"I Get So Weak in the Knees I Can Hardly Speak/I Lose All Control and Something Takes Over Me/In A Daze and It's So Amazing, It's Not A Phase I Want You To Stay With Me"

HEART

I've come close to saying it, but haven't actually said it. I think I'm in love. CJIII has had my heart since the first month of the new year. I was fresh off my resolution to only accept the love I think I deserve and avoid situationships like the plague. He knows these things, because I shared them with him. The relationship him and I have has been different. It's not like any other relationship I've had. I think we're handling everything like adults. We've been going on dates and asking each other the tough questions since the very beginning. Since my last post, we've gone on one more date. We met in Topeka at Gage Park. The park was actually huge, so it took awhile for him and I to find each other. I walked towards his car on the other side of the park with all the animal statues. The two of us walked around together for a little while then ended up sitting on a bench under a tree and talking. It was really nice. After our park adventure, we went out to eat at HuHut. I had never been there, but it's this delicious mongolian bbq place. You put whatever you want into a little bowl and they cook it for you. It's a buffet, so we both ate a ton and were really full.

The best part of the date was the very end. He walked me to the car like he always does. He gave me a kiss goodbye, and I wasn't nervous. Just happy. I felt it in my whole body and it was again..different. I asked him if he was a patient person, and it caught him off guard. This was going to be the last time I saw him before he left for Africa. I had written him a letter that he wasn't allowed to read until he got there. He turned around and had me hide it in his trunk, so he wouldn't be tempted to read it. Later on he told me that he had opened the envelope and peaked the next day, but didn't read the letter. It was a very sweet moment for the two of us. The two weeks he spent in Africa were the longest weeks of my year. I don't go a day without thinking of him. I texted him, but the messages wouldn't go through. I had to patiently wait for his return. I was patient, but the whole thing was painful too. When he came back, I had the pleasure of seeing him. I had my first sleepover at his house. It was a fairytale. Everything with him is a fairytale.

Well, almost everything. After getting back from Africa, I finally worked up the courage to have the DTR conversation with him. It was over text since the phone has never been his favorite. That's when he told me that he is being deployed to Afghanistan in July. Almost exactly two months from now, the man I've become so attached to will be leaving me for one of the most dangerous countries in the world. My heart sunk. At first it wasn't because I was worried about him, but because I was worried about me. I'm so invested in him, and now there was a chance that him and I would never be in an official relationship. The love I love so much will end as just another situationship. He came to the conclusion that he needed time to think about weather or not he wants to be in a relationship. When the two of us were cuddled in bed talking about all this, he said one line that really stuck with me. "I don't think you know what you're getting into"

Like I mentioned before, the number one thing about our relationship I was focused on when he announced his deployment was the distance between us. 1 year is a long time to be away from someone. So much can change in a year. It's safe to say that communication would be minimal during this time period, and all I would have to hold on to are the memories of time we did spend together and the promises he makes me before he leaves. This is a year without physical affection, emotional connection, and cuddling. It's a year where i'll basically be alone. He'll get breaks, but chances are he will want to go home to see his family during that time period. I'll be in a relationship but alone.

At this point in my life, I think I'm okay with being in a relationship with someone who's life belongs to the U.S. Military. I watched a lot of army wives, so I understand the challenges that come with that lifestyle. I'm in pharmacy school for the next four years, so my life belongs to the University of Kansas. That's where all my energy will go. Being apart my first year might not be such a bad thing. I'll be able to put a lot of time into my grades. The one part of the military lifestyle I am hesitant to accept is the moving. Not for my career, but for my kids. I've always liked the idea of my future children growing up in a home. A place they've been in since they were babies. I can see the double staircase and long for it, but if you are married to a soldiar you don't have just one place to call home. That's something I'm willing to do if I have found the one God wants me to be with. I'm going to try not to worry and see what God has planned for the two of us. I hope it's a life filled with joy, love, and wifi in Afghanistan.

