Every year I make my top songs of the year list. This year was weird for me, musically because I had to officially download all my musical legally. I'm not by any means admitting to have downloaded music illegally at any point in my life. I'm just saying that I bought all the songs that are on my iPhone in 2014, and I'm poor so i wasn't as many songs as I listened to in the past. The list changed dramatically with the release of 1989 and the Pinkprint. Taylor swift and Nicki Minaj are two woman who completely changed the game. I'm proud of their contributions to the industry. Without further adieu.."the list".
1. All of Me by John Legend : This was the most beautiful song of 2014. It was playing on every station. The original and that annoying dance version that was released later in the year. The piano part was beautiful. It constantly played in my head. And the lyrics were love personified. He loved every inch of this woman. What made the song even more beautiful was that those words were inspired by the phenomenal woman he married in 2014. It doesn't get better.
2. Rude by MAGIC! : The reggae vibe, story, and the mans soothing voice together created perfection. I love this song. I cruised to it in my car on so many roadtrips. This is particular significant for me, because 2014 was the year I started actually taking trips. I lost my fear of driving on the highway and this song was the perfect companion throughout the many journeys I took with friends and family.
3. Lifestyle by Rich Gang : This song is very different from the other two, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Can we take a moment to appreciate the beauty of the piano part in the intro that sets the tone of the entire song. This was the song I walked to class to day after day. My favorite stroll was done to this song. It's ghetto fabulous. Get with it.
4. New Flame by Chris Brown, Usher, and Rick Ross : It's lovely. I've been waiting for Chris Brown to make this kind of music again for as long as I can remember. With You was one of my favorite songs by him and this is the closest thing too it he has made in a long time. Can't wait to hear him perform this song in March.
5. Latch by Disclosure : I'll never hear this song without thinking about the first party of the year. It was a sigma function and my line sisters and I were excited to stroll. We came out late in the spring so there weren't many opportunities to. We finally had one. We did, but people started fighting in the party. So the DJ turned the lights on and started playing music that was different. The song he played was latch. The whole room froze. A lot of the people at these functions are ratched. If you can't twerk to it, they're lost. So everyone froze and we danced. Danced like there's no tomorrow. It was great.
6. All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor : This song was so catchy and had such a strong message. I love music that empowers woman. This song took a very different approach from many other songs. It wasn't dramatic. It was more like, "I'm a bad bitch. You are too. Stop crying and slayyy. These streets are your runnway". Well that's how I interpreted it. And I'm proud to say that I'm all about that bass. NO treble.
7. Bailando by Enrique Iglesias and Sean Paul : Sean Paul is back!! When he is featured in a song, you know it's fire. Remember baby boy? This song gave me life. I love the traditional hispanic beats. It brings out my inner shakira. When this song plays, my hips don't lie. I had the pleasure of seeing Enrique in perform live for the first time this year. It was wonderful.
8. Let Me Know by Tamar Braxton and Future : When future starts singing, I'm wet. Every single time. Maybe that was TMI, but it's true. I feel like I would really love the way he do when he lovin' my body *insert monkey covering eyes emoji here*. Tamar's part is wonderful as well. This is a true R&B song. Tamar is single-handedly keeping the R&B industry alive. I'm thankful she is. This is a great track. Can't wait to hear what else she comes out with.
9. Bed of Lies by Nicki Minaj : Nicki is the Queen of Rap. There is no debate. I wasn't alive when Lil whatever and Eve were rapping. As far as I'm concerned, Nicki is the end all be all of female rap. She writes her own music. She's an artist in the crazy, unique, one of a kind way. I'm a fan of the whole Young Money team. They do things other rappers don't do. This song is a prime example. She was emotional. Anyone could relate to how she feels in this song. Her hurt is my hurt. Every time I listen to it. Obsessed.
10. Shake It Off by Taylor Swift : Anyone who really knows me musically knows that I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. Despite the masses of people who hate her lifestyle and her music, I truly enjoy it. I relate to her. I know what it feels like to be young, awkward, and classic in a world that is pushing you the other direction. I got dressed to this song. Shook everything off and went on with my day.
11. Sex You by Bando Jones: The list was over halfway done when I remembered this song. I couldn't just tack it on to the end of list because I was obsessed with it all summer long. It is the slow jam of the year. I wanted to find me a thug from Atlanta after listening that sexy voice sing "Baby, you know I'm from Atlanta and they raised me like a pimp". It's a hit.
12. Let Her Go by Passenger : This song couldn't be prettier. The words. The guitar. Listen, soak it in, love it.
13. Loyal by Chris Brown and Lil Wayne : This is the song of the generation. It's sad that this is the world we live in, but it's true. These hoes aren't loyal. I can't even count all the conversations I heard this year about women with boyfriends thinking about someone else, or single women working hard to pull men with boyfriends. No one has any kind of respect for relationships anymore. Everything is fair game. I think a lot of it is just women being tired of being taken advantage of. You like someone, and it scares them off. Offer to take care of them and they're weirded out. So you turn into that girl. You know which one, "You all about her and she's all about hers". That's one way not to lose. Don't hate the player, hate the game. I couldn't be one of these unloyal women, but I don't hate their game. Not for one second. It's about time women used men the same way they've been using us for years. Girl Power.
14. Anaconda by Nicki Minaj : This song isn't on here because I listened to it all year like all the others. It's on here, because it was part of a one woman revolution. The video was just plain insanity, and the cover was Nicki's butt. Cheeks and all. We live in a generation that's obsessed with unnaturally big booties. More power to the thick chicks. Drake's face when Nicki was giving him a lap dance at the end of the video was priceless. Every woman wants to make a man feel that way someday. I'm gonna learn that little dance. As a gift for my future husband :)
15. Smartphone by Trey Songz : Everyone knows that Trey is my future husband. The list wouldn't be complete without him. This song was an absolute gem. His voice pulls at your heart strings and the concept of the song remands me of confessions era Usher. It was my favorite song on the album.
16. I Won by Future and Kanye West : We already had the conversation about what Future's voice does to me. No need to repeat it. This song has the same effect. The lyrics are so sweet. The love him and Ciara shared for a short while was beautiful but these boys aren't loyal either. It ended, but for awhile she was his trophy. Kanye's verse is great as well. I think him and Kim were my favorite couple of 2014. His shoutout to her sisters was great as well. It's nice to hear black man rapping about love, and the word choice is great. "I put an angel in your ultrasound" awwww.
16. Drunk in Love by Beyonce and Jay Z : This song was everywhere. It was everything to everyone. Great club song. It was cute to see a husband and wife freaky about each other. This couple was all over the media in 2014 after Beyonce's sister started beating Jay up in an elevator. Rumor has it, it was because Jay was flirting with his ex in front of his wife. We all learned they weren't the perfect couple we thought they were. But nobodies perfect and the two of them made millions from all of this.
18. Don't Tell Em by Jeremiah : I just like this track. No explanation. It's just good.
19. No Mediocre by TI and Iggy Azalea : TI makes my top five rappers list. He has always been one of my favorites, and I was happy to see him back with this track.
20. Blank Space by Taylor Swift : "I got a blank space baby, and i'll write your name.. " The song is so catchy. I adore it.
21. Problem by Ariana Grande and I-G-G-Y : Ariana Grande was a huge star this year. I know I'm old, because I didn't follow the hype at all. She's a little girl with a big, powerful voice. Everyone loves her. Couldn't tell you much about her except for I read an article about how she died her hair so many times it doesn't grow in some places so she wears weave and has to always wear her hair in that half up half down style. I know that her manager is Sccoter Braun. The same guy that managed Justin Bieber. Justin got pretty far on his hair, so I would put money that he had something to do with her remaining unique and consistent as well. Getting off topic. This is a good song. Yay Problem!
22. Studio by SchoolboyQ: I'm not one that gets annoyed by songs playing over and over again, but that happened with this track which is why I had to put it so low on the list. It's a really good song, but to this day I ca't listen to 103.3 without hearing it. I'm a lover of slow jams, so it made the list.
22 1/2 : The Monster by Rihanna and Eminem : This song is definitely better than Hot N**** and No Type. Even Studio, debatably. I was seconds away from posting the list when I realized someone was missing. I haven't made a list of this type without Rihanna. She has been MIA this year but I knew she came out with something. I loved this song. It deserves to make the list. So I gave it a special spot. 22 is a great number anyways, so it's okay that there are two 22s.
23. Hot N***a by Bobby Shmurda: This song took over the nation completely. Couldn't go to a greek party without hearing it. Everyone and their mama can do the schmoney dance. I still can't. Look like a fool every time I try, but it was a big part of 2014. Can't forget.
23 1/2: (This one came after 22 1/2). One by Ed Sheeran is far too great to be left off this list.
24. No Type by Rae Sremmurd : This is another song that I heard absolutely everywhere. He doesn't have a type. Bad ladies are the only thing that he likes. That basically sums it up. The song thing that I heard more than the song lyrics being shouted from every rooftop in America is the ever pestering question, "Isn't bad b----es a type?" The world will never know.
25. Stay With Me by Sam Smith : Sam Smith is like the male Adele. You can hear the pain in his voice. His hurt is your hurt. And he has just one small request. He wants her to stay with him. Everyone has had that moment. They don't want rubies, diamonds, etc., just time. His voice was the best kept secret of the early 21st century. I'm glad he's famous and making music. Can't wait to hear what else he comes up with.
Honorable Mention:
The entire 1989 album. Emphasis on : This Love, How to Love a Girl, Clean, Style, Wildest Dream, and Out of the Woods.
The entire Pinkprint album. Emphasis on Win Again, I Lied, Grand Piano, Only, and Feeling Myself.
Parition by Beyonce
I Don't F--- With You by Big Sean (had so much fun doing diss stolls to this song. Memories).
Tuesday by Drake and some unknown
Wild Wild Love by Pitbull
Fancy by Iggy Azalea
Happy by Pharell
Royal by Lorde
Show Me by Chris Brown
We Dem Boyz by Wiz Khalifa
Counting Stars (because that's my brothers favorite song of the year)
Songs That Were New To Me :
1. A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope : I listened to this song nonstop throughout the year. I like making IVs to chill music like this, because I can listen to the words and not get too distracted. This song describes heartbreak in a way I'd never heard before. Losing someone is hard and this song depicts it perfectly.
2. Valarie by Amy Winehouse : Amy was vibrant and brilliant. This song depicts all of that. I like the upbeat version that she did with Mark Ronson before her death. It's the perfect song to get ready to or dance around your room to. Everyone needs to hear it.
3. Karaoke by Drake : This has always been my cousin's favorite Drake song, but our taste in music is pretty different so I never listened to it. Boy was I missing out. It's a soft Drake track and there's nothing I love more.
4. Firework by Drake and Alicia Keys : This was another track from So Far Gone I became obsessed with this year. I didn't know too many songs from that album prior to this year but discovering them has lit up my life.
