3/31/10

Hey everyone! Today we're gonna talk about one of my favorite topics. Love... its all around you (I hope, and if its not i'm giving you a virtual hug as we speak)! Ok for those of you are looking for love, what do you look for? You know the saying guys marry their mothers, and girl marry their fathers (not insest but people simila rto them). I'm starting to believe it a little. You know how? I was on twitter yesturday as always, but Rob Kardashian proved me right. A trending topic was #mygirlis. And guys were answering that question. And Rob Kardashians says a lot of stuff and i'll post it here.
"#MyWoman needs to put God first!
#MyWoman needs to know I would Never cheat on her bc she is My Woman!
#MyWoman needs to have that caramel complexion... :)
#MyWoman needs to have that mani/pedi done right!
#MyWoman needs to dress fly... Not only high fashion but the sweats and some fly sneakers too...
#MyWoman needs to be able to teach me things and take care of me. Pretty much be my "Mama" :)
#MyWoman needs to be able to cook!"

So the above is what Rob Kardashian wants in a woman. You know who this sounds like. Well from what I see on the reality show, All these things are a combanation of his mom and his sisters. Caramel complexion (all his family except for his younger sisters & that means i'm out :( ). He said that she needs to have a mani/pedi all the time (ALL His sisters, his mom, and even his step dad get pani, pedi's). High fashion clothes, his whol family. And he says he wants her to be his "mama (I tink its adorable when guys call their girls that, because the love a person has for their mom is so great that when they compare that to you, it shows how much they love you). Anyways, Rob Kardashian is living proof that men marry their mothers.

Off the subject of love the Tyra show has inspired me to blog yet again! Today Tyras show was about the last living form of predjudice that isen't frowned upon. Have any idea what it is? Discrimination that happens everyday? Its discrimination against "Fat" people. Now it may seem like the word discrimination is taking it too far, but its really not. People above the magic number, which tyra told us was a size 12 in the model community makes you fat according to most of america. She personally dosen't believe that. The whole point of her covering the topic is to show people that there is beauty in all sizes. Tyra knows what it feels like to be called fat. In season two of the show remember she told the tabloids to "kiss [her] fat ass". She lost the weight, but she knows how it feels and wants to show people that it hurts. Especially other girls, because you don't see a bunch of guys calling a girl fat. So girls lets support our sistas, and don't be so mean. No body wants to be big,trust me I know, and it hurts when people use awful, impolite words to describe a person. weather 300 or 500 pounds they have feelings too. Remember that.

Song of the day: Our song - Taylor Swift

quote of the day: be the change you wish to see in the world - ghandi

3/30/10

Hello readers. Today i'm going to talk about a certain type of person. We all know one of these people. Maybe more than one. You know, the girl (yes its normally a girl) whos wearing the designer clothes, with the perfect curled hair, shoes fresh out off the machine and is complaining about how ugly she is, or how she "dosen't even try". People like this tick me off a lot. The person i've noticed does it more than anyone else isen't a friend of mine, but is a girl who is in 3 of my classes. She has the perfect hair every day and she always brings up how she "hates her hair and it looks so bad", so that people can say, "NO! your hair is sooo pretty". And when this comes up she can bring up the fact that she a nice person by saying "I'm growing it out for locks of love", which is an organization that makes wigs for cancer patients. I'm not saying I don't think its the most wondeful thing to do and a good cause to donate too, but that dosen't mean she has to tell everyone she knows. Am I just weird or do you all think its kind of pathetic to fish for complements? just keeping it real.

Did I ever tell you guys I over examine things? Thats just a part of me, and I hate it and love it sometimes. There are some things I don't over examine that I should. Like homework for instance, that is not over examined. I think its because i'm confident with that. But the system I used for homework is : Pen is i'm definate about the answer, pencil: if i'm not for sure, and cursive when I get bored. Thank god its not the 60s and teachers can't express their annoyance with it. Same with my doodling on teh side of the paper. I have my special doodles for ever class. Is that weird (there I go examining). I totally didn't mean to do taht by the way. But back to over examining. A couple days I over examined something again and I swear someone above, or some weird "law of science" made something happen. It wasen't the biggest of deals but i'm still examining it. It was pretty big to me, because of what I felt. Idk......Sometimes I wish you guys could just be in me and feel things the right way. I try to say it in words but this isen't working. Just know through examining I got in a position where I was extatic and sad at the same time.

Do any of you believe in star signs and horescopes?? A wise one once told me that it was all a load of crap. But I always wonder if maybe horescopes are a way for the big guy up there to lead you in the right direction without you noticing it. I used to check my horescope every day, BUT I quit because I just don't have enough time in the day. But before a big day in my life, or before I want to take a risk I read my horescope and see where it will lead me. Yesturday I was reading mine to try out the diffrent things my itouch can do, and my facebook basically spoke to me about JD. It wasen't what I wanted to hear because I am trying to stay away from whats bad for me. But my horescope was like "there will soon be a guy in your life. He just recently broke up with his girlfriend and you need to give him some space but eventually he will come to you. blah blah blah". I wonder if it will be right. Maybe i'll get tired of waiting for a prince charming and go for something else but most likley not. I will try and be a good pure girl and stay single so I can keep out of trouble as I should. But sometimes I can't control the hormones that are like Boys, boys, boys all the time.

This whole blog must be really confusing to all of you. I'm sorry...

song of the day: I'm only me when i'm with you - Taylor Swift

Quote of the day: All love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time. - Julie Andrews

Newflash of the day: Stephine Meyer is writing a new book related to twilight! Awesome huh? Unfortunetly its not the continuation of Midnight sun which was fantastic but its a book that describes the events of Eclipse from the perspective of bree that young vampire and its going to be free online for a couple days or something. When I find more information i'll let you know.

And a shout out to my cousin, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY BILL! DON'T GO OUT AND BY PORN AND CIGARATES POR FAVOR! :)

The day after...

Hello Internet world! Hows it going? Well I had a shocker today. Well 2. One of them was an expected shocker. Well my dad left for the ship today....its pretty sad because I don't get to see him for 28 days. I've gotton so used to him being around all the time since he got his surgury its just weird for him to be gone. Its just me, my mama, and my brother now. I hope the days go by fast. At least I have something to look forward too this week. Taylor swift concert on friday :) ! Ok now shocker number two is yesturday I was on the computer and I don't know how it came up but I got this article about little wayne. It was about right before he went to jail he was on some show and sang his song every girl with his daughter and her friends (her friends including T.I.'s soon to be step daughter) on stage. Now when I first heard it I was like, aah so his dad loves woman. Thats nice you know empowering.

So I clicked on the song on my ipod, its the dirty version. Imagine how shocked I Was to find out the song lyrics were "I wish I could Fu** every girl in the world. That is nasty. Can you say STD's. The line that was a little more upsetting then the rest is when he says he "even wants a retards v-card". For those of you on planet mars v card is another word for virginity. Anyways, Weezy had no response to his daughter being on stage and made no apolagy. Thats what his baby mama's for, Toya came out and said that Weezy is a good father and he was only trying to make his little girl happy by letting her and her friends on stage. Being a loving father. I believe that, but for some reason it dosen't seem like hes a loving father when he never once showed up on teh reality show tiny and toya. Maybe he didn't want publisity but when I was talking on the phone the other day she said something memerable (as always), she said that children need a mother and a father and shes absolutly right.

For the record I don't have any kids, i'm just 15 years old, broke and with no plans to get a job so you shoulden't be suprised when I say i'm not looking for a baby right now. I want kids in the future though! And what i'm hoping is that those kids, will have a dad thats around. And i'll be around as well. Theres just diffrent things that you need both parents for you know? If any of you watch the reality show Kendra, she just had baby hank and you kind of see what each parent is for. When their both around not only is there lots of love but Kendra makes sure he gets cute little special ordered Colts outfits and a binkey that says "my mama's hott". Hank the third (father) points out things like how hanks "balls dropped" and kendra has no idea what he means by that on the show. His daddy is there for that kind of thing. Those are just examples but I think its best for a kid especially before their teenage years and when their young to have both parentals around.