Song of the Day: Weak by SWV

Quote of the day: "Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing" -Torquato Tasso

"You Don't Wanna Step Off That Roller Coaster and Be All Alone"

MIND

Hello lovely readers and me of the future. In case you didn't already know, I am the number one fan of this blog. It holds so many memories and is the best marker of my growth throughout the years. I like re-reading old posts when I get the chance to. Before writing the latest one, I have started reading the last post I made. The theme of this years posts have been mind, body, and heart. I got this inspiration from Khloe Kardashian's Book "Strong Looks Better Naked". When I made my last post in March, I was struggling with the mind part. I was applying and interviewing to all kinds of programs. I'm happy to report the results of all that hard work.

I was accepted into:
Baker Nursing School
UMKC Pharmacy School
KU Pharmacy School
KU School of Clinical Laboratory Sciences

I was not accepted into:
KU Nursing School (they can kiss my beautiful behind)

I was ecstatic to receive each and every one of those acceptance letters. I had no idea what my future would hold after being dismissed from Pharmacy School. The year I spent studying Human Biology was alright, but it definitely wasn't something I was passionate about. I was bored the entire time, but my grades did improve significantly. I automatically narrowed my options down to UMKC Pharmacy School and KU Pharmacy School. Originally, KU Pharmacy School was my only real option. I couldn't afford the out of state tuition at UMKC. But when God closes a door, he opens a window. I ended up getting a huge scholarship from UMKC that would have allowed me to pay in state tuition there as well. UMKC was the opportunity to have a completely fresh start, but I suprisingly didn't even really think about taking it. I don't think i'm one to run away from my problems. I wanted to face the monster that is KU Pharmacy School again to prove to myself that I can do it. There's a lot of weight that comes with this decision. The students I originally started pharmacy school with are going to be in their third year and final academic year of the program. They're finishing, and I'm starting over. I can't pretend that that doesn't make me feel small. I also have to face all the courses that were so incredibly challenging for me the first time. I am taking steps towards making sure I can do that. I realize that I'm going to have to kiss my social life goodbye. I'm ready to do that, because most of the people I spent time with are graduating anyways. I quit one of my jobs, so that I'm unable to use work as an excuse for not having enough time to study. The job I kept allows me to study and do school work, so I believe I will be all set in that department. This is the beginning of a great, long journey for me. I truly believe that Pharmacy school and that paycheck is my destiny and my family's as well. My father is still job hunting, and our family is going through a rough time financially. Not to mention, I spend an unbelievable amount of food.

The other thing that goes along with my thoughts on beginning this four year journey are how that will affect my personal life. For the next four years, I must be in Lawrence, Kansas. That means any love interest in different locations are not going to be a viable possibility unless they really are in God's plan for me. The next four years likely won't include children for me, but the two years following hopefully will. I still want the same things I've always wanted. The double staircase, four beautiful black babies, and a husband to love me unconditionally. I'm excited for what the future holds and my mind is content at this point.

About three weeks ago, friends were really on my mind. My sorority sisters and I got in this horrible fight that I believe ended up exposing everyone's true colors. After that, I decided to distance myself from them and have been able to maintain that distance. At the time I made this decision, they were doing all kinds of outrageous things. Two of them were being unfaithful to two men I have a lot of love and respect for. The other two were playing Regina George & Gretchin Weiners. They were ignoring my closest line sister and mistreating her. If I had to choose between all of them and her, I would choose her in a heartbeat. I guess you can say that's what I did. We all had to hang out this weekend, and I was cordial. But I'm not opening up anymore. We are sorority sisters and it ends there. I will love and care for them, but I will also stop spending unnecessary time with them. Like the last post said, "birds of a feather flock together" and they are not the birds I need to be flocking with at this critical point in my life.

I reconnected with a lot of my lifetime friends. It was nice, but I can't say that they are without flaws too. I think I want too much out of friendships and sisterhood. I expect people to always put me first and always be there for me and provide more than I can provide for myself. My biggest problem is finding people that share my interests. It's really hard for me to go anywhere with anyone and them want to do exactly what I want to do. If they do, they'll be incredibly unhappy during the entire duration of it. I want to listen to street music and spend time with multiple friends at once, but all of my friends think they are too good for the others. It's really sad, because none of them are too good for anyone. They all want to club all the time, and I get it. We're young. This is the only time where it's socially acceptable for us to do that kind of thing often. I'm just personally done with it. I don't like being squeezed into a small place with many people. I'm not a good enough dancer for this generation. I hate that everyone around me is drunk, and I still plan on keeping my vow not to drink. It's just not fun to me anymore. It is however really fun for all my friends, but that's just because the club helps them facilitate their bad habits. They get to get drunk and take home random men and act surprised when these men don't want a relationship with them. Same story, different day. I'm being judgmental, but oh well. At this point I don't want to meet new people, because they'll probably be the same or worse. I just want to spend time with me. I'll grow more that way anyways.

