Today was a pretty exciting day at Freestate high school. AT 7:30 we got to miss 0 hour class for the brown bag fashion show which was amazing. The art and fashion and textile classes through it. And they made all kinds of cool outfits out of paper bags. I am not lieing someone of thsoe were SO cute. There was this one zebra print dress made out of a bad and she wore black leggings and a black belt with it it looked like a read outfit. They were supposed to be animals so there was some cute lady bugs and bublebee outfits. It was all a good time. Oh and they runwayed to thriller and beat it which was great :)

Then in spanish class these tres mexicano chicas came to talk to us about day of the dead. They go to our school but they only speak spanish. It was nice though to hear what they have to say. And then I cooked this bread for my class but we didnt eat mine. 1st hour made it for every class so mine probably went to the next hour or something. It was for extra credit. Now I can officially make mexican bread. Then we got new risers in womans choir!

I did a presentation with olive and marina in history. It was nice. We beat the poor suckers who we were debating against by class vote. Everyone voted for us except for 3 guys.....one of them happened to be sean but I think he was just messing around, because they were sitting next to us while we were doing reserch and just making jokes and stuff. I think all 3 guys may have a thing for olive which is sad........not so much the other two guys but sean. and I know its bad cause shes my friend but hes cute and funny. Yesturday we talked again :) I was talking to some friends about "the attack" and then him and his friend steve allen came over to steves locker which is right next to mine. Benifts, benifits. And I kinda paused on the story cause the guy was their friend. And then by the time im done blabing i turn around and sean closed my locker and is standing in front of me. So in the cutest voice possible I go excuse me. and then he looks and me with a serious look and wont move but then he cracks that cute smile and goes just playin and walks to the other side of steve. It was nice. not romantic but nice.


Ok maybe im not over this guy thing. Samira called me a despreate woman today! Am I? .....oh no. maybe I am. I heard about a program called invisible children today. Its all about uganda. Theres this terrible man named tony something whose basically like hitler. And for 23 years hes been stealing children from their homes and making them into this rebel army. He kills so many people young and old. But familys are devestate because they havent seen their children in years. And he will never go through with a peace treaty. He always backs out. There are 3 guys who want to make a change and they own invisiable children. Its been going for like 8 years now and now their trying to get obamas attention. So go to invisiblechildren.com or something along those lines and print out a little card for the pettion that will be sent to Obama asking him to make a statment.

Song of the day:
I just called to say I love you - Stevie wonder :)

Quote of the day:
The significance of man is that he is insignificant and is aware of it.

I'm sure you'll be happy to know I've toned down the need for a boyfriend a little. I still like s.k. and the prince but ive found better things to worry about in my time. I got voted soprano section leader!! Im excited about it, but it means I really need to be on top of my music and practice more. Not to mention Im doing spanish extra credit and cooking this day of the dead bread thing for my class. Isent that nice of me? Something really weird happened to me. This guy whos a friend of s.k.'s head butted me in the hallway. He just goes rawwwwwr and jams his head right under my boob and it was REALLY awkward. I just walked away pretending it was nothing. I should have gotten some Samira the brave in me and been like GET AWAY FROM ME! Anyways now for the real topic....

How many people do you think are living their lives frozen? I bet your confuzed about exactly what I mean. Let say theres a 35 year old lady and she married her husband thinking they would travel the world together but now shes stuck with 3 kids working a lousy job and can barley afford to leave the city. Shes frozen in the begining part of her life. I think this happens to a lot of people and its really sad. The reality is that unfortunetly not everyone can have all their dreams come true. But I think that may be why so many people in america get divorces and are upset with their familys. They have diffrent commen goals or dreams from each other. Or maybe one person has a big dream and the other dosent have one at all. I got the concept of this from revolutionary road, even though I havent seen it yet but I want too and as soon as i do ill fill you in on how it worked.

Im debating wheather or not I should do another blog series called tricky topics. and talk about the big issues that no one can agree on. A.K.A. abortion, war, gay rights, free health care and all of that kind of stuff. I have my view on a lot of these things and I tend to move between the democrate and....*cringe* republican side. Dont tell my dad I said that, he would hate me. But anyways feed back would be good. Is this a terrible idea? Will I poke to many people or should I just speak my mind??? I guess we'll find out on......tommorows blog. (dont you love the suspense) :)

Song of the day:
Party in the U.S.A (still love that song) and Jesus walks -Kanye west (even though I hate him for being terrible to taylor swift that song is amazing and makes me dance and be religous at the same time! :)

quote of the day:
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. (agree, disagree)?

I was so busy complaining about my guy issuses and need of "The man" that I forgot to to talk about "the man for real". THIS IS IT came out yesturday and ive heard its amazing. Oprah did a show about it today and she said her favorite part was when Michael jackson was obviously upset about something and said "Im saying this out of L-O-V-E." I heard the premier was a star studded event with anyone who is anyone being there. Katy perry, adam lambert, Jennifer Lopaz, Oprah basically everyone but me and obama. The jackson family looked really pround of their brother. The Hopefully im gonna go and check it out tommorow with my momma and my brother and maybe my grandpa.

Arent you so lucky I edited this and deleted my crazy thoughts :)

the heart wants what the heart wants

Remember that guy? Shawn. Well im falling for him more and more everyday. And I know its a bad idea because im pretty sure he dosent like me that way we're not really even friends but hes just so cute. Not just physically his whole personality and being is cute, cute, cute. He talked to me today. But it was all about olive. I wanted to hurt both him and her at that moment. I dont get what she has that other people dont. But to him she must have something going for her that I reallllly dont because hes never talked to me about me before. Or really about anything. Why do I like this guy you ask? I dont know im attracted to him and he seems better then a LOT of other guys at school.

I've noticed something. The guys at lawrence public schools tend to only like white girls. Their the ones who have dates to everyting and stuff and normally the people that are with friends or going alone are non-white. I know thats a strong statment to make but its true. The sad thing is its not only the caucasian guys that go for them. Its the african americans, asians, and hispanics who are going against their own kind for something else. I understand, diversity, but really its not good. Especially when your kind of dying for a guy like me right now.....I guess i feel lonley. I want someone to tell EVERYTHING too at all times whenever. Yes, i do tell samira everything BUT she lives so far away I dont get to see her too often. And i guess im getting drawn into the hand holding, walking to class and giving hugs I just wish I had that. I know samiras thinking this is bad bad bad and I need to fight against it but im finding it hard too.

Not to mention something deep down keeps telling me that the prince is just better then all these dumb guys. And hes the one I should really be aiming for. Hes the one I really want. But im feeling down about myself and dont think that im good enough for him. Like hes too wonderful and I just dont shine. Or maybe that he dosent even like to talk to me but he just puts up with me because he has too because we attend the same events. But there must be a reason that when I talk to him the few times that i have i didnt feel like i have to lie or make myself anything other then me right? Even if shawn DID talk to me about something other then olive Im pretty sure I wouldent be free to just blab like im talking to anyone else the way i do every once in awhile with prince. Ok not that often but its happened like 3 or 4 times. and ive liked it. a lot. i dont know......nothing is making that much sense all i know is i like prince a lot, shawn is ok for f.s. standereds but neither want me. Even though i havent brought the fact that their great up neither has said that about me so is all this thoughts just a waste of time?


Song of the day:
teardrops on my guitar

quote of the day:
live a life that you love



ps. if for some crazy reason prince or shawn is reading this (dont get any ideas samira, none at all!) ....
Shawn I mean what I say about you having a cute, cute, cute personality.