5. Trust Issues by Drake : Can't tell you how many times I tweeted "My excuse is that I'm young, but I'm only getting older somebody should have told you".
That my friends is the top 25 songs of 2014. It is technically 27 and I could have gone on and on with the honorable mentions list, but I had to limit myself. The list feels incomplete without Drake, but the songs of his I listened to all came out in 2013. That doesn't mean that I didn't have a nothing but Drake day every week of 2014. He is brilliant. This concludes the top songs of 2014.
About Me
- Forever yours, Mariam
- My name is Mariam and through this blog I'm discovering things about the world, and about myself. Through all my blogs you'll see craziness, political insight, celebrity mania, musical interest, total drama queen-ness,all about boys, and ever changing views on everything. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. You're about read the pages of my epic diary. Welcome to my world, and feel free to come back ;)
Saturday, December 27, 2014
"Father, Father, Father help us. Send some guidance from above. Cause people got they got me questioning...where is the love?"
Racism was a huge part of 2014 for me. Was I personally mistreated? Probably, but no particular instances stick out. The story of Michael Brown and the aftermath of it left a huge impact on me. It opened to my eyes to some new things, but also reinforced what I already know. True equality does not exist in America. Michael Brown was an eighteen year old boy whose life ended way too soon. He died in the worst of ways. Michael Brown was shot "at least" six times. Six times. Can you imagine a bullet going through you just one time? A tiny piece of metal piercing through you at unbelievable speed. I try and think about how it would feel. I know you don't have to imagine these things. You could just Google it and get the full effect, but I have no interest. My imagination is enough. I know what I need to know. That it hurts. They say you can't feel it anymore after you die, but who knows that for sure? Show me the dead person they interviewed that said they couldn't feel anything. All of these different thoughts run through my head, but they don't matter. What matters is the fact that an eighteen year old boy is dead. Not because of cancer, HIV, texting and driving, or flesh-eating bacteria, but because a grown man consciously decided to end his life.
Life is a beautiful thing. I learned that October 2012 when I watched a fourteen year old family friend die. I've blogged about him time and time again, and probably won't stop because it had such a big effect on me. He had a brain tumor and cancer that in-twined his spinal chord. Our whole community spent about a year and a half watching him die. There was nothing we can do. But that year and a half of life he lived was beautiful. His life changed mine. It showed me that life has value. That seconds count. That young people die too and that we all have to be ready. His life was stolen from him by disease like many other childens lives are. There's not much we can do to end death by disease, but there are things we can do to end death by police brutality.
That was a term I hadn't really heard before 2014. Police brutality. It's defined as, "Excessive or unnecessary force by police when dealing with civilians". The story told by officers who kill young black male all sound pretty similar. They were scared. Black men are scary, and that fear is a form of racism. Yes Michael Brown was bigger with an athletic, bulky build, but that doesn't equate to being scary does it? Lets say he really was scary. He growled or did whatever it is that scares people. Does that mean he deserved to die? If you scare easily, should you really be a police officer? These are the questions that have been circulating around the media for months now. His death started a very meaningful conversation I am proud to have been a part of. I went to countless discussions about police brutality and participated in a "Hands Up Don't Shoot" march with the Black Student Union at the University of Kansas. I learned a lot through my interactions with others at these events. I felt helpless at every single one, but at least I was doing something. Trying to make the change I want to see in the world. I'm proud of myself for participating. My heart still hurts for Michael Brown who will never get to go to college, get married, have babies, or eat red velvet cake again. It hurts for his mother who must be torn between feeling proud of the changes her sons death caused and completely broken by the prospect of living the rest of her life without him. Children are supposed to bury their parents. Not the other way around. That has to really hurt. I will continue to pray for Michael, the family, and black men living in America. I really hope that all the conversation, hashtags, and marches that started in 2014 lead to significant change.
Someday I want to have a cute little black baby boy. I want him to be able to go out it the world without fear of being harmed by a police officer, or anyone for that matter just because of the color of their skin. It's been amazing watching artists like the Game, Alicia Keys, Beyonce & Jay Z, and many more come together and be the kinds of leaders we desperately need. I'm proud of the movement and can;t wait to see what it leads to.
Song of the day : Where is the Love by the Black Eyed Peas
Quote of the day : "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character". - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Life is a beautiful thing. I learned that October 2012 when I watched a fourteen year old family friend die. I've blogged about him time and time again, and probably won't stop because it had such a big effect on me. He had a brain tumor and cancer that in-twined his spinal chord. Our whole community spent about a year and a half watching him die. There was nothing we can do. But that year and a half of life he lived was beautiful. His life changed mine. It showed me that life has value. That seconds count. That young people die too and that we all have to be ready. His life was stolen from him by disease like many other childens lives are. There's not much we can do to end death by disease, but there are things we can do to end death by police brutality.
That was a term I hadn't really heard before 2014. Police brutality. It's defined as, "Excessive or unnecessary force by police when dealing with civilians". The story told by officers who kill young black male all sound pretty similar. They were scared. Black men are scary, and that fear is a form of racism. Yes Michael Brown was bigger with an athletic, bulky build, but that doesn't equate to being scary does it? Lets say he really was scary. He growled or did whatever it is that scares people. Does that mean he deserved to die? If you scare easily, should you really be a police officer? These are the questions that have been circulating around the media for months now. His death started a very meaningful conversation I am proud to have been a part of. I went to countless discussions about police brutality and participated in a "Hands Up Don't Shoot" march with the Black Student Union at the University of Kansas. I learned a lot through my interactions with others at these events. I felt helpless at every single one, but at least I was doing something. Trying to make the change I want to see in the world. I'm proud of myself for participating. My heart still hurts for Michael Brown who will never get to go to college, get married, have babies, or eat red velvet cake again. It hurts for his mother who must be torn between feeling proud of the changes her sons death caused and completely broken by the prospect of living the rest of her life without him. Children are supposed to bury their parents. Not the other way around. That has to really hurt. I will continue to pray for Michael, the family, and black men living in America. I really hope that all the conversation, hashtags, and marches that started in 2014 lead to significant change.
Someday I want to have a cute little black baby boy. I want him to be able to go out it the world without fear of being harmed by a police officer, or anyone for that matter just because of the color of their skin. It's been amazing watching artists like the Game, Alicia Keys, Beyonce & Jay Z, and many more come together and be the kinds of leaders we desperately need. I'm proud of the movement and can;t wait to see what it leads to.
Song of the day : Where is the Love by the Black Eyed Peas
Quote of the day : "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character". - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
"If you need more love from me. I'll give you more. Just let me know"
My last blog post was four months ago. It ended with the words "just me, myself, and I". You all know me well enough to know that's not how it was. I did not spend the last four months focusing on myself and eliminating men from my life. I spent the last four months living, breathing, and falling for men. Tall ones, short ones, athletic ones, rich ones, and Trey Songz. Always, always Trey Songz. His place in my heart is one thing that will never change. Well, time to get to the point. In 2014, I fell in love on the internet. Well sort of. The internet on my phone. I know exactly what you're thinking, catfish. There is some truth to that thought. Before I continue, you should know that I secretly believe that I was the first catfish. The year was 2007. I was at a Christmas party. We made reindeer out of sugar cookies, m&ms, and pretzels, watched elf, and were bored. Like all little girls, our mind went right to prank calling. A friend of mine at the time was dating a boy who had a cousin. He was the perfect target. We called him and he spoke to a girl names Angela. She was 13, nerdy, and in love with Country music. All of it was true with the exception of the picture that he got of Angela. He got a little white blond girl instead of the beautiful black woman I was then and still am. We talked for quite awhile. Not every day but on and off for about two years. We were too young to actually meet so there was no problem. One day, I told him who I really was and sent him a link to my facebook. We never spoke again. I don't know if it was because I wasn't a cute blond girl or if it had to do with the fact I lied. We didn't work out. I didn't want to. It was a cruel joke. Eventually, catfishing became a sensation and everyone knows what it is. Mhissy changed the world. If you haven't seen that episode, you haven't lived.
Anyways, who would have thought that seven years later I would find myself in a similar situation. Tinder got popular. Everyone I worked with was talking about it and telling stories of all the really cool matches they had. I was totally against it. Online dating was for people who couldn't get anyone in real life. It took like months for me to realize that I was one of those people who couldn't get anyone in real life. Not because I was unattractive, boring, etc. I've always had plenty of interested people, but they were never right. They weren't educated enough, they weren't nice, they were a high std risks, only wanted to hookup, we didn't connect etc. The list goes on and on. So I got a tinder with the intention of getting my confidence boosted. I was extremely selective and and it made me feel great to match with every single person I wanted. It was one big "she still got it" moment. I talked to a guy on there pretty consistently through the month of June, but he had an almost ex wife and it was messy. It ended just as soon as it started. That turned me off to Tinder completely, but I still got on for the occasional confidence boost. I was mean and never spoke back to the people who talked to me. I wasn't trying anymore. Then I matched with this guy, lets call him...Dave. Dave was cute. His pictures displayed a smile and a slight twinkle in his eye. I knew he was short, but for some reason I swiped right anyways. He spoke to me, and for some reason I spoke back. It was clear that he's an intellectual. I told him about how I believe in the law of attraction, and he didn't get weirded out. He read an article about it and knew exactly what I was talking about. So he gave me his number, and I didn't text him. I wasn't trying to meet anyone remember? He didn't forget about me. He asked why I didn't text him. I was caught off guard, but that's the shit I like. Being called out, persistence. I like those things.
So we talked and I texted him. He didn't have time to finish our very first conversation. I thought nothing of it since I was shopping with my grandma and adorable baby cousin (she's 12, but she's still my baby). I had no idea that this was the beginning of a whole six months of him being too busy for me. But lets not ruin the fairytale yet. Him & I spoke, and I still wasn't taking it very seriously. I was tired of wasting my time. So I decided to scare him away. I told him about how I wanted a double staircase, to retire at 40, and have no less than four fabulous children. Each child would have their own room and I will afford them. I have a vision and that vision scares people. But not Dave. He was pretty freaked out about the whole four babies thing and the fact that I'm legal but young. All of these thing should have lead him to never talk to me again. To make matters worse I sent him a letter. Through the mail. Anyone else would have ran for the woods as soon as they read "Dear...". But Dave has that persistent personality that I find so attractive. He did just that. Persevered. Now it's not a complete fairytale. He had this girl best friend he spends all his time with and makes time for every day. She gets all the time I don't. He gets on tinder still. Probably in hopes of finding someone that isn't young and wants one or two children like a normal person. We don't talk about these things, but I know. It is what it is. But I liked that he wasn't intimidated by my goals. He told me that he was done hooking up with randoms and was ready to build something. He said that work and his immediate family would never be enough for him and he wanted to fall in love. Call me stupid, but I thought he was saying all this cause he wanted to fall in love with me.
