So guess what people everywhere? Lawrene got their first snow day for tommorow in 2 years!! YES!!! I could nto be more excited. You want to know why? Two days back at freestate felt like 2 months. Its amazing the stress they can put on one poor 15 year old girl. Its been snowing nonstop since 12:00 today. Right around when the math teacher was teaching a new lesson. I figured out another of lifes little puzzle peices today. Its possible for a kid to not like a snow day? Crazy huh? All people could talk about today were the possible school cancelations, and then this one boy goes "your all nuts, i would rather come to school and get that extra day in the spring". Everyone stared at him like he was the one that was nuts and finally lost it. Poor guy, maturity is not a very well excepted thing.

Theres a topic i'm kind of wanting to learn more about. The O.J. simpson case. We were discussing it over dinner the other day. I brought up the kardashians and my dad brought up the story or how they became who they are. Their late father Robert Kardashian was a family lawyer that worked on O.J simpsons defense team. He was the first lawyer to pick up the O.J. case right after he was arrested during that long car chase. They were family friends, to O.J. and his wife. He later admitted that he though O.J. was guilty. now the real questions is was he? If hadent taken the Michael Jackson case into my own reserch skills I may have actually believed he was guilty. Anyways i'll try to keep you updated. I hope to soon go to the library and check out some books on the subject.

Something made me really laugh today. My friend Olivia is in this chemistry class and the coincidence is some of my old crushes are in her class. So she was asking me today is J. a senior? and I was like no hes a junior. And she goes really? Well in chemistry class we were intruducing ourselves and he says i'm j. and I'm a senior. And the teacher goes, wait your really a senior?!?! And he says yeah I am, I'm only taking this class for fun. really? and he goes "you bet I really like chemistry". and eveyrone bought it! but hes really a junior who i'm guessing failed out of chemistry last year. poor boy. his lie made ma laugh on the bus today.

My dad is gettng extreme insomnia. Its getting really bad. He hasent slept in 3 days. Not to meantion his knee is killing him. The whole thing is really bad so keep him in your prayers. k readers? and if your atheist then just try to send him good waves to lighten up his ora. I appriciate it.

The peoples choice awards are tonight and they should be a great deal of fun so everyone should watch them. I will blog more soon. bye

song of the day: Where is the love

quote of the day: My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

There were so many topics to discuss for todays blog, i had to make a list. I'll have to start with my life. I went back to school today, my winter break is officially over. I have to say, I already really really really miss it. I went back to school and already the negative energy poured into me. But its ok. My scheduale changed and I have a lot more classes with people who i'm not that good of friends with. its kind of sad. Lunch is different. I should be really happy I guess because akira and Olivia are now in that lunch but before it was kind of my chance to spread out and hang out with a diffrent group of people but that has now ended. Those boys....break does wonders for them. New haircuts, clothes, and smiles will make you want to pass out. But guess what? Thats not enough anymore. I've let go of them because looks is just not going to last a lifetime and I dont really want to end up with any of them. so freestate boys have officially lost the war. :)

There is a little bit of drama going on in lawrence that I didnt hear about while hiding out in my house. So apperently there was a robbery involving 5 guys. Some of them went to my school. The two african american people who were involved in the robbery got sent to jail. The three caucasion males were left with a warning and one of them was put on house arrest. None of them were over 22. Isn't that the saddest thing. They're already failing at life before the real tests has come. But anyways now its this big race things about why those two got but in jail and the others didnt. It kind of sunk into me today that they arent very many people of color around. In all of my adanced classes i am the only one. I guess i'm used to it and dont feel weird anymore, but it kind of dissapoints me that i'm the only person of african or mexican origin that is actually challenging myself. I guess it might be because the rest are rotting in jail...so sad...so so sad...