My love life is kind of dead right now, i'm examining my feelings for ALL those people all over again, i'll let you know when i figure it out. But the quote seems to really explain it.

Song of the day: Make a wave - Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato. For those of you who are looking for an "adult song" try, Hey, Soul sister - Train (i'm still loving that song and it got to number one on itunes!

quote of the day: You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

News update of the day: Ricky Martian has come out of the closet...

Listen to your heart

This is a pretty famous saying, Listen to your hear. Most people hear it I bet a thousand time throughout their life time. Most people believe that if you listen to your heart it wont let you down. I'm a believer in that, kind of. For starters I think the reason it dosen't work for some people is because their heart isen't really saying anything. And that means that the affection you think you have for some one is all in your head people. But I think when you really do feel strongly about someone it happens. I've felt it. Your heart starts beating really fast, almost as if theres something wrong. Then you feel this really high rush that makes you smile uncontrollably then without thinking you shut your brain off and you turn your heart on and it does as it pleases.

I have to say all the times i've let this happen in turned out ok. Its never had an awful resault where the guy was like "I hate you, your blah blah blah blah stay away from me". I mean even though a couple of them didn't feel that heart racing my heart was right about them being good guys because they were nice about it. Another thing that I do wrong is that I don't follow my own advice and I leave a part of my brain on. So while my hearts trying to do what it does best (besides keeping me alive ofcourse), My brain is saying "what if...", "what if...". Then the what ifs stop my heart with the help of cupid from taking it all the way. But one time my heart was in full power and in typed something out then my brain goes "noooooo you will not press send" so my hands back away and I swear the send button clicked itself and just went. And people ask for proof that god is there looking out for us! It happened!! It was freaky, but nice. I got a decent result. The problem with the results is that they make me REALLY happy and really confused at the same time. But someday my hearts going to sort it all out and tell me whats really happening.

So word for the wise, Turn your brain off and turn your heart on!!

song of the day: Listen to your heart - Roxette

quote of the day: Surrendering your head to your heart in those moments will lead you to balance and fulfillment - not me but some other genius on google

March 28th, 2010

Hello Everyone! Happy March 28th. At least I hope its a happy one for all of you. So what is march 28th??? March 28th is palm sunday! Yay for Palm sunday! What is palm sunday? Not only is it a trending topic on twitter but it is a christian and catholic holiday that begins holy week for us christian folks. We celebrate the fact that on this day many years ago Jesus arrived in jerusalem on a donkey, and when people saw him they took of their coats and ripped of palms from the trees to lay down on the ground as a sign of respect and because they loved him. Little did they know that when he entered the town he would reach many troubles and later be hung on the cross. I'll try and keep up some little holy week explanations, I know its not "politically correct" to talk about religion but hey I run this blog! the 28th is also something else special. You know this prince/A.A.A./my brown eyed boy/Mr. Right that you always hear about. Well today is that very nice guys birthday. So happy Birthday Prince charming! (Even though he'll never see it it was just a nice thing to use my power for. :)

Speaking of birthdays people celebrate them very diffrenly you know. The really big birthays in my head are 1, 10, 16, 18, 21, 50, 70, 80, and every age after you've passed 80 because its impressive that your still kickin. When I was younger all the way up to this year my birthday was something seriously big. Like I waited for my birthday, counted down days, begged for the perfect cake, and made birthday lists like months ahead, I also already knew what I would want to do like the year before. I think that may just be part of being a kid. But some people never feel that way. Like I have some friends who turned 16 and didnt think twice about it. It was nothing to them. So on peoples birthdays I always wonder what kind of person they are and what they choose to do on the big day. I wonder if prince is throwing a huge blowout with a ton of people trashing his house right now, or if its just another day of the week doing whatever it his he does on a daily basis. A couple days ago was lady gaga's birthday. I also wondered what she did for her big day. She is nuts after all. I KNOW she was doing something crazy and hanging out with the some insane people. haha.

Ok so I was listening to the song I need you now by lady antebellum. Have you ever heard it? Duh it was a number one hit for the longest time so if you havent you better look it up people. But in this one part of the song she says soemthing commmanly said. She says "its better to feel pain then nothing at all". I thought about those words in my head and just like when I do any other deep thinking I blog about it. I thought about in my life wheather it would be better to feel hurt or just in the in between stage. I am currently in that in between stage where i'm not "romantically linked" and I don't get any deep burning passionate feelings unless I watch gossip girl. Thats sucks huh?

And in a second if I could get a good guy to take me from nothing to something I would take it in a second. But I don't know if I would trade the nothing feelings for pain. I've been hurt before. I've cried and wondered what on earth I ever did to deserve feeling so low. But when I think about it if the pain is a result of having something so good and feeling true love then I would take it. So yes I agree with lady antebellum and if Mr. Right came to my door right now and offered me true love and true emotional pain I would accept it.

song of the day: My boo - Usher and Alicia Keys &&& Stevie Wonders happy birthday because thats one of my favorite versions of the song.

quote of the day: Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.

Change

What exactly is change. The definition according to Merriam Websters dictionary is to make diffrent in some paticular. That makes no sense at all does it? Not to me and i'd like to think im good at words and comprehend english very well since i've been using it my whole life. its hard to describe the word change without using change in the sentence though. Heres what i've come up with. Change is when something becomes diffrent from what it normally is or what people are used too. Some people really like change and others aren't that way. I'm a person who isen't a fan of change. I like to fall into a routine and stick to it. Little changes aren't such a big deal to me, like practicing piano before homework or not going to bed at the same time. But the very noticable diffrences leave me empty.

For some reason in my mind the original way is always better. The way i've known all my life. Its hard to adjut and live in a completly diffrent way. I was the kid who cried the whole day on the first day of preschool. To the point where they had to call my dad and say they coulden't handle me. The second day I cried a little bit and the third day there was no tears because I had fallen into the routine. But if you had given me the choice at that age of going back to my day care instead of preschool I woul dahve totally jumped on the train and gone back to day care. Even though I was used to the preschool and had a fairly good time the original was was what I perfered.

Scientifically they say that this whole change thing is all psycological and is diffrent depending on age. Like with the place that people call home. Its always going to be the place that the person stayed between the ages of 11-14. It dosen't matter if they got raped there, or if they won Ms. Congilality thats the place they are going to call home. Which is true in my position. I was born in maryland and lived there for 5 years of my life but I don't call that home. In my mind Lawrence is my home and not the apartment I used to live in. My home is the house i'm typing this from and this happens to be where I lived from 11-14. As for my parents lawrence is not home at all. You can see how this plays out from facebook. I don't know if any of you are friends with people from the same family. I have like maybe 6 cases like that where im friends with diffrent people from one family. In a lot of the familys that have moved around they all have a diffrent place under hometown. Weird or what??

What are your views on change? I'm curious.....like curious george. But unlike the cat this curiosity won't kill me (I hope...)

song of the day: Change - Taylor swift (do you guys listen to these?)

quote of the day: All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

Encore!

For those of you who live on planet mars or dont live in Lawrence, Ks (the coolest city in the world according to Ms. Taylor Swift), Encore happens the spring of every year. Encore is a show put on by junior and senior memembers of the Freestate choir. This is no high school show. Let me just say that the talent is out of this world amazing!! Im not just saying this because I go to the school, I'm saying it because there are some people at my school with phenomenal voices, and wonderful instramental skills. Lawrence is a very musical town, the diffrence between the music in lawrence and other communiteys is the people in lawrence are blessed to have good voices AND know how to correctly use those voices. I didn't hear ANY flatting.

