent at the show but was in london and heard the announcments live. She won 5 well deserved awards and beat many modern dad pop artists. michael Jackson won 4 making it official that he won more american music awards then any other. But in the end he lost to taylor swift which I didnt agree with. Michael spent his whole life doing music. 40 years if you count the 3 years before he could talk and the 7 when he was taking care of his kids. Taylors been singing for 2. And you know im saying this because its the truth. I love taylor swifts music but that was a pretty big award.

Every awards that Michael won Jermaine would go up for him. And guess who he brought with him? Jaafar Jackson! :) . He was so cute. Did I ever tell you guys about my fantasy about marrying a jackson? I want to marry a jackson so I can therefore be a jackson and the jackson I always imagine marrying is Jaafar. Hes SO cute. He didnt talk but he was with his (brothers?) JerMajasty and Jeremy. They were also cute. But Jermaine excepted the awards almost like he won them. Thanking his family and some other random guy from the jackson 5 days. I would have rather he said thank you for loving my brother , I miss him and together we can make his music live on forever. Bu you know thats just me. I want talk trash on my future imaginary father in law. I was also suprised Janet didnt accompny him to get the awards for HER brother as well. Oh well im sure they talked it out and everything. It was nice. and the JACKSON FAMILY DYNASTY a tv show starts on december 13th. :)

Song of the day:
Human nature - Michael Jackson

quote of the day: About the time when we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends - Herbert hoover

I just finished watching the coolest movie! 50 first dates!! Samira told me about it like a year ago and I FINALLY got to it!! I loved it so much! It was one of the most romantic things ive ever seen. I wonder though what that would be like, having to start over all the time. Thats just one more thing I can be thankful for having in my life. A pretty good memory. It also reminded me that theres a happy ending for everyone. Yesturday I watched Four christmases! That was equally good. It made me crack up laughing! That one is about this couple who lies to their families every christmas about helping some kind of cause , but this year it got fogged and they were on the news so they had to visit all 4 of their familys. They realized without reaching each others past they didnt really know each other and they also realized they want to have a family and get married and stuff! I never really understood people who would rather spend their life "playing the feild". Dosent that basically mean you'll never be loved or cared for and your looking for romance but not true love? Oh well who am I to judge, it just dosent seem that great to me.

I read a really really really really good book yesturday as well. I read it from start to finish in one day. Its called thirteen reasons why. Its about this girl who commits suicide and right before she does she makes a tape about the thirteen people who brought her to this desicion and they have to pass it on to one and other and they all hear how they became part of the story. Its made me realize that its definatly the little things that add up to making a person feel so broken and so unloved. I was always the person who said Suicide is stupid, people who do it are stupid, and that when people say their gonna commit suicide it means their not really because if they really didnt care for a thing on earth they wouldent tell anyone and they'd just get on with it. But I realized I was wrong. Its not like the people who do this want to leave earth, the reason they tell people is because they are dieing for a good reason not too. their dieing for someone to come to them and make them feel like they matter. Some of the biggest signs is a drastic chage in apperence like chopping off all your hair, or suddenly wearing NO makeup or something. and the second sign is giving away your stuff with no genuine explanation so watch out for that and dont be afraid to try and make a diffrence in someones life.

The american music awards are tonight and im pretty excited!!! Alright have a good rest of the weekend. And tommorows basically the first AND last day of the school week! Can I get a YEAH!

Song of the day:
My place - Nelly (Its really old but it reminds me of a really good summer I had around 2004 or 2005 and I never turn it off when it comes on shuffle).

Quote of the day:
The only abnormality is the incapacity to love

THing you better do at 7:
WATCH THE AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS! (yes im talking to you Samira!)

NEW MOON!

OMG!!!! NEW MOON WAS THE BEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE!!! I LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED IT! I GIVE IT A 50,000 STARS!!!! ILL START FROM THE BEGINING AND TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

I left home at 5:30 and my friend Olivia came to pick me up. We got in the car and got in line. We were towards the front with only 2 groups of people in front of us. We sat down and started the hour and a half wait. There were people everywhere. When we got there there was already a huge line for the 6:40 showing of it which was sold out. Every showing from the a.m. to 10:10 p.m. were sold out! It was that big here in lawrence. As the clock ticked more and more people showed. This huge group of people tried to cut in front of us so what did we do? We called the manager. You really cant mess with me and my friends when it comes to New Moon. We bought popcorn, used the bathroom and took care of anything we might need for the next 3 hours and then it was time to get it. We gave our tickets then ran. We got the best seats in the whole theater. 1 row rom the back in the center!!! It seemed like forever for the previews to end...

Then it started. My god, it was amazing. That seems like an understatment. First things first the guys were HOT! Hot! Hot! Hot! smokin hot!!! (Talking about the wolf clan by the way). They were amazingly attractive and the first time they came in the whole theater sighed. Same with when edward came on but that was more out of excitment. The scenes followed the book perfectly and you got really sucked into it. The ending made you want to cry because you wanted more so badley. I decided I want to see in 50 more times! It was THAT good! I decided to foget all those other guys exsist. I want a sexy wearwolf man like TAYLOR LAUTNER!! Did I mention he looked good? HE LOOKED GOOD. He spent a lot of the movie with his shirt off and chopped the long hair off and got this tatto. He made you want to drool. There is hope for the human race. Then theres this part edward took his shirt off EWWW. It was nasty. He was all unbuff and pale. And he had hair in weird places on his chest. he needs to take some tips from tayler lautner my future husband. AHH go see it! Everyone! Its perfect and missing it is like missing out on half your life!!!

Yours truley, mrs. taylor lautner! Sorry taylor swift he is officially MINE :)

Ding ding ding. It is first hour. Im in my english class and my teachers not there. We got this substitue. We just finished reading twealfth night on thursday and the story line was good and exactly like the one of shes the man. No matter how many all 3 of her classes begged her the teacher would not let us watch that and insited on the ancient boring version. So this girl in our class brought shes the man. She slowly sent it up towards the front of the room and this girl switched the dvd. The directions on the subs sheet was to just press play. The video would be there already. So she did and it was shes the man!!! She was laughing along and she totally loved it. She didnt catch on at all. The other classes watched it to and in fourth our this other girl was supposed to switch the dvds back before Ms. G.I. Joe got back. But the substitute teacher saw her and she ran for it. The sub caught up to her and made her give it back because she was "stealing the schools property". It was all pretty worth it. It was my first ever time witnissing a school prank that went through :)

I figured something out. Im totally growing up. Im done with all the stupid drama and I realized that although boys are fantastic, I mean NO one can disagree after they've seen a shirtless Taylor Lautner.....I dont really need them to be happy. I'm pretty happy as it is right now. Winter formals coming up and I wanted to ask this guy to take me and it would be a date but we wouldent be dating and I realized if he said no it wouldent be the end of the world. I would just dance with my friends and have a good time like I always do. Maybe everything I used to think was a big deal was really nothing. Its intresting how my mindset has changed. I kind of like the new Mariam way of thinking.....