Secret life of the american teenager was amazing yesturday. I loved, loved, loved it BUT I'm not going to give anything away because you all should be watching it on your own. It is really good, and they talk about the subjects that are awkward with other people. You learn while laughing and enjoying yourself. But anyways I got to thinking about the people who are being forgotten in our community right now. Teen fathers. Does that sound weird together to you? You never really hear about it but part of the reason you dont is because most of them just arent around. I've always thought that in the states that abortions are legal in, the guy should have a say on wheather or not he wants to keep his child. it is also his child people. And if you get into "well its her body", then he should have to pay her the same price as a surrogate and for all her hospital bills. He should also have to support that child and be the legal gaurdian of them forever. But they never really get that oppurtuity. And no one really feels compassionate towardst he teen fathers. their like no big deal. But someone needs to be out there fighting for them too, dont you think?

Then while the thoughts of all the trouble that teens go through I began thinking about their parents. Have you noticed that when a little kid does something wrong the parents dont really think twice about it. they scold them and point them in the wrong direction but then its over because most likley it wasent anything too serious. When teenagers get in trouble it really really hurts the parents. Not physically but emotional because to them they have failed to raise their child the right way. In gossip girl they always meantion how in the upper east side they only meantion their sucsessful children. Its a dissapointment when someone you loved and had such high hopes for goes off and gets pregnent or robs a bank. I also think parents who have good kids need to be a little more loose. I mean with some things I can understand, but without rewarding those children then what exactlys keeping them from becoming the bad kids? haha gotcha its something to think about (not like any parents are reading this)

song of the day: Baby its cold outside :)

quote of the day: Love in the real world means saying you're sorry 10 times a day.

you know what makes me mad? Girls that dumb themselves down for a guy. I never qutie understood why it worked out that way. And I also didnt get why the guy wanted a stupid girl in the first place. But the sad thing is this whole thing still exsists. Girl fails class and asks guy for help when she very well knows how to do the work. But who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone really slow? I will never understand that aspect of the guys mind. Is it so they can easily control the girl? Or is it so they can manipulate them without them understanding whats going on? Anyways its intresting, and I saw someones facebook status that said soething about how the perfect girl dosent talk and just stands there and looks pretty. If only that poor guy knew that, that made him look like a loser saying that. he autimatically went on my never in my life list ( I dont have one of those but I think I should make one, or people i'd never date and things i'd never do so if I bumb my head and loose all memories I know not to make htose stupid mistakes).

M new years resolutions are going well. I went to the gym today. Guess who was there? This guy that used to sit by me in history. I dont know why but it made the whole thing really awkward. Me on the treadmill, and bike. The worst though was I was on a thigh work out machine where you spread your legs as wide as possible with weights connected to it. You REALLY feel the burn and who dosent want the worlds most perfect bottom half? Anyways so I Was on that machine and he was just watching and it was too weird. Thank goodness my mom decided to go home soon afterwards. Dont worry though, that will not make me give up on that resolution. I'm trying to sign up for a membership. Now if only the money fell from the sky...

Winter break is almost over. Its unbelievable. I Completley forgot what it was like to wake up at the crack of done and make 0 hour. Its just kind of dissapointing. My days of relaxing and letting my hair go wildish and stuff are over. School tends the bring up the worst in me. Dont get me wrong I go to a fabulous school. And whats most important at the end of the day is the fact that I'm learning and getting good grades, but being around some of those people just make me more negative. And I get sucked into things that arent terrible but just bring down my ora or something like that. At least I dont have to worry about finals though (sorry samira). I'm also kind of scared though because I have a first hour teacher who is supposed to be godzilla. And the worst part is that shes my chemistry teacher, and I really have to understand the subject in order to do good in my future career choice. wish me luck readers. now i'm off to watch SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER SEASON PREMIRE!!! (really excited about it if you cant tell)

song of the day: Fireflis - Owl city (It dosent really have that good of a message or anything but i cant get the song out of my head. I also always though owl city was a band but really its just one guy. Who would have known)