The entire six months, he never seriously asked me out. By serious, I mean "Lets meet at the olive garden on 6th and Monteray at exactly 6 pm on August 31st". Never like that. He used to talk about hanging out, but I said no because I hadn't fallen for him yet. It took time for me to want to. Now I really want to, but he doesn't. I told him I liked him, and I really meant it but it freaked him out. I know I'm not the crazy one. It's okay to have feelings after five months. That's not crazy. But it is crazy to "like" someone that you've never met. I see where he's coming from on that one. Since I made that big proclamation, things haven't really been the same. He doesn't like talking to me as much anymore, and I no longer just say what I think with no fear of scaring him. Now I worry about saying the right thing and doing things that will make him want to keep talking to me for longer than ten min. I really started liking Dave. But the reality is Dave is extremely busy. He's a superhero at this office and gets to wear really hot suits every day Christian Grey style. I understand busy. I'm in pharmacy school. I have something to do every night and work a lot. But if I were to fall for someone while in pharmacy school, I would make time for them. There are nights, and weekends. People who like each other are content with five min together. Just being. That's what I want. But I don't think I can get that out of this. These last 48 hours we were both free of work, school, or anything. What I wanted more than anything was to spend the time together. I was willing to catch the flu for a couple hours of the mans time. But he didn't want to. He may never want to. I've accepted it. Were there lessons learned? Yes. I can be completely crazy, daydream-ish, vain and insecure at the same time, devastating, talkative, excitable, and all the other things that make me, me. All of those things are likeable, and I don't regret revealing those things about myself for a second. That is real growth. So if we never meet and the last six months were just wonderful conversation, then I got that. Growth. And that's a beautiful thing.
Song of the day: Let Me Know by Tamar Braxton & Future
Quote of the day : "Most people are awaiting Virtual Reality; I'm awaiting virtuous reality" -Elill g
Anyways, who would have thought that seven years later I would find myself in a similar situation. Tinder got popular. Everyone I worked with was talking about it and telling stories of all the really cool matches they had. I was totally against it. Online dating was for people who couldn't get anyone in real life. It took like months for me to realize that I was one of those people who couldn't get anyone in real life. Not because I was unattractive, boring, etc. I've always had plenty of interested people, but they were never right. They weren't educated enough, they weren't nice, they were a high std risks, only wanted to hookup, we didn't connect etc. The list goes on and on. So I got a tinder with the intention of getting my confidence boosted. I was extremely selective and and it made me feel great to match with every single person I wanted. It was one big "she still got it" moment. I talked to a guy on there pretty consistently through the month of June, but he had an almost ex wife and it was messy. It ended just as soon as it started. That turned me off to Tinder completely, but I still got on for the occasional confidence boost. I was mean and never spoke back to the people who talked to me. I wasn't trying anymore. Then I matched with this guy, lets call him...Dave. Dave was cute. His pictures displayed a smile and a slight twinkle in his eye. I knew he was short, but for some reason I swiped right anyways. He spoke to me, and for some reason I spoke back. It was clear that he's an intellectual. I told him about how I believe in the law of attraction, and he didn't get weirded out. He read an article about it and knew exactly what I was talking about. So he gave me his number, and I didn't text him. I wasn't trying to meet anyone remember? He didn't forget about me. He asked why I didn't text him. I was caught off guard, but that's the shit I like. Being called out, persistence. I like those things.
So we talked and I texted him. He didn't have time to finish our very first conversation. I thought nothing of it since I was shopping with my grandma and adorable baby cousin (she's 12, but she's still my baby). I had no idea that this was the beginning of a whole six months of him being too busy for me. But lets not ruin the fairytale yet. Him & I spoke, and I still wasn't taking it very seriously. I was tired of wasting my time. So I decided to scare him away. I told him about how I wanted a double staircase, to retire at 40, and have no less than four fabulous children. Each child would have their own room and I will afford them. I have a vision and that vision scares people. But not Dave. He was pretty freaked out about the whole four babies thing and the fact that I'm legal but young. All of these thing should have lead him to never talk to me again. To make matters worse I sent him a letter. Through the mail. Anyone else would have ran for the woods as soon as they read "Dear...". But Dave has that persistent personality that I find so attractive. He did just that. Persevered. Now it's not a complete fairytale. He had this girl best friend he spends all his time with and makes time for every day. She gets all the time I don't. He gets on tinder still. Probably in hopes of finding someone that isn't young and wants one or two children like a normal person. We don't talk about these things, but I know. It is what it is. But I liked that he wasn't intimidated by my goals. He told me that he was done hooking up with randoms and was ready to build something. He said that work and his immediate family would never be enough for him and he wanted to fall in love. Call me stupid, but I thought he was saying all this cause he wanted to fall in love with me.
The entire six months, he never seriously asked me out. By serious, I mean "Lets meet at the olive garden on 6th and Monteray at exactly 6 pm on August 31st". Never like that. He used to talk about hanging out, but I said no because I hadn't fallen for him yet. It took time for me to want to. Now I really want to, but he doesn't. I told him I liked him, and I really meant it but it freaked him out. I know I'm not the crazy one. It's okay to have feelings after five months. That's not crazy. But it is crazy to "like" someone that you've never met. I see where he's coming from on that one. Since I made that big proclamation, things haven't really been the same. He doesn't like talking to me as much anymore, and I no longer just say what I think with no fear of scaring him. Now I worry about saying the right thing and doing things that will make him want to keep talking to me for longer than ten min. I really started liking Dave. But the reality is Dave is extremely busy. He's a superhero at this office and gets to wear really hot suits every day Christian Grey style. I understand busy. I'm in pharmacy school. I have something to do every night and work a lot. But if I were to fall for someone while in pharmacy school, I would make time for them. There are nights, and weekends. People who like each other are content with five min together. Just being. That's what I want. But I don't think I can get that out of this. These last 48 hours we were both free of work, school, or anything. What I wanted more than anything was to spend the time together. I was willing to catch the flu for a couple hours of the mans time. But he didn't want to. He may never want to. I've accepted it. Were there lessons learned? Yes. I can be completely crazy, daydream-ish, vain and insecure at the same time, devastating, talkative, excitable, and all the other things that make me, me. All of those things are likeable, and I don't regret revealing those things about myself for a second. That is real growth. So if we never meet and the last six months were just wonderful conversation, then I got that. Growth. And that's a beautiful thing.
Song of the day: Let Me Know by Tamar Braxton & Future
Quote of the day : "Most people are awaiting Virtual Reality; I'm awaiting virtuous reality" -Elill g
Friday, August 15, 2014
"So am I wrong, for thinking that we could be something for real?"
This post is special for many reasons. This post is special, because it's the first blog post coming from my iPad. I've had this iPad for about 2 weeks now, but after the first day I didn't really use it for everything. It just sat and looked absolutely lovely on my desk. It's engraved with my full name, and the quote "Hope is the Beartbeat of the Soul" is on there. I wish I could say that that quote held some type of significance, but I didn't know that you could get your iPad engraved for free at the time. I purchased it with my dad who knows way more about technology than I ever will. He of course was rushing me and said that the quote was irrelevant. I wanted the bible verse "All things come together for good for those who love The Lord" on there, but that was too many characters. So I looked up short quotes and went with the first one that sounded good. So when i'm doing homework and need encouragment, I'll look at my little quote for inspiration. Motivation to keep on keeping one,.
I've stopped trying in one area of my life. At this point for the last two weeks, I pronounce my love life dead. I never had the most exciting romantic life or really any significant romantic encounters, but I was born the kind of person who is in love with the idea of love. As a christian, a majority of our religion is about loving one and other. My parents have been married for 23 years, and they make each other stronger each and every day. I always wanted a variation of what they have. So I spent years and years watching Disney movies and waiting for my happily ever after. So I went to junior high and people dated and fell in love, I didn't. Then I went to high school. Surly I'd at least have the little prom date romance from the movies, nope. College. This is my huge change to meet someone that I can build something with. Nope. I can't say it's been due to lack of trying. I've falled for a pretty large amount of men over the last few years. These men either have girlfriends or baby mothers, want to just hit it and quit it, or ddidn't make me feel the way I wantt to. I like fireworks, and falling head over heels crazy in love. Not just anyone can make you feel that way.
There others who sparked that feeling in me, but I just didn't do it for them. This blog used to pretty much be stories about a dude named Prince. Jr. High me thought the world started and ended with him. He could do no wrong. Everyone knows this story. I told him how I feel, and he didn't like me so it ended. Around four years later I finally see him again, and he acted so awkward. He refused to make conversation and went through extreme measures to avoid sitting next to me. It was quite silly and made me question myself. I asked, what did I do to make him feel so opposed to my presence? The answer was that I loved him, I supported his endevors too much and cared about him too much. My love was just too terrible . Do you see how messed up that is? My love will make a person take extreme measures to avoid those sentiments sparking again. This occasion led me to the realization that love is wasted on people of this sort. They don't deserve the love I have to give. I may not have the perfect body or a charming personality, but the love I have to give is real and pure. Worth someting. I've decided ito stop looking for someone to give it to. What a waste of someting so valuble. Now I'm going to love myself and love my family more than even Romeo loved Juliet. I'm not actively looking for romance anymore. So I've stopped using my Tinder and am over all the silly boys I used to enjoy creeping on before bed. I can go to walmart in the yoga pants that have a hole in them, because I'm not out here to impress anybody. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I can learn to be completely content this way. Just me, myself, and I.
song of the day: Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz
Quote of the day: Hope is the Heartbeat of the Soul
I've stopped trying in one area of my life. At this point for the last two weeks, I pronounce my love life dead. I never had the most exciting romantic life or really any significant romantic encounters, but I was born the kind of person who is in love with the idea of love. As a christian, a majority of our religion is about loving one and other. My parents have been married for 23 years, and they make each other stronger each and every day. I always wanted a variation of what they have. So I spent years and years watching Disney movies and waiting for my happily ever after. So I went to junior high and people dated and fell in love, I didn't. Then I went to high school. Surly I'd at least have the little prom date romance from the movies, nope. College. This is my huge change to meet someone that I can build something with. Nope. I can't say it's been due to lack of trying. I've falled for a pretty large amount of men over the last few years. These men either have girlfriends or baby mothers, want to just hit it and quit it, or ddidn't make me feel the way I wantt to. I like fireworks, and falling head over heels crazy in love. Not just anyone can make you feel that way.