A life changing news event came out yesturday. Oprah announced on her show that season 25 will be her last year of doing the show. No more oprah. Can you believe it? She said there was no definate reason except for that it felt right to be leaving after 25 years. She spent half of her life doing the show and had some pretty legendary interviews. Tom cruise jumping up and down on her couch, one of three michael jackson interviews in all 50 of his years of living. Shes had all the big respectable celelbritys. Had more seasons then any other show. Shes a sucsess. I was talking to my dad and although he didnt agree at all, but I said that its almost like a dieing family member. Ever since I was born Oprahs been on the t.v. with us at 4:00 everyday. Never one day has it been cancelled or has she missed a big event that happened in the last 25 years. Its sad that its ending. Although it is going till 2011 the idea of an end to it is pretty sad...

Song of the day: Under control - parachute

Quote of the day: Do you have a.d.d? -Sisi. Im not sure, but I bet i dont because thats just what they call stupid kids to make them feel better - Daniel. It was hilarious in class.

A new sense of freedom

Yesturday the coolest thing happened. I'm pretty sure I mentioned glee and the janet jackson interview. So I did everything I was supposed too and parked myself in front of the television. And I was pretty sure around 9:30 my dad would yell," Mariam! Go to bed!" and that would be it for my interview. But the time ticked on and my dad never said it. Even though he was upstairs and could hear the tv on. At 10:00 I said good-bye and went to bed and wasent even in trouble! They trust me! Isent that so cool!!! I know most kids can stay up whenever they want since like sixth grade but its diffrent for me.....my parents are pretty strict. It was a big day.

The interview was wondeful. I never really felt like I wanted to be like a celebrity before, but after that interview I figured out I want to be like janet Jackson when I grow up. Shes 43 but still pretty and in style which I would absolutley love. She lives in a big beautiful house by the beach. She has a sense of family , and shes a millionare. Shes sucsessful and down to earth. Not to mention shes an amazing dancer and has really white teath. Can you say role model? The only thing missing is that perfect guy for her but some day she'll hook up with the perfect celeb like leonardo dicapprio or something and then she'll have that happy ending she needs. I know Samira isent her biggest fan but....shes a good person and donates to charity!!! Oh and shes comfortable with herself. I need to reach that point where I like me and the way I look and stuff. im pretty close to there but I just need to be healthier first. And then ill be on the first step towards being like janet jackson! Did I mention I need hair like that?

The most weird thing happened. Ok so it may just be the boy apprciation syndrom ive been having but today I reacted to a guy in a reallllly werid way. I was in second hour spanish and we have delivery people who deliver stuff for students. And this one asian girl always delivers for second hour. Today this one guy who I sort of said I was over yesturday walked in and had a note. He looked right at me and smiled but I thought he may be looking at his ex who was sitting behind me. First of all its really odd that he was the delivery guy. Then it turned out the note was for ME to go to the student services office. But my teacher just would not let me leave and what if he was waiting for me!! But anyways the whole point was when he smiled at me in this cute and cool sweater my whole body reacted. My heart started beating fast and I felt like my body was a machine brought to life and then weirdly...my period started. Right then! He caused my body to turn on! haha he turned me on. He made me feel alive, and he didnt even say anything except for your welcome and smile cutley. Conncection? Maybe but I wonder if he felt anything. Hes single right now but we havent spoken since fahtmas birthday party when I was in 5th grade and he happened to also be at the pool. Weird huh? I wonder if he remembers.....ok so the guy appriciation continues.

Thanksgiving seems kind of like a dissapointment since Samira wont be coming :(! I wish there was some way it would work out. But theres always Auntie Khadijas I guess. Your going right? So I still will see you!

p.s... the oprah show ends in 2011 after 25 seasons!! can you believe it! A world without the oprah show!!! But apperently there might be an oprah CHANNEL after that which makes it ok.

Song of the day:
Superstar- Taylor swift

Quote of the day:
A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it.

So I was watching tyra back to back, I havent been able too in so long, because Tyra can have some iffy topics and my dad freaks out when I watch entertaiment tonight so its a bad idea to watch tyra in front of him. Plus for some reason he hates her along with paris hilton (who apperently looks like a rat?) and Larry king (who apperently needs to retire). Anyways if that dosent say enough my dad and I have pretty diffrent tastes in tv. But back to Tyra, she got in a deep whole when people started saying she was making her models "black". She did a shoot to celelbrate diversity and she switched up people skin tones.Some of those white models became like black asian mixes and some other rare stuff. And she said that her goal was to get people to see that theres beauty in every color. She had a woman on her show who was "too dark". She was black but she wanted to be lighter, not white, but lighter so she bleached her face and all her kids faces, so she could be whiter and people would believe it. Thats pretty gross. But it modern society it seems like everyone wants to be darker by tanning or lighter by bleaching. Even in Africa where EVERYONES black. Its time we love ourselves people. If we dont love ourselves nobody will love us.

Ok so for the tv update. My favorite couple, Chuck and Blair are still happy and together. The 3 some has basically made things really awkward between dan, his girlfriend, and his best friend. Apperently during the 3 some Dan was waaay more into vannessa then olivia. and shes pissed and left him making him realize how much he loves vannessa who found another guy. Serena was afraid she would start an affair with congress man trip (hes like 20 by the way), and he also happens to be nates cousin. But when he figures out his wife lied to him he comes to the bar where Nate and Serena are hanging out and remembering the shepard wedding where they lost "it" to each other. Right when Nates about to kiss her (AWWW! they would be so cute together). The congress man walks in and leaves with her and the affair is on! No one tree hill update for you guys! You should all be watching it. tonight on fox is glee!! then right after on Abc Janet jacksons first interview since the death of her brother the late and great michael jackson.