BODY

There is nothing to update. I have completely failed in this category. Didn't meet my new years resolution to lose 10 pounds, and I'm back to eating horrible. I have dropped in the gym randomly a lot more than I was doing before though. So that's something. By a lot more I mean 3-8 times a month max.

Song of the Day : I Took a Pill In Ibeza by Mike Posner (original version)

Quote of the Day: It always seems impossible until it's done - Nelson Mandela

How Does It Feel? To know that I love you baby, I'm lost without you.

HEART

I ended my last post about love with "maybe the stable, positive person I need in my life right now could be found in one of them. Once again, we'll just have to see". We'll pick up right where we left off. Dakota did not work out. Contrary to popular belief, he was the one who just wanted to have sex with me. One day he canceled our ice skating date and said that we would do lunch the next day. Before lunch time he told me that I should come over and watch Netflix instead. We all know what that means. I said no, because it was a new year and I was only going to accept the love I think I deserve (the best, purest form of love). He never talked to me again, and I didn't really care. Our conversations never really grew. We were stuck in the same place, and I hated his teeth. I was trying to act like it was okay, but I dodged a bullet. Don't miss him now and never did. 

Now that we're done with old business, we can talk about new business. I call it CJIII. He's bae. I gotta recap, because this is all stuff that must be remembered. Him and I have something special. After our Ride Along 2 date, we kept communicating. It's been fun getting to know each other. The man that currently has my heart had a wonderful smile and gets nervous when he's around me. His leg shakes and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Our second date was in Topeka. We met on the mall and he was late...again. I feel like this is a common theme in our relationship. He is always late. When he walked in, he was in baby blue. It looked really nice on him. The mall officer asked him to remove his hood, and I didn't like it. I thought it was kind of racist. We walked and talked and he said he wanted to take me to this store he likes. It ended up being a pet store. You all know how I feel about animals. But he's softened my heart to them. We played with a Doberman puppy. It was kind of cute, and I liked it until it started chewing on me purse. Then we had to end it. We also went to Buffalo Wild Wings, because all of the other restaurants were full and had two hour waits. Dinner conversation was good and we enjoyed our time together. Date number three was last weekend, and I already miss him. That day was chill and we sat in the car and talked for the longest time. He kissed me goodnight and it was perfect. I pray we continue to move in the right direction. He's something special. 

J tried to come back into my life, but he's rude and disrespectful. I'm too good for it. I ended it, because I have a really good thing with CJIII. I don't want anything to ruin it. Overall my heart is happier than its been in a long time. 

There is something that broke my heart recently. My father got his dream job with local law enforcement. After applying multiple times and using multiple family friends as references, he got the job. We were so happy for him. The language barrier was just too much and he had to leave. I could tell he really wanted to be there and he's really sad about it. He's still the number one man in my life, and I hate to see him going through such a hard time. This is all part of God's plan for his life. He doesn't close a door without opening at least two windows, so something big is on the horizon for him.

Song of the day: Lost Without You by Robin Thicke
Quote of the day: "Falling in love is like jumping off a really tall building; your head tells you "idiot you're going to die" but your heart tells you "don't worry pretty girl, you can fly". 

Que Sera Sera - Whatever Will Be, Will Be

Mind:

My mind is full. Full of stress. My anxiety is through the roof. For the first time in my life I have grown women problems. I don't know what to do. The number one thing on my mind is school. I have to make it. The motto right now is Get Rich or Die Trying. I gotta make it. I have officially completed all my applications and interviews for next year. School isn't going so well right now, but I think my grades could recover. I'm going to focus more after spring break. My heart & wallet are stuck on KU Pharmacy School. It's the easiest way for me to achieve my goal of becoming a pharmacist. I really messed up the first time. I valued all the wrong things. Did I learn? Yes, I learned a lot. But I wish I didn't have learn from such a huge, life changing mistake. I'm not sad about it anymore, but I do have regrets. I'm scared, but I'm also victorious. I know I'll have an opportunity to accomplish my goals. I believe in a mighty God and can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Even though my faith isn't as strong as I hoped it would be, I know God will pull through for me. 

