Part 2 evaluation and the secret no longer

Hey readers & followers!
So i've figured out that when I write about the same thing twice i get diffrent reactions from it and stuff and its good for me. I dont know if its good for you. Ive figured out that on the second day i kind of come back to earth from la la land and have totally diffrent thoughts. For starters last night after I blogged I remembered something pretty sad that happened. KU got taken out of the big 12. The number one seed of the whole thing is now out. It was really sad, because I thought that we'd maybe even get to the final four. Obama even though they would win the whole champian ship. It was a good year, but a very dissapointing one at that. Good job players!

I figured out one way to get to happiness last night. one of the many puzzle pieces of a good life. I think something very important for people to do is evaluate what they've been through and the current state of their mind, their feelings, and what will get them to that happy point. Do any of you do that? I didnt do it that often but I will now and I think it will be helpful for you readers. So anyways last night I was thinking more deeply about my two hours of heaven (for those of you who read these backwards on the last blog, I got to see prince and sit by him for a long time). After I evaluated myself in that situation I gave myself a C trying to be easier on myself. I did say something which is an improvment from me but I didnt say enough and I didnt say what would really get me places. you know my feelings. I cant even think about doing that. I dont think im there yet. But there is something NOBODY knows that you now get to hear about.

I was going to keep it a secret but now im blabing. A couple weeks ago or maybe more then that I emailed prince. No joke. I emailed him in need of assitance of something and just saying hello. He responded! I got a line back......I was pretty happy I got something back but it didnt go as planned. I was hoping he would respond to my little how are yous and blah blah blahs then we could keep on talking. but he just told me how to solve the problem and I replied thank you and it ended. It took a lot for me to press send. It sounds minor but I spent like a whole day debating it in my mind. Finally I got the courage and I made the dission to press send. To me thats pretty big! So evalutating that moment, I was brave and it worked out it my benifit...kinda. But I was kind of scared about seeing him after that. like worried. And then it just happened and it was good and I said something. But i forgot all my little seventeen magazine memorizations. What to say, what to do, what to wear stuff. I wasted a golden opurtunity. The world gave it to me and I didnt do much with it.

But then I think of what I could have done. I dont know what I could have done. The only thing that pops into my mind that would express everything would have been to kiss him but our parents were there. And he might be weirded out forever. so thats not even an option. so heres the answer to the big evaluation. Why am I not getting anywhere on a lot of aspects of my life??? Because I dont know how too. I have no clue at all. so what I need is some serious help on how to get it. please people.
There is one big hope in my head about this whole thing though. That somewhere in the back of his mind he has that memory too. And that maybe just maybe he thinks im ok. Thats all I want. seriously, thats one of the things I want in my life right now. Graduating from high school and college, getting scholorships, having friends, and A.A. to think that im an ok person maybe even a good person. And somewhere in his mind for him to have a positive thought. But as it seems all of these blogs end in the same way....I will never know if he thinks im ok. Or if he gets the feeling too. and why wont I ever know? Because I dont know how too again. ahhh.

song of the day: Under control - Parachute

quote of the day: " If you could see that im the one who understands you / been here all along so why cant you see, you belong with me " - Taylor swift