Follow up

Ok so this is a follow up to my blog about lies. Heres a little recap. Durring that blog I discussed wheather its wrong to lies to someone in order to spare their feelings. Like if someones wearing a super ugly sweater would it be ok to lie to them and say its fine. OR would a person rather here the truth. I realized that whole lieing to spare feelings thing is a girl only situation. Guys totally dont do that. If they think something is wrong or something looks bad they just go right out and say it where as girls would never do that. Isent it super itresting? I wonder how that kind of think works, would it be genetics? But twins have identical genes and the girl would still lie. I think its out of habbit. But in the movie hes not that into you during the trailer the little girl gets shoved by a boy and he says shes ugly or something then when she goes to the mom she says, "oh you know what that means, it means he likes you" and its part of the whole lieing thing that girls do. Super weird. This is also seen in mean girls about the girls skirt and this other girls braclet.

I just wanted to apolagize to my readers if I turn this into like a journal sometimes. Ill work on doing that less. And now im kind of scared the wrong someone could be reading this and find it offensive. But i I told you about it feel free to read and make whatever analysis you want and if you dont know me, dont take what i say to seriously

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo70Y4Eebz0 (hes just not that into you trailer mentioned above)

and i think im gonna start talking about world news a little. all for now.

total mood change, if you just read the last blog I choose to believe

New Song its called super man

Everyone wants to find the right guy
The one whos sweet, the one whos kind
Every gil wants some roses, choclate candies
Thats the guy who makes the fantasie come true

Hes there when im cring tears
Hes there when im hurt, hes there to laugh at my jokes
dance in the rain and flay away

Hes superman
Got some spidie powers
fights through the bad and loves through the good
And when all feels hes got a back up plan
he'll scoop you up and you'll fly away


music echo: fly away, fly away giirl

Its the day of spring fling
Got a pink dress on
he brings a crossage
suit of armor on

He smiles when your parents
blind your eys with flashing camamaras
Tells you that you look beautiful tonight
You got in the car and your favorite songs a playin
ITs all a dream come true

Hes there when im crying tears
hes there when im hurt, hes there to laugh at my jokes
dance in the rain and fly away

Hes superman
got some spidie powers
fights through the bad and
loves through the good
And when all fails
hes got a back up plan
he'll scoop you up and fly away

Just wrote this song like 5 minutes ago it needs an ending, and Its very energetic, I dont know if I could ever put it on a cd or anything but taylor swift pulled of our song which has the same kind of vibe only more fairytalish but not soo disney. Its hard to explain untill you hear me singing it but I imagine piano with this one and maybe accustic guitar and some fun beats.

question

Does anyone know a way to upload something onto blogspot faster? because i left my computer on for like 7 hours trying to upload a song and it didnt work. Here are the lyrics

Too bad

Here I am finally ready for you
Dressed in my best
Ready to impress you

My hearts been gaurded
for a long, long time
Here I am ready for
my fairytale with you

Too bad, Im not the one you want
Not the one you need, the one you trust
shes nice, tall little blond
shes everything im not and
everything you want

Too bad, I couldent be your princess
couldent sprinkle you with kisses....and love
If you could look whats inside
and love all of my flaws,
I think i'd be everything you need

Just walked by you in the hall
never seen you smile, so biiig
One hand around her little waist
the other one, cradeling her face

You whisper somethingin her ear
she laughs but dosent know
her laugh is the one that makes me cry
Makes me wish I could, disappear, far away, in this air

Too bad, Im not the one you want
Not the one you need, the one you trust
She's nice tall little blond
shes everything im not
and everyting you want

too bad, I couldent be your princess
couldent sprinkle you with kisses...and love
if you could look at whats inside
and love all of my flaws, I think i'd be
everything, everythinng you need

Too bad.....oh too bad

(Plus im imagining a killer guitar, drum, and piano part that dosent sound too rock and rollish but more r&b ish. If I can manage uploading the me singing it I will)

question

Does anyone know a way to upload something onto blogspot faster? because i left my computer on for like 7 hours trying to upload a song and it didnt work. Maybe ill just post the lyrics later.