My mind is tired. Tired of keeping up with all the lies I've had to tell lately. What year are you? Depends on who's asking. Sometimes I'm a junior (one year until my biology degree). Other times I'm a senior (I started school in 2012, so I should be accomplished by now right?) I'm scared to tell people who I'm trying to accomplish. Telling people I failed was one of the hardest parts of 2015, and I'd rather not have anyone know what I'm doing this time around. I guess a part of me still cares about what other people think of me. 

 I feel like I'm outgrowing the people in my life, and I'm tired of pretending that I'm not. It's hard seeing people in my life make the wrong decisions. I had the pleasure of attending a conference for young African Americans and participated in a conversation about friends that really stuck with me. The discussion leader said that if you feel like the most advanced person in your friend group, you need new friends. He also emphasized that birds of a feather flock together. I need a flock free of of negativity, bad language, cheating, and all the different sins that have filled the lives of so many people close to me. I'm better than that and the decisions I've been making since knowing and associating with them. I need more positive influences in my life. 

I'm really grateful for the lifetime friends I have. They've been with me through everything, and I'm so grateful for their presence in my life. They recently confronted me about how I don't spend enough time with them. I felt really bad, because I know it's true. There's just not enough time in the day. School, work, & greek life leaves little time for anything else. But I'm going to try and do better. My time and energy should go to the people that truly deserve it. 

Speaking of those that truly deserve it, my mama. She's everything to me. I love her so much. We were trying to cheer my dad up by playing songs from the 70s and 80s that he enjoys. That prompted her to tell me to look up a song her parents used to sing together as a duet. It was called Que Sera Sera by Doris Day. It was exactly what the entire family needed to hear. "Whatever will be, will be". We can stress & frustrate ourselves all we want, but destiny will be fulfilled regardless. We just gotta roll with the punches.

Song of the Day: Que Sera Sera by Doris Day

Quote of the Day: "Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will"

"It Was Just Like A Movie; It Was Just Like A Song"

Hello loves,
I have been thinking about this update for quite some time. This blog is really going to help move me forward in my self growth. I picked a terrible time to start this, but I'm glad I did. I am sitting in Budig 120 (the biggest lecture hall at the University of Kansas) starting my Biology 152 class. I'm stopping now to finish this at a better time.

I actually stopped and continued on Day 22 of 365. I still haven't been blogging as much as I would like to, but I have been contemplating and deciding what direction I would like to take my life in. Here's a quick update.

Mind 

Lately I just want to be alone. I think Christmas break was overwhelming for me. I was around people all the time. At one point there were seven people living in my home. There was constant conversation, activity, arguments, make ups. The usual. It just got to be too much. For a month and a half, I didn't have my own room. I had no way to be alone, and I really really missed me time. I'm enjoying its return and working on spending more quality time with myself. Backing away from Greek Life is my first step in this particular journey.

Body

I have made slow but steady progress on dieting and exercising. I was better at the exercise portion than I was at the dieting portion. I was going to the gym every day for about ten days. I've had more than a few cheat days since then, but plan on going to the gym three more times this week to achieve up for my 4 days a week goal. I also started tracking what I eat on my Lose It! app. Although I go over the calorie count more often than I don't ,at least I'm getting better at recognizing which foods in my diet were the worst for me and learning to make more balanced meals. I'm also reading Khloe Kardashian's book : Strong Looks Better Naked. The book is where I got the mind, body, spirit model for today's blog. Her height loss journey was super successful, so I'm excited to get some tips from her. Losing ten pounds by June is still achievable. I will reach my goal this time.