The best performance of the night, hands down goes to Nolan Frank singing Miami 2017 by Billy Joel. He was the only performer to get a standing ovation. It blew me away that his voice was so good and he played the piano along with the band in perfect tempo. Nolan is better than EVERYONE currently on american idol vocal wise. Hes gonna be someone someday. The next performance that blew me away was somebody to love. The sound that was coming from that song was better than the glee performance of it (and I would rarley say that). The sound was out of this world and the movments and lighting they had associated with it was drop dead amazing.

Some other songs I liked were Jai Ho (this indian guy sang it and a bunch of people dressed up in indianish outfits and did the dance to Jai Ho just like in the movie it was good. I also lked Happy Ending. The sound was really good...not as good as the previously meantioned perfomrances but good. Party in the USA made me laugh. It was all guys and they wore cardigans and they danced around and sang it was cute. A group of predominatly african american people did the Love you save by the jackson 5. They wore the little jackson outfits and all wore afros. it was nice. There was a couple all girls songs that turned out well like Goodbye Earl, How will I know, and You belong with me. A funny one was the most beautiful girl in the room as recorded by flight of Conchords (you should look it up the lyrics are funny stuff). The last two I enjoyed were Love machine (they dressed up as robats) and Time after time (good vocals). All of you should try and make it to an encore performance sometime.

song of the day: Somebody to love - as performed by FREESTATE choir members

quote of the day: Wisdom begins in wonder.

Its Friday in My World 2 (get it?)

Hello readers! Guess what? Today is basically friday. I get a 3 day weeked!! Isen't that so exciting. Im personally looking forward too it. This week has seemed really long and its been hard adjusting to normal sleeping hours. I'm still in the process. I got to get my hair done today!! I always get my hair done at the worst time. Its ok though I love it. It looks really cute. She curled it under and I like it. Its also really shinny and smooth now that theres more relaxer in it :) Yay for relaxer! When I was at the salon they were watching dodgeball. I haven't seen that movie in so long. The first time I saw it I didn't really get the "adult humor" but its definatley funny they second time around. Ben Stiller is hilarious in that movie. And hes normally not one of my favorite comedians. Its hard to make me laugh so if you succsseed you must be really funny, except for today because everything just seemed weirdly funny to me.

So did I ever meantion watching the duggar family wedding?? Well I finally caught the show on TLC. I was always really curious about the duggar family because one woman giving birth 19 times is pretty amazing. That means she was pregnant like half of her life. Now how did this happen you ask? Well the duggars are a christian family who dont believe in birth control. They think that god will only give you as many children as you can handle and they can obviously handle a lot of kids. They drive a bus. Anyways, the duggars oldest son got married quite awhile ago but I never saw the wedding. It was a simple wedding, which was refreshing to see on cable for a change. What really stuck out about this couple was the fact that they decided not to kiss until their wedding day.

They both shared similar traditional, Christian values. Thier also both pretty old fashioned. I mean they made the wedding gown, bridesmaid dresses, and flower girl dresses on their own. you barley hear that happening anymore. The dress had short sleeves! Thats also pretty rare now. But anyway, back to the kissing thing. They didn't kiss. They decided to start a relationship based on falling in love with each others personalities. So they held hands, and hugged (no touch feely huging, christian side hugs). But they fell in love. And you know what this proves. That guys are liars when they say "we can't control ourselves...". Jason Duggar can control himself so all of them can. That also means for those of you who didn't get it, they stayed abstinent all through their dating. Its possible! It makes me feel really bad for those people who lost their virgintiy at 16 to stupid people that wont even made the top 10 most important people of their lives. It got me thinking if any of the guys that i LIKE would have similar values and would be cool falling in love with me. Not kissing me, or touching me but just loving me the person. hmmm....Idk, I think its a possability they would. It also made me wonder if I would want that kind of relationship. Its obviously good to stay abstinent because of STDS and the change of pregnancy, but you can't get pregnant from kissing. Is there a happy medium, did the duggars take it overboard, or should we all follow their example? Im not sure....

song of the day: Superstar - Taylor Swift

quote of the day: It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war. - John F. Kennedy (its really true if you think about it)

3/24/10 (even though m computers convinced its march 8ths)

Hey blog readers. Day in the life luvas. People of all diffrent kinds. How are you all doing? I hope the rain hasen't got you down for those of you who live in kansas or the midwest in general. Today was a pretty decent day. Why you ask? Well for starters it was late arrival wich means I got to go to school at 9:30. yes! :) It was also early release which means I got to come home early. Its awesome! I also just finished readin ga really good book. Its amazing. I came home and got right to Leaving Paradise by Simone Elkeles. Its a really good book and I could talk about it a ton! If you want more information it should be posted on iteenkc soon. Enjoy it!

I bet your wondering on how I'm doing with my making all my dreams come true. Well as usual i'm doing pretty good on my education dreams. My grades are still good and i've turned in all the work I was supposed too which is good. As for my musical stuff, Im doing pretty good. I started trying to figure out the guitar part to Reedemption song which I love. And I did well in piano practice yesturday :). As for singing I wrote some new things, one of them is one of my favorite songs yet because i'm not writting about something real and I think those are my best songs. As for my other dream. the one that makes my heart smile, i dont know how to get it yet. I'm just drawing a blank and dont know where to go. What to do. What not to do. I just dont know, all I know is I really want it. I've been praying for some kind of message to tell me what to do but nothing yet. I'll let you know if the big guy up there sends me a text or something :) But seriously thats the one thing i'm not sure how to achieve at this point.

Guess who's coming to town?? Lady Gaga!!!! I really really really really really really want to go. Think of how phenomenal a gaga concert would be. Shes so nuts the whole thing would be crazy awesome. cool lighting and costumes. I just don't know if I can go. When I checked ticket prices yesturday I got a letback, they were 210.00 dollars. But that was the presale price. On monday the tickets go on sale outside of presale and THAT is what im going to try to aim for. I just have to convince my parents. I feel guilty asking my parents for money but.....its in the summer and it would be great. Cross your fingers for me. I'll keep you updated.

Song of the day: I never told you - Colbie Calliet

quote of the day: Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

Newsflash: Poor Kim Kardashian. According to peoples magazine her and Reggie aren't together anymore. After so many years. According to peoples magazine Reggie Bush just coulden't deal with her busy scheduale and she wasen't ready to give up her carreer so its...done.

3/22/10

Hi everyone! Sorry for the weird blog posts yesturday. I was in the worlds weirdest mood and me being weirder then usual can be a little scary. Bear with me though the blog will get better. Oh and guess what??? I bring you good news of great joy (recognize that, its from a very famous book), Healthcare reform has passed! I had blogged about it earlier and although not a single republican voted on the bill the democratic majority won. The passing of this bill could possibly and most likeley will lead to universal health care. Ever heard of it? Universal healthcare is a government system where everyone gets 1st class healthcare paid for by the government. Its worked fantastic for all the other countries. I hope it will work well here too.

Last night I could not sleep. I think I was so used to the other scheduale that sleeping at 9:30 was like sleeping at 3 in the evening to me. so I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours and when I did fall asleep I hit the jackpot and had my first dream about prom. As much as i've been looking forward to it i've never had a dream about it. The weird thing was it wasen't even my own prom. I was at a prom with someone else. It was scary realistic though. I had to use my winter formal dress because there wasen't enough time for me to get another dress. I went to ediths house to get a weave and curled it in the dream. Then I drove off to meet my date. And let me tell you it was the perfect date. If I ever really got to go to prom with him it would be like the highlight of my life. We went and danced around for awhile and then a song played (stinkay leg) I was a little embarassed because I didnt know how to do it right so I admitted it to him and we laughed about it. It was the perfect dream...and to think theres a teeny tiny chance that it could happen. mmmmm, the beauty of dreaming is that i can live a fairytale through the dreams.