And prince everything ive written about you i truley believe and sometimes I understate you because words cant really explain what im feeling about you. or at least the idea of you. and the day they do ill do my best to let you know. Oh and im only calling you prince cause i kind of have a BIG fear of you finding out and hating me ,or someone letting it slip but i think its fitting. Your pretty royal to me :)

Read the whole thing, worth your time

Time. Is it the number of hours till the bell finally rings? The number of seconds till the day ends. The number of years untill your dreams come true. Time is a measurment of life. Something we use every day. The more you have the luckier you are. Yesturday I was on my couch crying after an episode of one tree hill. I mean tears come to my eyes just thinking of it now. Theirs a new character on their and for the first 8 episodes he seemed like a slut. He couldent comit and just went girl after girl not really looking for anything in paticular.

We finally found out his story. He was in college supposed to jump into a bridge with a bunch of friends. This big group. and everyone jumped and him and this girl he didnt know were left. He has an adorkable smile so he smiled and told her this isent his thing. How he wished they could streak around campus or something. And she agreed then he said how about we do this together on the count of 2. And she was like on the count of two. And then he said yeah it could be our thing, something to tell the grandchildren about. And she laughed and said im gonna tell them about streaking around campus :). And then he held her hand and went one, two and they jumped. And that was their thing. They kissed in the water then you jump in time and their married. They fit perfectly together. Newly weds loving life. And he had a record player. and this one day he turned on her favorite song and they danced in the living room (AHH, my fantasy!!) and then they stopped and she was gonna go to her bedroom or something all smiles and she just dropped to the ground. A heart attack I assume. The ambulence came and then they show them covering her up with a white sheet. She died. After being married for such a short while.

Where were the grandchildren to tell the story too? Why did it happen so soon. the husband was left to live in a new lonley world and no longer had someone to fight with on the count of two. Theres the seen of her casket and his laying over it crying and I seriously could not stop crying. He took his ring off and put it on her finger. The love of his life was gone. There was so much left to do or say. But he didnt have the time. You know im guessing since they were both so young they didnt even think of the possability of loosing each other so soon. But what made me happy was the way they loved each other with the time they had. It may have been acting but it will touch your heart when you see them dancing and the way he looks into her eyes. He loves her and she loves him back.

There was no feelings of regret, he didnt have to ask the questions :I wish she knew how I felt. I wish I had a chance to tell her how much I loved her and enjoyed the time in my life. They had done it all and said all they need too. Have you? Have you mentioned how much someone means to you latley? When was the last time you gave your mom a hug? Have you told that cute boy that his smile makes your day monday through friday? Have you said thank you for that friend who fights with you through thick and thin. Have you opened your heart and full let yourself love. To feel that guys hands around you, more protected then you've ever been. Have you given up everything you have and believe with the hope that someone wont let you down and break your heart. You need to do it. Because who knows how much time is left for you or for me on earth. Find some courage deep within and promise yourself that your gonna love another with all you heart. And your gonna take that risk because I gaurentee you, i bet it will be worth it.

p.s. watch this episode. Its worth your time and your heart to just see it and expirence it for yourself. heres the link http://www.megavideo.com/?v=SV4GI1A1. Click the red play button then the green one. Background info is that brooke the brunette is dating julian. A woman is saying she is carrying nathens baby and his fathers interviewing the woman on live telivison. And the guy, clayton is the character you need to pay attention too. He has the story relevent to this blog. You'll catch on. Samira you should watch it!

Song of the day: I and love and you

quote of the day:
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

You know what the worst thing about sundays is? The fact that monday is the next day. It kind of ruins everything because as the clock ticks you know your getting closer to school, waking up at 5:45, and hard work. The only thing you can do to keep a smile on your face is remember that chuck bass comes on at 7!

Ive been imagining a lot more then usual latley. Its kind of a bad thing because my head is in the clouds but I enjoy it. I guess if I had a deepest darkest secret it would be my fantaseys. I secretly go to bed early just so I have enough time to lie there and think about it. Im into the future a lot. And I think part of me thinks that its gonna be easier to live everyday life then and im gonna be happier then I even could be. And in those fantasys I do everything that I want to do now.

Do you ever think about the fact that what you do every second of every day affects your and everyone else in the whole wide world. Imagine if Martin Luther king never had a dream? Never believed in himself. Or if Rosa parks never gave up her seat. If obama never ran for president or married michelle. What if your parents had never met? There would be no you right? Every little move you make effects your life, and the life of other people alive now and in the future. I dont think its a good idea to over think the concept though because sometimes going with the flow is the best way to go. (Arent you so proud of my for rhyming, that was practically a rap right there. Someone call Lil wayne i wrote him a hit). :)

Song of the day:
speaking of lil weezy there must be something about the guy that make people like him. Listen to some of his stuff.
And california love by tupac. I love that song :)

Quote of the day:
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. I absolutley love that!

This is one of my favorite times for music. It reminds me of 2006. That was the year for brilliant music and they're all back. Usher my man since I was like 7 came our with a new song called papers about his divorce and its beautiful. Chris brown my adorable little wife beater has a new song out called I can transform ya with Lil wayne. and parachute is just amazing. Plus chris tomlin who makes the best christian music in the history of the world :) And im listening to this song called drop it low and I cant stop dancing.

Anyways let me snap out of the world. You know what makes me feel good inside? My favorite part of the year is coming up. About the day before thanksgiving my whole world lights up. I love the holiday feeling. My birthday and christmas are just like some of the two best days in the whole world. And their coming up soon. Ok like a month away but still im happy. I love the snow. The christmas lights on houses. Santa at the mall. Christmas songs. I hate when I have to give them up. I have them on my ipod so i cant secretly listen to them all year long!

Ok now im gonna talk a little about something thats difficult for people to understand. Sometimes that guy you love just dosent love you. I know its absolutey terrible to think about but I know this girl whos been dating the guy for a month and he wouldent even hold her hand. he said he "dosent like pda". And she had to get a friend of our to force him to kiss her. Now tell me, does that sound like love to you? What happens on their wedding day. Is the maid of honor gonna shove his face to hers?

Heres another thing though. I dont think its write to assume a guy dosent like you when you've never brought up the suject of how you feel. That just being a debbie downer. I mean some people think their "Dropping hints" but in reality their just acting normal so its hard to tell if they're into you or just being them. But if you pour your heart out and he goes "same here". drop him. And no hes not just a man of little words he dosent care enough to make an effort. sorry honey, the truth can be like a stab in the heart sometimes.

p.s. I got my hair done today and I like it. I feel like it has more volume! :)

Song of the day:
I can transform ya - Chris brown

Quote of the day:
Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness. (dosent it make you just wanna hug someone reallllly tight?)

The perfect man (not the movie with hillary duff but the real deal)

Today I was on the phone with my friend o.m. for about an hour and she was venting about her boyfriend and basically all the stuff hes doing wrong. All the stuff thats making her wonder if hes a good guy or worth her time. Shes been lying to her mom and a lot of people basically every day. Like the other night they went and made out in the back seat of his car and stuff. And Im not saying thats terrible. I knowkissing, big deal but....idk. Something just didnt sound right about them alone in the dark in this guys back seat.

That guy dosent sound like the perfect man. The perfect man would pick you up at 8 and take you to dinner and your favorite place in the city. He would pay for your meal or at least half even though you insit on paying. And btw hes not doing it because he feels obligated hes doing in because he wants too. And after this when it gets late he makes sure your ok, warm and if you didnt wear a jacket cause you wanted to look cute for him he gives you his. When your curfew has arrived he walks you to the door and tells you what a great time he had and kisses you goodnight. Not because he has too but because he WANTS too.

I was watching oprah and there was this terrible guy on there. He was basically a bum and none of the jobs out there were "good enough for him" so he stayed home all day watching tv and drinking bear. He had 4 kids. One being his step daughter whom he treated like crap because she wasent him. One of them was a baby and suffered from like permenant dipear rash because the so called father wouldent change his babys diaper. He would just let her cry all day. Does this senerio sound familar? Do you want it too? I think not.

