"I won't let nobody hurt you/Won't let no one break your heart/And no one will desert you/Just try to never grow up (never grow up)"

Hey,
So high school. What do you guys all think of it? I'm not talking about the challenging advanced classes and the disgusting cafeteria food but more of the whole little community in there. I used to think that my school didn't have gossiping and all this stuff but apparently just because the people I hang out with aren't doing it doesn't mean its not going on. Today we had an assembly for my schools mascots birthday. It was pretty cool but a variety of different teams performed. When the cheer team started their cheer I think everyone was so jealous they wouldn't respond to the cheers for like a whole minute. It was super akward, but seeing as it's high school the girls were thinking about stabbing the cheerleaders and the guys were thinking about screwing them. I'm not just guessing the jaw dropped expression on their faces were pretty obvious.

Then the dance team performed and people gave them a nice little slow clap because they all wished they could move like that. Same with the step team. There was a lot of jealousy in the air in my opinion, but with some people more then others. Some were making fun of certain member of certain teams the whole entire time. Not thinking twice about using the b word and calling people fat. It reminded me that this is a dog eat dog world that we live in. It's weird that we all couldn't just put our differences aside for one stupid assembly and supported each other. I'm wondering if this is just high school or the world as a whole. It seems like no one wants to see anyone else succeed unless its them. The number of selfless people in the world is going down, and the number of selfish people is going way up. I wonder when this happened and what made it happen. Could one person change this situation by simply using the "If you can't say nothing nice don't say anything at all rule?" I don't have all the answers but it sure made me thing about the song Where Is The Love. Totally one of the most relevant songs of this century.

Another thing that sucks about high school is just how judgmental people are. It's terrible. They want you to hate the same things as them and love the same thing as them. And when you don't then you have a problem. Yesterday someone was dumping on Justin Bieber and I for one am a fan but thats unacceptable in high school. Your not allowed to actually like anyone your own age because their "immature and babyish" even though everyone saying that is a baby themselves. None of them can sing like him, but anyways I said "I think hes kinda cute" and she goes "NO!". I didn't say anything because I didn't want to get into an argument or something but it just bugged me. Why do people have to judge others so freaking often in high school? Being this age has its benefits and its negativities I guess. One of the benefits is feeling young, alive, and unstoppable. I like that part just not the judging.

song of the day: Never Grow up by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away: (don't live your life like those people making fun of their peers. Those moments are just wasted breath, but when your live moments that take your breath away your making your life count)

"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room & we're not speaking/And I'm dying to know is it killing you like its killing me"

Hello, Hello, Hello! God is good, my life is good, my fabulous new follower is good, and you old ones are pretty cool too ;) I miss you guys, I know you guys are like "if you really missed me you would blog more". I never understood when people said they were busy, but junior year has helped me learn. I'm buried in homework most of the time and life's a headache sometimes but it's good to be alive. You want to know some reasons why? For starters there are awesome nine year olds like willow smith who prove that age is just a number and whip their hair back and forth :) Theres a girl named Taylor Swift writing songs about cute boys like Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas, yummy right? Her album is too cool, I like every song. Tommorow Free State is about to defeat our rival in a football game, and theres love in the world. Not necessarily in my world, but I had a fabulous dream about 3 really cute boys and it was defiantly a sign that maybe all three have stolen my heart. But i'm going to hold out on the details of these crush and see how it ends up.

So part of me being me is the fact that I am absolutly in love with Gossip girl. It's one of the best parts of my week. Along with it is my longing to live Gossip Girl someday but anyways. For those faithful fans, have you seen whats been going on with Chuck and Blair? The war was breaking my heart but little J's speech? It was practically a classic. I'm excited to see them back together again. All of you should check out Gossip Girl monday nights at 8!