Yesturday while in a weird mood I sat and evaluated my life again. Remember I told you that was a good idea? Well I did and I figured out part of my problem is sometimes after going to school for a long time I change. Its the people rubbing off on me. From being around people that say life should be like this, or this I figured out that eventually I start to think the same thing. I start to compare myself to the supposedly "best most popular people" and I forget that thats what I dont want to be. I just want to be a content person with lots of happy memories throughout my life. So today when I was at school I studied myself. I figured out that I spend a little amount of my class time talking. I dont really talk in school. Im very quiet. I listen a lot though. I hear bits and pieces of so many conversations and those conversations are the problem. I shoulden't be listening to them. they rub me the wrong way and eventually I loose myself in this big bad world. I'm back and I know what I want. And this time im gonna get it. Im serious about this. I want to seriously put my mind on everything and make sure that everything on my list comes true. Any guesses what the number one thing on the list is???? well I know and with hope soon i'll be telling you it already came true.

song of the day: A dream is a wish you heart makes - from cinderella

Quote of the day: Peace begins with a smile - Mother Teresa

Do you ever stop to wonder....

Do you ever sit and wonder if maybe your just one step away from making all you dreams come true? Do you ever sit and think that maybe that boy loves you too? That maybe just maybe all these little nervous set backs were meant to happen, just so that one day, the right day something good will happen. Do you ever sit and wonder if maybe its all your fault that you've been sitting here single and its all not just based on luck? Do you ever stop to wonder if your hard work will pay off? If your just wasting your time or sticking through for a good cause? Do you ever stop to wonder if its weird to have so many little memories and if the one their about still remembers them too? Do you ever stop to wonder that maybe life is just a game, and maybe the only way to win is risk it all, your pride and all? Do you ever stop to wonder if maybe it all really does matter, whether your feet are too big, or about that scar on your cheek? Do you ever stop and wonder what would happen if you just did what you wanted and let nothing stop you?

Well I wonder, and i'm still wondering. Its never ending my what ifs. What I need personally is to figure out how to get past worrying about what could happen and just be. Just do what feels right at the right time. Loose the shyness and just go for it all. What if what I need is to give him a call... or just get over it all and face what is. You see how my brain works?? When I say i am trying to forget the what ifs they just happen all over again. AHHH......where are the signs when you need them the most and why do I waste oppurtunities when I need them most. Maybe what i need to get over the what ifs is...him. my brown eyed boy.

A little story , randomly written

The main characters are Sophie and Alex. Sophie is 17 and Alex is 19 taking a 2 year break before he goes unto college. This story starts in the middle.

Its 9:00 and the party buzz is just begging. The place is pitch black and the only thing helping a person see is the strobe lights in the middle of the dance floor. Sophie is really excited because she knows that Alex will be there. She takes extra long straightening her hair and uses extra makeup to make sure that she looks perfect for Alex.

Alex walks into the party. Sophie senses that he is there before she even sees him. When she sees him walking down she turns away not because she doesn't want to look. Trust me Sophie could look at Alex all day, but she just doesn't know what to do. She stalls a little bit having small talk with other people and avoiding alex but then she realizes that maybe the little senerio going on in her head was meant to go out of her head.

She walks up to Alex and says Hey. Alex responds with hey. She asks how he's been and goes over all the little small talk things to say. He responds. She looks him in the eye, and says have I ever told you how attractive you are. He says No. She says your really hot and thats and understatement. He says thats nice to here your pretty cute yourself. She leans up and he leans down and they kiss. No tongue or anything just a little kiss. It sends tingles down sophie's spine and Alex's heart jumps. Suddenly everything in the room disappears but Sophie and Alex. Sophie tells him that there is so much shes wanted to say over the past 8 years of their time together but she just didn't know how and it is all coming back to her now. Sophie tells him about that picture on facebook she just adores. The one where he is in the grey hoodie with his name on the side. The one that makes his brown eyes make her just melt.

She goes on to tell Alex about how she heard that song that he wrote for the band Popcorn and how great it is. How she really really likes it and secretly looks for it on his fb wall every single day. She goes on to talk about how she has a present in her closet she meant to give him for the last 8 birthdays he has had. How she wanted to call Alex when she broke her arm, or when her grandmother died. How she was super excited when she heard he got accepted into a cool program. How she has written millions of text messages that never got sent. How excited she was a couple years back when he tagged her in a note, and how disappointed she was when he deleted it, because it felt like he was deleting her. How her heart jumped and she screamed at the top of her lungs when he emailed back. The stories could go on and on about things that happened in the last 8 years. Alex did not find it weird at all that sophie remembered all this. He looked into her twinkling eyes and kissed her again. Taking her to a whole new world. And that began the next 90 years of Alex and Sophie's life as a happy couple beating all the odds and proving that true love does happen outside of fairytales.

There lies the story of Sophie and Alex. Don't we all wish we were as brave as Sophie.....and dont we also wish other things....

Health care, & the end of Spring Break & song recommendations

Does anyone know what today is? For those of you who just though sunday, thumbs up thats what day of the week it is! But its more than that. Today our congress is voting on the healthcare bill. What is the healthcare bill? Its a bill really being pushed by Mr. President and the democratic party for the United states citizen. If this bill gets passed 30,000,000 uncovered people will get healthcare coverage. 30 million. can you even imagine? It seems like the perfect bill right? People with preexisting conditions will still be covered and people wont be able to charge you so much anymore. This covers all people except those trying to use this to get free abortions. Thats not allowed, because abortion is still illegal in most states. Now the problem is the republicans are doing everything they possibly can to stop this bill. Why? Because most rich people are republicans. And the rich people are the doctors and those who own insurance companies that want to keep getting all that free money. With the help of god that will end today and the healthcare bill will pass. Keep your fingers crossed and maybe it will happen.

Remember that spring break I was SO excited about? Today is the last day. Can you believe it? Its over. Just like that. It feels like only yesterday I was happy to be out of school and now I have to go back. I don't really like school anymore. Its become to stressful. Its hard challenging stuff. And its also too long. I cant really focus for 8 hours straight. I mean passing periods and lunch help me kind of get back on track but its still suckish to have to think hard for that long. I leave school with a headache. And i've also noticed that when I go back to school I get the stupid ideas of what is important in my head again. Because very few people in high school have really figured out what matters in life. So they spend most time talking about pointless things and this goes on for a long time and eventually it can rub off on you. But I'm going to keep my head straight going back in. And for the record JD and P. are history. I saw what was really there over break and its done for this quarter. But what isn't history? My straight As from last quarter :) Im getting a four point O this semester no matter how hard I have to work for it. Yes I will!

As most of you know, one of my great loves is music. I love love love love music. All kinds. I listen to R&B and hip hop hits, country hits, rap hits, rock n roll hits. I listen to it all as long as its good. But i've got to say the genre that really has it going on for these last two months. R&B. I can not get enough of Jason Derulo. He is one of my favorite new artists. All of his songs have that vibe that i am in love with. It makes me want to dance and sing along. He is really good. The songs of his I am recommending are: In my head, Ridin Solo, and Watchu say. An intresting fact about him was he was "discovered" by Kara Diogaurdi from American idol. It proved to me that she knows talent when she sees it. When I think Jason d. the next name that pops into my name is Iyaz. I love his songs too. He kind of gives me the sean kingston vibe. He has a pretty good song out called Solo, and Replay was the most popular song of his which I still like.

Orianthi is a brand new artist and she made the song According to you thats been topping the charts. I fell in love with the song the first time I heard it and I thought it was a pink song from the sound of her voice. But when I went about to getting it for my epic collection I found out it was by Orianthi who happens to be the guitar player from This is It! I love that movie and I was really excited for the people who got to be debuted in it because I was hopping that they would get their time to shine since the shows were canceled. She did it! And the last great song I'm going to meantion is break your heart by Taio Cruz. I think its also a fantastic song. :) opps I forgot one more good one. Hey, Soul sister by Train. That song makes me happy inside. its great.

song of the day: Ridin solo - Jason Derulo

Quote of the day:To enlarge or illustrate this power and effect of love is to set a candle in the sun.