The perfect guy has a decent job that dosent take up all his time. When he comes home from work around four he brings flowers for his wife. And every friday he brings something special for his kids. Wheather it be crayons, or movie tickets he never forgets to make friday more exciting. After having the dinner he thanks his wife and complements her on the meal saying its his favorite (not because he has too but because? he wants too). he offers to wash the dishes so his wife can relax and watch gossip girl while he helps his kids with their homework. And ends the night romantically with his wife his one and only.

I really hate it when girls say well boys will be boys. Or all guys are like that. My friend kept insisting all guys would rather hang out with their friends and need alone time sometimes. And all guys want more then just kissing and blah blah blah. Im thinking that if hes forcing you into stuff you dont want to do or dosent really care for anything or anyone but himself hes not the one for you. I realize everyone has their flaws but when they have no benefits to come with it are they really worth it.

The two perfect man senerios I was typing about is what I want. If I get that in my life I think ill be happy. Someone polite and respectful. Someone who loves me and wants to take care of me. And dosent mind being taken care of. Someone who dosent need anyone else because their happy with you. That what I think the perfect guy should be like. Now in your teenage years I understand thats hard to find but I would say look for things and personalities that could lead into the perfect man potential. Does he open doors for girls? Does he spend time with friends who get into trouble or those who are going somewhere? Does he have a dream? Is his name prince ali? or sean k? jk. Not nessecerially just those two guys but you get the picture.

Song of the day:
Hero enrique iglessias

quote of the day:
The perfect man is gentle.
Never cruel or mean. He has a beautiful smile.
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children.
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a good father.
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking.
Cleaning and vacuuming too.
He'll do anything in his power.
To convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet.
Writing poetry from your name.
He's a best friend to your mother.
And kisses away your pain.

Space makes the heart grow fonder vs. Out of sight out of mind

Ok so I was sitting in algebra class and todays topic popped in my head. There are two very commenly used saying both used in the same situation. The first one is out of sight out of mind. What it means is that when your away from the one you love or a friend or anything and you cant see them then their no longer in your thoughts. So if you see someone else then whatever, go for it, because you dont think about them when your away.

Then theres the saying Space makes the heart grow fonder, meaning that when you far away from your lover or friend it makes you want to be with them more. Like something just makes you yearn to be with them again. Or you begin to miss the things you could be doing if you were with them. In a way you just forget all the bad things about them because you miss the good too much.

I've never been in a serious relationship or a non serious relationship that mattered. So im really not sure which works when your deep in love, but I know that my dad works on a ship and when hes away I miss him and forget when he comes back the rules are strickter and stuff. Its almost like I miss it. And Samira lives far away but that dosent mean I forgot she exsisted. Same with family. You dont see them a lot but you still love them. There fore I believe in space makes the heart grow founder.

Today I learned about what I am. The legal term for me is an "African american". Im a united states sitison and im dark skinned therefore: African american. But today my dad and grandpa were telling me about our history. My Grandpa is what you call mgaziga or a person from comoro. My other Grandpa is from Goa which is in india! So im indian! I didnt even know that. My grandmas people (on my moms side) were originally from south africa. They were in the zulu tribe. And then my grandma on my dads side is what you call a "pure comorian". Which is something to be pround of supposedly. Its kind of like harry potter. If your not pure you hardley count. Anyways now you know some stuff about me.

song of the day:
pocket full of sunshine

quote of the day:
Are you ready to give up your dreams? (referring to him wanting to be a basketball star)
Shes right here in front of me and I dont need anything else. Nathen scott (one tree hill). Now that my kind of man right there. :)

I went over to a friends today only to find out that she wore a shirt and white leggings to school. the shirt convered her butt but nothing more. she asked me if she looked like a slut. Ofcourse i said no. But really? I mean i dont wear short things because i have an issue with my thys. I dont like how they look that much. And even if I did something are kind of not acceptatble. I mean mini skirts and shorts are fine because they cover all of you. and if you add tights UNDER them its just more proper but going bottem less is never a good idea. That was a word for the wise.


I got in a really intresting conversation with a friend last weekend about where people end up in societys. We were talking about people with special ieps. And how if high school is a little too hard for them then college will be impossible. Does that mean those are the people who check us out at jcpennys. Or the people who work for our fast food places and end up working the army? Wheres my place in society. I really hope ill be the workers who pays expensive taxes due to making a lot and pay for some bums unemployment check. Or maybe your the bill gates of the world and have to pay enough taxes so your whole state is free.

Ok I havent given a tv update in sooo long. Im not telling you whats going down in one tree hill because samira hasent started watching it yet but it gossip girl. Chuck and blair have been a happy couple but you know how blair gets when theres something she wants. She wanted to give the freshman speach which vanessa always wanted to give. Neither of them were given a choice and olivia (hillary duff who has to play a famous actress) was chosen to give the freshmen parents speech. Vannessa lied to her best friend, mother, and olivia and some how managed to get herself to give the speech. Blair of course one uped her and found out the headmaster is is a gentlemens club and he'll move to the highest level if he gets a kiss with chuck bass who happened to be her boyfriend. She manipulated chuck into doing it by claiming it was a game. She didnt end up giving the speech because vanessa manipulated into showing her mean side. At the end olivia gave the speech as planned and chuck was deeply hurt. My fear may happen and chuck and blair could be...over :(. nooooooo. Their my favorite gossip girl couple.

song of the day:
Paper planes - M.I.A

quote of the day:
Blair: Chuck, NYU is not the Upper East Side. They don't care about Constance, or social hierarchy. They don't care that I'm Blair Waldorf! It's over.
Chuck: How can you do this to me?
Blair: What are you talking about?
Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You really insult me like that?
Blair: That's not how it is.
Chuck: It's exactly how it is. The next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember I'm Chuck Bass. And I love you. <3

Black leadership

Hello,
Today I went to black leadership. I cant lie I enjoyed it. Although I still believe that I am not them it was nice to be in a room with all black people. It felt like Africa you know. Basically my whole life ive either been in a room with a couple black people and all latinos or all americans but it was great to be in a room with all african americans. You know what I noticed? All african americans have diffrent features and it made me think of what part of africa they came from. Like I was thinking you know how some african americans have big lips? Isent that comment with west africa? And the really tall african americans are probably the masai tribe because they can average for men like 6'2" which isent short in my book. and Its cools to know that. And I also learned that the whole point of african americans step danicng is to "get in touch with their roots", because its like an african dance apperently....(lets let them keep believing africans dance like that ok Samira?)

In the beginning of the day we started with an insperational speaker. It was great. The first thing he did was pick 4 people from the audience to do a play. And he picked two boys as a driver and two girls in the back. Then cued the dj and whatever you like turned on and he said something like it ain't a car without the right music. Then ofcourse the guys started driving like thugs and the girls started dancing in the back. Then he put something up in front and set the senerio. One of the girls in the back was a thug, saw a cop behind them and threw her handgun in the from seat. Then he became the cop and the guy got arrested because he was closest to the gun and blah blah blah. The girl got away with it. Then the speaker goes we all love T.I.s song right? And everyones like yeaah. then he goes wheres t.i. and in a less proud voice the african american community goes....jail. For what? gun possesion. oooh. anyways we started talking about important stuff then we ending with putting our dreams in our hands in the black power sign then putting it towards our heart. There were a lot of black power signs btw.

After that it was just the girls with the kansas house of reps lady Barbara balled whos pretty great. We talked about male and female relationships. and the girls raised their hangs to say everything they hate about guys: liers, cheaters, obssesive, etc. You know what makes guys suck. Then we all said what we love about guys and this girl said "When their black" and everyone gigles. you know the senerio. After that we went to a leadership worshop and played a team work game. And then we had lunch.