I'm having an issue with my friends. I don't have very many common interests with them and it kind of sucks. I really need to meet a Gossip girl/One Tree Hill/Kardashian obsessed, girly friends. So what sucks is that I have no friends that fully relate to me and I don't fully relate to them. I understand that its normal for everyone to have different personalities, the human way even, but don't most people have a friend whos their other half? Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. Their pretty amazing people but it sucks to feel alone. It really does. I feel it more and more, but while my cousin was here I didn't feel it as much. My families there for me but it would be awesome to find someone who has similar interests thats not on twitter. Ya feel me?

song of the day: The Story of Us by Taylor Swift (it's from the new album, speak now)
I so understand this album. Have you ever ran into someone you haven't seen in awhile and you both know each other but neither one of you will just walk up and say hi? I've lived this like a million times, Taylor Swift was smart enough to write a song about it :) It's about Joe Jonas though, hes her prince or was at least...

quote of the day:Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.

"Keep fighting until I get there/When I'm down and I feel like giving up/I whip my hair back and forth"

Hey awesome readers,
It's Sunday! Sunday is one of my favorite days of the week. The most peaceful for me. I just got back from church followed by spirit (Halloween store). I have dressed up for halloween in forever but this year I'm supposed to be the good fairy and my friends supposed to be the bad fairy, followed by my other friend who tags along to everything being the other fairy. It should be fun aside from the fact I still don't have my outfit or legit plans. Anyways at the Halloween store I found a lady gaga costume. OMG right? I know, I know but I already agreed to be the fairy. Guess I'll have to save my awesome costume for another year. I would have totally wore the fame glasses.

Yesterday I went to my first KU football game. It didn't really live up to my expectations plus I made a fool of myself. We got there early and got snacks. I got a funnel cake. It was super windy and our seats were way up there. By our I mean me,my cousin, and my friend O. As I got outside it started snowing powdered sugar all over my face. The sugar blew back at me and I had white all over, embarrassing? Yeah but life goes on. The KU team is kind of sucking big time this year so they lost to Texas A&M. We left at halftime because my friend with the car wanted to leave and no one wanted to walk home. I really enjoyed myself. I like hanging out in small groups. It's been so fun having my cousin around,I'm going to miss her when she leaves later this week. But I'm glad we got this opportunity to hang out and have fun.

Sorry to report that I don't have an juicy personal life stuff, boys just aren't living up to what I'm looking for. J. Drove by me the other day and honked a couple times giving me a smile and a wave, it felt good but I hate that he mostly acknowledges me on days that I look cute. I was dressed up for the Black Leadership Symposium. The symposium was awesome by the way. We got a lot of speeches about sucsess and what to do in the next couple years to prepare us for college. It was nice and got a little boring. We all had lunch together and guess who performed for us? YOUNG RO! YEAH! You all know young ro right? Kidding, hes just starting out from Missouri. He looks a little bit creepy and he goes "Fresha den the mall/Fresha den the mall" About a million times. Do you love him? No but he was very fun to make fun of after words.

You know who's new and actually good though? Willow Smith. She's the daughter of Will and Jada Pinket Smith. Her songs called Whip my hair. It's awesome and her videos pretty cool. Check it out of YouTube people :)

song of the day: Whip my hair by Willow Smith

quote of the day: Success is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.

"Maybe this is wishful thinking/Probably Mindless thinking/If we loved again i'd swear i'd love you right"

Have you all been listening to Taylor Swifts new singles? Dear god, they are amazing. Once again I relate to every single word she's been singing and I can't wait to buy the album. Yes I said buy. I never download music by someone truly good. When someone you don't even know is able to connect with you better then you do you know you've found your favorite albums. They singles are Mine (love it), Speak Now (adore it), and Back to December (Its about Taylor Lautner love the song and him). Back to december is about thinking of the good times with a boy and wishing that she could go back in time and changed the way she loved him. I was just thinking, I don't want to be thinking about a guy like this 50 years from now wondering what if, what if. I know that those are things that can't be controlled but this song is number one on itunes right now (above Kanye Wests dumb runnaway song) for a reason. Millions of girls and maybe even some guys relate to this feeling. We live in a world thats so afraid to love and be out there and be vulnerable its crazy. We all have to put on this brave face and act like everything always ok but its not. I don't like it, I'm working on putting myself and my feelings out there. I'm tired of staying all bottled up like some genie in a bottle (Brittany references are awesome)