There others who sparked that feeling in me, but I just didn't do it for them. This blog used to pretty much be stories about a dude named Prince. Jr. High me thought the world started and ended with him. He could do no wrong. Everyone knows this story. I told him how I feel, and he didn't like me so it ended. Around four years later I finally see him again, and he acted so awkward. He refused to make conversation and went through extreme measures to avoid sitting next to me. It was quite silly and made me question myself. I asked, what did I do to make him feel so opposed to my presence? The answer was that I loved him, I supported his endevors too much and cared about him too much. My love was just too terrible . Do you see how messed up that is? My love will make a person take extreme measures to avoid those sentiments sparking again. This occasion led me to the realization that love is wasted on people of this sort. They don't deserve the love I have to give. I may not have the perfect body or a charming personality, but the love I have to give is real and pure. Worth someting. I've decided ito stop looking for someone to give it to. What a waste of someting so valuble. Now I'm going to love myself and love my family more than even Romeo loved Juliet. I'm not actively looking for romance anymore. So I've stopped using my Tinder and am over all the silly boys I used to enjoy creeping on before bed. I can go to walmart in the yoga pants that have a hole in them, because I'm not out here to impress anybody. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I can learn to be completely content this way. Just me, myself, and I.
song of the day: Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz
Quote of the day: Hope is the Heartbeat of the Soul
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Top Songs of Summer 2014
The time has come for my annual song of the summer list. I hope you're excited, because I sure am.
1. Rude by Magic : Hot damn, this is my jam! I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this song. I heard it for the first time on the radio, and I had to figure out what it's called. My dad stopped listening to new music around 1990, so if we played music in the house that he enjoys it would be the classics. We listening to Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson, the greats. The greatest was Bob Marley. Both my parents are huge fans. I have a love or reggae. It's so soothing and upbeat. They talk about real subjects in a calm way. It was so refreshing to hear a song like this on the radio. Magic changed the game.
2. All About That Bass : So I'm in the middle of my own personal weight crisis. I weight more than I ever have, and I started going back to the gym. Trying to be healthier, but at the same time I'm eating a lot of cake and reading in big, warm comfy chairs which isn't exactly helping the cause. It's so fun to hear that song. I dance around to it in my room all the time. "Boys like a little more booty to hold at night" is lyrical genius.
3. Loyal by Chris Brown : Every time this song came on at a club or party I danced like there was no tomorrow. Chris Brown is bae, and he has been since he sang "excuse me miss, I saved the last dance for youuuu". He can beat up people, break cell phones, yell through windows, and tattoo every single inch of his body, but i'll always think of him as that sweet little boy. Young and sweet only 17. This song isn't like that, but it spoke to the issues of this generation. "These hoes ain't loyal". Male and female hoes
4. Show Me by Chris Brown & Kid Ink : Copy and paste what I said above. Chris Brown is bae. The songs are great and you want to dance like there's no tomorrow.
5. A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope : This is an old song with the most beautiful lyrics of all time. "A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather I was hoping that you and me might end up together. It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, but i'm holding you closer than most. Cause you are my heaven.." I love sad, beautiful, tragic, music about unrequited love.
6. Valarie by Amy Winehouse : I was always a fan of the late and great Amy Winehouse as a public figure, but like most people I only knew rehab. This song is so much fun. I like the remix done with the Matt Ronson bad, and it's fabulous. Listen to it while you're getting ready or driving with the top down (if you have the ability to drive with the top down, love your life and appreciate it)
7. Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz : The guitar part of this song is phenomenal. I love the way he slaps the strings. It's great. I would break out in the lyrics, but I did that enough times this blog.
8. Sexy Back by Justin Timberake : Guys, I saw him live!! I got to finally see my childhood crush. I remember how much I admired him and Britney Spears and those cheesy matching denium outfits back in the days. Times have changed, but his music is still great. The artistic songs were great, but it was nice to ave some good old fashioned JT. He really did bring sexy back.
9. I Won by Future ft. Kanye West : I'm slowly letting go of my distaste for Ye. He really is a great lyrist, and I'm a Kim K fan. I just had to forgive him to enjoy KUWTK, but that's not the best part. The best part is Future. He's such a stud. It was great seeing him perform. I was right by the stage. He has an amazing voice, and I got to meet him. He stole my heart just a little.
10. Fancy by Iggy Azalea : Iggy is no Nicki and she never will be, but I love this song. I-G-G-Y
11. Problems by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea : Her last name is just so fun to say. Anyways, this is a great song. A nice female version of Jay Zs 99 Problems. Men forget that there are 3 billion of them out there somewhere. So Amen to the message they're sending : I've got 99 problems, but you WON'T be one.
12. No Mediocre by TI : TI is one of my top five favorite rappers of all time. I like the way he wraps and the beats he chooses, and his reality show. I like his reality show a lot. But this song was great. A good way for him to return to the spotlight for a little bit.
13. One by Ed Sheeran : Ed has a beautiful voice and message to send out into the world. The British are just beautiful people in general. If you haven't heard this song, listen to it. It's a winner.
14. Main Chick by Chris Brown and Kid Ink : Please tell your lovers and friends that Kid Ink and Chris Brown had to do it again.
15. Stay With Me by Sam Smith : More beautiful music. The harmonies are one of a kind. This is a beautiful piece and another surprise on the charts. Songs like this don't often make it so high up.
16. Who Do You Love by YG : That was another club hit. I loved dancing to that all summer long.
17. Studio by SchoolboyQ : This song is so sweet. You don't hear tough rappers singing sweet songs like this very often, but that trumpet or whatever sound that is in the background makes is so sexy. Love it.
18. The Monster - Rihanna ft. Eminem : These two were a music match made in heaven. Their voices go so well together, and they've both been through so much. Each song is beautiful in the best way. I wish their tour was coming to where I live and pray those two will make an album together.
19. Paranoid by Ty$ : This song goes so hard. It's everything that's wrong with our generation, but I love it nonetheless. When it plays I can't help but dance and scream " both of my b----es drive rangggge rovers".
20. Home by Blake Shelton : I honestly don't know when this song came out, but it's beautiful. My dad gave it the stamp of approval and that rarely happens, so you know it's a good song. Those of you who refuse to listen to country are truly missing out. The lyrics are something you can't find in any other genre of music. Just pure, real, and true.
This list feels incomplete, but so do I right now. So ends the top songs of the summer. Enjoy them in the few weeks we have left. I know i'll be jamming to some of them for a lifetime.
1. Rude by Magic : Hot damn, this is my jam! I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this song. I heard it for the first time on the radio, and I had to figure out what it's called. My dad stopped listening to new music around 1990, so if we played music in the house that he enjoys it would be the classics. We listening to Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson, the greats. The greatest was Bob Marley. Both my parents are huge fans. I have a love or reggae. It's so soothing and upbeat. They talk about real subjects in a calm way. It was so refreshing to hear a song like this on the radio. Magic changed the game.
2. All About That Bass : So I'm in the middle of my own personal weight crisis. I weight more than I ever have, and I started going back to the gym. Trying to be healthier, but at the same time I'm eating a lot of cake and reading in big, warm comfy chairs which isn't exactly helping the cause. It's so fun to hear that song. I dance around to it in my room all the time. "Boys like a little more booty to hold at night" is lyrical genius.
3. Loyal by Chris Brown : Every time this song came on at a club or party I danced like there was no tomorrow. Chris Brown is bae, and he has been since he sang "excuse me miss, I saved the last dance for youuuu". He can beat up people, break cell phones, yell through windows, and tattoo every single inch of his body, but i'll always think of him as that sweet little boy. Young and sweet only 17. This song isn't like that, but it spoke to the issues of this generation. "These hoes ain't loyal". Male and female hoes
4. Show Me by Chris Brown & Kid Ink : Copy and paste what I said above. Chris Brown is bae. The songs are great and you want to dance like there's no tomorrow.
5. A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope : This is an old song with the most beautiful lyrics of all time. "A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather I was hoping that you and me might end up together. It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, but i'm holding you closer than most. Cause you are my heaven.." I love sad, beautiful, tragic, music about unrequited love.
6. Valarie by Amy Winehouse : I was always a fan of the late and great Amy Winehouse as a public figure, but like most people I only knew rehab. This song is so much fun. I like the remix done with the Matt Ronson bad, and it's fabulous. Listen to it while you're getting ready or driving with the top down (if you have the ability to drive with the top down, love your life and appreciate it)
7. Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz : The guitar part of this song is phenomenal. I love the way he slaps the strings. It's great. I would break out in the lyrics, but I did that enough times this blog.
8. Sexy Back by Justin Timberake : Guys, I saw him live!! I got to finally see my childhood crush. I remember how much I admired him and Britney Spears and those cheesy matching denium outfits back in the days. Times have changed, but his music is still great. The artistic songs were great, but it was nice to ave some good old fashioned JT. He really did bring sexy back.
9. I Won by Future ft. Kanye West : I'm slowly letting go of my distaste for Ye. He really is a great lyrist, and I'm a Kim K fan. I just had to forgive him to enjoy KUWTK, but that's not the best part. The best part is Future. He's such a stud. It was great seeing him perform. I was right by the stage. He has an amazing voice, and I got to meet him. He stole my heart just a little.
10. Fancy by Iggy Azalea : Iggy is no Nicki and she never will be, but I love this song. I-G-G-Y
11. Problems by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea : Her last name is just so fun to say. Anyways, this is a great song. A nice female version of Jay Zs 99 Problems. Men forget that there are 3 billion of them out there somewhere. So Amen to the message they're sending : I've got 99 problems, but you WON'T be one.
12. No Mediocre by TI : TI is one of my top five favorite rappers of all time. I like the way he wraps and the beats he chooses, and his reality show. I like his reality show a lot. But this song was great. A good way for him to return to the spotlight for a little bit.
13. One by Ed Sheeran : Ed has a beautiful voice and message to send out into the world. The British are just beautiful people in general. If you haven't heard this song, listen to it. It's a winner.
14. Main Chick by Chris Brown and Kid Ink : Please tell your lovers and friends that Kid Ink and Chris Brown had to do it again.
15. Stay With Me by Sam Smith : More beautiful music. The harmonies are one of a kind. This is a beautiful piece and another surprise on the charts. Songs like this don't often make it so high up.
16. Who Do You Love by YG : That was another club hit. I loved dancing to that all summer long.
17. Studio by SchoolboyQ : This song is so sweet. You don't hear tough rappers singing sweet songs like this very often, but that trumpet or whatever sound that is in the background makes is so sexy. Love it.
18. The Monster - Rihanna ft. Eminem : These two were a music match made in heaven. Their voices go so well together, and they've both been through so much. Each song is beautiful in the best way. I wish their tour was coming to where I live and pray those two will make an album together.
19. Paranoid by Ty$ : This song goes so hard. It's everything that's wrong with our generation, but I love it nonetheless. When it plays I can't help but dance and scream " both of my b----es drive rangggge rovers".
20. Home by Blake Shelton : I honestly don't know when this song came out, but it's beautiful. My dad gave it the stamp of approval and that rarely happens, so you know it's a good song. Those of you who refuse to listen to country are truly missing out. The lyrics are something you can't find in any other genre of music. Just pure, real, and true.