Me update! Well im basically doomed and will fail at life because my math grade is a .......very very very low b-. closer to a c then i have EVER been before. Its terrible. And she says its my fault for not "making math a priority". i got so upset. All thats left is a prayer. And a bad habbit is forming. Today I learned how to make the most perfect cookies and I ate a lot of them. I really need to loose weight. I havent really made it a priority yet, and I should! This is the biggest ive ever been in my whole life. I used to think I was fat when I was about 20 pounds lighter and this is no good. At all! ugh..life is stressful. Ive dropped some of my male intrests. I think im basically left with 2. The otheres I havent really talked to for that long but im not gonna lie some of those guys is really dreaming big. But whats the point of life if you cant dream....... whos still on the list you may ask. Prince (dreaming big), Ruben (idk), and a little bit of sebastion....not enough to call him a third

Song of the day:
Just a dream - carrie underwood

Quote of the day: "You kind of get 10 seconds with each person and you never really say anything and I kind of got bored of saying, 'Hey, how are you doing?'" Pattinson tells the talk show host. "[A fan] said in her 10 seconds, 'What can I do to get your attention?' I was like um, just take your clothes off." The fan's reaction? "She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security," says Pattinson. "I never felt more terrible." - Robert pattison

All the words i've wanted to say to a certin boy (s) and never have.... and also some pretty amazing love songs.
1. Love story - Taylor swift
2.Our Song - Taylor swift
3. Hate that I love you Neyo & Rihanna
4.1234 - Plain white tees
5. You belong with me - Taylor swift
6. So small - Carrie underwood
7. superhuman - Chris Brown
8. Check yes juliet - We the kings
9. Marys song - Taylor swift
10. No air - chris brown and Jordin Sparks
11. Realize - Colbie Colliat
12. Under control - Parachute
13. Jump then fall - taylor swift
14. these words - Natasha bedingfield
15. So close
16. All my life
17. Hero

All really fantastic songs by the way. :)

So lets take it back to about a month or two ago? Remember how happy I was about hanging out with a guy? not in the romantic way and he was a musician and i listened to his cd? Well its on youtube now. isent that cool? And it "just came out", but I heard it a month ago when it was written just the day before. cool huh? I feel cool. I like the music thing. Im loving it more and more. I dont think I can be a proffessional musican. I mean im starting to have more confidence in the way I sound and my writing skills. I think im pretty good. I want to work harder on it. I just loose intrest in things really fast. Its a really bad habbit.

So you want to know what my weekend was about? Glee. Glee, glee, glee. I saw the cast on tyra the other day and figured out that I was really missing out. So I looked online and watched all 9 espisodes. It is so good!! Its not as dramatic as the other shows I normally watch. It tkaes place in a high school following the teachers and students. Its great. And theres LOTS of singing almost like a musical. Its basically a socailly acceptable, and more intense version of high school musical. Like theres more teen drama and stuff. Its real and has the drama between the popular kids and the glee club. And it also includes the stuff that no one wants to talk about. Like theres a gay guy on the show and they show the issues he has to deal with, then theres a handicapped boy. And they talk about how hard it is to be him in one of the episodes. Not being able to reach stuff, being felt sorry for, and how the chair pushes people away. Its realy sad. But its generally a happy show that makes you feel good. Samira you would like it. Its not a drama but its a happy show with singing and dancing. I love, love, love it. Watch wensday nights on fox! You know I will. Oh and gossip girl and one tree hill tomorow!

New moon is coming out! Im so excited. Im getting my ticket early. Im gonna love this movie because I am Team Jacob all the way! I love, love, love jacob. Not only is he waaay more attractive then edward. I really dont get the rob pattison love. He has a mysterious look but hes reallllly pale and creepy. Hes just not my type. And then the way both guys love are diffrent. Jacob cares about Bella but hes not weak like Edward. He dosent let her do whatever she wants. And he wont let her go through with something that could hurt her. Jacob knows when to say o and hes tough and he has his own life. Hes her own age and hasent lived for 112 years and if I was bella I would want jacob. But I will admit that edward may be the perfect guy for bella. So Jacob becomes a main in this movie and this is when the wolves come in. I love the pack. I want a book just about them but Stephanie meyer just wont get an email adress for fans!! It sucks Anyways EVERYBODY young and old, man and female should go see NEW MOON on friday ! :)

Song of the day: Can you see what I see

Quote of the day: If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.

p.s. just wrote a new song! :)

I saw something scary, i cant lie gross, and real. This woman mrs. nash on oprah the other day. She got attacked by a chimpanzee. I think it was on oprah on wensday I guess. I heard about it from my brother. He was in tears as he came upstairs to tell me how scared he was of something he saw online. I asked him what it was and he said well on oprah, i craked up at the idea of him watching oprah. He cried harder and said he was on a game website and they showed a picture of a lady attacked by a chimp. I quickly used my clever sisterness to tell him that it was a lie used to scare children and he fell for it. But it made me curious. So I went to oprah.com, clicked on wensday and there was a picture of this poor woman. No eyes, nose, or mouth. Nothing. She has a chuck missng from her sculp. She was wearing this hat with a scarf over it so you could not see her. Although part of her head-thing was showing. Eventually she took of the scarf I guess and it was scary. DONT MESS WITH ANMALS. Momma didnt raise no fool, right? Then dont mess with animals. They are equal to dracula, I dont care how long they've been part of your family or if their a newborn. they are monsterous. Unless its a goldfish suck it up and throw it away unless you want your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth ripped out. The poor woman will never eat, wali or steak again. She has to drink through a straw through a small space in her head the rest of her life, and thats the least of her problem. Dude, i wonder if its worth living like that. There wouldent be a very big chance for love. Guys are REALLY supperfical. But God bless her to live a happy life. Samira, pray for this poor woman she really needs it. As many times as you can. Its really sad and DONT look at the pic, k? Is kinda scary

Hows it going everyone? Ive had a pretty good week if i say so myself. If I had to pick a highlight of my school week it would either be the bus rides home of history, because we've been playing this game called the urban game. And its representing Europe after the industrial revolution and you create your own town and watch it grow and stuff. It is really cool! Yesturday was a tough day around my house. My brothers parent teacher confrence did not go well. We're all going to have to try a lot harder to help him and make sure he improves. Its weird because a lot of things that came easily for me didnt for him. And we have very similar dna. I've also been enjoying spanish class. The rein of the not so great student teacher is wearing off!!