Imagining

Ok have you ever sat in your bed, in your most comfy pajama's under your covers with the heather all warm and toasty and just starting Imagining. Some people think of themselves as marrying the prince of england and living on the throne line diana did. Some people see them selves on stage doing ballet and having the star role in swan lake or the nutcraker. Some people see themselves with lots of flags around them, three cell phones, and with a little nametag that says mr. president on it. Bottom line is everyone dreams and imagines at some point in their life. But what genuinly sucks is when you finally have to wake up from that dream and see the truth. Sometimes you get lost in these imaginations and start really truley believing that their in the future for you. And ive always been one for saying never give up, and you know tommorows always a better day. But not im starting to think that when it comes to be tommorws just not ever the day.


So I kinda imagined to the extreme yesturday. I thought maybe that would be the day that all of my really lame dreams came true. That it would all just fall in place. Starting with me finishing that stupid song I cant get in piano, then giving myself a fantastic nail and hair job and then going off to a dinner with my family and having a good time with my best friend (which did happen! :). and then getting the guy of my dreams. So guess which one didnt happen? ding ding ding ding ding, times up it was the last one. But I didnt fully expect it to anyways.

So there goes my perfect little imagination smashed. What sucks is I dont know where to go from here. The logical and smart person would wake up and figure out that thats not in the cards for me. The believer would sit there and listen to her favorite song and just believe that maybe yesturday was a bad day. What really sucks is I totally prayed about it for like 5 days. it really crushed my spirit to the extreme. Now I dont really know what to do my heart is saying a ton of diffrent things. I think maybe I should talk to someone but i dont know if im ready for someone elses opinion to really get in the way of what im thinking so i just blogged on you. You have officially been inside my brain, dreams, and confusion.

This is an edited version of the original post and i choose to be a believer because whats the point of anything if you dont have hope that things will get better.


Quote of the day:
whats the point of dreaming, or what will never be. Sometimes its best to give up and save your heart that pain - me

Song of the day:
Happy ending - mika (i know ive used it before but I love it and the lyrics kinda match my diffrent moods)

Book update:
Im reading Being Nikki by Meg Cabot now its a super amazing book that I really love

Tv update:
some trailers for gossip girl and one tree hill came out and im dissapointed about this one thing that happened to the great chuck bass. secret lie still goes on. And I dont even know whats going on on tori and dean anymore. schools gotten in the way.

feeling alive

How many humans or people or animals or whatever go day to day living a boring life. Come on almost everyones guilty of it. Waking up and having the same thing for breakfast. Sitting at home reading about wonders instead of actually seeing them yourself. Life is meant to be lived. Im very serious about this. Almost every movie, or book i read/watch has a part in which they tell you the reader or watcher to be alive because life is too short to go day to day without doing what you want to do, and what you feel is right. Its hard when you dont have a stable job and money to pay for that trip to the bahamas or that concert your just dieing to see. But everyone should keep those dreams with them so that someday when the time is right they can really truley feel alive. They can feel like their on top of the world and genuine happiness can be felt. On myspace theres their bar area where you can choose your feeling. and the most common one ive seen is content. which to me symbolizes not to good or not too bad just ok.

By content the person(s) feel comfortable. but not alive. We should all go out there and do what we want to do and stop trying to hide it by doing the right thing or doing whats socially exceptable. I think if you need to scream in the middle of class to feel alive do it. If you need to drive from new york to california to truley feel it you go and do it. Life is ment to be enjoyed and treasured. Unfortunetly not many feel that happiness and alivness. So go out and do it. or at least make an effort to do it SOMETIME in the next 3-5 years. feel alive.


Song of the day:
Dilema - Nelly and Kelly Ive always loved that song. its pretty old now

quote of the day:
So maybe the elite girls arn't for me, but one of these days im going to meet a girl who really loves me and maybe she wont be what you call hot but i'll think she's beautiful and i'll tell her so. I wont be mean to her because i wont have to play games with her. I'll just be the guy she can always count on and that'll be enough, and she'll be elite to me. - mouth from one tree hill

ALIVE alive AlIvE Alive Alive Alive ALive Alive Alive Alive Alive Alive Alive

The ultimate army of protection

What comes to your mind when you hear the word army? The Us army, green and other camafloge colored jumpsuits. Death, north korea, and war all come to my mind. But thats not the only kind of army out there. A lot of people I happen to know have another army deeper inside. ITs bigger then the Us and chineese army put together. Its the army of little invisible people gaurding the heart.