This list feels incomplete, but so do I right now. So ends the top songs of the summer. Enjoy them in the few weeks we have left. I know i'll be jamming to some of them for a lifetime.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
"Love me or hate me we will be boys, standing at the alter. Or we will run away to another galaxy" - *reggae music voice*
I promised to keep you updated, and I didn't. A million different things happened the last two months. I don't know where to begin. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't tell my faithful readers that I've done my fair share of things I'm not proud of. When I stared this blog, I was young, pure, naive, and so full of hope for the future. That's the best part of reading those old posts. Seeing my optimism. I still have it. Unfortunately, it's not contagious. I have these moments where I feel extremely excited or or ready to take a risk of a lifetime, and I don't have any one to do it with. When I finally felt comfortable making IVs at work, I couldn't help but spread my excitement. It also happened to be the same day I went to see the 20/20 experience, so I had that excitement as well. My coworker told me with the most serious expression on his face, "sometimes I think you're crazy". I didn't say it, but I thought to myself, "sometimes I think I'm crazy too". But that's the best side of me. The loose, free side. It's just hard to find people that understand that part. I've pretty much given up on that, convincing my friends to go on a Europe trip, and eating red velvet cake without gaining weight. Those are three things that just won't happen. Lack of complete understanding can make a girl pretty lonely at times. Lately, I start thinking of what i'll do if I end up alone because I'm too crazy, too fun, or never find the kind of spark I long for. Here's the list.
1. Logical Solutions : I'll finish my degree in pharmacy and throw myself into work without working too much. I'll keep myself busy like I do now by planning endless outings and keeping many friends so I always have something to do, shopping, concerts. You know the drill.
2. Scientific Solutions : I will hold out hope for finding my other half or just others to take that European adventure with me, and if it doesn't work I'll get...inseminated. Maybe the fact that these are thoughts I have in my head proves that I'm crazy. Who even thinks of doing stuff like that right? But then i'll have really cute half Indian, half African children as companions for at least 18 years.
3. Selflessly Selfish Solutions : Lately I've been thinking that I could see myself adopting in the future. A conversation from 8th grade has just always stuck with me. He had an adopted baby brother that he loved with his whole heart. His dad and step mom had been trying to adopt for a very long time, but they weren't successful, because the couldn't find a baby that looks like them. The child they did find ended up looking like the rest of the family, and they loved him wholeheartedly. I just always wondered if they would have loved him if he didn't look like them. I realized that it takes a lot of heart to do that kind of thing, and after contemplating for awhile I feel like I have the heart to do it. The first two possibilities were more jokes and dramatic thoughts than anything else, but this one is serious.
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. I'm only nineteen, but I feel older than that. About half the people I went to high school with have had children, are married, or are in jail. Three very adult, very grown things. I'm not saying that's what I want for myself at this time, but I'm the same age as them. That's the place in life we're in, so of course I feel grown. I feel like I know what I want, and I want to find a way to achieve that. Right now my focus is on school of course, but I'm allowed to day dream and long for things. My parents still look at my like a child playing house, and I get the feeling they always will. I guess i'm figuring out things one step at at time. This post is just a compilation of random thoughts that have been running around my head. There really will be more to come.
Song of the day: Rude by Magic : I am absolutely obsessed with this song. I think it's time for my songs of the summer list.
quote of the day: The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in The Beauty of Their Dreams
1. Logical Solutions : I'll finish my degree in pharmacy and throw myself into work without working too much. I'll keep myself busy like I do now by planning endless outings and keeping many friends so I always have something to do, shopping, concerts. You know the drill.
2. Scientific Solutions : I will hold out hope for finding my other half or just others to take that European adventure with me, and if it doesn't work I'll get...inseminated. Maybe the fact that these are thoughts I have in my head proves that I'm crazy. Who even thinks of doing stuff like that right? But then i'll have really cute half Indian, half African children as companions for at least 18 years.
3. Selflessly Selfish Solutions : Lately I've been thinking that I could see myself adopting in the future. A conversation from 8th grade has just always stuck with me. He had an adopted baby brother that he loved with his whole heart. His dad and step mom had been trying to adopt for a very long time, but they weren't successful, because the couldn't find a baby that looks like them. The child they did find ended up looking like the rest of the family, and they loved him wholeheartedly. I just always wondered if they would have loved him if he didn't look like them. I realized that it takes a lot of heart to do that kind of thing, and after contemplating for awhile I feel like I have the heart to do it. The first two possibilities were more jokes and dramatic thoughts than anything else, but this one is serious.
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. I'm only nineteen, but I feel older than that. About half the people I went to high school with have had children, are married, or are in jail. Three very adult, very grown things. I'm not saying that's what I want for myself at this time, but I'm the same age as them. That's the place in life we're in, so of course I feel grown. I feel like I know what I want, and I want to find a way to achieve that. Right now my focus is on school of course, but I'm allowed to day dream and long for things. My parents still look at my like a child playing house, and I get the feeling they always will. I guess i'm figuring out things one step at at time. This post is just a compilation of random thoughts that have been running around my head. There really will be more to come.
Song of the day: Rude by Magic : I am absolutely obsessed with this song. I think it's time for my songs of the summer list.
quote of the day: The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in The Beauty of Their Dreams
Friday, June 6, 2014
Fat Girls Wear Crop Tops Too : "We Ain't Picture Perfect, but We're Worth The Picture Still"
This past month I had the pleasure of spending 10 days in our nations beautiful capitol. I learned many things and made many realizations. The greatest realization didn't come from the Jefferson Memorial or hours spent admiring the beauty of the Smithsonian. It came on the streets of D.C. from the true natives. You ready for this? It's huge (no pun intended). Fat girls wear crop tops too. I know. Your mind is blown. Mine sure was. I live in a small Kansas town, and I can assure you that crop top wearing here is reserved for the young and dazzling. We all know the girl. Racially ambiguous, fat free with a slutty move or two. There aren't many bigger girls here in general. The ones that are hear don't make appearances outside or in club settings quite as much as the "bow down b-words" girl, and when they do it sure as hell isn't in a crop top. So what's the big deal? D.C. is an area where everyone feels confident and accepted. There are a wide variety of cultures and ethnic groups there. There also are a wide variety of shapes and sizes. Each and everyone walks with the confidence of the prettiest girl in the room. Confidence isn't rare in D.C. It's pouring out of every single person there, and that's a beautiful thing. I finally realized that confidence really is the missing link.
When you love yourself, other people find something in you to love as well. I met many friends of my cousin's, but the happiest by far was just another bigger girl in a crop top. She's in a relationship with a mature older man. He's very settled with a great career and has a lot of love to give. She's living the dream. Being wisked away to beaches for the day and being constantly pampered. It's cute. Yes, I realize there's more to relationships then random acts of affection, but she has it pretty good for a woman of our generation. He has a seven year old daughter, but let's overlook that and focus on the beaches. She got a pretty happy ending and that's more than enough for most of us.
I had a great conversation about love and relationships with one of my best friends yesterday. She has plans for an arranged marriage. I used to feel bad for her. She doesn't get an opportunity to fall in love the Disney princess way. Girl meets boy, and he changes her whole world. Seeing how stress free she was changed my view on the whole thing. She has no worries. I on the other hand have worries for days. Am I not fighting hard enough for the ones I feel that spark for? Should I accept the ones I don't feel anything for, because the "spark" isn't real? Most importantly, should I wear a crop top? The truth is meeting people is hard. Especially in a generation full of apps like tinder, and people who don't value love. People are perfectly content being the side chick or one of many someone talks to. Quite honestly my faith in the fairytale institution is shakier than ever. I don't know the answer to any of those questions now. I have a lot of prayer and contemplation to do. But as always, i'll keep you updated.
Song of the day: Beautiful by Musiq Soulchild
Quote of the day: "Beauty is about enhancing what you have. Let yourself shine through" - Janelle Monae
When you love yourself, other people find something in you to love as well. I met many friends of my cousin's, but the happiest by far was just another bigger girl in a crop top. She's in a relationship with a mature older man. He's very settled with a great career and has a lot of love to give. She's living the dream. Being wisked away to beaches for the day and being constantly pampered. It's cute. Yes, I realize there's more to relationships then random acts of affection, but she has it pretty good for a woman of our generation. He has a seven year old daughter, but let's overlook that and focus on the beaches. She got a pretty happy ending and that's more than enough for most of us.
I had a great conversation about love and relationships with one of my best friends yesterday. She has plans for an arranged marriage. I used to feel bad for her. She doesn't get an opportunity to fall in love the Disney princess way. Girl meets boy, and he changes her whole world. Seeing how stress free she was changed my view on the whole thing. She has no worries. I on the other hand have worries for days. Am I not fighting hard enough for the ones I feel that spark for? Should I accept the ones I don't feel anything for, because the "spark" isn't real? Most importantly, should I wear a crop top? The truth is meeting people is hard. Especially in a generation full of apps like tinder, and people who don't value love. People are perfectly content being the side chick or one of many someone talks to. Quite honestly my faith in the fairytale institution is shakier than ever. I don't know the answer to any of those questions now. I have a lot of prayer and contemplation to do. But as always, i'll keep you updated.
Song of the day: Beautiful by Musiq Soulchild
Quote of the day: "Beauty is about enhancing what you have. Let yourself shine through" - Janelle Monae
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
"I love me..I love me enough for the both of us. That's why you trust me. I know you've been through more than most of us. So what are you so afraid of...?"
Jhene Aiko's opening line in From Time was brilliant. That was my favorite song off of Drake's Nothing Was The Same Album. There was so much truth to it. Jhene Aiko is a confident, beautiful young lady. She gets a lot of negative comments from people about being a whore because she had a child at a young age and hangs out with Drake a lot. We all know about the girls Drake "funds". Deep down inside we all want to be them. Well, maybe that's just me. When I've had a long day of studying the horror that is Physiology, I listen to the language and think about how great it would be to be the girl that just wants to smoke and fuck. I don't do either of things, and the grass is always greener on the other side. In my head, it would all be so simple if I was that girl. It's thoughts like these that keep you from being the person you were meant to be.
I'm not Jhene Aiko. I fully accept that. I'm Me. I'm short, stubborn, outspoken, opinionated, focused, and semi-organized. I'm also kind, excitable, full of the joy of the lord, positive, empathetic, and musical. I play piano for the cutest youth choir in the country and sing in my church choir. Christian youth groups scare me, because everyone's like the Duggars and wants to marry each other after three weeks of holding hands. Concerts make my heart happy. I love the lights, huge crowds of people all singing the lyrics that we've laughed and cried to, and the excitement that comes with being in the presence of someone loved by so many. I haven't cried in a public place since the first grade, and I just completed my sophomore year of college. None of these are things you can tell just looking at me. After many conversations and reaching a certain level of comfort, we can get to that point.