Its so steriotypical what they feed us every year. Chicken. You know im not gonna lie I love chicken. a lot. But on the bus the first thing they guys and girls said was I cant wait till lunch. We get chicken and mashed potatoes and some soul food. And you know everyone agreed and it seemed kind of like a medea movie. haha. Anyways it was delicious and during lunch we got to see the step team and the dance team. The hip-hop dance team was great but this one caucasain girl got kind of booed which was sad. She was trying and imagine you performing in a group of people in a whole diffrent race. doing "their" dances.

Afterwards we went to a diffrent workshop and we seperated into what we're intrested in. I went to the art section and it was nice. Lots of lawrence people I hadent seen in awhile then it was time to go home. So theres this guy......and hes really cute. Like the way he acts and his personalitys. he did upset me a little in one way though. the minute we got out of black leadership him and his friends were checking out this blond girl! There was 100 million black people around and he waits till he sees the blond to be intrested. I got in a really awkward situation with him once. It was at a dance and i looked cute if I say so myself because I actually tried. I did my hair, makeup the works. There was this good song and you know guys get behind girls and they bootey dance for them, i guess. I myself have never done it. But my and my friends was dancing and his friend got up behind hana a friend of mine. and she started getting down and stuff. And then he was standing there and I was dancing then his friend goes "get behind that girl right there (pointing at me) you dont need a white girl, she'll "get" you." He looked at me and I looked at him. I was trying to send the message with a halfish smile like your cute I like you but im not shaking my butt in front of your face. I just kept dancing and he kept standing there.

But he reminds me of this guy that i knew that died. and he was great. I think about him upthere in heaven sometimes. It makes me want to cry so im not gonna talk about it much. But anyways i kind of like the guy. I dont know exactly what hes like but ive seen him be really sweet and hes got this great smile. Anyways its a crush i wont ever date him...most likley. Oh and hes shortish. which also adds to the cute factor. But lets be honest, hes no prince charming :)

Song of the day:
whatever you like - t.i., start of something new - high school musical

quote of the day:
I got my masters degree and I met a fine choclate sister while I was at it and married her - motivational speaker. It got him a lot of cheers.

You want to know whats taking up space in my mind right now? Taylor swift is coming to kansas city!! At the sprint center!! And I have a presale coupon because im in the fan club. I WANT TO GO SO BAD, YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. And my mom is being rawr about it. she says its too expensive which it sort of is but its worth it. I mean its basically 60.00 a ticket when you add tax and all that good stuff. but honestly I dont even ask to go to concerts unless I love the musician. I know like every word to every song on both albums of taylor swifts. thats how big of a fan I am. I think she may be my favorite musician but my parents wont get on the same page because theres no money. I have 26.00 which im willing to spend but even if my parents added the other half for my ticket they wont....SCRATCH THAT

MY MOM JUST AGREED!! IM GOING TO THE CONCERT. I had to give her every last penny I had. and if I recieve money as a gift it goes straight to her. No complaining about everything or she'll sell them. The requirments could go on and on forever but I get to go! YAY! :)

my day

So I went to school and I decided to try out an outfit I kind of liked. I got my shirt from dillards and it has peace signs on it and then says peace down the side in black with a cool print and a dove. I think its cool. I wore it was my brand new boots. I consider them my freestate initiation since their reallllly commen there and yes I love the trend. Then I decided if my outfit was cute then my hair has to look decent so I did a really quick straiting job. Then I went to school blah blah blah. Then when lunch came there had been this new kid. And ofcourse my whole table was like omg we should ask him to sit there. And no one actually did. And he was eating his sandwhich alone. Hes not attractive. I mean not ugly but I just dont feel anything. and hes not my type. he does the whole get bright red a lot thing and hes just not very secure from what I saw. Kind of gangly. None the less I decided to show them that im not scared and to show myself too and just go over there. So me and taz did. And I was like "Hey, your in my english class, ryan right? and then he goes yeah (face turning really red: get some backbone, be a man) and then I got do you want to sit with us. And he goes im good. very very bright red at that point. And I go ok. And walk back.

I felt so brave. My legs didnt wiggle. I felt like I wasent scared and it didnt matter. He officially made my loser list though cause whos jerk enough to just be like naw, i'd rather sit alone. Anyways I dont really have a loser list and since my advice was forgivness a couple days ago I will most definatly work on it. My dad had his knee replacment surgery yesturday. I went to visit him today and he wasent it a lot of pain but he was in pain. I felt really bad. But he was talking and stuff. Keep him in your prayers readers. :)

Song of the day:
Walking on sunshine

quote:
love me or hate me your still thinking about me. (I always thought that was kind of vain you know. But its on a lot of bumper stickers and stuff and im too lazy to look up a decent one. )

Music is life, love, and happiness. I honestly can fall in love with a peice of music. Not in the physical way but in the emotional way. When music can make you cry or smile or is attached to some kind of memory it makes it all the more while. During dinner we were listening to some good songs by a variety of artist: Neyo, Chris Brown, rihanna, Carrie underwood, Taylor swift, Lady Gaga and some others. It kind of got me thinking about the chris brown woman beater thing. You know when I first heard the song forever I fell in love with it. I listened to it all the time. and bought the ringtone. watched the video. And I mean it wasent nesseserily is hot body and very attractive face that just added on too the power of the song. When he said the words "I wont let you fall girl...Let you fall girl faaaalll". I honestly believed with all my heart that chris brown would never let me fall. Forget the fact that he dosent know me and all that stuff but he said it with such power and honesty. But then he let the person he loves most fall and it was his fault. But even though in my head I know this when I hear those lines it still gives me the feelings to believe.

So small by carrie underwood is just another of those songs. SAMIRA IF YOU HAVENT HEARD IT YOU ABSOLUTLY HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT. I love the song with a burning passion. And I know everyword. And I love each and every when of them. In the chorus she says sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sin. Its genious and true. When your trying to do something you know is wrong you some how never manage to do it and it seems really hard. and she says "when you realize love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else, seeem soo small". I love it, love it, love it. And dont even get me started on taylor swift.

Whatever you do and however busy you are make time for music. Let it heal you and if anything just put a smile on your face which reminds me (smile when your heat is aching, smiiile even though its breaking).

Song of the day:
Everything mentioned above. So small and forever by chris brown

Quote of the day:
count singing is your boyfriend. Your very, very devoted to him. - Mrs. Thomas

We're singing a twenty minute piece called the masterwork and its difficult and I thought it was a little cheesy but a good real life quote.

I am not them

I'm gonna go to the background of this story before you really understand the title. Today I went to a piano fall festival and it went pretty well. The place I was playing was a few minutes away from Auntie Khadijas house so we spent the rest of the day there. I was playing with Iman and Nargis and stuff it was great. Then my mom told Auntie Khadija to talk me into staying at KU. I had told her that I want to go to NYU. She mentioned some stuff I had never even though about. A little studio (which is a bedroom and bathroom. The stove and stuff is in your bedroom and theres no room for a couch) is like 2,000 dollers in new york. Thats a month. Its a lot of money. And If I lived in a dorm in a big city it wouldent be as great. If I got sick I would be too far away for anyone to take care of me. And she told me storys about her college expirences. Like how her roomate stole all of her stuff. Anyways it really made me reconsider KU.

Then in the middle of all this she said 4 words that stuck out and really meant something to me. She said you are not them. Putting this into context she was saying that amerians are a self unit. Family and friends arent as important where as Africans are a comunity. If you do something bad you let your whole community down. If you do something good everyone in the comuntiy is happy for you. And she was talking about how they want to party and drink and get into all this bad stuff but I am not them. The way I Was raised just makes me not really want that. And then it clicked. Im not really intested in that. the whole dorm party thing. Being a girl that sleeps around in high school and dosent graduate due to a pregnancy just isent who I want to be. I dont need it. I dont desire it. I am not them.

