Hello Readers! How are you today? I'm pretty good actually. So guess what happened at school today? KCTV5 live at five came to our school for their program cool schools. Our school is that cool! But the weird thing is they did it starting at 5 a.m. Now originally when I heard that it was like too bad, 5 a.m. and mariam are two words that dont go together unless Mariam stays up all night. But then my orchestra teacher said that we were going to perform at 7! That was much more reasonable because I would be at school then anyways. Choir sang at 6 so I opted out of that.

But I showed up to school in my freestate orchestra shirt ready to play. We go to the gym and there was a ton of student body in the stands just staring. We set up our stands and such and soon found out that we were one stand short because our brilliant cello first chair didnt bring music. So he stole someone elses copy. And then second chair showed up late. And so he wanted everyone to move a seat back to make life conveniant for him. Thats when the biotch fighting started. Yelling and being upset. Thank god the cameras didnt catch that. Then something even better happened. The orchestra teacher started without the orchestra, and we just sucked. Its ok though, we were so bad they didnt out us on tv.

You want to know who sounded good though? Band!!! They were great. They came in marching with the drums so everyone got excited as they came in. Then the cheerleaders cheared to their songs. It was good. Theres this song that everyone loves that the band plays. Its called will you be my girl. and they didnt play it for the camaras! So the audience just started singing it and they joined in and the cheerleaders cheered. It was awesome. There was also a pancake eating contest. And pancakes for everyone who came for free. I had breakfast before that though. And there was a raffle too. The tickets were free and they gave away thing as big as a digital camera. IT was cool. Freestate really is a cool school!

The rest of the day went by fast and guess who walked me to our street today?? J.B. :) It made me oh so very happy. There were these other two guys that walked some of the way with us though. And the other guy was asking for advice on this school project at central. It was ind of funny to listen to his schemes. But it was too cold for us to stand and talk at the corner so we just went home after we walked there. It was definatly fun.....

On the topic of boys theres another boy who is near and dear to my heart. Hes the one that probably dosen't like me. Well I was facebook stalking...not really I just visited his page today and I noticed he was commenting on pretty girls pictures. Waita stab mariam through her poor little heart :/ . Oh well, I gotta get used to loosing.........


song of the day:
Fallin' for you - Colbie Calliat

Quote of the day:Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

NEWFLASH of the day: Guess whos gonna be at the saturday?? (btw I asked my dad this question and he goes Obama? ha). Yes every wonderful singer in america will be there but someone even cooler is going. It is rumered but Cnn cofirmed that Prince and Paris Jackson will accept the lifetime achievment award for their father!! Awesome huh? I really have my fingers crossed on hearing prince talk...pathetic I know. I also watched this is it last night with my family. It is just as amazing the second time :)

I cannot wait till those grammys

Yesterday President Barack Obama gave me hope, after the state of the union speech. Every year I try to listen to that and in years past I've always fell asleep along with my mother and most of my family. But yesterday was different. I felt the passion in his voice and I agreed with everything he said. For those of you who didn't listen to the president of our great country i'll fill you in. He did talk about how he's not going to give up on health care reform. He discussed how he's going to do things for the environment and try and get a bill through the house that involves tax credits to companies who try to make their factories environmentally friendly. Mr. President also talked about how the government needs to cut down on money and use more common sense which I totally agree on. What pleased me most was what he said about how its not about Democrats or Republicans its about the American people. And he talked about how we should be fighting to remain the number one country in the world and cant let people get ahead of us. His ending just warmed my heard. God bless you, and God bless the United States of America. I just love hearing those words. Because it reminds me that although he's in charge even he is nothing compared to God.

I watched Jay Leno on Oprah today and I really felt for him. Oprah did a poll and 98% of the people said they thing what Jay did was wrong. I am actually on Jays side. For starters the job was his first. And the second thing is O'brien got payed 48 million dollars to leave. I'm looking for people to give me half that amount of money so I never have to work again. And Jay Leno did not make the decision to cut his show. The original plan was to move the C. O'brien show an hour later. Then he didn't except that and NBC decided they were not going to pathetically beg him to stay. Not to mention the ratings went down while he was in charge of the tonight show. So in reality Jay Leno had nothing to do with it at all. So those of you who stay up till the late hours of the night please watch Jay Leno when he comes back.

I was also watching the Tyra show a couple days ago and she did this weird show on "transgenders". to tell you the truth I wasn't a hundred percent sure what that meant before the show. But now I understand that it means a person who had a sex change. I don't even understand why anyone would want to be anything other then what they are. I for one LOVE being a woman. Periods, cramps, and all. But I guess there are people out there who feel like they were born the wrong gender. And these people have the worlds worst parents who get them sex changes at 5 years old. It was the saddest thing i've ever seen. There was this one guy that affected me the most. He was born a girl (they had a picture of him/her right before the change and she was normal looking in a dress and matching bow), but then he decided he needs to be a boy and that was what he was meant to be. So he had the change and he's fifteen years old. He still feels that way. He gets hormone injections all the time and has now found away to grown chest, leg, and arm hair. At first glance you can not even tell that he was once a she. And he said he had a girlfriend whom he told about the change. EWWW! I would be disgusted. And then the weird thing is that he mother is engaged to this guy that also had a change. In my book that mom is a lesbian. Because that "guy" was born a girl. Am I just old fashioned or what? It was definatley weird.

Song of the day:

Strut- cheetah girls

Quote of the day:

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love the movie Monster in Law? Well I Really do. It's about Jennifer Lopez who plays charlotte. Charlotte is engaged to this guy who's mom is a lunatic and doesn't like her at all. Its funny the things she does to make sure her son doesn't end up with j-lo. I also know a real life situation similar too it. A family friend of ours is married to a guy and their totally in love. They have two kids and their settled. But his mother just doesn't like her. She wont ever choose to talk to her, and for the longest time she would acknowledge the fact that she had grandchildren or as about her sons family. It's the worst possible situation to be in because number one its not fair to be in such a touch situation. The woman's your mans mother; you cant even play rough with her, you know? Like if it was some other girl you wouldn't even care. And then you couldn't really have any family events, because she wouldn't show and if she did she would cause trouble. I really hope I don't end up in a situation like that.

I believe I talked about hope for Haiti yesterday. I didn't discuss how great the performances were! I have to say my favorite of all there performances was Madonna!! She was fabulous singing like a prayer. She's like the epitome of class. Her voice is still phenomenal many years later! She did great. I also liked Beyonce and Alicia Keys of course. Jay Z with Rihanna and Bono was also a really good performance. And Justin Timberlake blew me away when he sang hallelujah with the piano. It just made you really feel.

Now my mom said something that really stuck to me today. People really loved Haiti. It's true. People are really doing everything they can to help haiti. Mostly the american people. Hope for Haiti raised 60 million dollars and counting. Its amazing! And I have amazing amazing news for you. Lionel Riche and Quincy Jones are organizing a remake of we are the world, to benefit Haiti!! Their going to try to get some of the originals and a lot of new singers to sing it together after the Grammy's. And it just so happens they made the originals after the Grammy's too. That was 25 years ago. And rumor has it that they will still try to incorporate Michael Jackson's part for it. It warms my heart that he's gone but not forgotten.

I also watched the S.A.G. awards. For the longest time I didn't know what the Screen Actors guild was. It turns out its an actors association guild is a club that all actors are a part of. Then once a year they vote on the movies and actors that they want to win the awards and its the biggest honor to stars because its voted on by their peers , who all watch the movie together. Its really cool. People looked beautiful at those awards. I loved the dresses. Although I didn't like Saundra Bullocks and was iffy on Kate Hudsons. The men all looked hot; and the cast of glee was great too. Sheri Shephard told this great little story. I'm going to try and post it for you.