I hate the wait. I wish I had a sign taped to my back that said all these things, so people knew who I was right away. No misinterpretations or questions. Just openness. It is nearly impossible to get to know people these days. At least back when facebook was hot, you could see people's favorite things after first liking them. Their statuses gave a little insight to their daily lives and there weren't filters. These days everyone only posts things that make it look like their living the glamorous life. No one is ugly. I repeat no one is ugly, because there is a filter for absolutely every pimple, blemish, or bad hair day you will ever have. Everyone's fake perfect and no one is willing to let their guard down long enough for you to see those imperfections. Those imperfections truly are what makes a person beautiful.
No one believes that, but its so true. I recently got to know a guy that I never really found intriguing or attractive. He uses filters just like everyone else and he was cute, but nothing special. Before we had a conversation. Hearing him talk about the little things and big things gave me insight to who he is. Without the filters and without the act. He's been non my mind ever since. Those things I found just okay or irrelevant before make him so special now, because I see how they came to be. If I hadn't given up on love, I'd jump on that. But that's a story for a different day. I guess what I'm trying to say is always find a way to let who you are shine through. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. It's the people who are real and true that you want in your life anyways, and they will love you for those imperfections you hide under the Valencia filter (I'm guilty of that one too).
Song of the day: Real & True - Miley Cyrus and Future
Quote of the day : "Imperfection is Beauty. Maddness is Genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring" - Ms. Marilyn Monroe
I'm not Jhene Aiko. I fully accept that. I'm Me. I'm short, stubborn, outspoken, opinionated, focused, and semi-organized. I'm also kind, excitable, full of the joy of the lord, positive, empathetic, and musical. I play piano for the cutest youth choir in the country and sing in my church choir. Christian youth groups scare me, because everyone's like the Duggars and wants to marry each other after three weeks of holding hands. Concerts make my heart happy. I love the lights, huge crowds of people all singing the lyrics that we've laughed and cried to, and the excitement that comes with being in the presence of someone loved by so many. I haven't cried in a public place since the first grade, and I just completed my sophomore year of college. None of these are things you can tell just looking at me. After many conversations and reaching a certain level of comfort, we can get to that point.
I hate the wait. I wish I had a sign taped to my back that said all these things, so people knew who I was right away. No misinterpretations or questions. Just openness. It is nearly impossible to get to know people these days. At least back when facebook was hot, you could see people's favorite things after first liking them. Their statuses gave a little insight to their daily lives and there weren't filters. These days everyone only posts things that make it look like their living the glamorous life. No one is ugly. I repeat no one is ugly, because there is a filter for absolutely every pimple, blemish, or bad hair day you will ever have. Everyone's fake perfect and no one is willing to let their guard down long enough for you to see those imperfections. Those imperfections truly are what makes a person beautiful.
No one believes that, but its so true. I recently got to know a guy that I never really found intriguing or attractive. He uses filters just like everyone else and he was cute, but nothing special. Before we had a conversation. Hearing him talk about the little things and big things gave me insight to who he is. Without the filters and without the act. He's been non my mind ever since. Those things I found just okay or irrelevant before make him so special now, because I see how they came to be. If I hadn't given up on love, I'd jump on that. But that's a story for a different day. I guess what I'm trying to say is always find a way to let who you are shine through. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. It's the people who are real and true that you want in your life anyways, and they will love you for those imperfections you hide under the Valencia filter (I'm guilty of that one too).
Song of the day: Real & True - Miley Cyrus and Future
Quote of the day : "Imperfection is Beauty. Maddness is Genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring" - Ms. Marilyn Monroe
"Who is that girl I see? Staring straight, back at me. When will my reflection show, who I am inside..."
Mulan was sort of a game changer for me. The year was 1998, and I was finally old enough to see movies in theaters. This was more convenient for my parents than it was for me. I got dragged to everything from How Stella Got Her Groove Back to Runnaway Bride and have fond memories of those 90s classics. My parents thought I couldn't understand...I could. But it made me a more mature, well rounded person. Once in awhile, I got to see movies I was interested. Mulan was one of them. I had so much admiration for Mulan. She wasn't a princess, but a warrior. She left her family, friends, and everything she knows to be something great. No one believed she could, but she was confident in the strength within. She got down and dirty with the boys and found her prince in the end. What a superwoman. Lets be honest, I didn't have those thoughts at four years old. I see these things now, but at the time I thought the cricket was funny and enjoyed the part where the chubby soldiar was forced to attempt to climb the pole. I was young, but I see all these things now. Also in the spirit on honesty, this blog post wasn't really supposed to be about the greatness of Mulan.
More the song Reflection which is a beautiful ballad by Christina Aguleria. Reflection along with Beautiful are two songs about self-empowerment that came out before it was cool to lift each other up. It was before the anti-bully movement and Demi Lovato's Stay Strong tattoo. They were songs meant to empower woman and encourage them to accept what's within instead of whats outside. I struggle with that. Everything about my personality and the way I behave is designed to hide what's within. There's nothing bad within. I'm extremely proud of the person I am. Like everyone else, I'm a work in progress. I see God moving mountains in my life each and every day, but his work isn't finished yet. It's easy for me to be content with what's outside. I can cough up $300 for a good weave, get myself some $7 falsies, the perfect manicure from the Asains on 6th street or $15-$30, and an outfit from Forever 21 for less than $40 (jewelry included). If I have an issue with my weight, I can go to the gym and eat less cake. It wouldn't be easy, but it's possible. Top it off with a little makeup and I'm a more beautiful version of myself. Am I Kim Kardashian? No, but its enough to get through the day ridicule free. Am I living a life I can't afford? Yes. Should I have to do all those things to feel good about my physical appearance? No, but once again this isn't what this post is about.
An insult about personality hurts much more than an insult to looks ever could. Your personality is who you are. It's what makes me different from every 5'2", first generation African American teenager in the world. I can't change who I am and hearing that that's not good enough for someone just hurts. Shortly after seeing Mulan in theaters, I went through one of the biggest life changes of my childhood. We moved from D.C. to the suberbs. I was no longer in classes filled with students who had immigrant parents like my own. Everyone spoke English, not Spanish. You couldn't order Chinese takeout from the lady who cooked the food in her home, and not everyone knew about Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation. It was a culture shock. That's when I first remember being quiet. I watched a home video the other day. I was a five year old who spoke English with an African accent and couldn't stop talking, but moving to Kansas silenced me. I think it was so different I didn't know how to react, so that's the approach I took. I didn't react. I stayed quiet for twelve years after that. Sure, I opened up to close friends and the few people that I interacted with. My cute little African accent went away, but my shyess never did.
My memory is pretty impeccable. I remember the first friend I made when I moved here. She is still once of my closest friends. I love her to death, but I didn't know what a lot of words meant. English was my first language, but I learned it from people who spoke it as a second language. I would ask her what she was talking about and she would tell me to "look it up!" with that elementary attitude. All of this played a part in silencing me. Diminishing my sparkle. It took a long time for me to get it back.
I knew that my reflection wasn't accurate. I've always known i'm not a shy, quiet girl. At home I talk more than everybody else. I'm wild and crazy. I'm passionate about absolutely everything and so strong in my opinions. After living like this for days upon days, I'm finally finding my way out of my shell. A journey I plan to share with you all in the next blog post.
Song of the day: Reflection by Christina Aguleria
Quote of the Day: "What lies before us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
More the song Reflection which is a beautiful ballad by Christina Aguleria. Reflection along with Beautiful are two songs about self-empowerment that came out before it was cool to lift each other up. It was before the anti-bully movement and Demi Lovato's Stay Strong tattoo. They were songs meant to empower woman and encourage them to accept what's within instead of whats outside. I struggle with that. Everything about my personality and the way I behave is designed to hide what's within. There's nothing bad within. I'm extremely proud of the person I am. Like everyone else, I'm a work in progress. I see God moving mountains in my life each and every day, but his work isn't finished yet. It's easy for me to be content with what's outside. I can cough up $300 for a good weave, get myself some $7 falsies, the perfect manicure from the Asains on 6th street or $15-$30, and an outfit from Forever 21 for less than $40 (jewelry included). If I have an issue with my weight, I can go to the gym and eat less cake. It wouldn't be easy, but it's possible. Top it off with a little makeup and I'm a more beautiful version of myself. Am I Kim Kardashian? No, but its enough to get through the day ridicule free. Am I living a life I can't afford? Yes. Should I have to do all those things to feel good about my physical appearance? No, but once again this isn't what this post is about.
An insult about personality hurts much more than an insult to looks ever could. Your personality is who you are. It's what makes me different from every 5'2", first generation African American teenager in the world. I can't change who I am and hearing that that's not good enough for someone just hurts. Shortly after seeing Mulan in theaters, I went through one of the biggest life changes of my childhood. We moved from D.C. to the suberbs. I was no longer in classes filled with students who had immigrant parents like my own. Everyone spoke English, not Spanish. You couldn't order Chinese takeout from the lady who cooked the food in her home, and not everyone knew about Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation. It was a culture shock. That's when I first remember being quiet. I watched a home video the other day. I was a five year old who spoke English with an African accent and couldn't stop talking, but moving to Kansas silenced me. I think it was so different I didn't know how to react, so that's the approach I took. I didn't react. I stayed quiet for twelve years after that. Sure, I opened up to close friends and the few people that I interacted with. My cute little African accent went away, but my shyess never did.
My memory is pretty impeccable. I remember the first friend I made when I moved here. She is still once of my closest friends. I love her to death, but I didn't know what a lot of words meant. English was my first language, but I learned it from people who spoke it as a second language. I would ask her what she was talking about and she would tell me to "look it up!" with that elementary attitude. All of this played a part in silencing me. Diminishing my sparkle. It took a long time for me to get it back.
I knew that my reflection wasn't accurate. I've always known i'm not a shy, quiet girl. At home I talk more than everybody else. I'm wild and crazy. I'm passionate about absolutely everything and so strong in my opinions. After living like this for days upon days, I'm finally finding my way out of my shell. A journey I plan to share with you all in the next blog post.
Song of the day: Reflection by Christina Aguleria
Quote of the Day: "What lies before us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Monday, March 24, 2014
"God made my mold different from the rest, then he broke that mold so I know I'm blessed"
This blog has followed my journey through life for the past six years. My best friend suggested that I do it, and I had a lot of free time. I started documenting all of my junior high adventures. In the last six years I did everything from meet Trey Songz to travel to Dubai. I met new friends, lost old ones, and my most recent accomplishment is one that means all that and more to me. Last month, I got my acceptance letter to pharmacy school. I was in my African studies class when my cousin texted me saying there was a letter at home from the school of pharmacy. I was shocked, because I wasn't supposed to hear back until early April. I had just attended the Campus convention which is a day of great pharmacy related lectures and networking. I figured that the letter was either a survey questioning on my experiences there or a decline letter, because of how early I got it. Either way, I had to know. I power walked to my car and sped home. Being late to chemistry lab was the least of my concerns. I specifically remember having the thought that if I didn't get in, I didn't have to go to chemistry lab anyways. That part of my life would end.
