You know where I get my most intelligent conversations? At the dinner table. My family does the whole lets have dinner together and its not intentional but we end up spending hours at the dinner table just talking about stuff. Not its more in my living room because my dad has this machine located there where he has to spend about 2 hours everyday working his knee on. And so we move the conversation there sometime. We were talking about the war in Iraq today. First of all we all realize that the Iraq war isent really fighting anyone right? Its a war against terror. I think if we really want to fight terror we should deal with the wackos in our own country killing, rapping, stealing. But instead we tackled other peoples "Terror". And my dad said something that kind of stuck the other day during dinner. we're fighting a war loosing a ton of valued life but them in Iraq dont value lfie. They dont care if they live or die. Their families dont spend a lot of time thinking about it because in their minds ripping of a suicide bomber is a one way ticket to heaven. (maybe it is, who really knows? I dont believe that though). Its a war we could never win. Because we care and they dont. Its just something to think about.....

I had a decent day today. I pulled a really high grade on my english and history tests. A's all the way! We got new seats and I get to sit by a sweet guy named sebastian. For your information im not really crushing on some of these guys but I just like their presence and being around guys. Its nice and diffrent. I feel like im easier to get along with and want more friends. I had some girl time today :) . Akira came over and we practiced some womans choir songs for awhile and then we kind of stopped doing that and had fun and talked about some stuff. We listened to some music and it was nice being around someone with my age who you can just talk to and that can relate to you. Its almost thanksgiving break which should be fun!!! Samira is coming!!! :)

F.W.B also known as friends with benifits. I dont like it, and im not going to beat around the bush about it. I dont like that some people dont want to commit to you. To me that just like getting a free hooker. Someone who will fufill all of your needs and you will give nothing to. Its the equivilant to the suicide bomber (ok thats an over reaction but ya know). They get what they want and they dont care because they already got that kiss or that date to prom. I mean I understand some people dont believe in "Real" relationships. With a man and a woman. And I dont really know how I feel when it comes to non-straight people because even if they wanted to its illegal for them to commit. But I think if you really care about someone your not going to want or need anyone else. But what do I know. Im just a girl from lawrence kansas. But a wise person would listen to me and not get it an open relationship because when they leave your for the next beinfactor you'll feel used like a kleenex. Used once and thrown away.

Song of the day:
She is love - Parachute. Great songs!!!

Quote of the day:
Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.

You guys get two today...heres the second ond:
Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams.

News falsh, News flash! First of all theres a matter we need to celebrate!!! Obamas health care bill was passed in the house!!! No that dosent mean that its going to become a bill but it was the first step towards sucsess. This is really good news because I was a little worried that Obama was loosing his touch and that he may become as hated as bush but this proved that all those terrible comericals and stuff is just the republicans. By the way, only one republican voted yes on the bill. Thier so mean when they gang up on people. Never be a republican. Its bad, bad bad bad!

Ok so the second newsflash was do you know theres a new type of war our there now? Its called cyber war. no I dont mean girls calling other girls fat online, thats cyber bullieing but not cyber war. Their equally bad I think. Only in diffrent ways. But a cyber war is when other countreys are hacking into each others computers and spying on what their government is doing. An unknown country hacked into brazils computer system and managed to shut down all of that countreys electricity for free. It didnt cost anything. Its suspected that in the future this will be the new kind of war. I like this better because no one dies its more like little kid fighting, playing pranks on each other and stealing money from daddys wallet. Only this isent 50 cents this is like millons of dollers were talking about. The U.S. has been hacked into twice and it hasent been that drastic but their protecting out computer systems more because we must remain "the most powerful country in the WORLD". :)

You know what really, really, really gets on my nearves. Those irrectile disfunction commericials. I think I hate those more then like anything. Especially when im watching tv with my family and then suddenly "are you having trouble getting in the mood (with a creepy old man speaking.". I understand that its like a sickness and stuff but something seems wrong about it. Some guy talking about how he cant...you know...perform on tv in the middle of cartoon network or something. I think if I was a guy id feel the same way about pad comercials. Those are pretty bad too with the gigantic pad on the big screen and blood dripping on it. These are both real issues but honestly not meant for all ages and family enviorments. They can show whatever they want on adult swim but those comericals bug me. Same with the, "are you pregnent. By a pregnancy test right now because you never know". Yes you can know. If you are abstinent there is now way you can be pregnent unless your the virgin mary. right? Am I the only one who gets bugged by that kind of commerical? Im just letting of steam.

Song of the day:
Never knew I needed - Neyo

quote of the day:
And they lived happily ever after ( I love when books or movies end like that. They make you feel good inside) :D

Today I came up with the conclusion that I dont really know what I want. I dont think I ever have known what I want except that I want to graduate from college and high school and have a high paying job, good friends, a boyfriend, and long hair. Other then that I dont really know where im going or what im doing to try to acheive these things. I feel kind of confuzed about myself. Its very weird. But I do know that I change my mind a lot but apperently thats normal. Im a teenager "finding" myself and I admit it.