Yesterday I went to late night in the phog. For those of you who don't know what that is it's the beginning of KU basketball season for the fans. Its free and at Allen Fieldhouse. You get to see the new players scrimmage and they dance. Its pretty cool watching a bunch of 6 ft. 5 guys do the dougie and sing Bye bye bye by the Backstreet boys. I had a really good time and I realized that sports are like music. I mean for the player. The sport for the player is like music is to me. It's their passion. And when people have a passion that their showing other people it can be magical, even if only for a split second. You think I'm crazy right? For a second while chanting, and screaming for the team and all that as one of the players dunks the ball it feels the same as when Mariah Carey hits a high note. It gives you chills that a fellow human being can have that much talent. I might just feel too much but thats how I saw it.

Ok so this is kind of funny. I hope it is anyways, it might be one of those you had to be there things but I'm going to tell you anyways. So we're walking towards the place we're supposed to meet my dad and this guy that used to go to our school is walking front of us with his friend. She goes "Mariam, theres your man". I'm like who, I don't see anyone. Then she "nonchalatey" points. I'm like umm no, I don't like him. My cousin starts liking. Akira asks who it is then I tell her its loner boy from our old history class. She's like "OH! The one who's sister got knocked up!" really loud. For the record this is a tough guy, he's been to jail. I'm like Akira, shh he might lynch you or something. I'm actually whispering. Then my other friend goes "His locker used to be next to mine. He is sooo cute. He looks kind of like my older cousins and their pretty hot. They look like Lebron James". The guy heard every word and he starts laughing with his friends. It was weird but really funny how unaware of the obvious they were. Thats a my friend moment for you.

song of the day: Back to December by Taylor Swift (its a great song. go listen to it people)

quote of the day: Too many people die with their music still in them. Too Often it is because their always getting ready to live, and before the know it time runs out" - One Tree Hill season 2.

"No one knows/That you cry and you don't tell anyone/That you might not be the golden one/& your tied together with a smile but your coming undone"

Hello!
Us girls are really something else. I feel like I go through so many emotions in just one week its crazy. I'm happy , sad, excited, upset, jealous, passionate about some cause or another. I just go through everything in such a short period of time. But when I'm hurt, I guarentee you no one knows about it! I cried in school once, that was in first grade. Never again has a tear escaped me during school. Its just a little pact that I have with myself. And some people say Women aren't strong! I think we're strong especially when it comes to guarding our hearts and our feelings. I love the quote thats like "Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down". Story of my life, sometimes I out up a tough front and can hide the saddness in me. I may tell you i'm fine but I just want to see who can see through that. Who knows me well enough. I have to say i've been dissapointed more often then not. But those people who cared enough to wrestle the truth out of me, those are the people I call my best friends today :)

Taylor Swift said it best in the song from her first album called Tied together with a smile. At many different points in my life I've been tied together with the smile and the apperence that i'm alright. I'm really shy at times. I'm getting so much better now though. Honestly, it used to be terrible. Especially around cute important boys named prince or others i've gone through. I just fel like I wasen't cool enough, or pretty enough. The thing is ladies, that shows. I used to think I was the queen of hidding it but now when I see other girls, the old mes. It's the most obvious thing in the world.

It's kind of sad that we live in a society where over half the people have some kind of issue thier not sharing with someone else. I think this is why so many people end up commiting suicide. They have silent cries taking over their lives until they can't take it anymore. I think if we all could be there for at least one other person if our lives we could change a little piece of the world. Sometimes it feels like no body cares enough to listen, and sometimes it seems like your the only one out there with this problem. I guarentee thats not true and someone else out there has felt the exact same way as you. You'll never know that if you don't speak out. If any of you readers need someone to turn too just comment i'm here.