I have so much more to say but I really gotta get to my homework. Bye bye loves

Song of the day: Like a prayer - Madonna (I really love that song now!) Its my favorite song of the week.

quote of the day: "As husband and wife I never pictured us having sex. We just wore matching gloves." - Sherri Shepard . Thats not the full thing but I will find it. She went on and on about how she'd stay outside of his house and stuff. It was really funny. After reading so many books about him I was like wishing she would have said something early. They could have fallen in love :'(

1/22/10

Teen mom is a really good show. I think you should all watch it. I know some of you are think ID o not want to watch a show about a bunch of sluts but thats not really what it is. I never really though of being a teen mom as that difficult. I mean I knew you had to give up a lot but it jsut never hit me how it affects your life. On the show Amber has a baby girl and shes engaged to gary. Gary dosent think he has to do anything because he pays the bills, so he dosent even so much as put their baby to sleep. Not like they have a crib; that poor child sleeps in a play pin. And then Farrah is determined to date and be a party girl but she keeps forgetting she has a baby. She diches her baby and leaves baby sophia with her parents all the time. Anyways I could go on for hours about this.

We had another really sad spanish discussion. do not trust babysitters. We heard two stories of people who left their babies with baby sitters. One of the babys was really fussy because her mom was most always with her. They left her with a woman who had run a daycare center for like 10 years. But that woman was shitty and got frustrated and hit the babies head on the wall on purpose. Then being the stupid woman she is she just put her in the crib. She didnt call 911 or anything. When the parents came home their baby wasent responsive and they took her to the emergency room. she didnt wake up. Another story was this girls dads girlfriend had lost a baby. She left the child with her brother and her brother was playing that through the baby up in the air game. And then you catch them. Well he didnt catch the baby. The baby hit the head and went into like a comma. The uncle didnt know what to do and panicked. put the child in the crib. The baby didnt make it. I'm not meaning to depress you but i'm just saying if you have children now keep them all the time by your side. And if you dont and want to someday do not trust the babysitter.

In epic traditions we were discussing Helen of Sparta. She was the most beautiful woman in all the world at some point (according to the greeks). Everyone wanted to end up with Helen. Does this sound familiar only opposite genders? Anyways so everyone thought that they for sure would be the one who ends up with helen. But what they failed to realize is at the end most all will loose and one will win. The chances of being that one are hard. You have to have a whole trojan army behind you (no im not talking about the condoms). wheres my army?..... I also think i'm falling for someone again :/ . I dont know what happened I just got all mushy inside all over again, and then he just happens to be around. And today I totally saw him ahead of time so I decided to semi-blow him off and pretend I didnt see him from the very top of the stairway (its weird I can always spot him) and so I just walked by then I heard my name and turned around (it wasent him it was elaine) but as I turned around I saw him quickly turn around and I was hoping he was watching me leave. my dear dear messed up player asain lover guy sister care-er guy. Too bad hes no prince. or is he? hmmm. I should come up with a nickname for him. i'll keep you updated on that one.

Hope for Haiti was today! As you know I just love those events and was tempted to cancel my plans. But I decided to be social and go to Taz's house along with all my friends. It was fun. But anyways I had convinced my dad to give me his credit card number so that I can donate something and speak to one of the hundred something celebritys that were there. I dialed and dialed that number for times and on the 41th try it actually rang. I got so excited and wondered who I would talk to. Leo dicaprio, George Clooney , alicia keys, beyonce, or Jay Z. Guess who I got? Stacy the regular person. Isen't that the saddest thing. I got stacy. I was tempted not to donate anymore but I did the right thing and I donated. I figured this was god sending me a message. I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I do hope that money comes to good use for some hatian out there though.

p.s. I got some piano music that I love!!

song of the day: I hope you dance.

quote of the day: I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean, and I hope when one door closes, andother opens - I hope you dance

I am very very very dissapointed in Senetor John Edwards . No politicaian that I ever routed for has brough me down like this. John Edwards not only had an affair on his terminally ill wife, but he fathered a child with the other woman as he admitted today. He has a two year old daughter. I feel terrible for his poor wife. I hope this dosent kill that woman. Whats funny about the whole thing though is that John Edwards ran as father of the year, and the family man. He was always about bringing family back to the U.S. While he was telling us to put family first he was screwing his assistent. His career is dead and a 50 years or so old man is a daddy again, and will be paying child support for 18 years. stupid boy.

You know who isent a stupid boy. Prince. You know who I cant get out of my mind? Prince. What will I do about it? I just dont know. Its the weirdest thing ever. All I really have left is regret. I wish I would have just givin him that cd. Gone with my instinct and just done something. I do remember this one day though. I almost forgot it happened. We talked on facebook for like an hour. It was nice. And it went really normal. It wasent weird for me or anything. I hope it wasent a dream. I'm pretty sure its not because I remember some of what the conversation was about. But we never talked again after that. I wonder if that means he didnt like our first conversation. hmmm. Anyways thoughts to myself but anyone who has any idea about what can make this tragedy a fairytale let me know.

I'm really loving singing. I'm going to do that now. See you later readers

song of the day:
Superstar - Taylor Swift

quote of the day:
Be the change you wish to see in the world

started on monday finished on thursday; pure talent in procrastinating

Ok so did anyone catch the Golden Globes last night? Although I did greatly enjoy them I as a little disappointed. First of all the host just could not make me laugh. His jokes were terrible except for this one disgusting joke thats not socially acceptable to laugh at when your not alone in your living room. And he shamelessly promoted himself every 5 seconds. My favorite awards was by far Monique for best supporting actress. She did a great job in precious but my dads personal belief is that they just felt they needed to have a black person win and she was the only one around. What a downer. Anyways I really liked that she won and she gave a fantastic speech. Sandra bullock won best actress in a certain catagory.

Glee won!! It was amazing and Lea Michelle's dress was to die for. It was gorgeous!! Same with Sandra Bullocks and Kate Hudson. They looked beautiful. You know who else looked beautiful. Taylor Lautner. I don't know what it is with that guy but whenever I see him I cant help but scream. He's so hot. I was watching them at my friend Olivia W. 's house but she didn't agree. She's on team bleh body, a.k.a team edward. Chace Crawford was also there looking pretty sharp. And the movies that were nominated the most were Inglorious Bastards, Precious, Julie and Julia, Its complicated, The bling Side, and this weird army movie that wasn't worth remembering. Brangalina did not show up though. Thats the first award show they have missed in years. Its super sad. But I also found out a fun fact. Fergie played the voice of Lucy in Charlie Brown!! Can you believe it? Fergie when she was five years old.

I dont know if I meantioned it earlier, but I watched Tyler Perry's why did I get Married. That movie was so so so so so good!!! Really it should have been nominated for something because the storyline was phenomenal. And the characters were so easy to relate too it was great. But in there they said something that has just stuck in my mind ever since. They meantioned the 20 - 80 rule. Everyone should teach this to the men in their lives. The main point is its not worth giving up someone whos 80% amazing for someone whos a 20%. Like in the movie the guys wife could cook, clean, and was just perfect but she was bigger. So this skinny bimbo came around and he left her for the other lady and then he realized she cant do anything. He gave up the 80 he had going for him for 20. Isen't it a great philosaphy? I think it really is.

I dont know if it should even be allowed to move from something deep to soemthing so dumb but anyways. Do we all know Heidi Montag from the hills? I believe we do. Well she just got a ton of plastic surgery. Its been on the cover of many many magazies (although they should all be about hati). And its just gross. Heidi was really pretty. Naturally she just had it all going for her. But now she looks like plastic. What a lot of people dont think about before plastic surgery is the fact that when you age (yes people we all do) that the part of you that is plastic will never wrinkle. Therefore part of you will be old and they other have will be as smooth as a babys butt. So dont do it. Just trust me on this. Not worth it in the long run.

the worst thing possible happened. Brown won. Can you say AHHH the world is ending!!!! Did you say it? I know you didnt so say it now, k? Anyways that seat is a DEMOCRAT seat. Senetor Edward Kennedy (R.I.P.) is kneeling in his grave right now. He held that seat for half a century. And it got lost to a republican. What does this mean folks. 1. The health care bill is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. It was Obama's big thing but all those republican commericals are getting to people. We wont have universal healthcare. We will have to keep paying a butload of money we dont have. It just upsets me. If you arent eighteen the first thing you should do on your eighteenth (the morning after you go clubbing) is get your voting registration. Every vote counts and dont forget it.