Everyone has diffrent reasons for having it. For some people its because they've been hurt one too many times to even imagine going through all of it again. For some its because their scared of what truley falling in love or admitting their feelings could truthfully mean (me) and that one kind of goes hand in hand with the fear of being hurt and rejected. And this little army of people will knock anyone down and find a fault but theres gonna come a time where everyone needs to be open with their hearts and let that person or their true feelings come to life because who knows what kind of power everyones hiding in there


song of the day:
Anything taylor swift. I'd go with hey stephan or the big popular ones like you belong with me. Or maybe even carrie underwood. Im in the mood for the insperational countrie stuff that tells a story that drives you to tears but gives you hope

quote of the day:
There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up. - one tree hill quote made by lucas scott aka chad michael murray

book update:
Everyone should really try and read the pretty little liar series and the luxe series. and if you havent read twilight well duh you must. Its like a clasic. move over romeo and juliet edward and bella are just way more entertaiment

tv update:
turn on the tv guide channel. I have a feeling there is something for everyone

Randomness

So to start the day off on a weird note I was on facebook and this one girls status was "If you dont like me; remember... its mind over matter. I dont mind and you dont matter." It was interesting and stuck out from the average ugh, weekands over or just got back or romantic thing. The dance last night was super fun. I really enjoyed it and had some geniune fun for like the first time since school started. I guess you could say its been an easy fun weekand. On friday I got invited to a "fail party" . Which is just a party that you do nothing and theres no reason for except for maybe talking and eating cheese cake. I enjoyed it quite well. Ok so have you all heard about the model who died and got identified by her boob job serial number. And I thought it was really sad that she died and also that she had a serial number. I would feel really weird if that was me. Anyways.....weird subject. My family talked about my future today. Im definatly going to college but im still confused in what exactly I will be. But I was just thinking how do you get in these weird situations like the one mentioned above. Or someone whos like stuck on the top of an 1,000 ft building or something how does that happen to people.

How does there life suck to that point if that makes sense. I always wonder when I hear some of these storys how these people lives were before. Were they ordinary just like mine. Was it just one wrong turn that lead their whole life to disaster. It makes me wanna be super careful with EVERYTHING I do if one mistake lead them there. Or maybe a more realistic option would be that it was a whole series of issues going on . I feel bad for all these people and I definatly dont want to be one of those people. And if your reading this you are too cool to get in bad situations so dont. u happy? im happy.

Song of the day:
Under control - parachute. Im in love with it

Quote of the day: same as above, If you dont like me; remember... its mind over matter. I dont mind and you dont matter.

tv update: secret life tomorow

book update: meg cabot is a brilliant author

me

Ok so I had SO many ideas of what I was gonna write about today. My first was steryotypes and how they started and how untrue they are how they hold people back. My secound was mistakes. Something that everyone does and always has to live with. But the I watched like 4 episodes of one tree hill and tears came from my eyes in one of them. So im just gonna write to you about my day. I actually got to sleep in for once. Saturday is the only day I get to do that because sundays church and every other day of the week I must wake up at 5:45 except wensdays which are late arival. So I "slept in" till 9:30 which fel sooo good. Then I woke up and had breakfast and started reading my newest book. Michael jackson the magic, the something, the whole story. I got it from the library and its pretty good for people who like to go beyond the music. I like celebrity stuff by the way. And then after reading for maybe an hour I got on the computer and started my one tree hill watching doing some stuff in between. I took a walk talked to my grandma AND my grandpa which is kind of a huge deal. I dont think ive talked to my grandpa since 2003. I'm serious, he lives in africa and its just hard. I guess im to blame because I could have bought a phone card and called but i dont know what I would say. So he called today and I originally thought it was someone from europe so I was talking in english and I noticed he didnt quite get what I was saying. I mean a little bit but not fully. Then he left me a message and he hung up. But it was still big for me just to hear him. I thought I would share that because i didnt really know who else to tell. Hes moving here before the end of the year. Most likley my house so it should be pretty interesting. My grandma just called to chat. I can relate with her about so many things. Boys, life, traveling. Shes having a surgery next month im kinda worried. Its for a knee replacment. Shes not scared though, shes tough. My family means a lot to me. And I guess you dont ever really notice what an effect they have on you. Appriciate your familys, and love them even when they bug you or make mistakes. at the end of the day they are all you have. you started with them and you should end with them :)

tonight Im going to the school dance though. Which im a tiny little bit worried about but it will be fine. sorry i forgot to paragraph.