Quote of the day: He that would live in peace and at ease must not speak all he knows or all he sees.

putting the puzzle peices togehter

I learned something today. You know they say that you learn something EVERYDAY? well its true. I love learning tidbits of information about life. Its almost like lifes a gigantic puzzle and you find little peices everywhere. And at the end you can complete it with everything you learned. Anyways, back to the info. I always wondered what happens during engagments. I mean I understand that the guy gets on one knee and asks you to be his forever. its the most romantic thing ever. But what I was always curious about is where HIS wedding ring came from. do you buy one as soon as possible? Do you give him his on the wedding day. Apperently, he buys your and his. its like a matching set. Buy one get one free (or for a million dollors). So he buys both of them! Now you know and its mikes super short show (I miss the old disney....)

A human emotion that everyone has but no one likes is jelousy. Everyones been jealous of someone else before. I dont know a single person that is so confident that they dont get impressed by someone elses thing. Thats one of the ten commandments given to moses (never want something of your neighbors). Its not a good thing obviousley but it happens. Today I went out with Akira, Taz, Marina, and Terry. Terry is akiras boyfriend. Right after we had lunch thye "left" together for about 2 hours. I'm so happy for her. I like that she may have found the love of her life. And I'm even happier that he loves her back. But...i'm kind of jealous that she has what I want. Its the cutest thing them together. He seems like a sweet guy. I dont want to date him. thats not what im trying to see, its just that I want a sweet guy to love me and care about me. The only thing thats a bit of a turn off in their relationship is.....

Its one of those "secret dating" situations. A cant date untill her 16th birthday. So they lie about their relationships. they pretend to be going out with friends and then the two of them leave the group and go have a relationship. It is true love, risking everything for the one you want. But it seems like theres something wrong. The thing I like about weddings is that their telling the whole world that this is the person they want to be with forever. And they want everyone else to share the expirence with them. But when its a secret relation ship its almost like you shouldent be proud of what your doing. Theres somehting wrong about it and thats why you cant say or do it for the whole world to see. But maybe this is just the rough patch that certain relationships have to go through only to be able to love the person openly forever. I hope it works for them. But thinking about it would I do the same thing? If I found someone that i think it could work out with and that made me happier then i've ever been. I think I might. and would I want friends to be supportive and be a part of the little game? I'm pretty sure i'd want that too. I'm gonna be there for her and then maybe if I ever get into that situation she'll cover for me.



I figured out another little puzzle piece today. the way people drive kind of discribes their veiw on life. Theres some people who drive really slow and are careful. they look at all the signs and make sure their always doing the right thing. These are the good people who really value life and dont want to hurt themselves or anyone else. Then theres the people who drive really fast are the ones who speed through life. Their willing to take a risks and feel like the time that they have is a little too short. They want more oppurtunities to do things and feel like theres not enough time in the day. These people dont really take time to enjoy life. The casual driver is the person that takes in nature and their surroundings. Its intresting how every move you make in life discribes the person that you are.

song of the day: It's a secret but I like it. I'm also intrested in analyizing content in songs now. but the fakish song of the day is Baby its cold outside.

Quote of the day: Hoes over bros & chicks over dicks! I like these sayings because your friends should always come first. Guys come and go, but your real friends are always there for you and when you loose them you have nothing.

p.s. i'm working on the secret project. AND i watched season one of the hills with akira last night. Its a good show. I like it!

2 new resolutions that I WILL keep

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in what seems like a long time. I cleaned my room from top to bottom. Don't get me wrong, It didn't look like Kendra's or anything with clothes all over the floor and such. I just had it organized in a way that it looked clean and hid the messy. I dusted things, I got rid of all the stuff I don't need and now you can actually see my desk. I got stuff from under my bed and maintained my dresser. It was perfect. Why am I doing this? Because one of the resolutions of the new decade is that I'm going to be a clean woman. Not only that but I'm going to do more work. I guess you can say I'm doing this for myself to help with the growing up process and take on responsibilities. The other reason is for some weird reason I just want to prove to myself and maybe others that I'm worthy. Of what, I'm not that sure. But part of this all is cleaning my room and keeping it that way all year.