I miss somone. It was the weirdest thing. For weeks i've been guy free. No guys were really calling out to me and I didnt have guys constantly on my brain. I was getting over my boy crazyness. Then today after school i was looking around facebook and my fingers just started typing is name.....Then I got to seeing him and remembering how cute he is. Thats about when I started missing him. It is the weirdest feeling in the world missing someone you barley ever see or talk too. Thats why I keep believing theres some kind of connection there. The sad thing is there is zero chance. I'm a fairly smart girl and I Cant normally give up on what wont happen. But I just cant shake this. is it love.....? no a sensible girl would say you cant love what you dont really know. can you? im nuts

Song of the day: Today was a fairytale - Taylor Swift :)

quote of the day: An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind - gandhi

So I realized something today. I cant complain about my blog remaining on noticed if I dont read that many other blogs myself. I think i'll try to discover some good blogs soon. How were all of your days? Mine had a shakey start. My alarm didnt go off and i've been sleeping like a baby latley. So I open my eyes and i'm like wow its light out. Then it clicks that there shouldent be light out. I woke up 30 minutes later than usual. So I got dressed. Put the contacts in. made myself look decent and rushed to the car. Ofcourse my parents dont even notice that I was sleeping. Since I started high school i'm dependent to them so little things like that are up to me.

You know family is really important. This isn't just random, but its not talked about a lot. The first people who are ever there for you are your mother and father. And from then on you kind of expand your definition of family to all the people in your life. aunts and uncles. cousins. grandparents. The whole shabang. But they're your blood. You are of the same thing you know. And you should love them because they have unconditional love for you. Nothing beats the love a mother has for her child. And its only fair for the child to repay this love or else its not good. I heard this story today about this boy whos getting in a lot of trouble. His mom cant do anything because shes getting older and hes been hitting her and stealing from her. Its really tragic. And the mom wont call the police or anything, because thats her baby. She cant do that to him. And she shouldent be doing that to her. So other people are gonna try to intervine. She gave him all her love and care and he couldent return it. you dont be him. Love your family and make them your priority. :)

Diversity club was really really fun today. I really like that club but I havent broken out of my shell in there yet. I'm still not comfortable just being me. But today we did this fun game where we had to list 3 things we talk to our friends about. And it was secretly a plot for us to get to know each other better (and some weird teacher thing). Anyways it was fun. Then we had the serious talk part of the day. We discussed how the history we learn in school is from the Europian white mans point of veiw. It makes us feel like it was all white people who discovered earth and came up with all the cool inventions but there were blacks, latinos, asians, and indians in the mix making significant additions to the earth and america as we know it. Its sad that we dont get to learn about it, because I think it makes us less of believers.

Maybe the reason "white man" has been bringing the rest of us down for so long is because we let them. Its sunk it our brain that us colorful people cant do it as well. And you start believing it without even knowing it. In diversity club we are going to start learning more about the people whos stories are never told. We're self empowering ourselves. Its nice. And the cool thing about diversity club is that the people in there are so unjudgmental. They dont act like what you just said is stupid or uncool. they like you for who you are. There needs to be more people like that in the world. Try to be that person.

I feel really bad that I havent talked about the earthquake in Hati yet. I guess it just didnt seem like that big of a deal to me at first because when I think earthquake I think lindsey lohan movie where the earth shakes around a little and the world is back to normal. But its more tragic then that. Buildings have fallen and people are dieing like flies. The country of Hati is basically a third world country. Their people are poor and dont really have much to begin with . The sad thing is that the little they had with their homes, and technolagy was crushed in this earthquake. Whats even sadder is the videos of the dead bodys laying everywhere. Cnn showed a really graphic one of this building falling and this human slowley being crushed. no one can help him because the building is on top of him and his hand is wiggiling untill it just stops. Saddest thing ever. Pray for them or keep them in your happy thoughts. Whatever it is you do to wish people better lifestyle. It does help though that Barack Obama wrote a check for 100,000 dollars for the country of Hati. Teddy something who owns cnn wrote a check for a billion dollars but thats over time and goes into affect for the United Nations to help all disasters similar to this. But still I cant even imagine that much money. Not in my wildest dreams.

American Idol has begun and its put big smiles on my face. This one girl names Maddy was super good. And then there was this one girl who sang an alicia keys song that might just win. She had one of the best voices and the face and body to match. Guy wise there was some cuties with booties (just kidding voices is what I really mean). And the guy who made my life was this 62 year old man singing "pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground. Gold in your mouth hat turned sideways lookin like a fool wit your pants on the ground". It was the funniest thing ever. I'll post a link.

Song of the day: Pants on the ground - General Larry Platt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMwhl4IrPNc

Quote of the day: It is a kingly act to assist the fallen. n
And Randy Jackson: I'm going to get all my pants some new belts after this.

Hello blog readers! Hows your day? Mine was just great. It went by fast and smoothly and no i'm at home relaxing. You remember the grade drama? It was a mistake. That crazy old bat confuzed me for this other girl that never shows and I ended up with an A. It was definatly a relief. I'm also not as intimidated by Epic Traditions anymore. I kind of of enjoy it now. And choir was great. We got this gospel peace that sounds like its from the dirty south. Its fun to sing. This guy also came to perform for us. Hes a senior and he was trying to get rid of his nervousness before he has to audition for this musical choir in indiana. I guess he figured nothings scarier then singing in front of 95 woman. The teacher asked for posative comments, but a lot of the girls said negative things and i'm suprised the poor guy didnt cry. The teacher stopped it before it went on too far though.

Theres some big news in Lawrence public schools. We have to cute 4, 000, 000 dollars out of the budget for the next school year. The way its looking, this is what will happen. Sixth graders will move up to the junior high, and their going to close down some of the elementery schools. The ninth graders will move to the high schools. School might be from monday to thursday that way all teachers salarys will be cut by 20% and they wont have to pay for heating and such for three days. And if thats still not enough. all that fun stuff we have may be taken away one by one. dun. dun. duuuuuuuuuh.

Americna Idol started yesturday. It was a great first day, but I miss Paula Abdul. There were some really bad people, the most memorable being the guy that sang womanizer. The guy that simon called "horrible. Your voice is awful, and your dressed like latoya jackson." There were also some really good people. There was the cutest guy with blue eyes and a fantastic voice. He had suffered from cancer 7 years ago and hes gonna get my vote. There was also an african guy on there. His parents were from nigeria and his name was Bosa. He had a great voice, but he wasent the most attractive guy.....simon said no to him because " you bore me to tears" and everyone else gave him a yes and told him to work on improving his stage pressence. there were also two really good girl singers. One of them was blond and was one of 12. 4 of them were adopted. The adopted children and one other child had down syndrom. She also took care of her grandmother. she was just the sweetest girl and had a great voice to match. The other girl looked kind of trashy to me. her teeth also werent the best but her voice was wonderful. Its also coming on today at 7 :)

I figured you guys were dieing for some J. updates. Do you all remember the Js? there is three of them. my favorite being one of the J.B.s (JACOB BLACK the worlds hottest wereworlf)! Well the other J.B. asked about me on monday. I didnt ride the bus home and he went up to one of my friends and said,"wheres mariam?" and she said "diversity club". And then he said with a sad look on his face, "awww I wanted to walk home with her today". I dont know what it sounds like to you but im kind of hoping he has a little crush on me. :) and J.d. took his girlfriend on a hot date today. Any guesses? the school cafateria. no joke she flew in from maryland to see him and he took her to the cafateria for lunch. 3.00 for a hot and ready meal. isent that classy? not.

song of the day: god bless the broken road (or something similar to that title)

quote of the day: Isn't it about a black woman? because if it is then i'm intrested - ben (9 years old)

I am really really really really really really really upset right now. It had nothing to do with my day back at school. That went unusually well. I had a good understanding of everything we learned and was stressed for nothing. Not to meantion the Martin Luther King Assemby got moved to febuary so we have more time to practice the song. But when I got home my mother asked me to check the mail. And on my report card was the ugliest thing i have ever seen. A B- . I almost started weeping with dissapointment. When I got myself together I looked at the class that was in. IT WAS ORCHSTRA!!! It has to be a mistake because the orchstra grade is based on attendence and i've never been late. You can ask my mother. She always drops me off on time in front of the door! So tommorow i'm gonna yell like crazy untill my grade gets changed. She dosent know whats coming untill she messes with this mad. black. woman. (Must I say more)