I didn't realize how much I'd been enjoying my time in college until having to attend a different school was a possibility. I thought about how I would miss lunches in the underground, waiting in terribly long lines before basketball games, and the mountains and valleys I had to get through to go from my car to class every morning. I would miss the parties where I danced with strangers and encountered future NBA players. All of this was running through my head as I drove home. When I finally got there, I took a deep breath and opened the envelope. The first line was CONGRATULATIONS! and that was all I needed to see. (I did read the remainder of the letter later on).
The emotions I went through seeing that letter and going through the application period were indescribable. I've known I wanted to be a pharmacist since junior high. Something drew me into the profession. I've always had an interest in the health care industry, and I knew that I had to do good for my family. I have some of the smartest parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins a girl could ask for. Not all of them got the opportunity that I have to better themselves. I've been blessed with this opportunity and I couldn't be more grateful for an opportunity to do it for myself and to do it for them as well. Most people born in low income households stay in that position. Its a very tough situation to rise out of, and I managed to do that. I have four years of challenging coursework followed by a possible residency, but I have faith that with God's help I will graduate and practice for the rest of my life.
2014 is the year that I turn twenty. I'm going to leave my teen years behind and begin the period of life where I graduate, get my first career, get married, and have a baby...or four. I might read this and laugh later on, because my life takes a different direction, but I hope I'm right about most of it. I know my 20s won't be without challenges, but I'm excited to start this journey. To grow up and expand my independence. It's a very exciting time in my life, and it didn't feel right to let it pass without blogging. I've done it for every single up and down, so this one should be no different. Here's to new beginnings: to me, to you, and everyone else trying to make their dreams come true.
Song of the Day: The Man by Aloe Blacc & Do It by Myyko Montana
Quote of the Day: "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I didn't realize how much I'd been enjoying my time in college until having to attend a different school was a possibility. I thought about how I would miss lunches in the underground, waiting in terribly long lines before basketball games, and the mountains and valleys I had to get through to go from my car to class every morning. I would miss the parties where I danced with strangers and encountered future NBA players. All of this was running through my head as I drove home. When I finally got there, I took a deep breath and opened the envelope. The first line was CONGRATULATIONS! and that was all I needed to see. (I did read the remainder of the letter later on).
The emotions I went through seeing that letter and going through the application period were indescribable. I've known I wanted to be a pharmacist since junior high. Something drew me into the profession. I've always had an interest in the health care industry, and I knew that I had to do good for my family. I have some of the smartest parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins a girl could ask for. Not all of them got the opportunity that I have to better themselves. I've been blessed with this opportunity and I couldn't be more grateful for an opportunity to do it for myself and to do it for them as well. Most people born in low income households stay in that position. Its a very tough situation to rise out of, and I managed to do that. I have four years of challenging coursework followed by a possible residency, but I have faith that with God's help I will graduate and practice for the rest of my life.
2014 is the year that I turn twenty. I'm going to leave my teen years behind and begin the period of life where I graduate, get my first career, get married, and have a baby...or four. I might read this and laugh later on, because my life takes a different direction, but I hope I'm right about most of it. I know my 20s won't be without challenges, but I'm excited to start this journey. To grow up and expand my independence. It's a very exciting time in my life, and it didn't feel right to let it pass without blogging. I've done it for every single up and down, so this one should be no different. Here's to new beginnings: to me, to you, and everyone else trying to make their dreams come true.
Song of the Day: The Man by Aloe Blacc & Do It by Myyko Montana
Quote of the Day: "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sunday, February 9, 2014
"I was like Yo Trey, do you think you can buy me a bottle of Rose?"
On January 29th, my dreams came true. If you know me, you know that I love Trey Songz. For those of you who don't know, Trey Songz is an R&B singer. He was born Tremaine Neverson and is the man behind Bottoms Up, Say Ahh, Neighbor Know Me Know, Can't Be Friends, and my personal favorite Jupiter Love. By some miracle, he came to Lawrence and we met. It was a day I will never forget.
The day started relatively normally. I went to work at 8 am and didn't wear makeup or straighten my hair, because I took an extra fifteen minutes to snooze. From work I rushed to school then back to work then back to school one last time. My cousin picked me up to look for something to wear to the informational I was attending the following weekend. I didn't find an outfit in the allotted time, so I skipped tutoring and went to a few more shops. I eventually did find the perfect top. I loved it, and she hated it. Its the usual. After I went to a choir meeting where we had unseasoned tacos and shared awkward christian small talk. That's when I got the text, "Trey Songz is at the game *shocked emoji*. Before I knew it I was interrupting the awkward small talk and said, "Get up! We have to go!" to my friend. Everyone asked what was wrong. I followed by telling them it's the best day of my life and absolutely nothing is wrong. Trey songz was there!! The drummer on worship team I have a little crush on chose that moment to want to talk to me and offered me a ride, but I turned it down because TREY SONGZ WAS HERE! I had to speed to my friend Sharon's as fast as possible, because I knew she was the only friend prepared for this moment. Her and I share our love for celebrities, and we both have season passes to the game. I've been telling her and everyone else Trey would come for weeks. They all acted like I was insane, but deep in my heart I knew it would happen. When you want it bad enough, nothing is impossible.
I drove to Sharon's only to realize my hair wasn't straightened and I had no makeup on. I rushed to my friends house and used her makeup and straightener. Thank God someone my skin tone was close by. All of that time was wasted anyways because we ran all the way to Allen Field House and my hair was messed up and makeup melted off by the time we got down there. It was then that we began searching. We went to one area where the seats most rich people get were extremely visible.We looked and I couldn't find that beautiful chocolate face anywhere. Guess who we were apparently standing right behind? My crush. He of course thought we were looking for him. I made the mistake of saying "This isn't going to work" and he smiled thinking we were talking about him. I wanted to be like turn your head fool and watch the game (I love him, but he has a girlfriend now so just ew). As we wandered the stadium looking for Trey, he kept watching. This went on for about 30 minutes when we finally spotted him. We ran down to the exit by where he was sitting and stood patiently awaiting the end of the game. All the security guards said one thing, that exit was the only way we could leave.
We stood with a woman who had already met hit before. She had won a competition where her and a few other girls got to have lunch with Trey. We would all go in to sneak peaks at him, but he couldn't see us. The girl in a moment of braveness ran up to him. My friend Sharon and I got stopped of course and sadly walked back. Weirdly enough instead of focusing on the game, the basketball players were watching us. I think they were shocked that for once our attention was elsewhere. Eventually the game FINALLY ended and the team walked past us. They were high fiveing people, but I didn't really care that I won. I was waiting for Trey. He walked by so fast I almost missed it. He turned around and smiled, but it wasn't enough. My friend and I moved to location number 2. The players exit. We sat like we belonged there. Charging our phones and talking to each other. A man and his son were waiting with us. The man happened to know the entire KU basketball team. Every player that walked by would say hi to him and then small talk with us. It was nice. Andrew Wiggins came out and FINALLY agreed to take a picture with me. I couldn't be all that excited about any of these players, because my mind was on Trey.
Eventually we had waited like 2 and a half hours, no Trey in sight. I asked one of the players if he was still in there, and he said that he left to go get something to eat. That's when we realized Trey was truly gone. We power-walked back to our car and started planning our next move. I searched "Trey Songz is here" on twitter and sure enough a creep pic of him eating dinner in between two twin girls popped up. I would know that restaurant any way. Applebees. I live in a small town. There's only two. We drove over to AppleBees and parked right next to a chauffeur. I knocked on the window of the car and asked, "are you Trey Songz driver" while peeking in the back to see if he isn't. He said, "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not and smiled". I knew he was in there. We ran towards the window and tried to open the door. It was locked, because the restaurant closes at 12. We saw his cute self walking around, but keep in mind it was zero degrees outside. We ran into the car and patiently waited. Eventually, the car moved towards the restaurant so we ran to the door and waited for Trey. Guess who we saw there too? The man and his son along with two other old guys. Trey came to the door and of course I was the first one to speak up.
I said, "Hi Trey, Can I have a quick picture?". He goes "Yes! Of course!". The exclamation points were not in my head. He was extremely enthusiastic about it. He said, "let me just put the ladies in the car first". He opened the door for the twins to go into the car. They awkwardly looked at each other then go, "Do you expect us both to go in from the same side?" (how rude, right?) In the most polite of voices my husband says, "Well, one of you can walk around and open the door yourselves with a shade but no shade type voice". He then opens the door and comes in to say hello to us. I'm the first to walk up to him and I tell him I had a really good time at his concert last year. I tell him he should come back and do another show. He thanks me and says he plans to do it. He had a really great time. We take a fabulous picture and then I ask for a hug. He gives me a tight, perfect hug. I feel so safe in his arms. I take a picture of him and my friend Sharon. The man and his son are next. The man tells Trey about his son who passed away a few months ago and Trey's face just falls. You can tell he feels for the man. The man told him how his son only listened to Trey, Drake, and Kid Cudi. Trey smiles and says, "It's all love man" and gives the guy a hug. I didn't realize I went awww until I watched the video later. He then made small talk with the mans son. He asked the son to take a silly picture with him. It was super cute watching him interact with children. I know he'll be a great father to Tremaine Jr. and our ten children someday haha. The old men were boring and just asked for a picture. One of them was technology challenged and had to get the picture taken away. Trey goes "you need another one? He fucked it up huh?" while smiling. His friend/bodygaurd was making small talk with us. He was a really friendly guy. My friend and I decide to get an autograph. S asks him something about him being a real KU fan and he goes, "that was a good fucking game". He assures us that he plans to come back to Lawrence. It's finally time for Trey to leave. His friend told us they were going back to their hotel then flying to Kansas City in the morning. I give him a hug goodbye, and it feels so natural. He pulls me in closer and kisses my forhead. It was perfect. I still can't believe it happened to me. God is good.
Most importantly, he kissed me! Endless smiles forever.
The day started relatively normally. I went to work at 8 am and didn't wear makeup or straighten my hair, because I took an extra fifteen minutes to snooze. From work I rushed to school then back to work then back to school one last time. My cousin picked me up to look for something to wear to the informational I was attending the following weekend. I didn't find an outfit in the allotted time, so I skipped tutoring and went to a few more shops. I eventually did find the perfect top. I loved it, and she hated it. Its the usual. After I went to a choir meeting where we had unseasoned tacos and shared awkward christian small talk. That's when I got the text, "Trey Songz is at the game *shocked emoji*. Before I knew it I was interrupting the awkward small talk and said, "Get up! We have to go!" to my friend. Everyone asked what was wrong. I followed by telling them it's the best day of my life and absolutely nothing is wrong. Trey songz was there!! The drummer on worship team I have a little crush on chose that moment to want to talk to me and offered me a ride, but I turned it down because TREY SONGZ WAS HERE! I had to speed to my friend Sharon's as fast as possible, because I knew she was the only friend prepared for this moment. Her and I share our love for celebrities, and we both have season passes to the game. I've been telling her and everyone else Trey would come for weeks. They all acted like I was insane, but deep in my heart I knew it would happen. When you want it bad enough, nothing is impossible.