I guess I also realized I dont need to go far away. Its not like im dieing to escape like some of my other friend. It also made me realize why sometimes I dont connect with my other friends. I am not them. We have completley diffrent mindsets. We are diffrent people but they dont get it. They dont get what makes me and them them. Its my parents and my African community. My family. I really do care a lot about all the people that make this tick. Im closer to some of my fake aunts then my real ones. And the best thing about it is there are always people who care about me.

We were talking about college and how you have to think of other things too. Like how pharmacy is good for me because when I decide to get married and have kids I just work part time and still like a more then good lifestyle from the pharmacy money. it made me figure out that all of that isent far away. And you know how people say listening to your parents is a blessing? Maybe the reason their pusing me into KU is because theres something for me there. I may be a better person because of it. Or maybe thats the place I was supposed to meet the love of my life. I dont know i cant say ive 100% given up on my dreams of leaving but I haven 100% crossed out going to KU.

Hello all. Today I had no school. It was WONDEFUL! That is not an understatment. I've been getting pretty worn out at school. So I woke up later then usual at like 8:40 and had breakfast and stuff. Then when the house was 100% empty I did what I always do. Computer :) Now you must understand I love relaxing and with the stupid stresses of school I never get to do all that I want to do. So I started by watching the episodes of One tree hill and Gossip girl I missed because of the choir concert. I loved both by the way! And then afterwards I played sims. I had so much fun playing and I loved it. Theres this one family ive been playing a lot and the mother turns into an old woman in 5 days. which has never happened. And the girl finally turned into a teen, everything was great but then.....MY COMPUTER SHUT OFF! And next time, if I choose to play them i will have to go through everything again :(.



So not to sound like a total reject with no life I also went to the movies with my friend Olivia. We saw the stepfather which was great but not scary enough. I mean it was scary if you thought about the senerio realistically but the killing scenes and stuff were quick so there wasent enough time to scream and bug the stranger sitting next to you. Then I talked to Samira on the phone which was good. And now im gonna go shower and sleep because I have the SATs tommorw. Wish me luck. Better yet pray for me. I'm gonna need all the prayers I can get. If I do good now I kind of know if the scholorship doors will be open but if I dont :( . Lets not think about it. bye....

I had a pretty wondeful day. I loved it. It made me feel good inside. After school I thought we had a diversity club meeting so we didnt and I just hung out with Taz, mena, akira, elaine, sarah and the whole crew. And then we all met up again for the college fair at lhs. I got intrested in a lot of colleges I never considered. I like washington saint louis university, michigan state, and this college in ohio. Their both in semi small towns but bigger then lawrence. My mom kind of hates them all though. She wants me to go to KU. NYU, Harverd, and Yale didnt even show so we couldent really ask questions. I was glad to know thier are a lot of scholorship oppurtunitys. We also had a food party in chemistry that was fun. And we watched some more myth busters. The rest of the classes werent worth mentioning.

One of the best parts of my days was I went back to central for the first time since high school. Have you ever gotten that feeling of home away from home? Like you felt so free and good inside just being there. Thats how I felt when I got to central. I watched the excalibur performe and they were so good! I was so proud of those little uns :) . They got new bathrooms where we used to have gross ones that didnt lock and had country doors that swung open at the entrence. I loved that htey were getting somewhere. And I got to see my friend holly who I havent seen in ages.

Im starting to like my friends again. There are times when I doubted the friendships but latley we've just been one big group hanging out and loving life. Sharing good and bad times. And best of all I think we've all come to terms with ourselves and love ourselves now. M.N. isent included in this shes still sooo insecure. I feel terrible. But its really annoying shes always digging for compliments. Anyways besides that I feel a sense of belonging that im soo scared too loose. High schools first quarter ended today. I think it was a good change for me.

Song of the day:
Hey stephan - taylor swift

fun fact:
did you know the jackson five invented the robot?

Try to figure out who each person is.

Only two more minutes and its gonna happen. briing. The bell that ends third hour has rang and its lunchtime. I hate lunch. I dont have a car, because we cant afford it so im forced to eat school lunch. I wait in line and get pushed by the other big seniors as they make thier way towards the door. Its like they dont even see me there. I grab my slice of pizza and an apple and smile at the lunch lady. She dosent smile back, have I done something wrong? As I walk past the cashiers area and into the commens im in trouble. There are lots of tables with many spots but none of them are for me. Since the begining of the year I havent made a single friend. My mom says its not my fault and it will come as time passes but its been 3 years. I walk over to the corner table and sit alone as I listen to the chorus of laughs each table has. Oh how I yearn for a friend.

Brrrring. Lunchtime. I hate lunch time. Ever since my mom got me a cadalliac ive been driving the girls out to eat. I toss the keys at my besty charlotte. You drive today. We pull up in front of Burger King and walk in to the beat of dont-cha. Even though im dieing for some fries I cant have them. I order a salad like expected. As I being to eat while discussing practice I notice the other girls look soo good and my body is just....big. I know its wrong but I cant help it. "Girls, Im going to freshin up you never know who your gonna meet." I pretend to pull something out of my purse. Lock the door get down on my hands and knees and vomit. I see everything come back up in teenier pieces. I take out my mini toothbrush and perfect my even more perfect smile and pop in a breath mint so know one will know. I stride back and tell Mellisa she can have the rest of my food. Being perfect is not as easy as it seems.

Brrring. I hate lunch. the same food over and over again. The same routine. What is lunch anyways? Its stupid meant for people who want to live in this world. Why would anyone want to. I so sit at the corner table with a couple of my best buts. We're talking about the latest death metal album. I wonder what we must look like to the people who cant stop staring at us. I used to be blond but I died my hair black. The world is one big black hole and I figured why go against the horrers and terrors. Blond hair is for people who have good lives not for people who lost their parents in a car accident. Not for orphans who cants get adopted after 7 years of being in diffrent foster homes. Not for me.

Brrring. I love lunch. Its a great time to relax and catch up on late homework. I walk up to my all girls table. I wish we sat by more boys. I wonder if their something wrong with us? Nah its not us its just that all the guys go for charlotte and her crew. I dont really mind, life goes on. I pull out my cell phone and am embarassed to say my only text message is from my mom to remind me to pick up my little sister. Theres a party saturday night for my friends birthday. Its gonna be a sleepover. Mani Pedis and truth or dare. The works. I dont get why people have partys that involve drugs and all that stuff when you can have a good time with your friends. AHh my mind is wondering off again I have chemistry homework to do.

We've just gotten into what I think is the mind of three diffrent people. Theres the loner who just cant seem to fit in anywhere or with anybody. The one who feels unseen and unheard. The one that disapears and everyone questions when they see their picture in the yearbook. Someone whos hurting for the slight attention that most of us take for granted. The second was what I want to call the "prefect cheerleader". Its kind of a sterotype everyone has. The head cheerleader is perfect and has no flaws. The perfect body hair and everything. But what they dont know is shes risking her health for that perfect body and feels like she dosent fit in just like loner boy. the fourth personality was the emo kid. The one who everyone thinks is just a wannabe. But is really just trying to show people that what their going through isent easy. Last was supposed to be a combination of your "Average girl and your "neardy" girl. I think that out of all these people she was the one best off. but thats just from my point of veiw.

Next time after the third hour bell look around. Do you see these people? Are you these people?

Song of the day:
You belong with me taylor swift

Quote of the day:
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.

So today im gonna tackle a serious subject, mistkaes. Give me the name of one person whos never made a mistake in his life and hes a lying. Ive made mistakes, you've made the stakes, even obama makes mistakes. We're human and happens. But what makes some humans better then others is the power for them to admit they've done something wrong. It may be one of the hardest things that we do. Admit to our mistakes and..*gasp*...apolagize.