But girls, the minute you let that fake smile come undone and you let out whatever crazy emotion your feeling I guarantee you'll feel better. Light as a feather. You'll feel free. (this applys to guys too)

song of the day: Tied together with a smile - Taylor Swift

quote of the day:
The feelings that I hide...
The line you never read...
You can see it on my eyes...
Read it on my face...
Trap inside are lies...
Of the past I can't replace...
With memories that linger...
Wont seem to go away...
Why can't I be happier...
Today's a brand new day...
The hurt that I'm feeling now...
Won't disappear overnight...
But someway, somehow...
Everything will turn out alright...
No more wishing for the past...
It was meant to be...
It didn't seem to last...
So I have to set him free...

(someone wrote this for chicken soup for the teenage soul, and I bet you they felt better when they shared this feeling. Theres one feeling I still haven't been able to share. I will though, someday. Or else i'll regret it forever)

"I'mma give you the world/I'mma buy a dimond ring for you/I'mma sing for you/I'll do anything for you to see you smile" - Eminem

Hi readers,
For the record anyone whos reading this just made me smile. It's awesome that in all your busy lives, you take a moment to listen to my thoughts. I love you all for it. I was just thinking and I realized being a teenager is the hardest most fun thing i've ever done. It's hard because I come home every night with a mountain of homework. Its stressful because every single assigment counts towards the bigger picture. Whats the bigger picture? It's my future silly. I think schools a little more stressful for me then others because I like many other people learn better one on one. The classroom setting just makes everything more complicated because all a persons questions are rushed and sometimes they explain it in a way that clicks for some not others. All these things are just the educational stresses of being a teenager. The rest of the stresses involve how on earth you'll do all the clubs at once, pleasing your parents but not having zero social life, staying in fashion (because if not now when?), and trying to avoid all the drama thats on every corner you turn.

But all this aside I think I may be enjoying my life now more then ever becuase everythings falling into place. I know where I stand with my family and I know that their the rock in my life thats there unconditionally. I found some really good friends. The ones that I call for boy advice, hair advice, or just to talk about nothing for hours. love them! And then I have acuaintences who are fun to pass time with. I have a lot more freedom then i've ever had so I get to do some pretty cool things. Weather it be seeing a good movie or going shopping with friends. Its exciting. Most adults you ask will tell you that your teenage years are the best years of your life. This makes me want to make sure to enjoy these years to the fullest.

If your a teenager who dosen't feel put together don't worry. I watching 60 minutes yesturday and Eminem was on it. I love Eminem. I say it a lot, I think he may be one of my favorite rappers. What I didn't know about him was that he repeated the 9th grade 3 times and never got any education past that. He was also intensly bullied all through school. He was the person people would assume would make it no where fast. But guess what? He did! Because he knew what he was good at and he stuck too it becoming the only white guy to ever make it as a sucsessful rapper. He had an abusive mother and his father abandoned him. But guess what? Hes not repeating history, hes a good father. He loves Haley and Laney. Its adroable. All of us have hope and even if our teenage years aren't "the time of our lives" you never ever know whats planned for us in the future.

song of the day: Not Afraid - Eminem

quote of the day (edited): Of course I don't curse at home. What kind of father would I be if I was like bitc* pick that crayon up.

I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cause you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares

-Eminem

"Don't say yes run away now/Don't wait or say a single vow/You need to hear me out and they said Speak now"

Hey,
Yesturday I had a solution. I made a whole blog about why I was no longer going to have hope for A. being my Prince and all this stuff. It was an awesome blog. I'm going to tell you something and you must believe it. After I wrote the blog, IT DISAPPEARED! It was crazy. It wasn't even in my drafts anymore. I wondered exactly what that was supposed to mean. Of course the ideas that this may be a sign made me get a little dose of love sickness about the whole thing. It's so hard readers. I liked him for so long, liking him was a part of me. I feel like I tried and I failed. I need to accept defeat. My brain knew this for about a month but I couldn't move on. I'm queen of crushes but my heart would say, "remember Prince... because that one worked so well for you". But then I went to this amazing party. I had a really good time because I got to see my best friend! Thats always awesome. At the party I got a jolt of self confidence. I realized my worth and that even if I let go I won't end up alone or something. I'm a nice girl and that's definatly worth something. So I'm letting go and moving on.