song of the day: party in the usa - miley cyrus and send it on. Im in the disney channel mood

tv stuff: I just remembered two tv shows from back in the day. One of them is Recess which I used to absolutley love and the second one i forgot the name. But the main character was doug. I used to watch it after school

Quote of the day:
: Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie - One tree hill Lucas scott

disapointment........

Have you ever felt inegnificant? As in the world could go on if you werent there. Everything would be exactly the same. No, i am not suicidal I love living life wheather im noticed/important or not but I guess you could say a couple things have me down. I keep living in this fantasy world where everything can work out and be happy without you having to work hard or take a risk. It sucks that life dosent work that way. It sucks that you have to take all these super important chances that could fail or succeed. That you have to do something knowing that theres a posibility that you'll fall flat on your face but you have to do at anyways cause at the same time your hoping for something wonderful. I dont know...I just dont know.......

song:
complicated - avril lavine
it seemed appropiate even though its ancient

Lies

Ok so this is a topic we discussed at youth group a loooong time ago and im kinda suprised I didnt blog about it yet. This is one of those things I take both sides on because each side has a point. So, im pretty sure if you have ever had talked to someone or had a friend you've gotten the question how do i look in this? Or on a shopping trip when their like omigosh this is adorable at the yellow shorts or something and your just like......no. Now heres the thing would you consider it lieing by saying their cute! Or yeah...i like them even though you dont.

A lie is something other then the truth. And anyone who has parents has probably heard the honasty is always the best policy speech. And how being honast will always be better then lieing. And I totally 100% agree to it in situations when someone steals something, or hurts someone intentionally or on accident. Its best to fess up to your mistake. But what about the little white lies that people often use. Are those really a bad thing.

Because sometimes when you tell the truth you'll hurt the other persons feelings. And is it really worth it to put them through the stress when you can just agree and smile and the whole situation goes away. I personally thing the truth hurts more than being lied too. Because thats what the person truley thinks of you. But i for one would like to be saved from the public embarassment of wearing something that looks like its from the circus. Or what about situations where you lets say said you cleaned your room but stuffed everything in the closet. That dosent really hurt anyone. But its still lieing. Its a weird subject but I figured it was worth blogging about. I dont take either side


Quote of the day:
Sometimes i wonder if anything's absolute anymore. Is There Still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us. - Lucas scott ONE TREE HILL!!

Song of the day:
I hope you dance - dont remember who sang it but if your super curious i think its in one of the tyler perry movie soundtracks. not a media one but.....cant put my finger on it

Tv update:
secret life tommorow :)

A few things about who I am and who I want to be

Ok so I was just thinking. If I had to come up with some things about me, really truthful things what would they be. I cant really say that I know myself well. I mean even I confuze myself sometimes cause i'll agree with two totally oppisite things. I guess thats the first thing about me. Im confuzed about so many things. I havent really gotton life figured out yet. I've been alive more then 5,000 days. you'd think I would have gotten it by not but im still trying. I was born in maryland. Hyattsville. The reason I like to bring that up is becuase I wouldent be me without being born there. I lived in what now that I think about it wasnet too great of a neighboorhood. More people spoke spanish around there then english which now isent to much of a coincidence. Keep in mind that was 1994. I've been able to speak two languages since I was one. I learned swahilli and english at the same time and by two I could hold full conversations in both languages. I was a pretty smart kid. Ive always felt the most comfortable at home. I used to love playing with dolls. Barbies. And singing along to diffrent childrens vhs tape.