To a lot of people apolagizing means one of two things both of which are semi-wrong. One is that by apolagizing thier admitting defeat and letting go of their beliefs and deep down inside they know the other person is right but they dont want to let it go. (Newsflash if you really like arguing that much theres this thing called debate. Its good for you). Then there are other people who are constantly apolagizing even though they arent the ones who made the mistake. Their being the better person which is always a good thing but whats bad about it is if the other person dosent realize they were the wrong ones they will never change the way they are and end up making the same mistake again, and again, and again.We as human beings are supposed to learn from our mistakes. And those who can have the best potential at greatness. ANd come on everyone wants some magic.



Today these people came in during womans choir and did a 30 minute oprea performance. For your information oprea isent my thing. Their voices are beautiful but im easily bored with it. And it just starts getting on my nearves. sorry but its the truth. So they were doing their thing and at the end there is like a question and answer time and they started talking abotu thier lives. I never realized how hard it was to be an entertainer. This one guy says he sees his family once a year or christmas because hes so busy practicing and trying to make ends meet all year. This other girl said that she cant have any friends outside her production because she dosent have time to keep the relationship going. The piano player practices a whooping 5 hours a day! eh! I could never do it. And the sad thing is all their time and effort is wasted because they wont make it. Im sorry but there are a million and one entertainers out there and although they had amazing voices none of the clicked as something id pay to see. So anyway that and a chemist is officially crossed off my list of things I want to be.



Song of the day:

Figured out that new mj songs name. ITs this is it



Quote of the day:

You gotta give to recieve

So I know you guys are just dying to know what I Did yesturday? Well my mom was home again and we've been getting a long latley so it was a good thing. Her friend from africa came over and....she brought her son. Ive been boy crazy latley. I know its probably not the best but my mind is like boys, boys, boys, boys, prince, prince, boys boys, prince prince, boys boys. Im in love with the male species what can I say? Her son is 22 years old. Yes honey I know waaaay out of my leuge. I've known him since I just finished kindergarden. Sometimes I wonder if he remembers the things that I remember. When I was really little he wouldent share the basketball so I pulled his pants down :(. But he was sagging so there was more pants underneath because i dont remember seeing anything I Shouldent have.

Anyways he came over and at first it was awkward just our mother chatting away "blah blah blah harusi blah blah blah". Then I decided to escape awkwardness and go downstairs and play sims. He followed a few minutes after and asked where my gramps was and I Said sleeping. We chatted a bit more then he went back up. AND THEN he came back and this time for me and asked me to teach him some alicia keys on the piano. I was DIHlighted (morton joke) to teach him. It totally completed a fantasy ive always had about playing the piano with a hot guy and out hands touching and all that. But he has a girlfriend and im just the little girl hes known for a long time. I enjoyed myself and I think he did too cause we listened to his cd and all that good stuff. I wish I got to hang out with guys more.

School was just pretty blah. But I was thinking after this weekend. Do you know soon people of my generation will be able to quit school and do stuff like elope? I guess its just kind of sinking in that we are slowly becoming adults. In 2 and a half maybe more years ill be graduating and then college and then people I know will have husbands and jobs and REAL lives. Its weird to think about it that way, but its happening. Really, really fast. Hang on to childhood while you can or let go and spread your wings. Because honestly it dosent matter what people think of you anymore because years from now you wont see them till your 30th school reunion :)

Womans choir concert tonight. I'll fill you in on how it goes tommorow :) Happy monday!

Song of the day:
New mj song came out today but I couldent get my hands on it yet. Google serch and comment if you find it.

Quote of the day:
Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.

Lost time is never found again

I've been reading some Sarah dessen books and the one im reading now is kind of about the romances in the family through a single girl whos also in the familys eyes. And she talks about how her sister becomes weak around her fiance. And how shes kind of a diffrent person around him. Like normally shes outgoing, and perky and around him shes weak and barley talks. I think thats very bad. If you are engaged and this is the situation leave him/her. The love advice in my brain tells me that you should be a better version of yourself around your significant other instead of the oppisite. If this guy/girl makes you go against your values and controls you then its all wrong and change it before it is too late.

Last week on tv there was cnn heros and im telling you that show makes you feel bad about yourself. These people are great and oh so very helpful. The one that stuck to my mind was this guy who was in a boating accident and lost his legs. I dont even want to think about this happening. And he had to get two fake legs you know like in forrest gump? He could afford to get the good legs which are bend-able. I never really thought about it before but your legs being able to bend is a pretty crucial part of a normal lifestyle. He mets this boy that got one new leg but his family couldent afford one that could bend and it was terrible what he had to go through to go down stairs and stuff so the other boy raised money for him a ton of other kids so they could have bend-able legs. What a superhero :)

Ive been seeing a lot of oppurtunitys to help others but I really cant. I can barley help myself when it comes to money donations. When you dont have much you really cant give or else your gonna be the one who needs people to give money to them. But this morning before church the "christian channel" was advirtising for kenya. And they told the terrible storys of all these little kids who lived in the slums and had all kinds of diseases. And they mentioned something that stuck in my head. Working class americans (who I think are considered middle class or low middle class) are rich in 50% of the worlds countries. I think a big reason that is is our goverment is stable which really helps.

Speaking of gorenment OBAMA WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE!!! *celebrating. I thought that was great news for the U.S. and for him since he lost the idea of the olympics being in chicago which was kind of embarassing to our country but OFCOURSE those republicans are talking about how theres a war during presidency and thats not peaceful but what their forgetting is that they started the war. those dumb repulbicans (sorry if your repulbican). what party are you in Samira? we never talked about it I dont think.

PEACE!

The other day I was watching something on the telivision (my inspiration) and I saw something about woman changing me and I started thinking about it. It the guy your with sucks so bad you have to change him is he really worth your time? Im thinking if you change a guy to something other then they are you are not in love with them your in love with what you made them and I think that why a lot of relationships dont work. I think in order to truley love someone you have to love their mistakes and their bad side. Because without those little things that bug you they are not the same person .

I got a contradiction to one of my blog topics at school the other day by olivia. You know how I was saying that you shouldent waste your time dating anyone unless you want to fall in love with them and possibly marry someone. The contradiction sort of changed my thinking. The person said that you dont know if the person is the one you want to be with forever UNTILL you date them and get to know them and see if your compatible in that way. So dating randomly is ok as long as your looking for the greater goal. Sorry for spreading the wrong info.

I had a really phenomenal weekend. On friday night around 7:20 I went to Rudy's pizza for taz's birthday. The food was delicious and we walked around a little downtown. After that we went to elaines house for a bit then back to Taz's place and then we painted her garage! It was so much fun i'll have to post pictures or something of the final product. Then we talked ate cake, I would say it was a sucessful party but then freestate lost their game :(. The following morning my mom had the weekend off so we went shopping in topeka and it was great. I got some stuff I like for decent prices :)

Song of the day:
Use somebody- kings of leon

Quote of the day:
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running

I've got a full house right now. My auntie Mwana and Uncle Mgambo are here. And then my grandpa just moved in yesturday night. We got some time just to talk. He speaks english and im not sure if he knows that I speak swahilli. I didnt want to just bring it up randomly like I was showing off. So I'll keep you updated on how thats going. I have amazing news. I went in to make up my grammer test and...I got 18/20!!! Im really bad at grammer and was really studying so now im sooo proud of myself. I had some nightmares about this blog. I happened to be posting something and it was like "Secrets" (I dont have any of those I think ive told at least 1 person everything). They know who they are.

I had a plan for what to write about today but I think im just gonna talk randomly about whats been going on. I had an orchestra concert yesturday and my own father said the other school was better :(. It was a disaster. Lawrence high managed to play and dance at the same time and that won the audience over. It didnt help that they played a santana song that my parents love. But my mom lied to try to make me feel better. Bohemian rhapsody wasent as cool after they played that song. We got a free day in orchestra anyways. Oh well, gotta go. 3 cute little kids need me. bye bye

Music cures all. Im so serious about this it may be my new philosaphy of the year. Originally I was so pissed off today from piano and school. And I was in a terrible mood. You know the kind where you want to punch someone and cry at the same time. Nothing truley terrible happened except for a bad piano lesson. I was all upset. And then I had to cook when I got home and I didnt want too even though it would be like 10 minutes and the food was for me, but i was just in a grumpy mood. And I turned on my ipod on my ihome and started singing along and I felt a relief. Like calmness took over my body and I was cured of anger and hate. All my complaints were gone and all the mattered was that Freddy mercurey had the voice of an angel.