Yesturday the most awkward of things happened. I had to have the sex talk with my brother. Well kind of. This is really big deal to him, so please readers never bring it up in front of him. Apperently those crazy neighbor kids who I knew were a bad influence on him looked up sex on youtube. He wont elaborate on what he saw but i'm pretty sure its nothing good. He begged me not to tell our parents and I understand how weird that would be for him. Anyways I gave him a lecture that it was bad and that he should never watch anything like that again. It was a good big sister lecture on my part. The first question I asked him though was, where did you hear that word? And the answer cracked me up. You know what he said? 95.7 the vibe :) Screw the guy who wrote birthday sex hes killing the youth of America. We did have a fun day though. Ben isen't so bad all the time. We watched the balloon boys fathers interview and frankley I didnt know what to believe. Part of my truley believes that he thought his kid was in that balloon. Anyways that story is over talked about.

Breaking news. The worst thing possible is happening. Simon Cowell is quitting American Idol. The season premiring tommorow was his last. NOOOOO . I officially wont watch the next one because no paula, and no simon is no american idol. But he is going to start a new show called X factor which is basically the same thing. I hope he pursuades paula and randy to do it too. Then it would be the perfect little show. :)

song of the day: I dont know what its called but it goes like in the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. hombawa hombawa. I've been in a lion king mood latley if you havent noticed.

quote of the day: I'm not bitter. I'm mad as hell. - diary of a mad black woman

Have you ever felt empty inside? Like there was a spot inside thats missing someone. I've gotten the feeling a lot latley. Like theres something missing. The weird thing is I cant put my finger on it. I guess i've been a little on the lonley side latley. The friends I spent the most time with got boyfriends and their kind of the priority for now. I've been enjoying time with my family but it still feels like something missing. Your probably thinking its a guy, but I dont think thats it. Its kind of frustrating trying to figure out what I need to make me feel better. I hope its not like a sickness in disguise though. I'm dont feel physically gross, just weird emotionally. Maybe I just need a big hug......



I just completed the latest gossip girl book. I will always love you is the name. It had the worlds most amazing ending. In the books blair and serena have always fought. It mostley revolves around nate; the boy that they both like. He likes them both and is always left confuzed on which girl he really wants. For a majority of the book he went between them and then at the end they would all just be mad at each other. But at the end of this one it was perfect. Blair and Serena both left nate behind and they went off an adventure as friends. Friends are the most important things. Never let them go. Even if the friendship takes a little bit of work and there are ups and downs deal with it. At the end of the day everyone will leave you but your friends and family will be there to you untill the very last moent.



I was thinking about my blog today as I was at the store. I wondered what my blog will be like 20 years from now. I think it would be a good representation of who I am as a person and the beliefs that I had. My spanish teacher brought up a really good point about how its a pitty that people dont often write letters nowdays. She said that she read her Great grandmas letters and really got an understanding of who she was. With emails and texts, people tragically delete them. I'm hoping someday my relatives in 2500 will look over my blog and kind of understand me better. This is my 200th blog! :) Its definaltly something to celebrate. I enjoy writing it. I hope you all enjoy reading it. There shall be many more to come

Song of the moment : A whole new world

Quote of the moment: I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.
- Ellen Degeneres

Hola Vosotros! How are you all? well I hope. I went to church this morning. I feel guilty I havent gone since the week before christmas. The wheather has made everything harder. It was nice to go back and it felt good to be there. See the familiar faces and sing the songs. Its really a touching expirience. I dont really know why, but mind has it set that if I pray for something in church its more likely to happen. Its weird I know. You know what else is weird? this germaphobia thing is continuing. There is someone I know who has been coughing since march. no joke. They've been sick or "sick" for that long. And they dont cover their mouths and its gross. I can practiacally see their germs floating all over me. And whenever they make food or offer us any I always deny it because I can see them coughing all over it. Its really making me distance myself from them. The weird thing is I dont mind so much if its little kids. I havent met a little kid who covers their mouth when they cough before. And that dosent bug me. Its not like their germs are any cleaner scientifically but it just dosent bother me as much then when adults are just spreading their germs. Anyways; people please. Cover your mouths. And take care of yourself. According to my choir teacher musinex cures all.

I watched the Lion King 2: Simbas pride yestruday. Me and ben watching it together. Originally we were going to try to find something that was in theaters but all the online copys were suckish. So anyways I settled on the lion king. Finally after watching the movie for what 14 years or so. I figured out the message that movie has. Kovu and Kiara are two lions in love. Their from totally diffrent backgrounds and are supposed to be enemys. But that dosent stop them from falling in love. At first their parents dont understand and dont want them to be together but evenutally Kovu is accepted and named part of the family. The most beautiful part is at the end when all the animals are bowing and simba and nala walk as king and queen and behind them is Kovu and kiara as prince and princess.

Role models are a really good thing to have. I think almost everyone has one or more people that they admire and kind of want to be like. Its just important that you pick the RIGHT role model. How do you know if you have a good role model? Its simple. Think of these questions about them. have they ever been arrested? involved in a scandel? if not then their most likley ok. Role models kind of help us dream because you think; their a person and i'm a person. theres nothing diffrent between the two of us. If they could do it then so can I. There was a little bit of drama recently, because miley cyrus is a big role model for a ton of little girls and boys (?) around the world. In my opinion shes the modern day face of disney. At an award show a long time ago she wore a white t shirt with the top part ripped down the middle, and inside she had like a silver braish thing that you could see. and then some jeans shorts. In all you couldent see anything you shouldent have but people were debating wheather that was a good thing for a role model to do. What do I think? It wasent the best thing to do but people should think twice about it.

Song of the day: Can you feel the love tonight : Lion King. They have the best video on youtube. Its the first one and it made me smile.

Quote of the day: We are one

Fun fact: 0 people died in combat last month in Iraq (speaking on U.S. citizens)

Sitings: Elvis turned 75 a couple days ago. Lisa Marie Presley, Pricilla Presley, and Lisa's children were seen at graceland. They bought cake for everyone that was there and all looked stunning. totally jealous of those girls curls. You know some curls somehow manage to look tight. Like they cant loosley un- curl. Thats how their curls were. it was nice.

I realized something today. It all came to me while I swirling my fork to get the spagettis. I figured out something about males and females. Females have more options, kind of. Well they either have more options or they are willing to take more life risks. Like with girls they can wear pants, skirts, or dresses. Guys can only wear pants. Girls can do so many things with their hair and it be accepted but guys have to keep it not too short but not too long. When it comes down to prom girls can pick so many diffrent kinds of dresses (long, short, sparkly) and guys have to wear a tux most likley black and can only get creative with their tie. Or girls have more shoe options then guys do. Long story short thank god i'm a girl. I like my options and keeping them open. Maybe this is just because guys dont really feel a need to be "Diffrent", where all girls dont want to be like everyone else. But they want to be diffrent in a way that is similar to others hence the diffrent options of the same thing. Did I just find another puzzle peice? Yes. I. Did. :)

Remeber in the last blog I talked about Kendras wedding. There was a moment I forgot to meantion. Ok so right before they were about to leave for the wedding they had walkie talkies. And Hank walkie talkied Kendra and said the sweetest thing. He was like "I cant wait to see you and I cant wait for you to be my wife, so I can love and take care of you forever. This is the first day or the best thing that ever happened to me." It was so sweet.

Speaking of weddings and such (again), you know theres like the wedding day traditions. Like the day before the wife and husband cant see each other. I really like that one. I think it just makes it so much more special when they do see each other because they've felt what it was like to be apart and they finally get to be together forever. I wonder how people get any sleep the day before the best moment of their lives. I would be up all night worrying about tripping or something. Which actually does happen people? Practice walking in those pretty shoes before hand.