I grew up pretty close to my 4 cousins. We used to do all kinds of stuff together. Best of friends we all were. Then I started school. I was really quiet there. Nobody knew why. I mean I guess from first glance I would have looked lonley but I didnt feel comfortable. I dont know why. I mean kids used to be really into power rangers which i will admit to watching. I remember having a friend names ingrid who I guess you could say everyone wanted to be like. She wore dresses to school every day and always had the newest toy or whatever it is kids like. I still have my kindergarden school pictures. Anyways thats my past then I moved to lawrence. Which is a good town. I dont think i'd be the same person if I never moved here. I love it here. its a small town but its home. sure I wish I had a mall close by but thats not that big of a problem.

I attended deerfield elementry school which was good school. the best in town actually. Because most all the children came from good familys and we were all pretty smart for our age. I was a year younger then everyone else from the start. Maryland wasent too strict about which age to start school.

I'm talking about my history but thats not nessicarily who I am. I'm a girl who likes to read. I am pretty girly. I love my dresses, and makeup, and jewlary. Not to mention glitter. My whole room is pink which I guess dosent really win me cool points but I love it in there. I like to sing. and latley ive been trying song writing which is going ok. I mean those who have heard what I wrote didnt say anything bad about it. Im kind of a romantic. I like romance movies and books and all that stuff. I've never been in love with a guy before. Im a big dreamer. I guess you can say im the kind of person who is never content with what their stuck with. I always want to be better. To change. I aim to be the perfect person even though i am far from it. I play the piano and the cello. Im ok at playing both. Ive been playing the piano for much longer though.

Music is magic to me. I think its amazing how artists can draw you in an take you away from whatever issues your having. I mean without even saying a word. I guess you can say the artists I consider this talented would be Michael jackson, and many others. The songs which ive listed to faithfully for awhile would be: Love story, bleeding love, our song, Teardrops on my guitar, Hate that I love you, I'm only me when im with you, Forever, you belong with me, so small, bubbly, and many more. I didnt lie about these I took them right from my top played lists. I listen to all kinds of music. My new favorites would be Check yes juliet, Happy ending, Right now, Knock you down, kiss a girl and fire burning on the dance floor.

I love to dance. A lot of people dont that. I dance at school dances but I go wild in my room alone with my ipod. i could dance forever. I've always wanted to dance in the rain. It seems like one of the most fun things ever. I want to travel all over the world someday. I like seeing new things for short periods of time but when the time comes it feels good to be back in america. Relaxed and living the life im used too. English and swahilli speaking countrys also make the staying thing easier.

I like weddings. Partly because im a romantic and partly cause I like the stuff that dosent have to do with the actual marrige. The beautiful outfits. How wonderfully the place is decorated. Candles. Speached about how the people were ment to be. I would be a wedding planner when I grow up but they dont make enough to survive comfortably so im gonna be something in medicine instead. I also think its amazing how two people can comit to spending the rest of their lives together even though they know there will be bad times but they trust each other and have faith that they'll get through it. Its awesome.

I make a 4.0 but I dont really consider myself smart. i mean its not like I just know information like some people I have to try really hard to remember stuff. It dosent come naturally. I absolutley hate math. And depressing people. I dont like it when people are angry all the time and such. Because lifes honestly too short to be mad. I suck at all sports. Im ok at basketball though. I practiced a lot last year and got good at 3 pointers even but i would never try out for the team. I have stage fright. Theres something a little bit insecure about myself. Havent been able to figure it out but it gets worse when people are watching me.

My goal is to be a nice, caring, and accapting person. I want to be able to take risks and never regret not doing something due to fear. I want to be succsessful to the point where I am proud of myself and have made the life of at least one other person better because of what i did (i dont count). So thats basically all anyone needs to know about me i guess. I dont know why I wrote all this out. Ok so I know why.......but it goes back to me being a dreamer and blah blah blah. ok well you officially know a good chunk about mariam. :)

a number

How many times do you think the average person falls in love? Im kind of curious about the whole thing because as some/none of you know. I love titanic. And its just the best movie of all time. And she loses the love of her life after a short period of time with him. the part where she lets go of him and he falls into the water is the worst. I mean tears just pour at my eyes like every time. thats one of the only movies i cry in. The notebook almost got me but i stood strong. But what sucks about titanic is the woman falls in love again after him. marries and has children. She goes on with her life as if it never happened. Well thats one interpritation anyways. The other is that the child she had was his. and anyways. If the first interpritation was real then how could she do that. i mean I know hes gone but the love would have survied so she would be in love with 2 people at once. And what about those who just fall in love millions of times?