Let me tell you about Freddy though. you know what makes him even more special? He was born in ZANZIBAR, TZ. Im not kidding. Hes the most famous person to come out of Tanzania as my dad puts it and I always answer with hes the ONLY famous person to come out of Tanzania. Its like a little inside joke I guess. But its really cool because his songs were so good and he inspired people like michael jackson. Ok dude I think I can officially be considered a die hard fan of something. I love michael Jackson songs and information and ive reached the point of no return. Im a true fan and I love reading books that have to do with him and stuff because his like was so freaking intresting and good. Its a subject I could blab on forever about but im working on my shutting up skills.

I know ive been saying this a lot but live life to the fullest. My gosh a person dies every second. It makes me realize how fast you can loose things. One of the reasons I was in a bad mood today was because I cant afford to go on this spring break trip with my friends. I couldent get a scholorship and its 800 dollers. And my parents paid for Europe just a few months ago so its just not an option. The reason I couldent get a scholorship was that apperently im not "poor enough" to get money from the school. But I thought about and theres a ton of fun things I could do right here in kansas over spring break. Even if all I have is my bed and music I could have a good time. As the great Hannah Montanna put it "lifes what you make it so lets make it rock". Well said, well said

Song of the day:
Bohemian Rhapsody - Freddy mercury with his band Queen
We are the champians
another one bites the dust
All of those songs are by queen

I think we've all seen a picture of a young child wheather it is ourselves or the child of another. Do you ever notice the eyes? Do you see the look of innocence? and happiness. No matter what kind of situation you put a young child in they will always find a way to make a friend and have fun. I remember going to the park or a playland in a fast food place and I wouldent leave without meeting a new person. The days of simplicity. All you had to do was go up to someone and say do you want to be my friend? They would never reject. You would spend the whole day together and most likley never see each other again but it wasent sad because you knew the next time you went to the park you'd make a new friend.

Why does that change? What happens when people get older that makes them less leanient to let people in. It feels like you reach a certin point in your life and you quit trusting people. People become so scared of the bad that they'd rather give up the good. Around the age of 11 I stopped making new friends and the park. Because who knows if the person is a murderer or a "creeper". Something makes you scared to get to know people and see the good in everyone. Its like a mindset that changes from the child to the teen to the adult, but why does it have to happen that way. Are we as a society really gonna let the fear of Iraqey terrorists, and rapists stop us from meeting someone with a good heart or sharing a joke with someone who looks down or hurt?

I saw a movie once and it was called a cinderella story, and it didnt have much to do with reality but theres a line that says "dont let the fear of stricking out keep you from playing the game". There is good and bad on earth but by giving up on the idea that there are good people and good things out there is not going to make the bad people dissapear. Look for the good rather than the bad and maybe just maybe this world will be good again

You know what I think would be terrible. If I had a parent who lived through me. you hear about it and see it on tv all the time. The parents who are obsessed with making their children what they never were. Wheather its captin of the cheerleading team or The debate team. I can kind of see where their coming from. No matter what anyone else tells you all parents love their children. The ones who abuse, give away they all love their kids. I think its an automatic conection that happens. You are them. And they love you for it. Therefore they wouldent want you to make the same mistakes that they did but its a little weird when they try to get in on the latest gossip and stuff. If any of you have that problem be patient and respectful.

At lunch we were discussing what a "Real" boyfriend is and what a non real one is. A girl from our lunchtime group has a boyfriend and her father told her to date other guys. She told him thats cheating and he said no its not its not likes a REAL boyfriend. I kind of understand where hes coming from. Ive said it once and ill say it again. I dont think the whole dating thing is real unless you seriously like the person enough to want to be with them forever. If you know in your heart that you dont and its just a 3 week thing to keep you from going to the movies alone or whatever then its totally not real. But does that mean the same rules apply in high school relationships? You know the dont cheat and look at other people. Im thinking everyone should follow those rules because if they dont do it now they most likley never will.

Ok so theres a big message im trying to send across and maybe ill call it my message of the year. I believe that you should live in the now because who knows if theres a later. With gods help there will be but you know the meaning of it is tell your family you love them and give them a big hug, say thank you to the bus driver as your leaving cause I mean without them you'd be walking. And I think by doing the things you want to do (if their leagal) it will make you a better person. Its something kind of want to try. Ive been saying thank you to the bus drivers and trying to be extra nice to people and such but I slip up. I have a big mouth and it has a lot to say. Anyone who i've ever emailed could tell you that. Especially you samira. Unfortunetly I always overload you with love drawn out stuff. But every once in awhile the wrong thing comes out. Its always about the people I dont like putting up with at school.

But the thing is, is it really slipping up if you mean it? YES, those of you who can walk up to someone and call them a cuss word consider yourself not inhaling the message. Be nice to people and you yourself will be a nice person. Breath in, breath out let the message flow to your brain. Have a good night everyone. Dont forget to watch Tree hill and gossip girl.

There hasent really been any good new music latley so im gonna take you back.....
Song of the day:
Shout

quote(s)of the day:
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
Unknown

Sanity calms but maddness is more intresting

Last blog entrey I made we forgot to celebrate. It was my 92nd blog. Ok stop what our doing and scream Yay for mariams blog!!! Ok I totally know you didnt do it. Or maybe you did...anyways want some storys? Today I went to bonnor springs for the reinissance festival with Akira, her mother and her grandmother!! It was a lot of fun. I went to church in the morning and it was really awkward because it was the lets talk about marrige and "adultry" day. Lets just say I missed high school and a 60 year old man said "hot sex" while I was sitting next to my dad. So the day didnt start as well as I had hopped it would but I enjoyed the songs and stuff. Afterwards my parents drove me to akiras and there was a nice suprise. They got me an outfit! So I wore the renissance outfit they let me borrow and they were dressed up and we hit the road.

When we arrived I thought it was really cool. It kind of reminded me of disney world and europe combined. The buildings all had the old timsey look to them and there were people dressed traditionally. I saw a fire eater. And like 3 magicians who were really cool. I could not figure their tricks out! I also saw a singing performance. And jousting on horses which was really cool. For lunch I had a gigantic turkey leg that was really good. It was just a all in all fun day.

Song of the day:
Walk away - Paula deanda (I love that song!)

Quote of the day:
"I saw you with your new girl just yesterday. And I feel that I must confess. Even though it kills me to have to say, I'll admit that I was impressed, Physically just short of perfection, Gotta commend you on your selection,Though I know I shouldn't be concerned, In the back of my mind, I can't help but question.

Does she rub your feet, When you've had a long day, Scratch your scalp, When you take out your braids, Does she know that you like too Play PS2 till 6 in the morning like I do. I can't explain this feelingI think about it everyday And even though we've moved on It gets so hard to walk away" - From the song mentioned above.

Would it be cool if I started adding links to the song? just a thought

I re-read something today. Do any of you remember that paper I told you I read. The one that was phenomenally amazing? I read it again today. And the effect still hasent left. Its magic. I love using that word. When I Say it I dont mean witchcraft or harry potter magic. I mean its people reaching the greatness that God has instilled in them. We all have greatness in them but the things and people I say are magic have reached it. And that paper reached it.

No guy I've ever ment besides the writer of that (prince charming as is now refered too on the blog) has ever written or said anything nearly as beautiful. I wish it was a lie and guys just walked around saying and writing beautiful things like that but it dosent happen anymore. The guys I know from school are all cute and attractive and nice but their not really smart. And if they are they dont seem to have themselves figured out as much as he does in that paper. He knows his weaknesses and he knows how he feels about his dreams where as a lot of people dont. Their just messing around sort of. Anyways I could go on and on about that paper.