I just made this song and for some reason I decided to put it on youtube....http://www.youtube.com/user/Mariamali14?feature=mhw4

Part 2 evaluation and the secret no longer

Hey readers & followers!
So i've figured out that when I write about the same thing twice i get diffrent reactions from it and stuff and its good for me. I dont know if its good for you. Ive figured out that on the second day i kind of come back to earth from la la land and have totally diffrent thoughts. For starters last night after I blogged I remembered something pretty sad that happened. KU got taken out of the big 12. The number one seed of the whole thing is now out. It was really sad, because I thought that we'd maybe even get to the final four. Obama even though they would win the whole champian ship. It was a good year, but a very dissapointing one at that. Good job players!

I figured out one way to get to happiness last night. one of the many puzzle pieces of a good life. I think something very important for people to do is evaluate what they've been through and the current state of their mind, their feelings, and what will get them to that happy point. Do any of you do that? I didnt do it that often but I will now and I think it will be helpful for you readers. So anyways last night I was thinking more deeply about my two hours of heaven (for those of you who read these backwards on the last blog, I got to see prince and sit by him for a long time). After I evaluated myself in that situation I gave myself a C trying to be easier on myself. I did say something which is an improvment from me but I didnt say enough and I didnt say what would really get me places. you know my feelings. I cant even think about doing that. I dont think im there yet. But there is something NOBODY knows that you now get to hear about.

I was going to keep it a secret but now im blabing. A couple weeks ago or maybe more then that I emailed prince. No joke. I emailed him in need of assitance of something and just saying hello. He responded! I got a line back......I was pretty happy I got something back but it didnt go as planned. I was hoping he would respond to my little how are yous and blah blah blahs then we could keep on talking. but he just told me how to solve the problem and I replied thank you and it ended. It took a lot for me to press send. It sounds minor but I spent like a whole day debating it in my mind. Finally I got the courage and I made the dission to press send. To me thats pretty big! So evalutating that moment, I was brave and it worked out it my benifit...kinda. But I was kind of scared about seeing him after that. like worried. And then it just happened and it was good and I said something. But i forgot all my little seventeen magazine memorizations. What to say, what to do, what to wear stuff. I wasted a golden opurtunity. The world gave it to me and I didnt do much with it.

But then I think of what I could have done. I dont know what I could have done. The only thing that pops into my mind that would express everything would have been to kiss him but our parents were there. And he might be weirded out forever. so thats not even an option. so heres the answer to the big evaluation. Why am I not getting anywhere on a lot of aspects of my life??? Because I dont know how too. I have no clue at all. so what I need is some serious help on how to get it. please people.
There is one big hope in my head about this whole thing though. That somewhere in the back of his mind he has that memory too. And that maybe just maybe he thinks im ok. Thats all I want. seriously, thats one of the things I want in my life right now. Graduating from high school and college, getting scholorships, having friends, and A.A. to think that im an ok person maybe even a good person. And somewhere in his mind for him to have a positive thought. But as it seems all of these blogs end in the same way....I will never know if he thinks im ok. Or if he gets the feeling too. and why wont I ever know? Because I dont know how too again. ahhh.

song of the day: Under control - Parachute

quote of the day: " If you could see that im the one who understands you / been here all along so why cant you see, you belong with me " - Taylor swift

Good times & Nice guys finish FIRST!

Dear Blog,
I dont have a diary so this is going to have to do for now. Today was a fantastic day and it meant the world to me. The beginning of my day was just a little boring. I woke up to a house full of sleeping people which was fairly good because I got a good book and the fire place all to myself. I finished the A-List first thing in the morning then had breakfast and continued on to read Heartless. Its part of the Pretty Little Liars books. I dont want to spoil this for any of you who read them but their basically the best books ever. I love them and thank goodness they are tunring into a tv show this summer! But for those of you who have been following them in this book you FINALLY get to find out if Ali is dead or alive and who the culprit of this whole big thing is. Its very well written and I read the whole thing in a couple hours. What I also woke up too wasw snow. Lots and lots of it. I had plans to go to Grandville, Mo for Kassim's 1st birthday party. A year goes by so fast. I remember being at his baby shower, it feels like yesturday. But anyways the way it was looking I would not be able to go because of the snow :( But thank god for the government!! They cleaned those roads fast and I could go. But it left me little time to get ready and try on outfits. I went with my purple "dress" (the lady said it was a dress at the store but its REALLY short) with my dark skinny jeans and my black cardigan. I think it was an ok outfit.

When I got there... Well I was one of the first to arive as always even though me and my family were 30 minutes late. African people seem to have a problem with being on time. I like going to those events because I'm always on time compared to others but normally im the one whos late. Anyways time passed, I made small talk with some adults and hung out with Natasha. Then more people came and the basment started feeling crouded. Part of the more people was my best friend! It was cool to see her again its very rare since neither of us are "lincensed drivers" and my parents dont really chauffer me around as i please. You know who else was there? Prince. Prince. Prince. Prince. ahhhhhhhhhh ( i really screamed, well more of squeeled but anyways...) he was there. He looked so cute. It always seems like I forget just how attractive he is until I see him. And then something even more amazing happened. I got to sit by him for like 2 whole hours! It was like a dream, except for in dreams im more talkative and we have more conversations. But we talked a couple lines. He dosen't really talk to me either though. I dont get the I hate you vibe though which is good.

I really cant explain it but for some reason I just feel like hes the guy. The one that im supposed to be with. is that weird? am i imaging it? I really dont think so i just get an overwhealming feeling. And daydream/visions that hes my future. Even though some people try to make it seem negative since he didnt kill the bug that was by my head. But I dont blame him bugs are ICKY. The weird thing though was he totally came up in conversations and he was right there! And he didnt even flinch. someone goes, " thats really the guy you want to end up with. he dosent kill bugs and blah blah blah blah blah and I said something back along the lines of YES! I Want him bad!" Either he couldent hear which I highly doubt or it wasent a shocker to him. maybe he just knows its meant to be too. Who knows? I have been smart enough to figure out us dating right now wouldent work. Because 1. where would the actual dating happen? From party to party where our parents and basically relatives were everywhere. That wouldent be awkward at all. 2.He dosent really seem like the rebel break the rules and date when im not supposed to type. I like him for it. But then someone that said something that kept playing in my head and just brings me extreme joy , " your future husband...." I didnt even here the rest. I stopped right at your future husband. It sounded SO good. I cant totally imagine him in his hugo boss suit, I can here the wedding bells as we speak. Actually I can see it. Is that weird? I might have a really vivid imagination or I just see how its supposed to work out. I dont know but in case you havent realized I really really like him. Hes the whole world right now. This is a world without any of those other stupid gangster boys that ive been distracting myself with. This is the real deal. Its the moment where kendra meets hank. Khloe meets lamar. Brad meets angalina. Kim meets Reggie. Bella meets Jacob & Edward. Its the real deal.

song of the day: Put your records on - Connie Bailey Rae (kickin it old skool)

quote of the day: Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."

"Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life."

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you."

St. Patricks Day '10

Happy Saint Patriks Day readers! I hope its been a good one. Im sure your all wearing green and soaking up the irish luck. Maybe some of you are wearing kilts and others of you are doing that irish dance. Baggpipes are being played in homes around the world. And with hope your mom hasent shrunk to fit in your pocket like in the movie Luck of the Irish. I think this holiday is meant most for irish people to celebrate their heartiage and everyone to see what its like to be irish for a day. Not to meantion lots of people drink it up...........Im not one of those people. I spent my St. Patriks day like this.