I mean im sure they dont tell their significant other about the last one but its still weird to think there could be millions of people together out there who have loved with their whole heart and are still in love with that original person but gave it up and married or is dating someone else that is all wrong for them. Anyways im blogging twice today so thats it for this.


Quote of the day:
Faith is believing in something even when there are doubts or the chances or slim.


song of the day:
Imagine- Lennon

Hello,
I got back from school about an hour ago. I rode the bus home for the first time since high shcool started. And I kinda forgot it was a new bus cause in my old bus 9th graders basically ruled and it was like home. we could talk about anything. So me and some friends do what we do best. talk about boys :) And we kinda forgot there was this junior guy in front of us who could know all these people. I figured something out about myself. The more I like a guy the harder it is to do anything about it. I worry that if I do anything i'll ruin it. And I dont want to get hurt. This year my heart has prizon bars and bull dogs gaurding it. Im not gonna let anyone close untill I 100% trust them. And no more jerks. Or guys who are just plain mean. Because I dont need them. And I need to love myself first. before I can love any other. And im getting there. But of course i still cant help crushing. so, i'm wondering if you like one person who just dosent go away no matter how much you like other people or they do does that mean they are your priorite and way more special. Thats the way i've always taken it. like theres that one guy who can always slip through the bars without doing anything but smiling. It takes my breath away. But enough about boys since im an indepnedent girl who dosent need that. Today school was nice. Ok, last thing about boys. This cute guy kept looking at me during this one assembly. And I was looking at him and sometimes we'd be looking at the same time but i dont think he likes me. hes a senior. and i didnt feel anything except the little smile that creeps on your face when you see a very cute boy. but now were done. I met some people in school today who could be more potential friends. my chemistry partners really nice and maybe 1 or 2 others. making friends in high schools a little tough especially since everyone already came with their friends. AHHH I forgot to paragraph. im sorry readers :(


Quotes of the day courtisy of flair:
Love is giving someone the chance to destroy you and trusting them not too. and I thought this was kinda cool. the word bed looks like a bed. Look closly its like the head and footbboard and the top of the e is the matress.

Song of the day:
Chasing pavments. still love that song

Tv update:
Saw the new episodes of secret like. omigosh. Amy and adrianne are really going at it and i think something may have happened between amy and ricky over the summer but who knows.

Everyone loves their mothers. though their good at wiping your tears away, holding you tight, and making the most yummilicious meals they can not be trusted with everything. I made the mistake of letting my momma see my facebook and she saw all the people she knew and we looked at pictures blah blah blah. now she still remembers and she'll talk about it on the phone to people :( . yuck. And then its embarassing cause the people think ive been facebook stalking them or something.....anyways high school was ok today. To be honast it was a humoungous blur. more later..........


M
A
R
I
A
M

My very first day of high school

I woke up super early today and got ready. I decided to wear my white/purple/blue american eagle tank top with the flowered print and capri's. I didnt want to look like I was trying to hard because I wasent really and I wanted to be comfortable and ready for whatever was waiting. After breakfast and the boring morning stuff I rode to school with a friend of mine olivia m. (olive). We went to commons and there were a ton of sophmores already there. I stood around with my friends talking and some people were excited others were nearvous but the energy level was through the roof. It was so weird people being all smiley and excited all the time. Central was a genrerally chill school. No one was all cheerleader all the time. After awhile we all went to the gym for this pep rally thing to get us excited about freestate. Some juniors and seniors of the link crew did simon says and a couple games and people were screaming and cheering. It was definatly something I wasent used too.

After that we all got in lines and did some lame get to know you stuff. Like tell the other person what you did this summer and your life story under 30 secounds. Then we went into seminar groups. There was one other person from central in that class and it was evelyn a friend of mine. And there were also some people I knew from elementry and piece project there which made it all go smoothly. We played some games. And got a mini tour. Then they handed us maps and we had to go to all our classes for 5 minutes. My classes basically go good, horrible, good, bad, good bad, ok. There are quite a few clases that I dont have with anyone else I know and spanish is the worst. All the people in that class dont seem to great to me but i'll be open minded and try to get to know them. Then at the end of the day we went to the gym for some more peppiness that i felt weird about then had a picknik. it was hot dogs and chips. They were ok tasting. I was there towards the end so some of them were grossish.

