the heart wants what the heart wants

Remember that guy? Shawn. Well im falling for him more and more everyday. And I know its a bad idea because im pretty sure he dosent like me that way we're not really even friends but hes just so cute. Not just physically his whole personality and being is cute, cute, cute. He talked to me today. But it was all about olive. I wanted to hurt both him and her at that moment. I dont get what she has that other people dont. But to him she must have something going for her that I reallllly dont because hes never talked to me about me before. Or really about anything. Why do I like this guy you ask? I dont know im attracted to him and he seems better then a LOT of other guys at school.

I've noticed something. The guys at lawrence public schools tend to only like white girls. Their the ones who have dates to everyting and stuff and normally the people that are with friends or going alone are non-white. I know thats a strong statment to make but its true. The sad thing is its not only the caucasian guys that go for them. Its the african americans, asians, and hispanics who are going against their own kind for something else. I understand, diversity, but really its not good. Especially when your kind of dying for a guy like me right now.....I guess i feel lonley. I want someone to tell EVERYTHING too at all times whenever. Yes, i do tell samira everything BUT she lives so far away I dont get to see her too often. And i guess im getting drawn into the hand holding, walking to class and giving hugs I just wish I had that. I know samiras thinking this is bad bad bad and I need to fight against it but im finding it hard too.

Not to mention something deep down keeps telling me that the prince is just better then all these dumb guys. And hes the one I should really be aiming for. Hes the one I really want. But im feeling down about myself and dont think that im good enough for him. Like hes too wonderful and I just dont shine. Or maybe that he dosent even like to talk to me but he just puts up with me because he has too because we attend the same events. But there must be a reason that when I talk to him the few times that i have i didnt feel like i have to lie or make myself anything other then me right? Even if shawn DID talk to me about something other then olive Im pretty sure I wouldent be free to just blab like im talking to anyone else the way i do every once in awhile with prince. Ok not that often but its happened like 3 or 4 times. and ive liked it. a lot. i dont know......nothing is making that much sense all i know is i like prince a lot, shawn is ok for f.s. standereds but neither want me. Even though i havent brought the fact that their great up neither has said that about me so is all this thoughts just a waste of time?


Song of the day:
teardrops on my guitar

quote of the day:
live a life that you love



ps. if for some crazy reason prince or shawn is reading this (dont get any ideas samira, none at all!) ....
Shawn I mean what I say about you having a cute, cute, cute personality.

And prince everything ive written about you i truley believe and sometimes I understate you because words cant really explain what im feeling about you. or at least the idea of you. and the day they do ill do my best to let you know. Oh and im only calling you prince cause i kind of have a BIG fear of you finding out and hating me ,or someone letting it slip but i think its fitting. Your pretty royal to me :)