I just read the most beautiful thing ever. Im serious it beats shakesphere and all the other losers who think they can write. It was by this guy, remember my prince? Well he can write too! And I related to every single word he said. He took some of the thoughts in my mind and put them to words. When people see me they dont really see ME. The person I am inside and only a couple people get that oppurtunity. My family and maybe like 4 of my friends..

And he talked abotu dreaming. And thats my big thing. I love to dream and hope and it just gives me faith that things will be better. Theres this part where he says "When life dissapoints me I depend on my thoughts for comfort, like a drunk with liquer". I do it too! When things horrible like my moms yelling at me or i've been called that name I hate so much yet again. I sit in my bed and I dream about this life that I want and cant reach. And he does the same thing. Its amazing. Its like I almsot saw him through this whole nother light.

Before I listed of the good things about him, look below but after reading that I see him better. There was this thing about him I just didnt really get. Part of me was wondering if he was just your typical girl magnet you know. Because I've read through a lot of his photo comments and stuff and the was he responds with the slang terms and such. He was on the football team. He started seeming like you know the guy everyone wants. Which he still is...but after reading it I got that theres something else in him. Deep inside theres this guy that isent what you see from the outside its deeper and my perfect match.

Theres another part where he talks about being afraid that maybe your not really all you think you can be so you use excuses. I do that. I dont want to fail at piano so my excuse is that im not that into it or I just dont practice because what If I do practice like im supposed to and dont get that talent I dream about. Or when I sing I worry about really just singing because what If I do and its not great? What if im just your average failure. And its a fear that lives deep inside that makes me feel insicure and I thought that only I had. Fear of being good at something, or not getting something

It even relates to him. I've known of him since like 5th grade. And at anyone of thsoe occasions I could have walked up to him and find some words not nearly as beautful as his and say them. Let him know that im there liking him, and rooting him every day even though im far away. But I havent been able too. Because im scared that I will and he wont like me at all. Or i'll be too fat, or too dark, or not have the right smile or butt or anything but if I sit and dream about it he always takes me. Thats why I choose the dreaming route because im scared to actually live life and face rejection. His words just made a little part of the world make more sense to me.

But I cant take the risk because I cant fail. I've been rejected before and it didnt feel good. And I felt pain and I dont want to feel that. Reading that 1 page paper helped me learn a whole nother side to him and like him even more. But I cant tell him. God gave me the worlds best chance. After I read through it a couple times before blogging I went to facebook and got online but then he logged off before I said anything.

I wonder if he ever got a peak inside my mind through something what he'd think of me. Would he think we were similar like I just thought. Would he think we were complete oppisites. Would he think I was just what he always thought of me? or would he see me in a new light. See the mariam inside. Would he love me? Would he hate me? Or would he not think twice about it.
I will never know.