I havent really made a descision about what I think of the school yet. It was an ok blurish day. It wasent tortureish and it wasent great either. I think its gonna take some serious getting used too and I've decided if I never get used too I can just hope for saturday. It will be something to look forward too. And thanksgiving break cant be that far away....right? Anyways no worries i'll get used to it. Pray for me, I could use the help. Karma will help you all in return.

Song of the day:
stat of somehting new (cheesy I know but I couldent think of any other begining a whole new world type of songs except a whole new world which is the second song of the day)

Quote of the day:
Here at freestate we have activities not games because all of us are winners - this leader girl

book update:
I got some books from the library. I'm reading the new gossip girl the carlyles book.

well im pooped out. sianara one and all

~ Mariam

summer 2009

I had a fantastic summer. A really amazing summer. It started out with me taking a europe trip right after school closed. For 14 days I was in paradise and I really enjoyed it. It was beautiful there and so diffrent. America is nice dont get me wrong but our houses and buildings are kind of plain jane. No super pretty designs or balconys, but it was fantastic. I had the time of my life and felt very independent. For the first time I was alone for two weeks and it felt great to know I could take care of myself even though I was not only in a completly diffrent country but I didnt speak the language either. After I got back home my grandmother was here so I did some stuff with her hung outh with friends watched a lot of secret life and saw movies. I basically relaxed more then i've gotten to relax in a very, very, very, very. very long time. Now skipping past the boring stuff this week samira came over and I had a ton of fun. We had a runnway (note to self 15 years from now I have full permission to publish the embarrasing pictures of us). We also went to worlds of fun and I went on a spinny ride for the first time in a very long time. I felt the cyclone same well past midnight but it wasent so bad i'll admit it was even kind of fun. Just very very dizzying. I figured i should put a little about this summer on the record. Big events.....


Jon and kate got divorced
Michael jackson died
Sonia Sotamayor stuff began and she may be the first latino on the supreme court
I gotta feeling is the number one song on itunes
Secret life is a super good show i keep up with. the second season is brand spankin new
and i figured out i can talk ghetto :) . who knew right?


All for now,

~Mariam

It is better to have love and lost, then to have never loved at all. Love is something that cant really been described because it feels diffrent to all people. To some they get butterflies, or cant stop thinking about them. To some it can be something as diffrent from their smell to the way the pretend to laugh at their jokes. I have liked sooooo many people. Some because it was convienient, some because it was a challenge, some because I was physically attracted, or I liked their personalitys. But with some crushes I've have (very few) it just feels right. i cant really explain it but I feel happy when their around, I notice myself being extra careful with my hair, what I say, or how I act. It feels good to be around them or to think about them or to say them update their status on facebook. Now your probably thinking whats the problem? You love him. Go for it. Tell him/kiss him/start flirting. But heres the problem. I figure out that ive created an allusion of that person. Reality is that ive talked to them a couple times (not too deep of stuff but just about life in general), but I dont full know 100% what this guy is like. Part of me thinks that im scared of opening up to people. men in paticular. I dont know what does it but i feel scared about opening up to them. I feel like if they do maybe i'll reck the ilusion they have created about me in their minds. the perfect me that i know that i most likley wont be. But this year the time has come to be brave. Sort of. Im gonna work on it. Its not like im gonna just walk up to someone and admit my love to them or something. Love, whos to know when your really in love? Maybe thats not what i mean. But if I were a sim I would click the express fondness button. Cross your fingers for me and maybe I would gain a bravness hidding deep inside. Anyways this wasent even suposed to be the point. The point is dont stop trying to find love just because its easier to be numb or feel nothing all. Its better to feel the power of love and liking someone and be hurt becuase that way your feeling.

Quote of the day:
Its better to have loved and lost, then never to have felt at all

Song of the day:
Liberian girl (nakupenda pia, nakutaka pia, mpenzi we) mj speaks swahilli in it