Yesturday I went to a meeting with my friends (akira, taz, sarah, marina, that group) to a thing called friends for firebirds. And its about students being friends with people with downsyndram, autism and stuff. It made me realize what its like being them. When their in the hallway, people just autamatically walk the other way. When they sit at a lunch table no one sits there. Its not on purpose, well not my opinion at least it just isent and option in my brain. I mean I sit at the same table everyday but its filled with friends and we talk and laugh and stuff. They never get an oppurtunity of that. The only people they get to hang out with is their parents. And this is gonna be a couple times a month we're gonna do puzzles and just hang out with the special ed kids. Great huh? Its a wonderful cause. But im gonna be honest...im a little worried about it. Although they made it sound like its gonna be the same as hanging out with your friends its not....come on I know its not. And I just dont want it to be a burden or something I dread you know? Dont get me wrong im gonna do it, but I feel like my whole heart wont be in it. Does this make me a bad person? And I love lunch with my friends and I think everyone deserves them but what are we gonna do? Some of them dont talk and maybe they wont even like us. But we'll see what happens and ill keep you posted.

Alright yesturday I watched a Chris brown interview. He was on 106 N park. I like that show but ive never seen it that way. It was serious and I could tell the girl on there didnt really like him. He discussed rihanna. The part that got to me was when he said its not just a room full of people hating you, its the world. And he admitted to feeling a little sorry for himself. He said he thinks he had a fitting punishment for what he did and what other people with the same crime dont have to deal with it the possability of loosing your carrer and getting hate mail and weird looks from people who dont even know you. Its pretty sad. When asked what he'd tell thje chris brown from a couple months ago he said,"make some wise desicions, brotha your not invincible. And remember what you have could be gone tommorow. " I didnt like the brotha stuff. It made me feel he wasent taking it seriously. He also said he is not his stepfather because he is a better person now.

Another part that got me was when he said, " i read everything, watch all the shows, read the papers, all the blogs.....". Blogs. He may have read my opinion on what happened. Just in case hes reading this now. Chris brown I am not deniying that you are freaking adorable and have the voice of an angel. Trust me I havent forgot it. I have cry no more, and I can transform ya on my ipod. Along with russion roulate. I havent changed my opinion on your music but im not yet convinced about you as a person. But ill keep watching those interviews :).

Thats all for today, peace

Song of the day:
Spotlight Usher and Gucci maine

Quote of the day: There's only one person I want to thank, and that is Jay for putting a ring on it." - Beyonce

Ok so im gonna take you back through the thought process that made me think about this. I was thinking about winter formal and one thought led to another and I remembered my old formal dress and how terrible it would be if I never wore it again then I thought, hey! maybe ill get invited to a wedding and I can wear it then. So I started thinking about weddings and it got me thinking about something else. Africa is the poorest country in the world right? hands down they win. But who has the most fabulous weddings. Africans. Theres a family whos LEGENDARY for their weddings in zanzibar known as the mawhite family weddings which occour every other year. And one year no one was getting married that they knew but they HAD to have a wedding so they married off cousins. gross huh? Anyways, african weddings can be up to ten days long.

You have the reception, the akdi or the church serimony, then you have chai (tea party), then you have the lunch, then you have the hina (hena tatoos put all over the bride before she weds to look pretty) , then you have the sanduku (all woman, a bad full of clothes and stuff for the bride), and then you have the party for the "younger" people (basically 60 and down) to dance. I cant even think about the other two excuses to party. The weddings they have in africa are these really elabirite thing with a stage for the bride and groom, then little cotten things with bow to put over the chairs, flowers everywhere, balloons and a ton of food. They always hire a dj, and singers and its this big celebration.

Now we have the american wedding. America is the richest nation in the world. hands down. its normally a one day things with the akdi, synegoge thing (excuse my really bad knowledge of jewish terms), the athiest wedding with nothing but rings and signing forms, and then the church ceremony in the morning. and then afterwards MAYBE they'll have a reception not at a hotel but outside and use plastic chairs and maybe theres a band or an orchestra. Theres not stage. The dress isent elabarate. Its just your average party that ends before dinner so they dont have to pay for food for the guests. Can you see the diffrence?

Now I began to ask myself why does it work this way. How come the richest country has such a simple cheap wedding and the african country has elabarate expensive weddings. There are two answers in my book. The first is simple thinking. The reason that america is richer then africa is because they DONT spend all that money on weddings, and stuff and focas on making nice homes for themselves and their family. Where as africans would rather have a big blowout then not have enough money for anything but rice after the wedding. So its name and what people thing of your first. The second is just the way our society works. An american person can not afford to take 9 days off work to party. In africa, tanzania at least if someone in your family is getting married or died you can just leave work for as long as it takes to celebrate. no questions asked. Its pretty likley that your boss wont go to work either and party. And also American culture is to take a honeymoon. and those are sort of expensive so its more of a private celebration then somehting that involves a whole comunity. Intresting huh? Now I want to find out how chinesee, mexican, and australian weddings work to compare. If you know anything about them hit me up! :)

song of the day:
You belong with me taylor swift

quote of the day:
Whats cookin, good lookin ;) (wink)
Harusi ni watu na watu ni sisi - A wedding is people and the people are us

whats good?

You know what saying I love to hear but never use. Whats good? I love it when people say that. To me its like forget the bad news and just tell me whats good. So to all my readers a.k.a. samira whats ? I know your dieing to know whats good with me. Well my enligsh teacher who apperently might be...lesbian.....was gone today. Which is definatly a good thing!!!! Shes kind of mean. I dont like the way she runs the classroom. But the sub was nice and we did some kind of fun activitys. Choir was great as usual. And todays 11/11! I missed 11:11 so im gonna have to stay up tonight to make a wish. I think im going for world peace. :) then in history....did I mention we got new seats?I get to sit by this guy...his names sebastian....hes nice. At first I thought he would just blow me off but he makes an effort to talk to me and stuff. he models for american eagle. Hes cute. Not as cute as someone else I know but cute. And he showed me his iphone and his birthday in december. Ill keep you posted on him.

