"Every rose has its thorn/Just like every night has its dawn/Just like every cowboy sings a sad sad song"

Hey,
so as every day passes by I start to wonder more and more about my well planned little fairytale. The dreams that I supposedly want to become a reality. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I need a new dream. This really has nothing to do with school or anything I still want to become a pharmasist but other imaginations i've had for the future. I'm just starting to think that maybe the Prince thing is just not happening now or ever. Nothing against him, hes this super cute guy, whos sweet. I like him. As a person too hes just perfect but reality of the situation is we don't talk. how on earth could a person end up with someone that they don't talk too. I'm partly to blame but it takes two to tango. And when no one is even walking towards the dance floor its pretty dumb to think that anyone is going to tango now or ever. Does that make sense? I'm starting to think that maybe I need to try to move on to someone else, that seems like more of an option. Someone closer, who talks to me.

I don't have anyone in mind right now, but prince has the african factor. I like that he has that, I like afrian boys that aren't really 100% african. Like the americanized. Its not just the fact that hes african that I like though. I always got a good vibe from him but how long should someone hang on to a good vibe? Should I maybe make an effort to really talk and stuff just to see and if it dosen't go well let go. I guess i've just really really really really really needed to talk to someone about the whole thing. My heart still beats fast when he comes up though, should I just ignore it? Is it the dumbest thing ever to believe that I could have a chance with him? If it is I don't mind I just want to know. I have no one to talk to about it though which is upsetting because i'm left to debate different ideas on my own and what I really need is advice.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just be like, hey prince: I like you, your a cool guy and I just feel something for you. Do you like me or even know me? Its cool if you don't i'm just kind of curious. I don't think its nessecary to do that though. I'm thinking that if someones into you their into you and if their not their not.If I were to let go right this minute it woulden't affect him like at all, not even half as much as it would be different to me. That means something dosen't it? That means I should let go.

Letting it go will be differnt. It will change the daydreams and stuff i've had for the last like 4 years at least. I've liked him for that long! Can you believe it? Your all probably thinking man you should have been over that like 3 and a half years ago. Thats what i'm starting to think too. Being over him does not mean i'll hate him or think hes any less cute or wonderful of a person. Hes the perfect man but maybe I don't deserve him yet. And maybe the perfect man needs the perfect girl. I have imperfections, I'm not perfect. I can't say I wont be sad when he ends up with some drop dead goreous, nice girl. I can't say I wont hate her either. Seeing him happy? I'd love that, i'd love it even more if I was the one making him happy. I just don't want to say I didn't fight for him, or try hard enough for him. Hes such a good guy........ I'm just really confuzed. I tried to talk about it but it didn't come out the way I wanted it too and I just got more confuzed.

I also started to wonder if the heart beating fast has something to do with love. What if I fell in love with him at first sight and wont ever feel this way again? What if cupid has shot his arrow at me, but my arrow wasen't shot at him? Does cupid make mistakes? Do I love him? I said love not in love. It takes two to be in love, i'm pretty sure I don't love him seeing as we haven't had a conversation that lasted more then 1 minute in an entire year. Isen't that sad! Thats sad.... its proof that maybe the time has come too let go....but the conversation before that year gap was so nice. Does he even remember it?

This little blog has given you a peak and what my minds been going through. Help me, you'll know if your the right person to give me advice. By advice I don't mean tell me to stop liking him then go for him yourself! That would not be cool. I mean genuine advice that would or could potentially help me out. please.....