Que Sera Sera - Whatever Will Be, Will Be

Mind:

My mind is full. Full of stress. My anxiety is through the roof. For the first time in my life I have grown women problems. I don't know what to do. The number one thing on my mind is school. I have to make it. The motto right now is Get Rich or Die Trying. I gotta make it. I have officially completed all my applications and interviews for next year. School isn't going so well right now, but I think my grades could recover. I'm going to focus more after spring break. My heart & wallet are stuck on KU Pharmacy School. It's the easiest way for me to achieve my goal of becoming a pharmacist. I really messed up the first time. I valued all the wrong things. Did I learn? Yes, I learned a lot. But I wish I didn't have learn from such a huge, life changing mistake. I'm not sad about it anymore, but I do have regrets. I'm scared, but I'm also victorious. I know I'll have an opportunity to accomplish my goals. I believe in a mighty God and can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Even though my faith isn't as strong as I hoped it would be, I know God will pull through for me. 

My mind is tired. Tired of keeping up with all the lies I've had to tell lately. What year are you? Depends on who's asking. Sometimes I'm a junior (one year until my biology degree). Other times I'm a senior (I started school in 2012, so I should be accomplished by now right?) I'm scared to tell people who I'm trying to accomplish. Telling people I failed was one of the hardest parts of 2015, and I'd rather not have anyone know what I'm doing this time around. I guess a part of me still cares about what other people think of me. 

 I feel like I'm outgrowing the people in my life, and I'm tired of pretending that I'm not. It's hard seeing people in my life make the wrong decisions. I had the pleasure of attending a conference for young African Americans and participated in a conversation about friends that really stuck with me. The discussion leader said that if you feel like the most advanced person in your friend group, you need new friends. He also emphasized that birds of a feather flock together. I need a flock free of of negativity, bad language, cheating, and all the different sins that have filled the lives of so many people close to me. I'm better than that and the decisions I've been making since knowing and associating with them. I need more positive influences in my life. 

I'm really grateful for the lifetime friends I have. They've been with me through everything, and I'm so grateful for their presence in my life. They recently confronted me about how I don't spend enough time with them. I felt really bad, because I know it's true. There's just not enough time in the day. School, work, & greek life leaves little time for anything else. But I'm going to try and do better. My time and energy should go to the people that truly deserve it. 

Speaking of those that truly deserve it, my mama. She's everything to me. I love her so much. We were trying to cheer my dad up by playing songs from the 70s and 80s that he enjoys. That prompted her to tell me to look up a song her parents used to sing together as a duet. It was called Que Sera Sera by Doris Day. It was exactly what the entire family needed to hear. "Whatever will be, will be". We can stress & frustrate ourselves all we want, but destiny will be fulfilled regardless. We just gotta roll with the punches.

Song of the Day: Que Sera Sera by Doris Day

Quote of the Day: "Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will"