First I woke up semi-late then went to the gym with my mother. We did some treadmill work and some bike work. We also did the machines. I finally realized that my mom is really in shape. Maybe more then in shape, shes like physially fit. She carries like 60 pounds on all the workout mahines. She also goes the same speed as me on all the machines. With hope I will reach that level. I lost two pounds! But I think I may have gained it back...I ate a lot of unhealthy things today. Alright anyways so I got home and showered getting ready to go out and stuff. Then I piked up Olivia and we went to the parade. We met up with Olive and Billy. We watched the parade. There were some pretty cool floats, the most boring thing was the never ending chrome club. That was annoying but everything else was cool. I got two free rulers, and a st. Patricks day cup.

After the parade Olivia and I went out to lunch. We went to pepperjacks. It was yummy, I had a philly and fries. Then we went on a glasses hunt. Olivia got the perfect pair. Then we went to envy and the most embarassing thing happened...I had planned on trying on this dress but I got carried away beacause I Was holding multiple things. Then my dad called while olivia was paying. When she was done we just left and I still had the dress in my hands. I didnt notice it was there until Olivia said "you stilll have that??". I had to take it back and it was super embarassing. Life goes on though and I told my dad and some other people so SOMEONE can no longer hold anything over my head. I felt really guilty but it was a complete accident.

Going back in time a little yesturday I got to go to Oak Park mall with my mom. I left lawrence thinking I would shop shop shop till I drop! I had such a good time. At first we went to the small metcaf macys and then I got some makeup. I went to Fashion Fair and the lady helped my find the right color. My mother paid. And then got some too. Then Macys was having a gigantic sale. I loved like everything they had but I ended up just getting a dress from macys. Its cute, black on top then lacy on the bottom with a pink material underneath the skirt. Its adorable. Then I went too forever 21, I fell in love with so many things there. And I had a 40 dollars in store credit beause I had returned something last time. I got 3 very adorable tops. My money ran out but that wonderful mom of mine paid for the shoes (well technacally that was her money in store credit!).

Then I went to Amerian Eagle to return this shirt I had paid like 9 dollars for. I didnt like it anymore but I didnt have the reciept. But htey let me return it anyways and the lady said it was worth 25 dollars! It was awesome beause then I got 2 new tops from there. All Ts were 10 dollars. Then I ended this spree at dillons where I got the most perfet jacket. Its awesome. Its like a black beyonce/MJ military style jacket that are on the HOT fashion list for this spring. Its so awesome. I also got this little sweater thing from there as well its blue and has a black pring on it thats cute. I had a successful trip, but im not allowed to by anything until august. It was worth it though. I get to finish the school year off in style.

song of the day: In my head - Jason D.

quote of the day: For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. - Audrey Hepburn

Briiing Briiing and the sound of shattered hearts

Do you hear the piercing screams? See the woman jumping off buildings? girls all over the world ripping posters and going on a hunt to get rid of their competeter? What has happened you ask? The absolute worst thing possible for most 9-12 year old girls. You ready for this? Joe. Jonas. Is. Taken. AHHH, ok I was just kidding but i did have fun with those last sentences. Peoples second most top news of the day is that Demi Lovatto and Joe Jonas are in a very happy relationship. Congrats to the new happy couple, I hope you live happily ever after together. (dont kill me!)

Some more big news around town is the Telephone music video that got released on friday! Ive seen it twice. Now most people dont think that far ahead but you do realize that some modern people will soon become future legends. Not many get this kind of honor but for some reason before watching this video I thought to myself i bet you this will be legendary. People will remember it for centurys. Dissapointed? yes and no. There were some very cool aspects of the video. Like the outfits. Both Lady gaga and beyonce had one some pretty crazy outfits. In the begining of the video lady gaga is being dragged into jail in this cool black and white outfit. And my favorite beyonce outfit was the MJ miliatary style jacket she wears at one point. And the patriotic outfits were really cool.

The song ofcourse is fantastic and the video was good. What I didnt like about it? Lady gaga was basically naked at one point with two crosses over her nipples and see through hose on. That was not cool, I Really dont enjoy seeing random but naked ladies and im sure most of america dosent. I did think it was funny when the cop goes "see I told you she dosent have a dick when she strips her". Refering to the tranny rumors ofcourse. There was this part where she started making out with a guy/girl in a three some like manor. AWKWARD! The car that beyonce drove was funny and as rob Kardashian quoted on his twitter I also like the part where Gaga goes , " are you sure you want to do this? You know if you kill the cow you've got to make a burger". Anyways it had its moments, its waaay cooler then a lot of modern music videos but I had higher hopes for two of the most talented female singers in america.

song of the day: Telehpone - Beyonce and Lady Gaga

quote of the day: All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them - Walt Disney

Hey everyone! Having a great saturday? I am because its still SPRING BREAK!! I love spring break. You probably figured that out by now. But I went for my second driving lesson ever today. I did better than I did yesturday. I have a better feel for the car. Im less jerky when I break and my turns are much cleaner than they used to be. Im proud of myself! And im also really glad to finally be behind the wheel. I feel pretty ready but somes I get a little tense and just have to take a break. Its a lot harder then it looks from the passanger seat. Keeping a regular speed and making sharp turns. I always thought it would be really easy. But I know what my learning style is. I'm a repetitive learner. I have to do something over and over and over again untill it clicks. With everything I do. I know thats not normal but thats always how i've been. I have to take my time and finally get to the point where I understand. And once I do understand its very simple and im good at it, maybe even the best (not to toot my own horn).

I got back to playing guitar this week. I can now play on 5 of the strings and sound pretty good. Im a genius at tuning it and I got guitar picks at mass street music. I also went downtown with Olive today. We had a really good time. She came and picked me up then we went to the library to return books then check some more out. I didnt get too though because I forgot my card. Its cool because I have a stack of books. I normally read a book a day during break. Todays was cracked up to be. Its a book about a girl who used to spend all her life being perfect until something happens that changes the whole course of her life. Anyways its really good. But back to downtown. We went to a ton of stores and looked at many cute outfits. I loved everything Envy and Urban had. But I was working with four dollars (3 after I bought the guitar picks) so I didn't buy anything. Just as my intuition had let me know JD was down there with this group of people. We made eye contacts but I shrugged it off as no biggie as did he. I think I may slowly be working on letting go....who am I kidding he was looking good :)

song of the day: Break your heart Taio Cruz
Quote of the day: The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.

3/12/10

I know now that school is over I should be talking about anything but it but this is a good story so listen up. In Epic Traditions class we were reading the Odyssey and Odysseus the main character is lost for like 20 years. And although there are many mythical challenges he faces one of them is staying faithful to his wife. And we have lit circles so we can basically discuss whatever we want into the book so that was one of my groups topics. And then this girl talked about mentally cheating versus physical cheating. She meantion then fact that if the man mentally wishes he would be cheating you isen't it the same thing. Whether he does it or not? Im not sure exactly where I stood on that topic in paticular but I can definatly understand how that would hurt if you were dating someone who wanted more than anything to be with somene else. Anyways I thought it was a cool new term that gives you something to think about. Are you a mental cheater? Would you mind if someone mentally cheated on you?? hmmm

So the personal goals of mine for this year have been increaing in the last 3 months. One of them from the very beginning was ofcourse learning to play guitar. And then I also wanted to loose weight (I haven't gotten anywhere on that. I lost a little and gained it back. Still working on my parents for permission for quick trim). Another goal of mine that I havent talked about was becoming a better cook. I think I am a pretty good cook. There are quite a few recipies I know, and I can definatley cook anything if you give me a recipie. But theres lots of things that I havent tried cooking. So from the middle of that month to this month I cooked a little mexican food. I can make chicken qusadillas and tacos ( as of today). Over spring break im gonna try and work more on that but the issue with cooking is the eating that comes afterwards. Last summer I wanted to take a cake decorating class but that clashes with the weight loss goal. What comes with decorating cake is eating frosting which isen't so great. I guess we need to find balance.