I'm at this weird place in my life where I dont know if I want to keep up with this being a kid or if I'm ready to grow up and start all the adventures that life has to offer. I really like my life right now. Sometimes I wonder if it can get better? Like what if this is the peak of our lives and it goes downhill from here. I mean it would be good that we hit a peak in the first place but sad if this is as good as it gets and it just gets worse. I really hope thats theres always room for life to get better. But it is intresting that your actions impact the whole rest of your life. What if writing this very sentence changes the whole rest of my life. It makes me wonder what things i've done gave me a negative resut and which things I didnt even notice gave me a posative result.

I believe I blogged about the law of attraction before. Its this weird thing that some people believe. Its been proven to work multiple times. Its the idea that if you think about what you want posativly. It has to be thinking about what you want to happen not what you dont want to happen. You think about what you want and it will happenn. Like think; I want to go to Italy this summer. Over and over again. It will happen. The world will some how make it happen. It also talks about how when something bad happens you should brush it off or else the negative energy will just bring more negative things towards you. Weird huh? I wonder if its right. I tried it once. I Thought about what I wanted to happen for like a whole minute. It was very unrealistic but maybe If I think something that has a better chance of happening it will work. I'm thinking it as we speak. :)

Song of the day: Do you remember - Jay Sean (still love it)

quote of the day: "Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -St. Augustine

Art

I guess you can say i'm trying to reach my inner artist. I tried to write a song today. I had a paticular feeling that I was trying to write about. I had an image in my mind, I knew what feeling it was, but for some reason I couldent write it. I couldent express the feeling in words. That may be an issue when your a song writer. When someone says the name of a feeling like love. I think of people hugging, kissing, dancing, holding hands, proposing. Their all images but not of them are words. That may be the little block between me righting an ok song and me writing a good song. I need to figure out the words for the things i'm feeling. It may also help with people getting a greater understanding of me. If I cant just think of words to discibe the images in my head.

I've always admired art work. Like paintings. They have to be really special for me to like them though. The thing is I really dont enjoy museums. Theres too much of the same thing all over the walls. I dont like that. I like things that are diffrent. And I guess I perfer art by people I know, so I cant compare it to their being. I cant try to think of the emotion they felt when they were drawing it. I cant tell how much effort they put into it and it can help me get a greater understanding of them.

I watched Kendras wedding yesturday. I just love weddings. We dont watch them as much around the house anymore but I stilll love them. Kendras wedding was perfect. the colors, the decor, and the music were amazing. But what was even more cool is that you could tell they loved each other. And their familys made room in their hearts for one more. And they were close. In perfect bliss. The whole wedding itself was a work of art. It was wonderfully decorated. They had a floral desiner do miricles with flowers. it was the coolest thing. I think her and khloe kardashian tied for weddings of the year. If I had to pick I think i'd pick kendras. But she had more time to plan the whole thing and got a wedding planner.

Enjoy your weeked everyone and dont party too hard. It is a saturday night but....

song of the day: Invisible - Taylor Swift

quote of the day:
She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can’t see me wantin you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

- Taylor swift (invisible)

I really like this song because I relate to it. I relate to all her songs and have been listening to them basically non stop since yesturday. I guess their hitting the spot right in the middle of my heart that I cant shake off. All kinds of thoughts just keep popping into my mind and my hearts trying to tell me something I just dont quite know what it is.

life on 1/9/10

Hello all! I'm in a really good mood today. I dont really now what it is, but I woke up all perked up and smiley. I've been home doing a lot of relaxing. I read a good amount in my I will always love you book. Its a gossip girl novel that is really good but moving too fast. They went from being 18 to 20 in 200 pages. Thats a lot of days and moments to fit into that space. But I guess thats how fast life moves. One minute your here and the next moment your in a far away place on the timeline. Yesturday I kept getting ideas on things to blog about. Hopefully it dosent seem really jumpy.



I know I always blog about how we should take risks, but I relized you may all be taking it the wrong way. When I say that I dont mean do things like ride a motercycle on the side of a tall building, or go on a date with a stranger. I mean take healthy risks thats turnout wont be bad. The kind of risks that wont kill you or physically hurt you. Doing things like taking an art or photography class (good risk). No things like starting a fight (bad risk). Sometimes we forget how fragile us as humans really are. And sometimes we also begin the illusion that all people are good and care for us. But in reality it dosent work that way. There are some bad people out there so word for the wise : dont walk alone outside when its dark, follow your emotions and if you get a bad vibe from a place dont go. Just dont do anything that can get you in trouble. please. I cant afford to loose readers. :)



Although being careful can stop some things from being issues, bad things do happen to good people. So remember this. always always always love. dont ever block yourself from recieving love. Because you may regret it in the long run. I watched lovley bones last night and it reminded me of all these big issues. She couldent go to heaven at the end, because there was one thing left on earth that she really wanted. it was to kiss this boy. She wanted it so bad she couldent move on to a better place. So if you feel an urge or a temptation; go for it. As long as theres a chance that he may kiss you back and lead to something big. A serious relationship that ends in marrige or some sort of comitment.



Do you ever feel the need to have a diffrent emotion than what your really feeling? Like does it ever seem that what you feel is what your supposed to feel. this may just be a me issue as many things are but I was curious if anyone else ever felt like that.

song of the moment: Tim McGraw - taylor swift

quote of the day: A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.

most talked about issues

I've always wonder. Why do people cheat? I saw this thing on good morning america a couple weeks ago about " how to tell if your man is cheating on you". And theres this big thing about cheating guys and girls since the whole Tiger Woods scandel. Its like he brought the issue back into the public. I never quite understood it. If you really felt a need to be with that stripper or other girl then why dont you just break up with the other girl? Your hurting her anyways right? At least this way they could be able to enjoy their life too. But I think i've figured out why they dont just break up with the other girl. You know why? Its because I think deep down inside guys know that they dont want to be with the other girl forever, and they know that they really love their original girl. Its weird that they still go through and cheat though.

With the whole Tiger woods thing I dont feel bad for him, but I feel bad for his wife and his kids. That must be really difficult for them. The whole world is watching his wifes worst nightmare unfold. Even worse the whole world is talking about it. Not to meantion it wasent a one time thing, it was a way too many time thing with way too many woman. I also feel bad for those other woman, and thier mothers. Thats really embarassing for them. They look like dumb home wreckers and the whole world thinks that. And their mothers raised that. The whole thing is really tragic. Its amazing how you can take a whole downward spiral like that. Everyone makes mistakes but some people make huge ones. They go from being normal people to ruining thier whole life in a few seconds....

just like that Umar guy? You know Mr. christmas day bomber? If I hear his name one more time I might just blow. Cnn talks about him every 5 minutes. Even Larry King let me down and talked about him. The whole thing was just a big mistake on his part, and i'm not saying he should be forgiven. But in reality no one died so I dont see the big deal. We should all just be happy nothing happened, and fix the issues in our airline security. But you know theres only so much an airport can do to secure it. I personally think that they are just crazy people out there. And no matter what we do, you cant stop them. My grandma got robbed once, and it kind of shook her. So she built gigantic walls around her house. And got two gaurd dogs. She feels safe. But then some other crazy people climbed that tall wall like spider man and broke in. He got past the dogs, and the wall. He didnt take anything important but i'm just using him as an example. She did everything possible to protect her home and possesions and some crazy person got through. Some people cant be stopped. And when you thinking about it its really sad that millions of people have to go through intense airport security when 1 out of a billion has bad intentions in the first place. Oh well; if it makes us all feel safe I guess its worth our sanity.

I watched the proposal today. It was a really really good movie. The storyline is that Sandra Bullock plays Margaret the boss of this big publishing company. Shes from Canada and gets deportation papers right when things are going well for her. So she convinces her assistent to to marry her. And they go visit his family in alska and deal with the immigration people. It was a really good movie and i'd suggest it to anyone.

Song of the day: I'd Lie - Taylor Swift

Quote of the day: "And I could tell you. His favorite color's green. He loves to argue. Born on the seventeenth. His sister's beautiful. He has his father's eyes. And if you ask me if I love him. I'd lie" - Taylor Swift (I'd lie)

Joke of the day (George lopez): You want to know why mexico never wins any high jump competitions? Because all of our best have already jumped the border.