Yesturday a monster died. The person who is also known as the D.C. snipper. He was crazy and killed ten people. The weird thing about him is he had no target. He just randomly started killing people. My dad thinks that anyone who starts to do stuff like that is sick with a mental issue because no human would like to see another human die if their perfectly ok. Did he deserve the death penalty? Mariam the christian, and mariam the grudge holder have two diffrent veiws on that. Mariam the christian says that he didnt deserve the death penalty because we're all sinners and no one deserves to kill another human being except god. He should have died when the time was right and possibly gone to hell or repent and the killings be treated as a mistake. Not to mention though shall not kill is very important and the killer of him may have to deal with the sins. Mariam the grude holder says that wasent punishment enough. He died pain free when all of those people died in the worst possile way. and what about the familys of those who died who now have to live without their mommy or little sister. Does that seam fair. No! not at all. But its too late to change anything now. Do you know the U.S. is the only "civilized" country that still does the death penalty. No other countrys are doing it anymore because its inhuman. And you know ghandi said an eye for and eye makes the whole world blind. and he was a brilliant dude.

So did I mention I wrote another song with a piano part. I made a big dare. Taz asked to see my song and I gave it to her so Im gonna get a second opinion on my music. Samira you've heard the song. Its calld too bad, if you remember it. My birthdays coming up and im pretty excited about it. I will be 15!! Thats pretty exciting. Ill keep you posted on how many days till the big day. Oh and thanksgiving is coming up and Samiras coming over!!! yay! I like thanksgiving but my dad makes fun of my and says its just cause I like to eat. Isent that mean? Just because I want to be thankful im being ridiculed. Poor mariam, poor poor mariam.....

Song of the day:
Ghost - Parachute

quote of the day:
Never apolagize for showing feelings, When you do, apolagize for the truth!

You know where I get my most intelligent conversations? At the dinner table. My family does the whole lets have dinner together and its not intentional but we end up spending hours at the dinner table just talking about stuff. Not its more in my living room because my dad has this machine located there where he has to spend about 2 hours everyday working his knee on. And so we move the conversation there sometime. We were talking about the war in Iraq today. First of all we all realize that the Iraq war isent really fighting anyone right? Its a war against terror. I think if we really want to fight terror we should deal with the wackos in our own country killing, rapping, stealing. But instead we tackled other peoples "Terror". And my dad said something that kind of stuck the other day during dinner. we're fighting a war loosing a ton of valued life but them in Iraq dont value lfie. They dont care if they live or die. Their families dont spend a lot of time thinking about it because in their minds ripping of a suicide bomber is a one way ticket to heaven. (maybe it is, who really knows? I dont believe that though). Its a war we could never win. Because we care and they dont. Its just something to think about.....

I had a decent day today. I pulled a really high grade on my english and history tests. A's all the way! We got new seats and I get to sit by a sweet guy named sebastian. For your information im not really crushing on some of these guys but I just like their presence and being around guys. Its nice and diffrent. I feel like im easier to get along with and want more friends. I had some girl time today :) . Akira came over and we practiced some womans choir songs for awhile and then we kind of stopped doing that and had fun and talked about some stuff. We listened to some music and it was nice being around someone with my age who you can just talk to and that can relate to you. Its almost thanksgiving break which should be fun!!! Samira is coming!!! :)

F.W.B also known as friends with benifits. I dont like it, and im not going to beat around the bush about it. I dont like that some people dont want to commit to you. To me that just like getting a free hooker. Someone who will fufill all of your needs and you will give nothing to. Its the equivilant to the suicide bomber (ok thats an over reaction but ya know). They get what they want and they dont care because they already got that kiss or that date to prom. I mean I understand some people dont believe in "Real" relationships. With a man and a woman. And I dont really know how I feel when it comes to non-straight people because even if they wanted to its illegal for them to commit. But I think if you really care about someone your not going to want or need anyone else. But what do I know. Im just a girl from lawrence kansas. But a wise person would listen to me and not get it an open relationship because when they leave your for the next beinfactor you'll feel used like a kleenex. Used once and thrown away.

Song of the day:
She is love - Parachute. Great songs!!!

Quote of the day:
Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.

You guys get two today...heres the second ond:
Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams.

News falsh, News flash! First of all theres a matter we need to celebrate!!! Obamas health care bill was passed in the house!!! No that dosent mean that its going to become a bill but it was the first step towards sucsess. This is really good news because I was a little worried that Obama was loosing his touch and that he may become as hated as bush but this proved that all those terrible comericals and stuff is just the republicans. By the way, only one republican voted yes on the bill. Thier so mean when they gang up on people. Never be a republican. Its bad, bad bad bad!

Ok so the second newsflash was do you know theres a new type of war our there now? Its called cyber war. no I dont mean girls calling other girls fat online, thats cyber bullieing but not cyber war. Their equally bad I think. Only in diffrent ways. But a cyber war is when other countreys are hacking into each others computers and spying on what their government is doing. An unknown country hacked into brazils computer system and managed to shut down all of that countreys electricity for free. It didnt cost anything. Its suspected that in the future this will be the new kind of war. I like this better because no one dies its more like little kid fighting, playing pranks on each other and stealing money from daddys wallet. Only this isent 50 cents this is like millons of dollers were talking about. The U.S. has been hacked into twice and it hasent been that drastic but their protecting out computer systems more because we must remain "the most powerful country in the WORLD". :)

You know what really, really, really gets on my nearves. Those irrectile disfunction commericials. I think I hate those more then like anything. Especially when im watching tv with my family and then suddenly "are you having trouble getting in the mood (with a creepy old man speaking.". I understand that its like a sickness and stuff but something seems wrong about it. Some guy talking about how he cant...you know...perform on tv in the middle of cartoon network or something. I think if I was a guy id feel the same way about pad comercials. Those are pretty bad too with the gigantic pad on the big screen and blood dripping on it. These are both real issues but honestly not meant for all ages and family enviorments. They can show whatever they want on adult swim but those comericals bug me. Same with the, "are you pregnent. By a pregnancy test right now because you never know". Yes you can know. If you are abstinent there is now way you can be pregnent unless your the virgin mary. right? Am I the only one who gets bugged by that kind of commerical? Im just letting of steam.

Song of the day:
Never knew I needed - Neyo

quote of the day:
And they lived happily ever after ( I love when books or movies end like that. They make you feel good inside) :D

Today I came up with the conclusion that I dont really know what I want. I dont think I ever have known what I want except that I want to graduate from college and high school and have a high paying job, good friends, a boyfriend, and long hair. Other then that I dont really know where im going or what im doing to try to acheive these things. I feel kind of confuzed about myself. Its very weird. But I do know that I change my mind a lot but apperently thats normal. Im a teenager "finding" myself and I admit it.