Some big news in the world is move over Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet who? Those two were the richest people in the world for quite some time. They switch off but normally Bill gates is on top. Well now neither is the number one richest person in the world. Also for the first time the richest man in the world is NOT a united states citizen. Wow, thats a pretty big deal. The man who has beat Bill Gates is a mexican buisness man being refered too by the news people as slim. A family memeber of mine thinks the only way he made all that money in mexico is drugs but I mean I guess its possible to have a couple mexican buisnesses that are that successful. Another things thats diffrent about this an is history does not show him as very charitbale where as bill gates and warren buffet have been big on malaria vaccines and diffrent things to support poor countrys around the world. Anyways this shows the world is changing and people in other countrys around the world can be billionares.

American Idol has been on latley and I havent blogged too much about it. I was a little dissapointed last week when my favorite singers got out. This year most of the female singers are very talented, BUT they sing hippish music that im not a fan of. So I've been rooting for the ones who will give me the music I want to hear. Unfortunetley most all of them are out now. But the two that are left are Paige, and Kaity. Ive been voting like crazy or them. I voted on all four phone systems we have in the house. And they stayed it! Im going to continue to do so, but it was sad that lily god out this week. She was actually very talented but I think she was too weird for america if you know what I mean? Well Watch Tuesdays, Wensdays, and Thursday at 7!

I just got back from my first ever driving lesson. It was a lot harder then I thought but Im happy I finally got to start. I did really well except for I had a problem of turning the steering wheel too much and turning too soon. I practiced in the parking lot of grace cathedral. I perfered that because I felt safe. The cross in the window made me feel like God was looking out for me and helping me which was a good thing! Cross your fingers for me. Ill be driving every day of spring break.

song of the day: Do you remember - Jay sean (its on the radio right now)

quote of the day: To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom

p.s. tonight I go and see Alice in Wonderland!

Barbie world and oscars

Long time no blog. Im sorry sweet readers. How are you? Well to finish up the oscar talk, I gave the best dressed award to Penelope Cruz. She had my most favorite dress and it was very pleasing to me. The award for best actress went to Saundra Bullock for her work in the Blind Side. The award for best actor went to Jeff Bridges. The award for best supporting actress went to Monique. The award for best director went to a woman for the first time. It was the award for the Hurt Locker! So its a pretty big feminist moment taht finally a girl can be a director and be aknowledged for her great works. Not to meantion she beat her ex husband who directed Avitar, that must have been a fantastic plus. But it was a really great award season and I salute all of those fabulous people. There was also a kanye moment that made me laugh. When the white lady does it its not a big deal but when its a black guy the whole world talks about it. Racism??

Speaking of Racism I was watching the cafferty files on cnn today. I dont really look forward to that show in the middle of the day or anything but when its on I listen because he discusses some very intresting topics. Today he was discussing how black barbie dolls sell far less than white barbie dolls. This isen't a recent thing its been going on for centureys. So recently walmart took down the price of black barbie dolls. They are now 2 dollors less than the white ones. This got called to the publics attention on a website called funnyjunk.com. And there was a like and dislike button. For the like side there was 544 thumbs up signs and no one put a thumbs down sign. The photo was supposedly taken at a walmart in louisianna. Reserchers say part of the reason that the black dolls sell for less is because black parents are more likley to be dolls of diffrent races for their kids then white parents. When I was a kid I had all diffrent races of dolls. But I remember my friends only had like one black doll if any. Its really sad that in todays society black is valued less then white. Is there something really wrong with being black? I think its the mind set. But I can relate this to real life...

Right now J.D. had a new girlfriend. Did I meantion it? Well anyways he has this little petite girlfriend. Shes not stick skinny but shes thin. Shes blond with perfectly straight hair, and the cutest outfits. And whenever I see them together I always think in my mind this is how its supposed to be. Hes a good guy and he deserves a girl like that not like me. To me I am the 1.99 barbie and shes the 6 dollor barbie. I know I shouldent think like that but its the truth. I try to get it out of my head and this is the first time i've ever told anyone but thats how ive kind of felt latley. And the truth is just like in these dolls Black men are more likley to pick girls of diffrent races then white men. The white men pick the white dolls, and the black men pick them too. So whos gonna love the black barbie?

song of the day: Barbie Girl

Quote of the day: Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of your heart.

Oscars fasion review

Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow! The oscars are the biggest night in fashion. The dresses this year are beautiful!! The people that I am always looking out for at the oscars are Penlope Cruz (ever since that stunning pink number 2006), Jennifer Lopez( Since I think it was also 2006 when she wore a light pink adorable dress), and Kate Winslet (sing last year when she wore those fabulous blue dresses). Well once again these 3 woman had phenomenal outfits!! I would pay millions for those dresses.

Penelope Cruz for those of you who dont know is from Spain (one of my favorite countrys) and in spain and other parts of europe she is the face of these stores called Mango that are amazing! But anyways, Today she wore this beautiful Red dress taht was strapless and long. It was very elegant and she kept her name as oscar faves for me. Jennifer Lopez had this really nice white dress. It was long and had a train. The material looked kind of thick but pretty, and on the side of her dress the material was bunched up and formed a gourgeous design. Kate Winslets dress was pretty but not as stunning as I was expecting. Her dress was gold and strapless. She looked great in it and it was a huggy dress, you know the kind of dresses that hug your body. It was nice.

Some other dresses that I thought were to die for were number one Miley cyrus represting us young ones. She had a gold dress that was a certain material on the top then after the chest it became sparkaly and beautiful. She looked very skinny in it though (jealous). Skinnier then usual. Shes gonna be in the last song soon, Im gonna go see it. Cameran Diaz is an iffy dresser to me. Sometimes her dresses are great and other times. But today she outdid herself. It was gold and strapless like all the others but she let her down as did kate winslet. Zoe Saldana had one exactley what people magazine said she would. She was in a purple dress that was suprise suprise, purple. And on the bottom it was fluffy. Look it up it was definatley the most excentric of dresses. Some others that looked great were Mo'nique Sandra bullock (?), Anna Kendrick, Queen Latifa, Precious,and Lautner. Ill try and add more about them but for now im off to watch the oscars

3/7/10

I have a confession. I did something terrible.....Last night I....NOTHING! Why did I start the blog this way? I dont know. But I feel extreme guilt for some reason. I didnt do anything out of the ordinary. Its really weird. Yesturday I went to my brothers birthday party at six o'clock. I wouldent really call it a party. What happened was like 5 or 6 of my brothers frieds from school went swimming at the indoor pool together. Nothing phenomenal really happened. I did some swimming for the first time in awhile and that was pretty nice. I missed actually swimming. You know when you go to the pool with other people you normally end up just kind of standing in water and talking? Well for those of you who do that actually swim. Its refreshing and exhilarating. But anyways it was nice but eventually I got bored and got out and kind of waited for the mini ones to be done.

They finished showered off and then came to our house for awhile for some pizza and cake. It was a hit and they played video games the rest of the night. Boys birthday parties are so weird. I remember my 10th birthday party and it just wasen't like that. Girls want to dance and play games take pictures. Boys just tell lame jokes to each other like, "you know what the funniest thing in the world is? What? Dora shooting barney with a shot gun. hahahahahahahaha". Litterly this one kid said that. I think that cake got to his head. But anyways I know girls at 10 have already started talking about cute boys and stuff. But not the guys, I didn't hear a single meantion of a girl or anything that wasen't cartoon or video game related. Anyways the party went well and afterwards olive came over.