Another resolution I made is to be healthier. Its for the wrong reasons. I kind of hate almost all healthy foods. Thats just the truth right there. Normally I'm just like not right now, or I'm not in the mood for green beans. But I just don't like them. BUT I decided that I want to loose between 30 to 60 pounds. 60 would be preferred, because then i'd have some room to gain weight cause I play that game a lot. Loose. Gain. Loose. Gain. I asked for a gym membership but I cant afford one of those, SO i picked a technique thats given. I'm going to dance for 40ish minutes everyday in order to be in shape. This will probably sound a little on the vain side, but I think I would look really good minus all the extra flab. So thats it. I'm going to hopefully keep up with it. I did the dance thing yesterday and today. Tips will be greatly accepted. (And on another note, maybe i'll discover some new moves in the process).

This whole new year thing has really stuck to me. there are 363 days that I can do whatever I want with. thats a lot. I want to do positive things with each and every one of them. A lot of these goals cant really be achieved until I believe in myself. I also think that peoples approaches towards me will change once I have a greater sense of confidence. Confidence isn't really something you can buy from a store, or make simple steps for. To be honest I don't even know how to start on that one. Hopefully it will just come to me, in some miraculous way.

I realized something else today. Professional pictures just always look really fake. I used to just love them. It was like a person got an opportunity to be a model for a day. You get to dress up in pretty dress and go with your family to commemorate a year, or just a special day. But I was looking through someone's on facebook today and they looked bad. The kids smiles were kind of strained but not as strained as the parents. They all just looked tired. They weren't enjoying it at all and it was not good. I don't want to end up in a life like that. Where I'm just tired and unhappy. What's the point? If your going to drag on from day to day without a good moment then what are you still doing her you know? I'm not saying you should go out and kill yourself because whether you use it right or not life is a gift that no one but god has the right to take away. Everyone needs to find something that makes them happy though. Thats really important. End up married to someone that makes you happy. No matter what. That should be a number one. Because you end up spending a majority of your time with them and if they bring you down your whole life will just be one big tug pushing you further and further into the ground.

I have a new fantasy now. I'm kind of hoping maybe its a vision. I enjoy it a lot. This possible future life of mine. :) Btw in this fantasy i'm 23 and take night classes up at KU. I only need like 2 more credits before I graduate. I would give you more details but I don't want to seem insane sitting around, dreaming about all of this.

p.s. the jaafar thing is over for this year and i have yet to find a new jackson BUT he turned 14 and that website was wroooong according to twitter. hes still a baby though. oh well. suggestions for jacksons are accepted with open arms

Song of the day: Human nature - Michael Jackson. It is successful in making me smile all the time.

quote of the day: Live out of your imagination, not your history.

Movie review and 1st self discovery of the year

Ok so I'm most excited about the self discovery party so im going to go for that first. In every movie we watch I seem to relate with the person that everyone else is against or thinks is crazy. Im always the only one defending the character. Like in twilight it was Rosalie. Everyone was so upset, because she didnt want bella to become a vampire. But I one hundred percent related to her. Or in my sisters keeper I related to the mom. You know why I relate to those characters? Because their the most like me. We see eye to eye and if I was in the movie i'd be them. So now im trying to figure out if that means im always wrong at my aproaches at life or what. I'm just happy I figured out.