I'm on my second snow day in a row. I'm enjoying it. I went to work out again this morning. It was nice, and I went as fast as possible on the treadmill. I felt suprisingly good afterwards. I also tried out some new machines, but once again I cant get the membership untill spring. The people there are nice enough to let me tag with my mom though. Last night I remembered how much I like my family. I know that sounds weird but sometimes I forget how important they are to me and how much I like their personalitiys. We all had dinner as usual but instead of splitting up and doing our own thing we decided to watch movies together.

The first thing me and my mom and my brother say is ok lets go get the michael jackson dvds. And my dad shoots it down. I dont know why but he dosent approve of the michael jackson craziness the rest of us are so into. So then we went through our other movies and my mom and dad picked The curious case of benjamin button with the agreement we'd forward through parts (not knowing i've seen them all already). We all enjoyed it except for my mom kept telling my dad what happens because he kept asking. Anyways afterwards we watched dangourous against my fathers will and he enjoyed it. It was a fun family time. They reminded me why I love them so much.

I've been thinking about things a lot more. A lot about the big picture of where I Want to end up and what I truley want. Because what if i'm working hard for all the wrong things you know? I guess I havent figured out what the thing I really want is. But i've also been thinking about a certain boy a lot. Not all gooey thoughts (well ok some...) , but some thoughts about if hes really the one I want and also wheather or not theres anyway he would want me. And if he is truley the one that I want the most, what should I do to get him. I've never really tried to get a guy before. I mean, i've been flirty but ive never been like me + u = something special. And you know spelled it out. Sometimes I think that I should wait before I Do that, for the perfect moment or for some time in the future. But what if it will be too late then. (samira your voice just popped into my head saying "then it was not meant to be...", your like the good angel versus the bad angel thoughts in my brain). Anyways I dont know. I dont know much about anything with this subject. All I know is I get good vibes whenever I think about it, my ora seems cleaner, it makes me happy inside, and all taylor swift songs make me think about him. If thats it for now I guess its ok.

But your always supposed to follow your heart right?

songs of the day: Jump then fall & Superstar - Taylor Swift And He could be the one - miley cyrus

quote of the day: I cant help it if you look like an angel; cant help it if I want to kiss you in the rain so. come feel this magic i've been feeling since I met you. Cant help it if theres no one else...I cant help myself - Taylor Swift (the song Hey Stephan).

Peoples choice awards 2010

Peoples choice awards were last night and I really enjoyed them. They were hosted by queen Latifa was just cracked me up the whole time. A lot of my favorite stars were there. The wins that stuck out to be were Taylor Lautner for best new actor!!! He looked so cute. Even Queen Latifa went up to him. She was like "OMG its taylor launter. Its amazing you look good dressed too!!". I laughed at that one. He did look good though. very very good. He made me scream if that says anything..ok so maybe I just lost it for a second. Another thing that was so good was that when he won the award Taylor Swift and her whole family stood up and clapped for him even though their relationship was over. He looked over at them and smiled. It was just the cutest thing. Sandra Bullock won two awards. One for the proposal and the second one for The blind side.

George Lopez had made a tiger woods joke before presenting the award. He was like "The 5 white woman in this catagory are the only ones left who havent sleeped with Tiger woods." Then Sandra Bullock walks up there and goes, I think he meant 4...see me and tiger kinda..... it was really funny. But then she was like God no! I was just kidding. And then Steve Carrel made a dirty thats what she said joke that didnt really make me laugh at all. GLEE won best new television show. The whole cast was there. Looking good. Johnny Depp won actor of the decade and I didnt really like the pick. I guess Actors just do not stick out to me. And johnny Depp never has. I never really though he was hot as a pirate. I did really like sweany todd but I find all of his rolls kind of creepy. Same with that Sasha guy who gave him the award. He seemed kind of pissed about it. Mariah Carey seemed kind of drunk at the award show according to all the websites. She had to be led up stage with her husband Nick Cannon and thanked him for the many other good things he gives her that she probably shouldent meantion. Is carey loosing it? who knows!

I watched the latest episode of keeping up the kardashians and ofcourse I loved it. As we all know Kourtney just recently had her baby but on the show shes still pregnant and Scott was being a dead beat dad before his baby even arrived. But he made it up to her by going to this birthing class and putting the crib together, finally! Then Kris was being really crazy. She took her husbands credit cards away from him and wouldent let him spend any money. You know the saying that hes in check. Well bruce was in check times a hundred. He has no control of his money and had to go ask his step daughter Khloe for money. It was the saddest thing i've ever seen. A grown man asking his daughter for money to buy something. Thank goodness he finally got a sense of control over his money! Dont let anyone take control of you to the point that you loose the things you love. Stand up for yourselves people. If you dont then nobody will.

Heres the link of this funny twilight spoof that Queen Latifa did during the award show....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuWqzv4J_x8

Song of the day: Dip it low - Christina Millian (Its old skool but I luv it! )

Quote of the day: There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.

So guess what people everywhere? Lawrene got their first snow day for tommorow in 2 years!! YES!!! I could nto be more excited. You want to know why? Two days back at freestate felt like 2 months. Its amazing the stress they can put on one poor 15 year old girl. Its been snowing nonstop since 12:00 today. Right around when the math teacher was teaching a new lesson. I figured out another of lifes little puzzle peices today. Its possible for a kid to not like a snow day? Crazy huh? All people could talk about today were the possible school cancelations, and then this one boy goes "your all nuts, i would rather come to school and get that extra day in the spring". Everyone stared at him like he was the one that was nuts and finally lost it. Poor guy, maturity is not a very well excepted thing.

Theres a topic i'm kind of wanting to learn more about. The O.J. simpson case. We were discussing it over dinner the other day. I brought up the kardashians and my dad brought up the story or how they became who they are. Their late father Robert Kardashian was a family lawyer that worked on O.J simpsons defense team. He was the first lawyer to pick up the O.J. case right after he was arrested during that long car chase. They were family friends, to O.J. and his wife. He later admitted that he though O.J. was guilty. now the real questions is was he? If hadent taken the Michael Jackson case into my own reserch skills I may have actually believed he was guilty. Anyways i'll try to keep you updated. I hope to soon go to the library and check out some books on the subject.

Something made me really laugh today. My friend Olivia is in this chemistry class and the coincidence is some of my old crushes are in her class. So she was asking me today is J. a senior? and I was like no hes a junior. And she goes really? Well in chemistry class we were intruducing ourselves and he says i'm j. and I'm a senior. And the teacher goes, wait your really a senior?!?! And he says yeah I am, I'm only taking this class for fun. really? and he goes "you bet I really like chemistry". and eveyrone bought it! but hes really a junior who i'm guessing failed out of chemistry last year. poor boy. his lie made ma laugh on the bus today.

My dad is gettng extreme insomnia. Its getting really bad. He hasent slept in 3 days. Not to meantion his knee is killing him. The whole thing is really bad so keep him in your prayers. k readers? and if your atheist then just try to send him good waves to lighten up his ora. I appriciate it.

The peoples choice awards are tonight and they should be a great deal of fun so everyone should watch them. I will blog more soon. bye

song of the day: Where is the love

quote of the day: My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

There were so many topics to discuss for todays blog, i had to make a list. I'll have to start with my life. I went back to school today, my winter break is officially over. I have to say, I already really really really miss it. I went back to school and already the negative energy poured into me. But its ok. My scheduale changed and I have a lot more classes with people who i'm not that good of friends with. its kind of sad. Lunch is different. I should be really happy I guess because akira and Olivia are now in that lunch but before it was kind of my chance to spread out and hang out with a diffrent group of people but that has now ended. Those boys....break does wonders for them. New haircuts, clothes, and smiles will make you want to pass out. But guess what? Thats not enough anymore. I've let go of them because looks is just not going to last a lifetime and I dont really want to end up with any of them. so freestate boys have officially lost the war. :)

There is a little bit of drama going on in lawrence that I didnt hear about while hiding out in my house. So apperently there was a robbery involving 5 guys. Some of them went to my school. The two african american people who were involved in the robbery got sent to jail. The three caucasion males were left with a warning and one of them was put on house arrest. None of them were over 22. Isn't that the saddest thing. They're already failing at life before the real tests has come. But anyways now its this big race things about why those two got but in jail and the others didnt. It kind of sunk into me today that they arent very many people of color around. In all of my adanced classes i am the only one. I guess i'm used to it and dont feel weird anymore, but it kind of dissapoints me that i'm the only person of african or mexican origin that is actually challenging myself. I guess it might be because the rest are rotting in jail...so sad...so so sad...