I took one small step for man, and one giant step for humanity today. I composed one of my peices on the piano. Its the too bad song. I love at and I can sing it pretty well and with feeling. It was my first hit in my book and I put it on the piano and I got a lot more questions from my family about it then I thought. I didnt sing the words because its about me not being right for the guy I want and stuff and I most DEFINATLY didnt want to go into who the guy I want is and stuff. Im too embarassed to talk about that kind of thing to my parents. Anyone else is ok but my parents are just....idk.

I've decided that there are some bad things about helping other people. Because when your helping them whos helping you? This probably sounds like a selfish approach but im starting to think that if eveyrone just helped themselves we wouldent be in this weird position with so many homeless and crazy people. Maybe if we all just focased on our own problems and forgot about everyone elses we would actually be able to solve them and stay out of trouble. So the motto of the day is M.Y.O.B (mind your own buisness). I think this policy will get everyone a long way.

Song of the day:
Too bad by Mariam Ali

Quote of the day:
Not admitting a mistake is a bigger mistake

Afterward of my latest book

After finishing my book by that rabbi ive come to the conclusion that America sucks. There are some pretty big topics he talked about at the end of the book that didnt just have to do with michael jackson but with eveyrone. He talked about how we live in a society that worships celebrity. "By making fashion models our role models, Hollywood heroines, our heros, and singers into saints, we have created a shallow and vain society, distinguished not by sacrafice but by indulgence. We have created a culture known not for virtue, but for vanity. And out country is becoming therefore not more dedicated but decandent (?). The consequences are perilous for the indivisuals who suffer and for all of us caught up in the distorted national obbsession. For the most part young people would rather be directors than docters, rock stars than rabbis. And we wounder why the youth appear narcissistic and directionless".

I thought that was a really strong paragraph mostley because its all true. If you gave me a choice of being a doctor or director in the snap of my figners i'd pick director. I totally have this celebrity sydrom. I adore them and I think they live great lives. And unfortunetly on my list of importent people angelina jolie comes before president bush or carter. (shes equal to obama). And I can understand that this has to change. American society puts more emphasis in celebrity than family. And it pretty much sucks.

He also talks about how although michael jackson had a million fans with his picture on the wall he didnt have the most important one. A wife. The rabbi shmuley talks about how his most important fan is his wife. He puts pictures of him on the wall and when hes walking next to michael jackson her eyes are all on him. And most celelbritys dont have a big fan like that. It was pretty intense the way that shumley judged society (i just love saying shmuley) its funny.

song of the moment:
How do you sleep - Jesse McCartney (its stuck in my head)

Quote:
Those who PLAY the heros have become the cultures actual heros - Rabbi Shmuley

I feel really bad that I didnt discuss te massacare that happened yesturday. For some reason I wasent as touched by it. Its terrible that 13 people died and stuff but its just kind of sinking in when I watched the news today. Heres a litle bit of what I saw on the news. This man was born in america but his parents are from pakestan, and he was a member of the united states army for a long time. Not fighting but as a psycologist for when tragic things happen to them army members. A couple days before he went maniac he gave away all of his stuff. He started dressing in all arabian clothes when you used to be you know one of those people who dressed in army wear. Hes from silverspring Maryland where I used to live!!! And then he went out to buy a gun and theres video of him buying one. Shows up to the army training place and just shoots like crazy. Killed 13 and wounded a lot more people then that. Before he started shooting he said god is great.

That I dont understand. I do think that god is great but if your such a believer in God why the hell are you doing what almost every religion says not to do. Thy shall not kill. Why are you harming other people of god. And shooting them. And then this guy caused a humongous religious uproar and people were defending him on live television! Before I get into that Im gonna tell you that the guy is currently is in the same hospital as the people he abused. And hes paralized and unconcious. When he gets up the psycological testing stuff will begin. I still can not decide what we should do with people like that. Part of me says they should die. But "thou shall not kill". So maybe they should be forced to comit suicide by for real making suffer. Or maybe they should get life imprisinment and wait for the torture to begin when they go to hell. This is not just refering to him this is refering to anyone whos gonna do that kind of stuff. Kill innocent people. My heart goes out to the families of those who have passed.

Chris Brown made a statment about what rihanna said but it was sweet. He said he wishes what happened between them would have stayed private (duh, she made him look like a monster. Almost worse then the guy who caused the massacre above). But he said he respects her and thinks she has the right to talk about it if she chooses too and then said she wishes her all the best. He also mentioned that "he feels terrible and is doing his best to become a better man. Also through in that people should learn from this and no that abuse is never the answer!"