Spirit

My spirit has had good days and bad days lately. I truly feel closer to the Lord and have been dipping into his word more. The verse that I've been dwelling on is Philippians 4:6 , "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". I like to think of it as worry about nothing; pray about everything. I have been lifting every little thing up to the lord and having honest conversations with him. I know he hears me and he's slowly helping me understand the things that need to change in my life. I want to spend more time with my family. The unconditional love they provide is something that's hard to find anywhere else. I feel like my little brother needs me, and I have to find a way to reach out to him and motivate him. All toxic people have to be removed from my life. There are some friendships that add more stress than joy, and I'm not here for it anymore. I want to put more time into rewarding friendships. Part of why I love for a relationship so much is because I feel like I need a stable, positive person in my life. Someone that's always there to listen to my complaints, hold me, wipe my tears, and remind me that it's all going to be okay. There's no one in my life ready to hear about everything or who understands every aspect of me and that needs to change. I haven't figured out how, but the last thing I want to do is open up to the wrong people.

Love

I went on my first real date on 1/15/2016 and it was wonderful. I met a man on tinder and my heart is warmed just thinking about him. He's a sweetheart. He showed up early, opened the door for me, kept a comfortable, and gave our leftovers to a homeless person. Our conversation flowed pretty effortlessly throughout the night, and I loved that he was willing to share the things about his family. He made me laugh until I cry with the stories about his brother in law. That was the moment i'll remember more than the other things. He paid! My gentlemen alert went off. I left really happy, and we are supposed to go on another date tonight. We'll see how this goes. I really like him, but he's currently applying to a job three hours away. If we were meant to be, the distance won't stop us from growing our relationship. I'm quite smitten with this man.

I also met a man at the club the week after NYE. It was at Tonic, and I wanted to be brave enough to walk up to someone to prove to my friend that she could do it too. There was a cute guy, so I approached him and we spoke. We were able to exchange numbers and he wanted to hang out after meeting. My friend told me that that meant he only wanted to have sex and it was past 2 a.m. , so I said no. A couple days later I decided to text him again, and we've been texting pretty regularly ever since. Our first date was in Topeka. We went to see Ride Along 2. He was late, but I won't hold that against him. The whole thing was pretty natural. We talked about a lot of surface level things in person, but had already texted about what we were looking for. We haven't spoken about meeting up again since that night. Hopefully it comes up and I get to see him again. We had chemistry. He's also in the military and gets deployed in April. These are the things I don't dwell on but should. They are imperfect, but part of the perfect picture of what we would/could be.

Maybe the stable, positive person I need in my life right now could be found in one of them. Once again, we'll just have to see.

Stay blessed, beautiful, and hopeful about what is to come.

With Love,
MA

Song of the Day : When We Were Young by Adele

Quote of the Day : "The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to learn or rely on, or blame. The gift is yours- it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins" -Bob Moawad

"I hear you found somebody new and that I never meant that much to you. And to hear that tears me up inside and to see you cuts me like a knife"

Good Morning World, 

It is Day 5 of 365. I have 360 more days Although it wasn't one of my resolutions, I want to document my progress and write on this blog more. I know that during one of my biggest periods of growth, I blogged daily. It really helped me evaluate my situation at that time and grow as a person. I'm going to update the world on how my first five days of the year went. 

Day 1 : At midnight, I was at Tonic. It was packed with people, and I was in a gold sparkly dress. If there wasn't so many people there, you would have been able to see me from a mile away. I didn't have on heels, because I'm a forever baby. I wore my white flats with gold accents. We didn't do a countdown. He just made an announcement when midnight had hit. They released balloons and everyone cheered. I don't remember what the first song I heard this year was. I feel like it was something with techno beat. I was with Mariam, Elaine, and Sarah. Sober, of course. One of the men who I left behind in 2015 texted me, and I successfully ignored him. 

Day 2: I was sick and recovering Day 2. I'm still feeling the remnants of the cold I've had. I rested in the morning and got ready in time to go to the game with Emily. She had a make or break relationship decision to make and decided not to take the risk and end things. We won the game by thirty points and ate delicious Mexican food. I starved all day, so I could have as many chips as I want. When I got home I tried to call J. He answered on the first ring, told me he was at work, and said he would call me back when he got off. He called me the minute he was off from work. We had a 7 minute conversation. I checked the time. He told me about how his car was stolen over winter break. We laughed a little and I was as sympathetic as I could be. The conversation went like this. 

Me: Do you want to hang out next week? 

J: Negative

Me : why not?

J: Umm, remember my friend who I had put to the side for a bit? We reconnected over the holidays and are trying again. So, I gotta be faithful and all that. 