But i'll tell you one thing, this is his opportunity to stop me! If he does something that proves that his heart might be on this roller coaster too then maybe my heart will turn this decision around. If your reading this take the hint. If you like me let me know, If not i'll be the one taking the hint and I'll move on. This blog is open to one and all. You want to know how I feel? Read it. Most everything on here came strait from my heart.


In the words of Taylor Swift: Speak Now

I'll be waiting....but don't worry readers my hopes aren't up too high. The chances of this being seen by he whom I was talking about is very slim. I'll give him a day or two and then I'm moving on. Or maybe I should have sent this more direct? How more direct can you get then sending it to the whole world? Who knows, if God wants it to happen, he'll see it. By any means possible

song of the day: Speak Now

quote of the day:
Girl: How much do you love me?
Boy: Look up at the sky.
Girl: Don't change the subject!
Boy:Just do it!
Girl: Alright! What am I looking at?
Boy: Count how many stars there are.
Girl: Impossible.
Boy: So is explaining how much I love you.

(waiting for this moment in my life <3)

"Its a new season/It's a new day..."

Hey everyone!
I'm officially turning over a new leaf. These last few months its been tough. I've been trying to figure out what I want out of life. I knew I wanted a good education and wanted to be happy. Those were my two big things. But the challenge was what exactly would make me happy. I knew my family did a pretty good job of that. I also knew I had a couple legit friends who I could actually have a good time with. That makes me happy. Then I came to the subject of my interests. I figured out that I actually really like the piano, I'm still untreated in guitar, I live to sing, and also writing this blog makes me happy. You know why? Because all the things in my heart that nobody wants to listen too or I have a problem saying comes out in here. It's a blessing this blog is. Its freeing to just say what you feel. But it's also a little sad that I don't have many friends ready to listen to what I have to say or even care enough to read this. Guess their not my real friends, their the people on my forget you after high school list.

But back to turning to the new me. I still have the same fearless goal I started the year with. I also want to meet some cool people and find away to let the good people in my life know how much I appreciate them. Because without people like my best friend, cousin, brother, and God I would not be the same girl writing all this right now. I'm a huddled percent sure of that because all of them are people who changed my life for the better. I really like the place that I am right now because for once in my life I'm starting to see my own worth in a good light. the funny thing is all these people have no idea what kind of difference they've had in my life. But this is the beginning of brand new Mariam.

Get excited :)

Song of the day: Only girl (in the world) by Rihanna

Quote of the day: I'm not going to blame you for breaking my heart; it was my fault thinking someone like you could handle something so delicate.

"They say what goes up must come down/but don't let me fall/don't let me fall"

Yesterday, was one of the best moments of my life! I know I say this a lot but yesterday made me feel young and alive. And let me tell you, nothing feels better then feeling young and alive. Like this whole world is yours, and like your really enjoying your life to the fullest of your capability. Like your really living. Where did I experience this. At B.O.B. 's adventures of bobby ray tour. IT WAS AMAZING! It was right here in Lawrence at the Lied Center. I want to start by saying B.o. b. is a musical genius. Not only is a he an awesome rapper (it was my first rap concert so i'd never really experienced what a full on art it is. Just as good as singing you know?). Aside from the rapping B.o.b. can sing and sing good. He has a fabulous voice. And on top of that he plays kick ass guitar and amazing piano. I was like B.o.b. someday I want to be you.

He rocked the instruments and couldn't be labeled you know? He went from rapper, to r&b artist, to soft rock artist, to having the time of my life awesome guy. It was a really good concert experience. Of course my favorite moment of the night was when I heard, "I GOT THE MAGIC IN ME/EVERY-TIME I TOUCH A TRACK IT TURNS INTO GOLD" . I could feel the beat of the drum in my heart and it was great. I got up and started dancing. He also did Nothin on you and Airplanes. Those were the highlights but I figured out I like every single song on that album. They were all so good. He introduced his new single known as don't let me fall. LOVE THAT SONG NOW! :)