Song of the day:
Cry no more (rihanna apolagy song)

Quote of the day:
I went to sleep as rihanna and woke up as britney spears - Rihanna on the day after her beating.

Reaction to Rihanna on 20/20

After watching 20/20 today I got a better understanding of what its like to be hit by a boyfriend or wife. I can kind of see why Rihanna went back. Its almost as if she lost part of herself. Like she went threw a death. If she were to have not gone back she would have lost her best friend and the first and only love shes ever had. The one she could tell everything and nothing. And shes lost that. And I know she was hurt but from the look in her eyes I think no matter how strong of a woman she is shes gonna have that missing peice. She said that when she did get back with him she had to think deeply to realize she was repulced by him. I also noticed she cut out the part where she said she loved and cared about him. But I thought it was sweet she said that she wanted him to be sucsessful.

Rihanna also said she took a step back and said look at my sucsess and this empire i've built I can not throw that away for some dumb love. F love. Love is blind and forces you not to see. If she had gone back with Chris Brown it would have sended the wrong message. As much as id like them to kiss and make up I wouldent do it if I was her. The way that he hit her for a whole car ride and lost himself. He dosent love her. Because when you love someone it hurts to see them in pain. The paper cut on their finger should make you feel for them. But he saw what was happening to her and didnt mind.

This is the story as far as Rihanna told her. Chris Brown got a text message from his ex girlfriend in the car and Rihanna was upset about it and comfronted it. She was mad and he was mad and they had just had a fantastic night and they were all dressed up and enjoyed themselves and then he was so angry he started hitting her and shoving her and saying he was gonna beat the shit out of her and stuff. And after he was done and the cops showed up I pray to god that he took a good look at her face. And I pray to my God that the image of her face that way will stay in his mind forever and he'll realize that he was the reason for that. Because Rihanna said she isent sure he understood fully what happened. And as for Rihanna I hope she remembers this expirience and dosent go through it again. She can remember that time where she was strong and walked away and can realize she dosent need a bad man to make her feel happy.

If he hits you, he dosent love you. Walk away. Rihanna can do it and you can too.

Song of the hour:
Russian Roulette - Rihanna. (Girls lets support her and buy this album shes been through a lot and earned it.

Chris Brown a.k.a. cute wife beater & Rihanna aka ex of the cute wife beater

So I was reading and watching some stuff about chris brown and rihanna on the wendy williams show and I didnt know who I felt worse for. Rihanna was the one who fell in love with someone who didnt love her enough to treat her with the respect of a stranger and instead hit her like she was an enemy. Poor girl right, I feel like thats the ultimate rejection there. Chris hated her so much that he hit her. But then...Chris said on larry king he loves her to this day and always will. It seems like he does care about her but the question is why would he do that? And hes been trying to do a fan tour and apperently its for real failing. And he has a new album coming up and they pushed the date trying to get some hype over it but it wouldent work. He will always be labeled as the wife beater. And its something hes gonna have to live with for the rest of his life. Seeing her move on to someone who he knows is a better guy then he'll ever be and seeing her life happy and her career sailing while hes dealing with the oppisite. Thats when I feel bad for him. But everyone needs to tune in and see what rihanna has to say on 20/20 tonight at 9!

I want love in my life. I get a lot of love from my family but thats not what im looking for right now. I feel like I really want romance. A guy to care for me and love me. to be there whenever I need him. Ive always really liked the idea of walking up to a guy and sitting in his laugh and resting my head on his shoulder and him holding me tight. To the point where you can feel the love. And i've been more attracted to guys then ive ever been. And then I get this weird feeling inside like maybe none of them are the right guy and the right guy for me is sitting in kansas city,mo thinking about some pretty cheerleader he can get with the snap of his fingers. Easy as that. But I guess right now I dont mind who it is as long as they figure out my greatness. And they love me and Im able to love them. I hung out with a boy today after school. His name is jacob. That makes 2 jacobs ive blogged about. Hes a cute boy and hes not little which is good. Were the same age and I feel comfortable around him. Its nice. He also lives down the street even thought we dont hang out that much when we do I like it! I know this is mating season and its just the hormones but I feel like I cant help it....

I feel like theres some things I deserve. Is it wrong? I mean I feel like ive been a good enough person to deserve something good. Perfect. Wheather it be one day, a guy, maybe a call from you know who :) but something to show that theres someone out there rooting for me. Right now it seems like although nothing bad is happening to me, thank god nothing that big and great has happened. Or maybe im just not seeing whats right in front of my eyes. Idk. I just feel like somethings missing. I cant put my finger on it.

Song of the day:
Spotlight Gucci mane and Usher

quote of the day:
The only thing that lasts longer then a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.