I took one small step for man, and one giant step for humanity today. I composed one of my peices on the piano. Its the too bad song. I love at and I can sing it pretty well and with feeling. It was my first hit in my book and I put it on the piano and I got a lot more questions from my family about it then I thought. I didnt sing the words because its about me not being right for the guy I want and stuff and I most DEFINATLY didnt want to go into who the guy I want is and stuff. Im too embarassed to talk about that kind of thing to my parents. Anyone else is ok but my parents are just....idk.

I've decided that there are some bad things about helping other people. Because when your helping them whos helping you? This probably sounds like a selfish approach but im starting to think that if eveyrone just helped themselves we wouldent be in this weird position with so many homeless and crazy people. Maybe if we all just focased on our own problems and forgot about everyone elses we would actually be able to solve them and stay out of trouble. So the motto of the day is M.Y.O.B (mind your own buisness). I think this policy will get everyone a long way.

Song of the day:
Too bad by Mariam Ali

Quote of the day:
Not admitting a mistake is a bigger mistake

Afterward of my latest book

After finishing my book by that rabbi ive come to the conclusion that America sucks. There are some pretty big topics he talked about at the end of the book that didnt just have to do with michael jackson but with eveyrone. He talked about how we live in a society that worships celebrity. "By making fashion models our role models, Hollywood heroines, our heros, and singers into saints, we have created a shallow and vain society, distinguished not by sacrafice but by indulgence. We have created a culture known not for virtue, but for vanity. And out country is becoming therefore not more dedicated but decandent (?). The consequences are perilous for the indivisuals who suffer and for all of us caught up in the distorted national obbsession. For the most part young people would rather be directors than docters, rock stars than rabbis. And we wounder why the youth appear narcissistic and directionless".

I thought that was a really strong paragraph mostley because its all true. If you gave me a choice of being a doctor or director in the snap of my figners i'd pick director. I totally have this celebrity sydrom. I adore them and I think they live great lives. And unfortunetly on my list of importent people angelina jolie comes before president bush or carter. (shes equal to obama). And I can understand that this has to change. American society puts more emphasis in celebrity than family. And it pretty much sucks.

He also talks about how although michael jackson had a million fans with his picture on the wall he didnt have the most important one. A wife. The rabbi shmuley talks about how his most important fan is his wife. He puts pictures of him on the wall and when hes walking next to michael jackson her eyes are all on him. And most celelbritys dont have a big fan like that. It was pretty intense the way that shumley judged society (i just love saying shmuley) its funny.

song of the moment:
How do you sleep - Jesse McCartney (its stuck in my head)

Quote:
Those who PLAY the heros have become the cultures actual heros - Rabbi Shmuley

I feel really bad that I didnt discuss te massacare that happened yesturday. For some reason I wasent as touched by it. Its terrible that 13 people died and stuff but its just kind of sinking in when I watched the news today. Heres a litle bit of what I saw on the news. This man was born in america but his parents are from pakestan, and he was a member of the united states army for a long time. Not fighting but as a psycologist for when tragic things happen to them army members. A couple days before he went maniac he gave away all of his stuff. He started dressing in all arabian clothes when you used to be you know one of those people who dressed in army wear. Hes from silverspring Maryland where I used to live!!! And then he went out to buy a gun and theres video of him buying one. Shows up to the army training place and just shoots like crazy. Killed 13 and wounded a lot more people then that. Before he started shooting he said god is great.

That I dont understand. I do think that god is great but if your such a believer in God why the hell are you doing what almost every religion says not to do. Thy shall not kill. Why are you harming other people of god. And shooting them. And then this guy caused a humongous religious uproar and people were defending him on live television! Before I get into that Im gonna tell you that the guy is currently is in the same hospital as the people he abused. And hes paralized and unconcious. When he gets up the psycological testing stuff will begin. I still can not decide what we should do with people like that. Part of me says they should die. But "thou shall not kill". So maybe they should be forced to comit suicide by for real making suffer. Or maybe they should get life imprisinment and wait for the torture to begin when they go to hell. This is not just refering to him this is refering to anyone whos gonna do that kind of stuff. Kill innocent people. My heart goes out to the families of those who have passed.

Chris Brown made a statment about what rihanna said but it was sweet. He said he wishes what happened between them would have stayed private (duh, she made him look like a monster. Almost worse then the guy who caused the massacre above). But he said he respects her and thinks she has the right to talk about it if she chooses too and then said she wishes her all the best. He also mentioned that "he feels terrible and is doing his best to become a better man. Also through in that people should learn from this and no that abuse is never the answer!"

Song of the day:
Cry no more (rihanna apolagy song)

Quote of the day:
I went to sleep as rihanna and woke up as britney spears - Rihanna on the day after her beating.

Reaction to Rihanna on 20/20

After watching 20/20 today I got a better understanding of what its like to be hit by a boyfriend or wife. I can kind of see why Rihanna went back. Its almost as if she lost part of herself. Like she went threw a death. If she were to have not gone back she would have lost her best friend and the first and only love shes ever had. The one she could tell everything and nothing. And shes lost that. And I know she was hurt but from the look in her eyes I think no matter how strong of a woman she is shes gonna have that missing peice. She said that when she did get back with him she had to think deeply to realize she was repulced by him. I also noticed she cut out the part where she said she loved and cared about him. But I thought it was sweet she said that she wanted him to be sucsessful.

Rihanna also said she took a step back and said look at my sucsess and this empire i've built I can not throw that away for some dumb love. F love. Love is blind and forces you not to see. If she had gone back with Chris Brown it would have sended the wrong message. As much as id like them to kiss and make up I wouldent do it if I was her. The way that he hit her for a whole car ride and lost himself. He dosent love her. Because when you love someone it hurts to see them in pain. The paper cut on their finger should make you feel for them. But he saw what was happening to her and didnt mind.

This is the story as far as Rihanna told her. Chris Brown got a text message from his ex girlfriend in the car and Rihanna was upset about it and comfronted it. She was mad and he was mad and they had just had a fantastic night and they were all dressed up and enjoyed themselves and then he was so angry he started hitting her and shoving her and saying he was gonna beat the shit out of her and stuff. And after he was done and the cops showed up I pray to god that he took a good look at her face. And I pray to my God that the image of her face that way will stay in his mind forever and he'll realize that he was the reason for that. Because Rihanna said she isent sure he understood fully what happened. And as for Rihanna I hope she remembers this expirience and dosent go through it again. She can remember that time where she was strong and walked away and can realize she dosent need a bad man to make her feel happy.

