2 new resolutions that I WILL keep

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in what seems like a long time. I cleaned my room from top to bottom. Don't get me wrong, It didn't look like Kendra's or anything with clothes all over the floor and such. I just had it organized in a way that it looked clean and hid the messy. I dusted things, I got rid of all the stuff I don't need and now you can actually see my desk. I got stuff from under my bed and maintained my dresser. It was perfect. Why am I doing this? Because one of the resolutions of the new decade is that I'm going to be a clean woman. Not only that but I'm going to do more work. I guess you can say I'm doing this for myself to help with the growing up process and take on responsibilities. The other reason is for some weird reason I just want to prove to myself and maybe others that I'm worthy. Of what, I'm not that sure. But part of this all is cleaning my room and keeping it that way all year.

Another resolution I made is to be healthier. Its for the wrong reasons. I kind of hate almost all healthy foods. Thats just the truth right there. Normally I'm just like not right now, or I'm not in the mood for green beans. But I just don't like them. BUT I decided that I want to loose between 30 to 60 pounds. 60 would be preferred, because then i'd have some room to gain weight cause I play that game a lot. Loose. Gain. Loose. Gain. I asked for a gym membership but I cant afford one of those, SO i picked a technique thats given. I'm going to dance for 40ish minutes everyday in order to be in shape. This will probably sound a little on the vain side, but I think I would look really good minus all the extra flab. So thats it. I'm going to hopefully keep up with it. I did the dance thing yesterday and today. Tips will be greatly accepted. (And on another note, maybe i'll discover some new moves in the process).

This whole new year thing has really stuck to me. there are 363 days that I can do whatever I want with. thats a lot. I want to do positive things with each and every one of them. A lot of these goals cant really be achieved until I believe in myself. I also think that peoples approaches towards me will change once I have a greater sense of confidence. Confidence isn't really something you can buy from a store, or make simple steps for. To be honest I don't even know how to start on that one. Hopefully it will just come to me, in some miraculous way.

I realized something else today. Professional pictures just always look really fake. I used to just love them. It was like a person got an opportunity to be a model for a day. You get to dress up in pretty dress and go with your family to commemorate a year, or just a special day. But I was looking through someone's on facebook today and they looked bad. The kids smiles were kind of strained but not as strained as the parents. They all just looked tired. They weren't enjoying it at all and it was not good. I don't want to end up in a life like that. Where I'm just tired and unhappy. What's the point? If your going to drag on from day to day without a good moment then what are you still doing her you know? I'm not saying you should go out and kill yourself because whether you use it right or not life is a gift that no one but god has the right to take away. Everyone needs to find something that makes them happy though. Thats really important. End up married to someone that makes you happy. No matter what. That should be a number one. Because you end up spending a majority of your time with them and if they bring you down your whole life will just be one big tug pushing you further and further into the ground.

I have a new fantasy now. I'm kind of hoping maybe its a vision. I enjoy it a lot. This possible future life of mine. :) Btw in this fantasy i'm 23 and take night classes up at KU. I only need like 2 more credits before I graduate. I would give you more details but I don't want to seem insane sitting around, dreaming about all of this.

p.s. the jaafar thing is over for this year and i have yet to find a new jackson BUT he turned 14 and that website was wroooong according to twitter. hes still a baby though. oh well. suggestions for jacksons are accepted with open arms

Song of the day: Human nature - Michael Jackson. It is successful in making me smile all the time.

quote of the day: Live out of your imagination, not your history.