In the movie I just watched today (Catch And Release) I related most to this guy. I think his name was Dan. And he loved the woman that was just widowed but her heart belonged to another and she didnt even give him the time of day. No one wants her to end up with him. even in the movie. That was the ending I was rooting for though. weird huh? I guess in real life I am him. And does this mean im wrong and everyone belongs happily ever after with these other people? maybe. But i'm hoping now. The movie was wonderful though. The storyline is about this woman who looses her husband while hes on his bachlor party. The last few movies i've been seeing make me very much dislike bachlor parties. They dont seem to be good things. But anyways so its the day of the wedding and shes not getting married but shes burring her fiance. Sad huh? I think that may be one of the saddest things i've ever heard of. Its awful. But really good. So everyone should watch it!! :)

song im listening to at the moment: And I - Ciara

2010; a new decade has begun!

Hello everyone. Happy New Year!! Its been a decade and more since i've been alive. I always forget how great new year is untill it comes in the year to come. A decade ago on the new year that brung in the millenium I remember it perfectly. It was the first year I stayed up and we watched the ball drop in new york with my parents, and Auntie Bite. Once we were done hugging and such they said it was time for me to go to bed. Knowing they wouldent come up for awhile I snuck into my moms room and turned on the telivision. On it was P!nk on rockafeller center singin "I'mmmm coming out so we better get this party started". I dont know why but its a moment I wont forget. Whille the ball dropped this year I was at Olivia Marshalls.
The performer at that was Rihanna and I wont forget her performance either! Around 8:30ish we put in a movie. It was the hangover. I must say I loved that movie. Its not for little eyes but it was one of those guilty pleasures. it made me laugh the whole time.

Afterwards, we played a little bit of apples to apples. That game is pretty fun, but its better with more people so that kind of died. Then we kind of split up into littleish groups. I was with olivia W. and we reminised about the songs we loved this decade. Then we read our horescopes and mind as looking pretty good! And then Olivia M.'s boyfriend asked to see his. It said that he would get his heart cracked open. Waita kill the mood just a little bit. About 4 minutes before the new year we turned on the tv and watched the ball drop. We saw the proposing people. and the kissing. You could almost just feel the love through the tv (or around me...2 couples there). Then we went outside and wished on a star and then I had to leave. then a disaster happened.....

I made a new years text to send to everyone in my phone book. minus the adults and such. And I sent it but my phone kept saying "message failed retry". So I did, and I guess some people got like 20 copys of it. That was so embarassing. I felt really down after that. This is one of my problems that must change. I worry a lot about the things that happen, because im not very confident in myself. For the last decade ive been so scared about expressing myself and being denied that I just worry all the time about making mistakes or what people will think of me. Its terrible. I want to get rid of it but I cant. I dont really know what I was always so embarassed about. But since first grade i've been quiet and afraid to say something stupid or do something stupid. And so that text thing was just...not good. I apolagize if anyone reading this got a ton. I didnt mean it. But everyone makes mistakes right???

The begining of 2010 is a chance to start over. Its an oppurtunity to let go of all the bad things that you stuck with through the year, and all the things that caused you unhapiness and begin a life that your sure to be proud of and look back on positivley. Although the begining of a new decade seems like there is LOTS of time to do everything we want there may not be. So live as if theres no tommorw. Do everything you possibly can to be safe and happy. Take risks and sit some out. Love your family and friends. Stick to what you believe in and dont let anyone tell you diffrent. L.O.V.E is an important factor in this world and dont let go of your belief in it. In the decade to come when 2020 arives (if gods willing) I should be graduated from high school, and college. I hope I would have completed both things and be happy. Where ever life takes me or no matter what challenges this decade brings you. Smile. Laugh. Dance. Sing. Party. Run. Play. Pray. Do whatever it is that brings out the positivness in you. Happy new year everyone. Lets make this decade a great one. Something for the history books.

Song of the day:
Forever - Chris Brown (he deserves all the good things from about too). He suffered long and hard and I choose to forgive him.

Quote of the day:
"I knew that my princess needed her glass slippers and her castle." - Kevin Jonas being my favorite jonas right now. He gave his wife everything she could ever want. A fairytale wedding. And right before the event he personally delivered princess shoes to her. Like the cinderella type. :)