If he hits you, he dosent love you. Walk away. Rihanna can do it and you can too.

Song of the hour:
Russian Roulette - Rihanna. (Girls lets support her and buy this album shes been through a lot and earned it.

Chris Brown a.k.a. cute wife beater & Rihanna aka ex of the cute wife beater

So I was reading and watching some stuff about chris brown and rihanna on the wendy williams show and I didnt know who I felt worse for. Rihanna was the one who fell in love with someone who didnt love her enough to treat her with the respect of a stranger and instead hit her like she was an enemy. Poor girl right, I feel like thats the ultimate rejection there. Chris hated her so much that he hit her. But then...Chris said on larry king he loves her to this day and always will. It seems like he does care about her but the question is why would he do that? And hes been trying to do a fan tour and apperently its for real failing. And he has a new album coming up and they pushed the date trying to get some hype over it but it wouldent work. He will always be labeled as the wife beater. And its something hes gonna have to live with for the rest of his life. Seeing her move on to someone who he knows is a better guy then he'll ever be and seeing her life happy and her career sailing while hes dealing with the oppisite. Thats when I feel bad for him. But everyone needs to tune in and see what rihanna has to say on 20/20 tonight at 9!

I want love in my life. I get a lot of love from my family but thats not what im looking for right now. I feel like I really want romance. A guy to care for me and love me. to be there whenever I need him. Ive always really liked the idea of walking up to a guy and sitting in his laugh and resting my head on his shoulder and him holding me tight. To the point where you can feel the love. And i've been more attracted to guys then ive ever been. And then I get this weird feeling inside like maybe none of them are the right guy and the right guy for me is sitting in kansas city,mo thinking about some pretty cheerleader he can get with the snap of his fingers. Easy as that. But I guess right now I dont mind who it is as long as they figure out my greatness. And they love me and Im able to love them. I hung out with a boy today after school. His name is jacob. That makes 2 jacobs ive blogged about. Hes a cute boy and hes not little which is good. Were the same age and I feel comfortable around him. Its nice. He also lives down the street even thought we dont hang out that much when we do I like it! I know this is mating season and its just the hormones but I feel like I cant help it....

I feel like theres some things I deserve. Is it wrong? I mean I feel like ive been a good enough person to deserve something good. Perfect. Wheather it be one day, a guy, maybe a call from you know who :) but something to show that theres someone out there rooting for me. Right now it seems like although nothing bad is happening to me, thank god nothing that big and great has happened. Or maybe im just not seeing whats right in front of my eyes. Idk. I just feel like somethings missing. I cant put my finger on it.

Song of the day:
Spotlight Gucci mane and Usher

quote of the day:
The only thing that lasts longer then a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.

Gonna talk some chris brown and rihanna stuff on tommorows episode of NOW FOREVER ALWAYS!

Great day!

I had one of the worlds best days today and I figured I should share it with you. I woke up late because I didnt hear my alarm or something happened and I figured that that was the sure sign to a failure day. So I had to do everything 3 times as fast then made it to school with barley enough time. I got to orchestra and we played my favortie winter concert piece. A christmas festival which is really jolly and stuff. And guess who showed up? Peter! Have I told you about peter. well hes this blond, blue eyed senior boy!! Very cute. And whenever he comes to orchestra he goes right to the back of the room and sits next to me and we play. I mean maybe its because he wants to share music but he has his own and Im hoping its because he likes sitting by me. I guess ill admit to flirting a little bit :) Apperently im the most obvious flirter in the world. but anyways. After orchestra he came AGAIN into my seminar class and we talked. Thats a really big accomplishment for me. And guess who else came to seminar? Another blond blue eyed boy. Rueban. And I talked to him as well. i have competition...my friend olivia...but I honestly think i have a better chance then her, not to be mean.


Its was a great day for my love life. Then right after school Samira called and it was great!! The day just kept getting better. I got my hair done and then when I got home I found out my mommy cooked african lasanga. mmmm. It is delicious. Its basically pasta with mchuzi, some other stuff and cheese and its yum. But right after that i realized I had homework. and I did that for an hour. and did have time to call back samira! Ill have to call her tommorow. I had like an actual point to discuss but I forgot it and hopefully ill remember by tommorow.

song of the day:
Forever and always (piano version)

Quote of the day:
Ding dong the witch is dead, which old witch? the wiked witch!

So everyone has been told by their parents dont do this? And if you havent then you must be the perfect child, call cnn right now!! Now everything you learn you supposedly get from your parents right. So if a small kid drops the f-bomb and the mother says dont say that when they you that as every other word is it right? I mean I know that the goal of a parent is to make the kid the best thing they can be but whats the point if your gonna go on and do it anyways.


I think that the parent in that senerio is like the 14 year old girl who cant take her own advice, even though she knows it a good idea. Theres just a block. anyways enough third person talk. Did you know that Im gonna be singing at a MLK assembly? I dont know if I talked about it yet but im getting pretty excited. Its a small group thing in diversity club. Im started to really like it there. Feel a little more at home. Same with freestate. I had to work in a group in english today and it went ok. Like we were gossiping and talking like friends. I like schools that feel like a second home, because if it dosent its just a little awkward.


Now im also thinking about being perfect. Its everyones goal right, perfection? Us christians say W.W.J.D as in what would jesus do and its supposed to help us make decisions because Jesus was perfect and we should be a perfect human. But the truth is we arent are we. No one is. Whenever I tell my mom not to do something and say W.W.J.D she always shes "AH, mungu hana doa ata moja, mi nitam pata wapi. (God dosent have a single stain, how can I keep up with him). But thats not a reason to stop trying to be the best person right? I want to agree with that and at some point I want to say no. Because no matter how hard a person trys they will not be perfect. And why should you spend so much time thinking about what a perfect person would be or do when you cant be that. In a way im thinking that you should be the best you possible. If you do drugs the first step for the best you would be you being drug free. If thats all you can do I think you should be proud of yourself because there is someone out there who couldent do what you did. I mean there are few people who should be proud of themselves at all you know? Most people did at least 1 good things with their life and you should be happy with that.



song of the day:
Love me - Justin beiber

Quote of the day:
Just because something dosent do what you planned it to dosent mean its usless

I dont know why but for some reason im trying to get my feelings out now! Like for some reason I just want to yell to the world all this stuff. Like today when I was talking to samira on speaker phone where I wanted to yell I like prince, a lot. And I didnt feel like i'd have regrets. Now I tell my friends my real opinion on a lot of stuff and I dont feel guilty for telling the truth wheater it be good or bad. I like it. Like I have nothing to be scared of anymore. Its part of the whole im more comfortable with myself thing.