Me: (In a moment of anxiety trying to sound like I don't care and spitting words out way too fast) : Well, best of luck to you two. I hope things work out better this time around. 

J: Wait, this doesn't interfere with the friendship we built. That can still happen

Me: Okay (really high pitched and fake optimistic sounding)

We said our goodbyes and it ended. I feel like he was the closest thing I've had to a relationship. He chose someone else. I have songs for every moment of my relationship with him and had made a playlist for when I see him next. That playlist will be deleted soon. The song for our ending is Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Miley Cyrus version. 

Day 3 : Rest and relaxation. Lots of Jane the Virgin. Still no tears over J. 

Day 4: I went to a legendary basketball game. KU Vs. OU. The game went 3 OT, and the teams were truly one hell of a match. Buddy Hield made 46 points in the fieldhouse. It was unbeliebable. Definitely a game no one there will ever forget. The starters were : Wayne Selden Jr. , Frank Mason III, Devante Graham, Perry Ellis, and Hunter Mickelson. I also texted that man I left behind in 2015. Not in a moment of weakness, but in a moment of hope. I wanted him to finally act right and prove that I meant something to him. He's still playing the same games. As of right now, he remains left in 2015.

Resolutions update : I went to the gym for the first time yesterday and it went pretty well. The first 5 minutes were rough, but I got into the swing of things and did okay. I'm trying to eat less and have decided that I'm truly unhappy with my weight. Working towards achieving my goal. 10 pounds by May 1st. I've been trying to turn all my worries to prayers as well. About to read a bible passage right now.  

Song of the Day: Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Miley Cyrus

Quote of the day: "No girl should ever forget that she doesn't need anyone that doesn't need her" - Marilyn MonroeI 

"I am not the pieces of the dream I left behind, I am light."

Hello 2016. I am here and coming for everything I deserve. This will be a year of new beginnings, and I am finally ready to take back my life and achieve the destiny I was always meant to.

1. Pay off my credit card bill. This year I will be better with my finances. I won't do any unnecessary spending and will attempt to avoid using my credit card at all costs. The only exceptions will be for concerts and trips.

2. I will become a healthier individual. Partly because I don't want to get sick so often and mostly because I want to look fabulous. I hope to lose 20 pounds this year. 10 pounds by May and another 10 pounds by December. I will accomplish this by using the Lose It app faithfully and going to the gym at least 4 days a week.

3. No regrets. I want to be content with any academic direction my life takes me in. This semester I will find out if I'm going back to pharmacy school, starting nursing school, studying clinical laboratory sciences, or continuing my biology degree. I want to come to a point where I am happy with any direction life leads me in. I will also study hard to bring my GPA up.

4. I'm going to be a more responsible adult. I really want to be a good traditional mommy and wife someday. I will make more progress towards this goal by attempting to cook at least three new meals this year and maintaining a cleaner home environment.

5. This should be number one, but I want to be honest about my thought process while writing this. I want to grow in my faith. I want to go to a church that inspires me to be a better christian and reminds me how loved I am by God. Despite backlash from my parents, I want to go to Morningstar more. I would like to read the daily word texts I've been getting. I want to read the bible every night before I go to bed and listen to K-Love more. I want to accept that I am a sinner. The ultimate goal is to sin less, but I don't want to pretend to be the perfect christian. I want to be more open with God about how I need him to mold me and change my heart.

6. I will not waste time with men that do not value me. Texting and "talking" is fine, but if these situationships do not amount to a date in two months I will end them. I will not try to revive dead end relationships, but will try to better myself by becoming a stronger person. This will help me be ready for a good man if one enters my life. All the men who failed me in 2015, will not be coming to 2016 with me.

7. I want to be a better daughter and friend. I want to give more than I take from the people that love me the most. I want to be supportive and have good will in all my encounters with them. I want to be honest with them and help them grow into better people without being judgmental or cruel. I really want to spend more quality time with my family as well.

8. Learn to live with less money. Adjust my lifestyle.

This concludes by 2016 resolution list. With Gods help, I will accomplish my goals and make positive changes in my life. I have faith in my ability to accomplish all eight items on this list. The quote that I want to live by this year is by Maya Angelou, "My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with passion, compassion, humor, and style."