"Boy you got my heartbeat running away/Beating like a drum and it's coming your way/Can't you hear that boom badoom boom boom"

Feelings. The definition of a feeling is "An emotional state or reaction." All it took was five words to try and describe the very thing that makes us human. Thats the difference between us and spiders and aliens right? We feel things. We feel happy, we feel sad, we feel attracted, we feel turned on, we feel repulsed and the list goes on and on. I know I have a lot of feelings, some that I show and some that I don't. Some that i'm proud of, and some that i'm not. And sometimes it's just hard to show what it is i'm feeling to anyone. Not my family, not my friends. I don't know what it is inside of that is so scared of letting people in my head. I don't know if it's the fact that they might not like the person that they see or that it won't live up to who I used to be. Or that maybe it's wrong for me to want certain things. Its weird. I wonder if i'm alone in this feeling. It started this year and thats why I stopped blogging and kind of stopped talking. I wasn't up for letting people in anymore. I think thats what happens when you open yourself up the most you ever have and the other person doesn't let you in.

Do you ever wonder about other peoples feelings? I hate having to wonder weather someone just felt insulted when I said something or their mad at me. I have a big mouth but only with the people I'm the closest too. If I'm telling you something painfully truthful, know that I love you. The other people aren't worth the potential fight. Every once in awhile I feel a super bass. If you haven't heard the song you don't know what i'm talking about. I'm obsessed with it. It's called super bass by Nicki Minaj and it's about that boy that makes your heart beat so fast and so loud you swear the whole entire world can hear it. Except for him..And if he can't hear it he's ignoring it.

The super bass is a feeling that makes me shy. Like a little girl. and it makes me do stupid things because I don't think about consequences. I just think about finding any way to make the other person feel the same way. But thats just another problem with being human. You can't make the other person feel the way you want them too. It doesn't work that way. And sometimes you can spend years trying to figure it out, it being what the other person is feeling, only to find out it's not the same thing your feeling.

But I can't get the idea out of my head that if I could just hold myself together for 5 minutes, wear the cutest dress on the face of the earth, get past the awkward small talk and just let it out...he'd feel it too.

But I didn't do that. And I probably won't. And it's just too little, too late.

Song of the day: Super Bass by Nicki Minaj

quote of the day: Sometimes the thing you want the most, is the thing you're best without