Im really dissapointed in something. Obama is slipping under the cracks. And the thing is that he cant fail because if he fails its like every black person failed almost. Because no one has had the oppurtunity he has had. And for some reason, I know people talked about bush all the time and it didnt matter to him because I never believed in him but I believed in obama and it sucks that people are talking about him and stuff you know!

I dont have very much to say today but next blog wont suck as much I promise!!!

Song of the day:
the boy who knew too much - Mika

quote of the day:
"TEACHER ABUSE, TEACHER ABSUSE!! Um brooke, that means the teacher is being accused -6th hour chemistry class.

Life with mariam on nov. 1

This is it! I finally saw it today at 4:15. It was amazing. It was better then that it was pure genius. Every little person in the movie was so crucial to the succsess. You get to see exactly what goes on before a show and ofcourse you get to see michael jackson doing what he does best. He wanted everything to be perfect. He picked 10 dancers out of a thousand to be his backup. You get to hear their storys. The backup singers were so excited. Everyone loved m.j. And I also loved how he always says thank you in the movie and god bless you. He was a caring person. I wish more then anything I could have seen it life. It would have been amazing. I Can talk about this movie for hours you can ask my dad but it worth seeing 20 times. Go see it....now if possible.


So I had a good bus ride home! This really cute guy named Rueban came and sat on the seat next to me. and hes a really sweet guy. You know the kind of guy whos nice to everyone? Thats him. hes the only boy or person really in the whole school who ive seen talk to this one guy in a wheel chair. And he talks to the people no one likes. And hes really easy to talk too and sweet. Hes blond but hes not your typical blond he likes everyone alike. And he just turned 15!! Hes not gonna be 16 for a year just like me!!! I think maybe hes the right one for me. I know what your thinking...that makes 4 right ones. In case you've lost track prince a.k.a #1, Rueban officailly #2 and #1 in lawrence, sean, and jacob whos no longer that important to me. You want to know why dont you....

I was talking to my friend taz today about how much I loved bad boys. And I was describing them to her. As the ones who do whatever they want whenever they want and dont care what anyone thinks. Their risk takers. And then she said something genius. Taz: Why would you like someone so oppisite of you? You do realize if they wont care about you either right. She is totally right. then she asked me what I like about the personality and I was left saying idk. I dont know. and I guess I really dont like bad boys. I learned something about myself. none of the above are bad except for jacob but there are two jacobs. one 2 years older and one a year younger. anyways im going boy crazy.

Song of the day:
Bad romance - Lady gaga

quote of the day:
pianist: I can play any way you want, if you want more bootie just tell me (this was during rehersal for the way you make me feel and I believe they were refering to more time with that woman dancing with him)
M.J. : Laughing, thats funny, more bootie
pianist: I mean....
M.J. cuts him off: Dont worry I know exactly what you mean

Is it possible to fall out of love?

Ive wanted to blog about this for awhile now but I keep forgetting. The answer to the question of the day: Is it possible to fall out of love? has a lot of diffrent answers in my mind. The first way is from examples in my life because i dont know anyone better then I know myself. Im not really sure if ive been in love. Ive felt really strongly about guys but I think in order to truley be in love there are some things that have to happen. Physically and emotionally that I havent really been in yet. So no I havent. But the people that I have thought i realllly liked ive managed to stop liking. This would be in 7th and 8th grade with brent and levi. I just stopped and never really thought about it again.

But im thinking if you've reallly been in love that person is always gonna be part of you. especially if you've had sex. I dont know much about it but I think that if your that close and that connected to someone to the point where you become one then it would be hard to let go. But then there are those situation where people change. And their not the person you fell in love with. Or maybe your the one who changed and your looking for something diffrent. I can kind of see that if the person is diffrent and you dont like the new things about them that you dont like them but im thinking your still gonna be in love with the old traits right?

But a love story with a tragic twist (love story none the less) is the whole btk and woman who married him thing. She kept his secret for a long time. And they had a functioning marrige. She still loved him even though she knew he was murdering and torturing people. I dont think I could do that. With anyone. But you know I always say loving someone is loving their flaws....weird. But also people get divorced ALL the time. Especially in america. and when they do that it means they dont love each other anymore. But maybe they do love each other but they bug each other too much to last. I dont know but I have to answer the question.

So people cant fall out of love but they can change is the answer. So im still at the maybe stage. If that makes any sense.

Song of the day:
Jump then fall taylor swift

Quote of the day:
The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.

Halloween weekend

It is no longer halloween. But to be honest it didnt really feel like it was halloween the whole day. Olivia watson put on a witches hat and a blond wig and I wore a tiara and we took my brother the storm trooper out trick or treating. We hit a lot of houses and it was pretty fun. But I guess by growing up im missing that feeling of excitment and enjoyment from the halloweens past. Its just not the same. Oh and some sad news. Its been exactly a year since my first kiss and I havent been kissed since. Sad huh? Oh wells.

I have this periodic table thing to work on and for some reason im just not feeling up too it. I had a really weird dream. I was camping and then I asked this guy from my history class who Im not friends with and dosent speak english to hold my bad untill we got back to school. And I accidently gave him the bad with all my clothes in it instead of the one with my toothbrush. Anyways he never gave my clothes back so I reported it and me and my mom went on a chase and I got all my clothes back from this terrible pick up truck. It was weird.....

I watched a movie yesturday. It was knocked up. I know it dosent sound like my kind of movie right? Well i loved juno so i figured it was more or less the same thing and so I watched it. I was SO dissapointed. Rated R movies should be Rated for reality. It was so sad. It wasent romantic at all. Untill the end. There was this couple who really didnt even like each other and the mom thought the dad was cheating on her but he was really just going to diffrent places alone to hang out with the guys and to get away from her. This was the brother and the sister of the girl who got knocked up. Who was katherine heigel by the way. Shes a great actress. But what I loved about it was the guy who knocked her up. He was big and had curley hair and was awkward. But he treated her like a princess and was there. It was reality and it was nice. But there were some scenes in vegas...........

Song of the day:
Waking up in vegas - Katy perry & TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART :Alicia keys

Quote of the day:
I have great hand eye coordination...I wear contacts (ok cheesey but I came up with it yestruday).