I was talking to my friend about the whole dating thing. And ive blogged in the past about how the whole point of dating is finding the person you want to be with forever. Your true love. And she kept on telling me sometimes you just want to have fun you know. I dont get it. Is going to dances not fun? Is going to a birthday party now fun? Is going shopping w/friends and family not fun? Why do you have to be with a guy for it to be considered fun?

I've realized some of my deepest fears are things I want to happen. Like ive always had this weird thing where I was scared that after a school dance I was worried someone would walk up to me and be like PHONEY! You arent really shy your just pretending. Because when I dance im not really scared of anything. Im just having fun and if thats a loud person then thats what I am. If its a quiet person its what I am. Whatever it takes to have a good time while dancng. And I guess you can say i kind of want people to know im really not shy and that I can be outgoing and fun you know?

Song of the day:
Obsessed - Mariah Carey

Quote of the day:
Serena: How's your mom doing with the divorce.
Blair: Great. So, my dad left her for another man. She lost 15 pounds, got an eye lift. It's been good for her.
-gossip girl

Homecoming 2009.

To say yesturday was a good day would be an understatment. I had a lot of fun for the first time in about a week or two. Life had been getting boring but yesturday was fun. All week was spirit week and we ended it with wearing school colors yesturday. AT 2:00 we got to leave school (No chemistry!!!) and then a potential problem occured. The bus dosent come till 3:00 and the parade was on 6th and wakarusa and my friends who werent in the parade didnt have cars. So what did we do? We used what god gave us and walked. IT was so much fun crossing the busy streets and just running in the wind. Stopping at the quick shop for a snack and then watching the parade.

The homecoming parade consists of the football team which is a LOT of people. And all the clubs. The ones im gonna mention are the coolish ones. My friend elaine is a native american and she is miss potawatami so she wore her tiara and sash and walked down the parade with native american club. Tolkin club is like this lord of the rings group and they dressed up as characters. Then comic book club had some spongebob costumes. Then there was GSA. Which happens to be gay strait allience leaded by this "poor child (as my mom would put it)" who was a guy in a strapless green dress (im guessing stuffed) with high heels and was yelling be fabulous or whatever. And they had a very rainbow float. And those are all the really memorable ones. Sitting a ways away from us where these twin boys....must I say anymore. They looked mixed and one had like corbin blueish hair and one had shorter hair like my brothers though. It was soft and curley and they had a couple tatoos and they were really hot. And as they were leaving this girl serena was yelled to this guy they were with "tell your friends their hot. And like all the girls stopped watching the parade and agreeed". haha

After the parade me and Olivia W. ran back to the school and caught the bus right as it was about to leave the parking lot. Thank goodness because I didnt want my dad to be upset. When we got on the bus it was just us two , hana and this stefan guy whos pretty cool. He always gives us tips on how not to be dumb sophmores. In the middle of the bus ride he just pulls out his cellphone hunches over and starts speaking polish! It was amazing! It sounded so cool like he was talking about a secret mission or something. It made my bus ride. when we asked him about it he said his parents dont really speak english so he talks to them in polish. cool points for stefan.

When I got home instead of getting ready like I should of been I got a note and groceries that I had to cook before I go anywhere. So that took about an hour and 15 minutes. Then I got started getting ready, you know showering and such. I ended up picking my white flowered tank top with my really cool black sweaterish thing that has no buttons with long sleeves and some Jeans from macys :) . Along with my black flats. Then Olivia W. came to pick me up and we were off to the game. Thank god I brought another jacket because it was freezing. We showed up 20 minutes early and all the seats were gone and we were supposed to save a whole 2 rows for everyone. The problem is there are parents, old people, and little kids who sit in the Freestate STUDENT section. Its so dumb. They took up have the seat so we had to smush in with these people untill finally a few girls got annoyed with us (at OUR school) and left. Then me and olivia got seats. And as our friends arrived they somehow managed so squish in till we got the whole row but we couldent see because they were tall people in front of us. So for the first two quarters of the game I Couldent see a thing. Then finally the girls went to concessions and we moved up and could see a little. Not like there was much to see. We won 48 to 0! Im serious the other team didnt get a single touchdown. After like 2 and a 1/2 hours of sitting there in the cold just to watch our team basically practice while the other team watched. Oh well.

9.00 o'clock finally got there. And it was DANCE time. We got in there early cause we didnt wait for the game to finish. And started dancing and having fun. Then there was this techno song and we were you know jumping up and down and such like your supposed too to techno music and then guess who comes up behind me? the twins and this other guy named sebsation. But we didnt really talk and it was awkwardish and they left. Then one of my friends had a little bit of a sad momment. She got kind of sad seing all the couples in a slow song and started crying but I wasent there. (i felt terrible) but thank godness her future husband saved the day (I like to make fun of her about him). And we decided to forget guys and have fun. So we did untill we saw the twins again.....I told her we should go up to them and say hi and introduce ourselves and be friendly but not flirty and talk to them. She didnt think it was a good idea .She thought it would go wrong.

But we walked up closer to them and started dancing. and guess what happened? They were watching us!! Like obviously "checking us out" I guess. and they were smiley. Both twins. This is the good things about twins no fighting over them there are two. And then there came this one point when this one guy pointed to us and then huddled with the twins and started wispering about something. It was nice. I hope it was us though. There wasent really anyone else too close around. But It was really nice to get some attention. But girls surrounded them like flys. Always going up to them and saying something but anyways it was nice.

Akira had to leave early though and we never talked to them but there was this moment I was dancing and i didnt know the people well and moved over by my friend then I saw the twins stand up and move where I was and started looking around? who knows what could have happened if I stayed put. But I dont want to get any hopes. A LOT of girls like them. Like every sophmore girl. And ofcourse all the guys want to be friends with them because of it. Have you noticed thats a patter with the guys I like. Every girl always likes them. Prince charming, the twins, some guys from the past. It makes it super difficult to make yourself stand out compared to all those other people. But I dont like the twins yet. I just think their really cute and want to meet them. I dont want to date them or anything. But anyways thats the story of homecoming. At 11:30 I had to go home even though the dance ended at midnight :(. My dad barley let me stay that late buts thats ok. It was a very memorabile day.

Oh I almost forgot the important part. Freestate Highschools homecoming kind is a guy name Ali who has an indian look to him and the homecoming queen is miette whos an african american girl. Great huh? They were both people of color. That dosent happen often. Happy day after homecoming everyone.

A new way of thinking

So bad news. Im stuck at school for another 15 minutes because my mom had to pick up my brother and the neighbor children first. The first child is never the priority :(. Good news is when she picks me up were going shopping which is wonderful. Were going for a "jacket" for me to wear to homecoming. If im lucky it will be a whole outfit.

Ok so in chemistry today someone was talking about how our generation fails because of our way of thinking. The guy who was telling the story said he went to an engineering expo thing and they talk about how it takes 50 times as long for people of our generation to do stuff because were scared of making mistakes. We dont make risks.

When you think about it its true because I know I wont answer a question untill I know that its the right answer. I would rather leave it blank then be wrong. The generation before us had the motto of learning from their mistakes but our generation is so scared that they dont even make mistakes therefore they dont learn them.

Its the same thing as the taking risks thing ive been tell all of you to do, but im too scared to do. Taking a risk leaves a chance for mistakes and our generation has been taught about efficiency and stuff. Society really affects the people that we are.

song of the day:
My boo usher& alicia keys (I've loved that song for 4 years)

quote of the day:
(also from my chemistry class) So when we set of nuclear bombs we're basically srewing ourselves because it sticks around forever and will eventually kill us all...thats just great