So after the show my mom was running late and Neema, my cousin who I went to the concert with went back inside to wait for her. We saw all the volunteers gathering together behind the security guard then heard a scream. Guess who walked out? B.O.B himself! AHH! I walked all the way to the stairs and as he was hugging and signing autographs for his volunteers he was two feet away from me. I was in a state of shock at first. He looked me right in the eye. I ask the security guard as nicely as possible if I can please get one picture, please please please. He said, I'm sorry you can't pass this line. I looked sad and B.o.b. in his read blaser with a b on the side, baggy jeans, and light blue awesome shoes was there listening to his. He heard me voice! As he was walking away me and this girl I don't even know go "B.O.B" as loud as me possible can. Guess what happens then? HE TURNS AROUND AND SAY's HEY! HE WAVES GIVES US THE NOD TURNS AROUND AND WALKS AWAY. A celebrity interacted with me. Me, mariam ali. A girl in lawrence kansas. GOD has been so great to me it is unbelievable. AHHH! I could not be happier.

The adventures of bobby ray = love. I now have shades with b.o.b on the side that I love. My little memory of being 2 feet away from an AMAZING artist.

song of the day: Airplanes, Magic, Nothing on you, Past my shades, Don't let me fall by B.O.B. (for the record hes not as tall in person and much cuter)

quote of the day: (so b.o.b took some time to talk to the crowd and sees this girl with this printed purse) he goes, "I like your purse, you fancy huh? " and laughs. Get it? its a refrence to the new song fancy

"My loneliness is killing me (and I)/ I must confess I still believe/ give me a sign/ Hit me baby one more time"

Hey everyone!
Guess what? I was just in the homecoming parade and had so much fun! I've been in parades before but I forgot how much fun it can be! I walked for a billion miles with diversity club and I was proud! We had this really cute banner with all our handprints on it. On the handprint it had our names and the years we're going to graduate. Then over the top it says Diversity club! I think there are about 20 of us who marched together and threw candy. There were the most adorable elementary kids chanting Free State! Free State! It was the cutesy thing. My favorite float was the cheerleaders and pom squads float. Their theme was barbie. They had the barbie sign and then the float was covered with pink,purple,and white balloons. Then each member was a different Barbie. There was a prom Barbie,a wedding barbie, a chef barbie, nerd barbie etc. It was super cute and I wished I was a cheerleader for a split second. There were a lot of other interesting floats too. Yay homecoming parades!

I've been thinking about my life a lot. Wanting to have the most fun as possible. This is my youth, a person is only young once. Before I was really reserved and serious for some reason. I wore "appropriate" stuff and there's nothing wrong with that but if I don't dress crazy in my youth when will I get the opportunity to do so again?Life is a blessing that can be as easily taken away as is formed. Who knows how long we have. We need to have fun and have a good time. Don't let anything hold you back. Not your parents,teachers, or even Obama himself. It's your life to live. Dont live it the way someone else wants you too. Is this making sense? The way I see it they've lived their lives and you and I need to live ours. But if what you want to do will harm someone else then don't do it! I think I want to talk to prince, as myself. I need to know if this fantasy could ever be a reality. I feel like we could really click if he would just open up and get to know me! Boys,boys,boys can't live with them and you can't live without them.

This is off subject but I watched J.K Rowling on Oprah today. Did you guys know I love Harry Potter? Well I do. J.K. Rowling may just be the reason I love books the way I do. I started reading Harry Potter and the sorcers stone when I was in second grade. My reading skills were good for my age but still not at Harry Potter level. I understood about half of it but that half was enough for me to love it. Those books are Sone of the best ever written but the overall deeper message is love. J.K said that today and it clicked to me that although Harry had magic what got him through and made him stronger was love, mapenzi. But anyways she also talked about being a billionaire. She said it took time to get used too. she said she'd be at the store choosing between on shirt or the other it would eventually click that she could get them both! Some other interesting things she said was that Michael Jackson had wanted to produce Harry Potter the musical but she regretted it. She also said she will continue to write books :) just decided to have a Harry potter moment

Song of the day: Stronger And hit me baby one more time by Britney Spears (did we all love the Glee episode)

Quote if the day: Live Laugh Love