Secret life of the american teenager was amazing yesturday. I loved, loved, loved it BUT I'm not going to give anything away because you all should be watching it on your own. It is really good, and they talk about the subjects that are awkward with other people. You learn while laughing and enjoying yourself. But anyways I got to thinking about the people who are being forgotten in our community right now. Teen fathers. Does that sound weird together to you? You never really hear about it but part of the reason you dont is because most of them just arent around. I've always thought that in the states that abortions are legal in, the guy should have a say on wheather or not he wants to keep his child. it is also his child people. And if you get into "well its her body", then he should have to pay her the same price as a surrogate and for all her hospital bills. He should also have to support that child and be the legal gaurdian of them forever. But they never really get that oppurtuity. And no one really feels compassionate towardst he teen fathers. their like no big deal. But someone needs to be out there fighting for them too, dont you think?

Then while the thoughts of all the trouble that teens go through I began thinking about their parents. Have you noticed that when a little kid does something wrong the parents dont really think twice about it. they scold them and point them in the wrong direction but then its over because most likley it wasent anything too serious. When teenagers get in trouble it really really hurts the parents. Not physically but emotional because to them they have failed to raise their child the right way. In gossip girl they always meantion how in the upper east side they only meantion their sucsessful children. Its a dissapointment when someone you loved and had such high hopes for goes off and gets pregnent or robs a bank. I also think parents who have good kids need to be a little more loose. I mean with some things I can understand, but without rewarding those children then what exactlys keeping them from becoming the bad kids? haha gotcha its something to think about (not like any parents are reading this)

song of the day: Baby its cold outside :)

quote of the day: Love in the real world means saying you're sorry 10 times a day.

you know what makes me mad? Girls that dumb themselves down for a guy. I never qutie understood why it worked out that way. And I also didnt get why the guy wanted a stupid girl in the first place. But the sad thing is this whole thing still exsists. Girl fails class and asks guy for help when she very well knows how to do the work. But who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone really slow? I will never understand that aspect of the guys mind. Is it so they can easily control the girl? Or is it so they can manipulate them without them understanding whats going on? Anyways its intresting, and I saw someones facebook status that said soething about how the perfect girl dosent talk and just stands there and looks pretty. If only that poor guy knew that, that made him look like a loser saying that. he autimatically went on my never in my life list ( I dont have one of those but I think I should make one, or people i'd never date and things i'd never do so if I bumb my head and loose all memories I know not to make htose stupid mistakes).

M new years resolutions are going well. I went to the gym today. Guess who was there? This guy that used to sit by me in history. I dont know why but it made the whole thing really awkward. Me on the treadmill, and bike. The worst though was I was on a thigh work out machine where you spread your legs as wide as possible with weights connected to it. You REALLY feel the burn and who dosent want the worlds most perfect bottom half? Anyways so I Was on that machine and he was just watching and it was too weird. Thank goodness my mom decided to go home soon afterwards. Dont worry though, that will not make me give up on that resolution. I'm trying to sign up for a membership. Now if only the money fell from the sky...

Winter break is almost over. Its unbelievable. I Completley forgot what it was like to wake up at the crack of done and make 0 hour. Its just kind of dissapointing. My days of relaxing and letting my hair go wildish and stuff are over. School tends the bring up the worst in me. Dont get me wrong I go to a fabulous school. And whats most important at the end of the day is the fact that I'm learning and getting good grades, but being around some of those people just make me more negative. And I get sucked into things that arent terrible but just bring down my ora or something like that. At least I dont have to worry about finals though (sorry samira). I'm also kind of scared though because I have a first hour teacher who is supposed to be godzilla. And the worst part is that shes my chemistry teacher, and I really have to understand the subject in order to do good in my future career choice. wish me luck readers. now i'm off to watch SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER SEASON PREMIRE!!! (really excited about it if you cant tell)

song of the day: Fireflis - Owl city (It dosent really have that good of a message or anything but i cant get the song out of my head. I also always though owl city was a band but really its just one guy. Who would have known)

Quote of the day: He that would live in peace and at ease must not speak all he knows or all he sees.

putting the puzzle peices togehter

I learned something today. You know they say that you learn something EVERYDAY? well its true. I love learning tidbits of information about life. Its almost like lifes a gigantic puzzle and you find little peices everywhere. And at the end you can complete it with everything you learned. Anyways, back to the info. I always wondered what happens during engagments. I mean I understand that the guy gets on one knee and asks you to be his forever. its the most romantic thing ever. But what I was always curious about is where HIS wedding ring came from. do you buy one as soon as possible? Do you give him his on the wedding day. Apperently, he buys your and his. its like a matching set. Buy one get one free (or for a million dollors). So he buys both of them! Now you know and its mikes super short show (I miss the old disney....)

A human emotion that everyone has but no one likes is jelousy. Everyones been jealous of someone else before. I dont know a single person that is so confident that they dont get impressed by someone elses thing. Thats one of the ten commandments given to moses (never want something of your neighbors). Its not a good thing obviousley but it happens. Today I went out with Akira, Taz, Marina, and Terry. Terry is akiras boyfriend. Right after we had lunch thye "left" together for about 2 hours. I'm so happy for her. I like that she may have found the love of her life. And I'm even happier that he loves her back. But...i'm kind of jealous that she has what I want. Its the cutest thing them together. He seems like a sweet guy. I dont want to date him. thats not what im trying to see, its just that I want a sweet guy to love me and care about me. The only thing thats a bit of a turn off in their relationship is.....

Its one of those "secret dating" situations. A cant date untill her 16th birthday. So they lie about their relationships. they pretend to be going out with friends and then the two of them leave the group and go have a relationship. It is true love, risking everything for the one you want. But it seems like theres something wrong. The thing I like about weddings is that their telling the whole world that this is the person they want to be with forever. And they want everyone else to share the expirence with them. But when its a secret relation ship its almost like you shouldent be proud of what your doing. Theres somehting wrong about it and thats why you cant say or do it for the whole world to see. But maybe this is just the rough patch that certain relationships have to go through only to be able to love the person openly forever. I hope it works for them. But thinking about it would I do the same thing? If I found someone that i think it could work out with and that made me happier then i've ever been. I think I might. and would I want friends to be supportive and be a part of the little game? I'm pretty sure i'd want that too. I'm gonna be there for her and then maybe if I ever get into that situation she'll cover for me.



I figured out another little puzzle piece today. the way people drive kind of discribes their veiw on life. Theres some people who drive really slow and are careful. they look at all the signs and make sure their always doing the right thing. These are the good people who really value life and dont want to hurt themselves or anyone else. Then theres the people who drive really fast are the ones who speed through life. Their willing to take a risks and feel like the time that they have is a little too short. They want more oppurtunities to do things and feel like theres not enough time in the day. These people dont really take time to enjoy life. The casual driver is the person that takes in nature and their surroundings. Its intresting how every move you make in life discribes the person that you are.

song of the day: It's a secret but I like it. I'm also intrested in analyizing content in songs now. but the fakish song of the day is Baby its cold outside.

Quote of the day: Hoes over bros & chicks over dicks! I like these sayings because your friends should always come first. Guys come and go, but your real friends are always there for you and when you loose them you have nothing.

p.s. i'm working on the secret project. AND i watched season one of the hills with akira last night. Its a good show. I like it!