Olive and I messed around with the guitar for a little while. She was really intrested in playing it and stuff. I feel so behind but i've made some goals for between spring break and the end of summer. Im going to be better at the guitar and work on some things with that. And I will learn some more dances. Like how to do all of the single ladies dance, 1,2 step, and all the rest of that kind of thing. It would be a lot of fun. But olive told me something funny. So at the MORP dance there was this slow song. I LOVE the song. Its Take you down by chris brown. I guess its kind of a "nasty" kind fo song but I really like it and its one of my CB jams. So anyways I left the dance floor when that came on because I'm single and I wasen't about to dance with myself. Well anyways olive goes, "did you see those guys?, what guys? you know (insert name here) and them? no I didn't. Well doing that song they got down on the ground and it litteraly looked like they were having sex with themselves. (mariam starts laughing) They were doing the chris brown dance from the video.... " If you see people doing weird dancing during the song their probably doing the original dance. Dont get scared and run k?

I got to see Nargis and Iman today. Their always a lot of fun and their a year older now. You can kind of see the diffrence a year can make. They were craking me up. And AbdulHakim is so cute. Hes gotten bigger and has these adorable eyes. Little kids are fun. I enjoy their company because their not bratty, they dont talk about awkward subjects, and their just 100% good. I think more people should be like children. Even Jesus said "Let the Children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these". I memorized those lines around 5th grade when we studied them. For some reason those words stick out to me. Because it made me realize that people should try and be like little kids. Little kids dont punch or shoot each other, they dont cuss each other out, they dont even sing bad songs or anything yet their content and living happy healthy lives. Learn from them and I think your life will be better :)

btw, I still feel guilty. But I did NOTHING!! Maybe im loosing control of my emotion system. Woulden't that suck!

Song of the day: Baby - Justin beiber (He posted this link from two years ago when he was singing chris browns with you and uneditted and stuff. He has a drop dead amazing voice. I am so jealous. Practice can make all your dreams come true. Really it can.)

Quote of the day: Love is a rythem of two hearts beating.

Hey everyone! So I dont know if I meantioned it but there was a dance at my school yesturday. All in all I would give the dance 2.5 out of 5 stars. So if this was on the grading system it would fail. Why you ask? Well it was fun because Olivia gave me a ride and such and some of my friends were there. But there were not that many people total there. At first I wasen't really into dancing because I felt if I did the whole world could see me. It was weird I know, but eventually I did start dancing and I was having a really good time but the issue is a lot of my friends didn't really want to dance. And theres this alicia keys song that talks about how you can have the world on a golden platter but it wont mean anythign without friends to share it with. That was the story of my life yestruday.

I felt like I noticed an absence. 2 of my really really really good friends are dating people now. And i am really happy for them, they have nice guys who treat them like princesses and who mean the world to them. Theres nothing better a person could want for their best friend right?? Well along with me being happy for them I'm also just a little jealous and kind of miss them. Normally part of what makes dances fun is akira and I just kind of talk about boys and crushes and come up with plans we never go through with and its just the funnest thing ever. But yesturday she was buy with Terry and we only got to talk for a little while.. MY other friend was there but she left early which was kind of a downer. So I found myself talking to someone I dont even know that well who used to be my arch enemy about a boy. Sad huh? Which boy was I talking about? Plan. He was the world yesturday.

He looked adorable in this cute hat (Did I meantion I now have this thing for guys who where their hats a certain way, J.D. does it too) and he was wearing this like polo with a tie. He came with a big group of friends though and they were having a really good time together as a group. This blond girl was practically drooling over him. I dont blame her, but you know blonds finish first and mariams always finish last. But I did catch his eye a couple of times and that was nice. I was thinking about asking him to dance to my song (Take you down by Chris Brown) but then O. said I might embarass myself and get my feelings hurt. So I didnt ask, and then the girl who I talked too was like "isen't he ghetto, bad idea!" . I dont understand why all guys who are of color that is some sort of black have to be ghetto. I really think its stupid that just because they happen to wear a sort of thing and cuss that people are just like Oh god! it would be like dating the btk. Latley I just have an attraction to that kind of guy because I realized their more real. I like real, it also seems like they have a lot more fun and not to meantion their super cute. Tell me what you want but i'm going to stick to this for now.

Well I gotta go. Todays my brothers birthday.

song of the day: If I ain't got you - Alicia KEys

quote of the day: Its not how much you do but how much love you put in the doing

end of an era

The M. Ali epic swoon is over. I know you guys are like thank goodness! Im not saying that im over some of those cute guys I spent like the last month talking about but im done being like boys, boys, boys boys. I dont really know what got into me, but I realized that the constant swooning was not getting me anywhere. I know, I know I should have realized it a long time ago but I didn't. Anyways i'm sure your all jumping with joy.

This is the first blog in a long time and theres a lot of things I need to talk about. Yesturday night was the choir concert!! I had a really amazing time. I sang a total of 5 songs, 2 of which were in english, and the other three were in french,and Italian. My favorite was the song in english which was Still I rise. That one was kind of a gospelish, Black choir peice and we had 4 amazing soloists. I wish I had auditioned because I really like the song but I got very nearvous. Anyways the show was great and Still I rise was definatley one of the highlights along with the mens choir peice called "It's hard to be humble". The song is all about how attractive they are and stuff and how its hard to be humble. They also did the cutest motions. Everyone was laughing out loud. The concert was a sucsess and you should all try to catch the tape. There was someone out in the audience....

Part of the reason I haven't been blogging is because for the last few days, every spare moment I had I've been reading the time Travelers Wife. That book is so phenomenal. It has the sci-fi aspect thats not a hundred percent unbelivable. You get into the lives of Henrey and Clare from many diffreny ages. Its one of the best bok i've read in a while. Everyone go pick it up.

song of the day: Glitter in the Air - Pink

quote of the day: "whats white trash" - German Exchange student. "Well theres 3 kinds, some are dirt poor, some are really ugly, smelly, and dirt poor, and some are just neandrathals" - Guy who sits behind me in spanish

3/1/10 Happy First of March everybody

Hello World! Hows it going? Im going to assume you would all be nice enough to write it back so here we go, everythings going good for me. Well good enough for a monday. I went to bed pretty happy/ indesisive! I finally solved the mystery of the picture. Did I talk to you guys about that? Ok well there is this picture taz took of me in barcelona. I'm in a red dress, with black leggings. My hair is half up and half done with my bangs in front and im wearing one of those cute bow headbands. The outfit is a 4 star, it would be 5 but I was just wearing flats with it. Any how, I'm standing in the ocean, you can see the sand and the water is this perfect shade of blue. My hair also happens to be blowing in the wind :) You cant see my face because im facing the medeteranian sea but its the must gorgeous pic ever.

So over christmas taz got a labtop and she photoshoped it and made what was the most perfecct picture even more perfect. I had no idea she was doing this but one day she texted me about my favorite song lyrics and I sent her some. Long story shortish (sorry I have an isue keeping things short) she edited it with the lyrics to hero, my favorite song. its amazing. But for like 2 months we haven't been able to figure out what was up but I know now :) And im very very hapy that I do......Helpful people are great!

Ok so im going to take you guys back a couple days. Natashas birthday party? Well for ahwile I was the only teenager amoung some adorable african kids but anyways I was observing it. And amoung these african kids there was one blond girl and latley i've had a little jealousy problem with the blond girl who stole one of my non important crushes hearts. Shes what would be described as a "blue eyed beauty" (puke). Anyways there she was in child form, but it was intresting the diffrences between the kids. For starters there was michael jackson music playing and all the little african kids were like "YES! Michael jackson!" and she was oblivious. Then the other kids started dancing in the little kid way you know. Some of them attempting to moon talk.

Well blondie gets on the dance floor and starts doing ballet . It was the cutest thing but her mom was really embarassed.Another instance was that the brithday girl was all made up with a ton of make up and looked just gorgeous. So the other kids are like me too! mee too! So someone put makeup on them too. All of them except little anika (blond). it was just intresting to see the diffrence between some kids. Some of them are really shy and didnt say two words. Others were super loud and confident. Its funny how personalities shine from people so new to the world.

song of the day: Hero - Enrique Iglasias

quote of the day: Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.