"You Don't Wanna Step Off That Roller Coaster and Be All Alone"

MIND

Hello lovely readers and me of the future. In case you didn't already know, I am the number one fan of this blog. It holds so many memories and is the best marker of my growth throughout the years. I like re-reading old posts when I get the chance to. Before writing the latest one, I have started reading the last post I made. The theme of this years posts have been mind, body, and heart. I got this inspiration from Khloe Kardashian's Book "Strong Looks Better Naked". When I made my last post in March, I was struggling with the mind part. I was applying and interviewing to all kinds of programs. I'm happy to report the results of all that hard work.

I was accepted into:
Baker Nursing School
UMKC Pharmacy School
KU Pharmacy School
KU School of Clinical Laboratory Sciences

I was not accepted into:
KU Nursing School (they can kiss my beautiful behind)

I was ecstatic to receive each and every one of those acceptance letters. I had no idea what my future would hold after being dismissed from Pharmacy School. The year I spent studying Human Biology was alright, but it definitely wasn't something I was passionate about. I was bored the entire time, but my grades did improve significantly. I automatically narrowed my options down to UMKC Pharmacy School and KU Pharmacy School. Originally, KU Pharmacy School was my only real option. I couldn't afford the out of state tuition at UMKC. But when God closes a door, he opens a window. I ended up getting a huge scholarship from UMKC that would have allowed me to pay in state tuition there as well. UMKC was the opportunity to have a completely fresh start, but I suprisingly didn't even really think about taking it. I don't think i'm one to run away from my problems. I wanted to face the monster that is KU Pharmacy School again to prove to myself that I can do it. There's a lot of weight that comes with this decision. The students I originally started pharmacy school with are going to be in their third year and final academic year of the program. They're finishing, and I'm starting over. I can't pretend that that doesn't make me feel small. I also have to face all the courses that were so incredibly challenging for me the first time. I am taking steps towards making sure I can do that. I realize that I'm going to have to kiss my social life goodbye. I'm ready to do that, because most of the people I spent time with are graduating anyways. I quit one of my jobs, so that I'm unable to use work as an excuse for not having enough time to study. The job I kept allows me to study and do school work, so I believe I will be all set in that department. This is the beginning of a great, long journey for me. I truly believe that Pharmacy school and that paycheck is my destiny and my family's as well. My father is still job hunting, and our family is going through a rough time financially. Not to mention, I spend an unbelievable amount of food.

The other thing that goes along with my thoughts on beginning this four year journey are how that will affect my personal life. For the next four years, I must be in Lawrence, Kansas. That means any love interest in different locations are not going to be a viable possibility unless they really are in God's plan for me. The next four years likely won't include children for me, but the two years following hopefully will. I still want the same things I've always wanted. The double staircase, four beautiful black babies, and a husband to love me unconditionally. I'm excited for what the future holds and my mind is content at this point.

About three weeks ago, friends were really on my mind. My sorority sisters and I got in this horrible fight that I believe ended up exposing everyone's true colors. After that, I decided to distance myself from them and have been able to maintain that distance. At the time I made this decision, they were doing all kinds of outrageous things. Two of them were being unfaithful to two men I have a lot of love and respect for. The other two were playing Regina George & Gretchin Weiners. They were ignoring my closest line sister and mistreating her. If I had to choose between all of them and her, I would choose her in a heartbeat. I guess you can say that's what I did. We all had to hang out this weekend, and I was cordial. But I'm not opening up anymore. We are sorority sisters and it ends there. I will love and care for them, but I will also stop spending unnecessary time with them. Like the last post said, "birds of a feather flock together" and they are not the birds I need to be flocking with at this critical point in my life.

I reconnected with a lot of my lifetime friends. It was nice, but I can't say that they are without flaws too. I think I want too much out of friendships and sisterhood. I expect people to always put me first and always be there for me and provide more than I can provide for myself. My biggest problem is finding people that share my interests. It's really hard for me to go anywhere with anyone and them want to do exactly what I want to do. If they do, they'll be incredibly unhappy during the entire duration of it. I want to listen to street music and spend time with multiple friends at once, but all of my friends think they are too good for the others. It's really sad, because none of them are too good for anyone. They all want to club all the time, and I get it. We're young. This is the only time where it's socially acceptable for us to do that kind of thing often. I'm just personally done with it. I don't like being squeezed into a small place with many people. I'm not a good enough dancer for this generation. I hate that everyone around me is drunk, and I still plan on keeping my vow not to drink. It's just not fun to me anymore. It is however really fun for all my friends, but that's just because the club helps them facilitate their bad habits. They get to get drunk and take home random men and act surprised when these men don't want a relationship with them. Same story, different day. I'm being judgmental, but oh well. At this point I don't want to meet new people, because they'll probably be the same or worse. I just want to spend time with me. I'll grow more that way anyways.

BODY

There is nothing to update. I have completely failed in this category. Didn't meet my new years resolution to lose 10 pounds, and I'm back to eating horrible. I have dropped in the gym randomly a lot more than I was doing before though. So that's something. By a lot more I mean 3-8 times a month max.

Song of the Day : I Took a Pill In Ibeza by Mike Posner (original version)

Quote of the Day: It always seems impossible until it's done - Nelson Mandela