2 new resolutions that I WILL keep

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in what seems like a long time. I cleaned my room from top to bottom. Don't get me wrong, It didn't look like Kendra's or anything with clothes all over the floor and such. I just had it organized in a way that it looked clean and hid the messy. I dusted things, I got rid of all the stuff I don't need and now you can actually see my desk. I got stuff from under my bed and maintained my dresser. It was perfect. Why am I doing this? Because one of the resolutions of the new decade is that I'm going to be a clean woman. Not only that but I'm going to do more work. I guess you can say I'm doing this for myself to help with the growing up process and take on responsibilities. The other reason is for some weird reason I just want to prove to myself and maybe others that I'm worthy. Of what, I'm not that sure. But part of this all is cleaning my room and keeping it that way all year.

Another resolution I made is to be healthier. Its for the wrong reasons. I kind of hate almost all healthy foods. Thats just the truth right there. Normally I'm just like not right now, or I'm not in the mood for green beans. But I just don't like them. BUT I decided that I want to loose between 30 to 60 pounds. 60 would be preferred, because then i'd have some room to gain weight cause I play that game a lot. Loose. Gain. Loose. Gain. I asked for a gym membership but I cant afford one of those, SO i picked a technique thats given. I'm going to dance for 40ish minutes everyday in order to be in shape. This will probably sound a little on the vain side, but I think I would look really good minus all the extra flab. So thats it. I'm going to hopefully keep up with it. I did the dance thing yesterday and today. Tips will be greatly accepted. (And on another note, maybe i'll discover some new moves in the process).

This whole new year thing has really stuck to me. there are 363 days that I can do whatever I want with. thats a lot. I want to do positive things with each and every one of them. A lot of these goals cant really be achieved until I believe in myself. I also think that peoples approaches towards me will change once I have a greater sense of confidence. Confidence isn't really something you can buy from a store, or make simple steps for. To be honest I don't even know how to start on that one. Hopefully it will just come to me, in some miraculous way.

I realized something else today. Professional pictures just always look really fake. I used to just love them. It was like a person got an opportunity to be a model for a day. You get to dress up in pretty dress and go with your family to commemorate a year, or just a special day. But I was looking through someone's on facebook today and they looked bad. The kids smiles were kind of strained but not as strained as the parents. They all just looked tired. They weren't enjoying it at all and it was not good. I don't want to end up in a life like that. Where I'm just tired and unhappy. What's the point? If your going to drag on from day to day without a good moment then what are you still doing her you know? I'm not saying you should go out and kill yourself because whether you use it right or not life is a gift that no one but god has the right to take away. Everyone needs to find something that makes them happy though. Thats really important. End up married to someone that makes you happy. No matter what. That should be a number one. Because you end up spending a majority of your time with them and if they bring you down your whole life will just be one big tug pushing you further and further into the ground.

I have a new fantasy now. I'm kind of hoping maybe its a vision. I enjoy it a lot. This possible future life of mine. :) Btw in this fantasy i'm 23 and take night classes up at KU. I only need like 2 more credits before I graduate. I would give you more details but I don't want to seem insane sitting around, dreaming about all of this.

p.s. the jaafar thing is over for this year and i have yet to find a new jackson BUT he turned 14 and that website was wroooong according to twitter. hes still a baby though. oh well. suggestions for jacksons are accepted with open arms

Song of the day: Human nature - Michael Jackson. It is successful in making me smile all the time.

quote of the day: Live out of your imagination, not your history.

Movie review and 1st self discovery of the year

Ok so I'm most excited about the self discovery party so im going to go for that first. In every movie we watch I seem to relate with the person that everyone else is against or thinks is crazy. Im always the only one defending the character. Like in twilight it was Rosalie. Everyone was so upset, because she didnt want bella to become a vampire. But I one hundred percent related to her. Or in my sisters keeper I related to the mom. You know why I relate to those characters? Because their the most like me. We see eye to eye and if I was in the movie i'd be them. So now im trying to figure out if that means im always wrong at my aproaches at life or what. I'm just happy I figured out.

In the movie I just watched today (Catch And Release) I related most to this guy. I think his name was Dan. And he loved the woman that was just widowed but her heart belonged to another and she didnt even give him the time of day. No one wants her to end up with him. even in the movie. That was the ending I was rooting for though. weird huh? I guess in real life I am him. And does this mean im wrong and everyone belongs happily ever after with these other people? maybe. But i'm hoping now. The movie was wonderful though. The storyline is about this woman who looses her husband while hes on his bachlor party. The last few movies i've been seeing make me very much dislike bachlor parties. They dont seem to be good things. But anyways so its the day of the wedding and shes not getting married but shes burring her fiance. Sad huh? I think that may be one of the saddest things i've ever heard of. Its awful. But really good. So everyone should watch it!! :)

song im listening to at the moment: And I - Ciara

2010; a new decade has begun!

Hello everyone. Happy New Year!! Its been a decade and more since i've been alive. I always forget how great new year is untill it comes in the year to come. A decade ago on the new year that brung in the millenium I remember it perfectly. It was the first year I stayed up and we watched the ball drop in new york with my parents, and Auntie Bite. Once we were done hugging and such they said it was time for me to go to bed. Knowing they wouldent come up for awhile I snuck into my moms room and turned on the telivision. On it was P!nk on rockafeller center singin "I'mmmm coming out so we better get this party started". I dont know why but its a moment I wont forget. Whille the ball dropped this year I was at Olivia Marshalls.
The performer at that was Rihanna and I wont forget her performance either! Around 8:30ish we put in a movie. It was the hangover. I must say I loved that movie. Its not for little eyes but it was one of those guilty pleasures. it made me laugh the whole time.

Afterwards, we played a little bit of apples to apples. That game is pretty fun, but its better with more people so that kind of died. Then we kind of split up into littleish groups. I was with olivia W. and we reminised about the songs we loved this decade. Then we read our horescopes and mind as looking pretty good! And then Olivia M.'s boyfriend asked to see his. It said that he would get his heart cracked open. Waita kill the mood just a little bit. About 4 minutes before the new year we turned on the tv and watched the ball drop. We saw the proposing people. and the kissing. You could almost just feel the love through the tv (or around me...2 couples there). Then we went outside and wished on a star and then I had to leave. then a disaster happened.....

I made a new years text to send to everyone in my phone book. minus the adults and such. And I sent it but my phone kept saying "message failed retry". So I did, and I guess some people got like 20 copys of it. That was so embarassing. I felt really down after that. This is one of my problems that must change. I worry a lot about the things that happen, because im not very confident in myself. For the last decade ive been so scared about expressing myself and being denied that I just worry all the time about making mistakes or what people will think of me. Its terrible. I want to get rid of it but I cant. I dont really know what I was always so embarassed about. But since first grade i've been quiet and afraid to say something stupid or do something stupid. And so that text thing was just...not good. I apolagize if anyone reading this got a ton. I didnt mean it. But everyone makes mistakes right???

The begining of 2010 is a chance to start over. Its an oppurtunity to let go of all the bad things that you stuck with through the year, and all the things that caused you unhapiness and begin a life that your sure to be proud of and look back on positivley. Although the begining of a new decade seems like there is LOTS of time to do everything we want there may not be. So live as if theres no tommorw. Do everything you possibly can to be safe and happy. Take risks and sit some out. Love your family and friends. Stick to what you believe in and dont let anyone tell you diffrent. L.O.V.E is an important factor in this world and dont let go of your belief in it. In the decade to come when 2020 arives (if gods willing) I should be graduated from high school, and college. I hope I would have completed both things and be happy. Where ever life takes me or no matter what challenges this decade brings you. Smile. Laugh. Dance. Sing. Party. Run. Play. Pray. Do whatever it is that brings out the positivness in you. Happy new year everyone. Lets make this decade a great one. Something for the history books.

Song of the day:
Forever - Chris Brown (he deserves all the good things from about too). He suffered long and hard and I choose to forgive him.

Quote of the day:
"I knew that my princess needed her glass slippers and her castle." - Kevin Jonas being my favorite jonas right now. He gave his wife everything she could ever want. A fairytale wedding. And right before the event he personally delivered princess shoes to her. Like the cinderella type. :)