I drove to Sharon's only to realize my hair wasn't straightened and I had no makeup on. I rushed to my friends house and used her makeup and straightener. Thank God someone my skin tone was close by. All of that time was wasted anyways because we ran all the way to Allen Field House and my hair was messed up and makeup melted off by the time we got down there. It was then that we began searching. We went to one area where the seats most rich people get were extremely visible.We looked and I couldn't find that beautiful chocolate face anywhere. Guess who we were apparently standing right behind? My crush. He of course thought we were looking for him. I made the mistake of saying "This isn't going to work" and he smiled thinking we were talking about him. I wanted to be like turn your head fool and watch the game (I love him, but he has a girlfriend now so just ew). As we wandered the stadium looking for Trey, he kept watching. This went on for about 30 minutes when we finally spotted him. We ran down to the exit by where he was sitting and stood patiently awaiting the end of the game. All the security guards said one thing, that exit was the only way we could leave.
We stood with a woman who had already met hit before. She had won a competition where her and a few other girls got to have lunch with Trey. We would all go in to sneak peaks at him, but he couldn't see us. The girl in a moment of braveness ran up to him. My friend Sharon and I got stopped of course and sadly walked back. Weirdly enough instead of focusing on the game, the basketball players were watching us. I think they were shocked that for once our attention was elsewhere. Eventually the game FINALLY ended and the team walked past us. They were high fiveing people, but I didn't really care that I won. I was waiting for Trey. He walked by so fast I almost missed it. He turned around and smiled, but it wasn't enough. My friend and I moved to location number 2. The players exit. We sat like we belonged there. Charging our phones and talking to each other. A man and his son were waiting with us. The man happened to know the entire KU basketball team. Every player that walked by would say hi to him and then small talk with us. It was nice. Andrew Wiggins came out and FINALLY agreed to take a picture with me. I couldn't be all that excited about any of these players, because my mind was on Trey.
Eventually we had waited like 2 and a half hours, no Trey in sight. I asked one of the players if he was still in there, and he said that he left to go get something to eat. That's when we realized Trey was truly gone. We power-walked back to our car and started planning our next move. I searched "Trey Songz is here" on twitter and sure enough a creep pic of him eating dinner in between two twin girls popped up. I would know that restaurant any way. Applebees. I live in a small town. There's only two. We drove over to AppleBees and parked right next to a chauffeur. I knocked on the window of the car and asked, "are you Trey Songz driver" while peeking in the back to see if he isn't. He said, "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not and smiled". I knew he was in there. We ran towards the window and tried to open the door. It was locked, because the restaurant closes at 12. We saw his cute self walking around, but keep in mind it was zero degrees outside. We ran into the car and patiently waited. Eventually, the car moved towards the restaurant so we ran to the door and waited for Trey. Guess who we saw there too? The man and his son along with two other old guys. Trey came to the door and of course I was the first one to speak up.
I said, "Hi Trey, Can I have a quick picture?". He goes "Yes! Of course!". The exclamation points were not in my head. He was extremely enthusiastic about it. He said, "let me just put the ladies in the car first". He opened the door for the twins to go into the car. They awkwardly looked at each other then go, "Do you expect us both to go in from the same side?" (how rude, right?) In the most polite of voices my husband says, "Well, one of you can walk around and open the door yourselves with a shade but no shade type voice". He then opens the door and comes in to say hello to us. I'm the first to walk up to him and I tell him I had a really good time at his concert last year. I tell him he should come back and do another show. He thanks me and says he plans to do it. He had a really great time. We take a fabulous picture and then I ask for a hug. He gives me a tight, perfect hug. I feel so safe in his arms. I take a picture of him and my friend Sharon. The man and his son are next. The man tells Trey about his son who passed away a few months ago and Trey's face just falls. You can tell he feels for the man. The man told him how his son only listened to Trey, Drake, and Kid Cudi. Trey smiles and says, "It's all love man" and gives the guy a hug. I didn't realize I went awww until I watched the video later. He then made small talk with the mans son. He asked the son to take a silly picture with him. It was super cute watching him interact with children. I know he'll be a great father to Tremaine Jr. and our ten children someday haha. The old men were boring and just asked for a picture. One of them was technology challenged and had to get the picture taken away. Trey goes "you need another one? He fucked it up huh?" while smiling. His friend/bodygaurd was making small talk with us. He was a really friendly guy. My friend and I decide to get an autograph. S asks him something about him being a real KU fan and he goes, "that was a good fucking game". He assures us that he plans to come back to Lawrence. It's finally time for Trey to leave. His friend told us they were going back to their hotel then flying to Kansas City in the morning. I give him a hug goodbye, and it feels so natural. He pulls me in closer and kisses my forhead. It was perfect. I still can't believe it happened to me. God is good.
Most importantly, he kissed me! Endless smiles forever.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
"We live in the generation of not being in love and not being together. But we sure make it like we're together. Cause we're scared to see each other with somebody else"
Our generation is just unbelievably different from any one before us. There are some positives and negatives to these societal changes. I am very thankful for the GPS. Driving is hard enough as it is. I couldn't imagine being on the highway trying to make sense of a map and calculating miles by looking at the little box next to the speedometer. Way too much work. A friend of mine recently introduced me to this app called LuLu. You basically hook it up to your facebook and it gives you rankings on guys your friends with. You're also able to search different guys and get rankings on them. The rankings on a scale of 1-10 and their based on personality, looks, income levels, and general lifestyle information. People that have supposedly dated them, hooked up with them, or befriended them are the ones that make the rankings. Their not long paragraphs describing the relationship they've had with them, but hashtags that state things like "#ObssessedwithMom #CheaperThanABigMac, #RespectsWomen, #KinkyInTheRightWays so on and so forth. It's very fun to look through different people and see what people have said about them.
In all honesty, I initially thought the entire thing was wrong. We hate it when guys rank us based on features and stuff, but here we are doing the same thing to them. I know that you can't explain who I am through a series of silly hash tags, so why should I believe that these hashtags tell the truth about the guys Lulu talks about. Of course, after 24 hours I let go of those opinions and downloaded it. I may or may not have read posts about a couple crushes I've had and did a happy dance when people I liked didn't have a page. No page means they didn't hook up with anyone random or hurt anyone enough for them to write a nasty virtual review about them later. The previous sentence is our generations definition of a winning guy. It's so sad.
The same night I was introduced to Lulu, I watched the notebook with a friend. She had never seen it before, and I personally believe it's every woman's right of passage to see the notebook. It shows you how beautiful life can be for those who are lucky enough to find true love. Noah is the perfect gentlemen who treats Allie like a queen. He stands by her no matter how many times life gets in their way. He's a dream. I started thinking about what hashtags Noah's page would have. He would definitely have #CheaperThanABigMac because he wasn't the most well of of men. He would have #TooCoolForSchool, because he never went to college. On paper, Noah was kind of a loser. He wasn't educated and had a terrible job. He had a couple slow tendencies like the stuttering when he was young. He was a loner and didn't seem to have many friends, so there would be #loner or whatever creative way they would phrase that. After reading his page you would be lead to think that he wasn't worth giving a chance. None of those hashtags say anything about who the person truly is. There are some things that can only be learned from getting to know a person enough to realize that all these bad qualities make the person who they are. If it wasn't for all those bad qualities, the good qualities wouldn't shine as bright. So although Lulu is fun, it's shouldn't be the end all be all. Same goes for twitter, instagram, and all these social networks. They tell you about a person, but not who they are.
In all honesty, I initially thought the entire thing was wrong. We hate it when guys rank us based on features and stuff, but here we are doing the same thing to them. I know that you can't explain who I am through a series of silly hash tags, so why should I believe that these hashtags tell the truth about the guys Lulu talks about. Of course, after 24 hours I let go of those opinions and downloaded it. I may or may not have read posts about a couple crushes I've had and did a happy dance when people I liked didn't have a page. No page means they didn't hook up with anyone random or hurt anyone enough for them to write a nasty virtual review about them later. The previous sentence is our generations definition of a winning guy. It's so sad.
The same night I was introduced to Lulu, I watched the notebook with a friend. She had never seen it before, and I personally believe it's every woman's right of passage to see the notebook. It shows you how beautiful life can be for those who are lucky enough to find true love. Noah is the perfect gentlemen who treats Allie like a queen. He stands by her no matter how many times life gets in their way. He's a dream. I started thinking about what hashtags Noah's page would have. He would definitely have #CheaperThanABigMac because he wasn't the most well of of men. He would have #TooCoolForSchool, because he never went to college. On paper, Noah was kind of a loser. He wasn't educated and had a terrible job. He had a couple slow tendencies like the stuttering when he was young. He was a loner and didn't seem to have many friends, so there would be #loner or whatever creative way they would phrase that. After reading his page you would be lead to think that he wasn't worth giving a chance. None of those hashtags say anything about who the person truly is. There are some things that can only be learned from getting to know a person enough to realize that all these bad qualities make the person who they are. If it wasn't for all those bad qualities, the good qualities wouldn't shine as bright. So although Lulu is fun, it's shouldn't be the end all be all. Same goes for twitter, instagram, and all these social networks. They tell you about a person, but not who they are.
Friday, January 10, 2014
"She laid her heart and soul right in your hands. You stole her every dream and you crushed her plans"
Gabrielle Union has been the name on tip of many tongues in recent weeks. I want to start by praising her on her role in Being Mary Jane. The show is fantastic. I saw the first episode when they previewed it months ago claiming it was a BET original movie. The season officially started Tuesday, and I'm thoroughly impressed with it. Everyone check it out Tuesday Nights on BET at 9. Everyone is also talking about her big engagement to Dwayne Wade. One word can be used to describe this union : FINALLY! I feel like they've been together for a lifetime. I've never been one to root for this couple, because she stole him from someone else. Yes, I understand that men can't be stolen. They have coherent thoughts and play an equal role in any affair. So basically, their both scum. This situation is even worse, because Dwayne Wade got full custody of the children and their being raised by Gabrielle. The mother went mental (literally) as any woman in that situation would. It wouldn't have hurt me to be cheated on, or if he left. But it would have killed me to have my children taken away and be raised by the woman and man who tore apart my life. You carry a child for 9 months and the skank gets to raise them for free. So many issues, not enough tissues.
These are the engagement photos they released shortly after he popped the question.
They are an extremely adorable couple. Dwayne proposed to her in front of his two sons and nephew that they are raising. The little boys held up a song that said "Would you marry us?". Awww. It was very cute, and those kids earned a right to be involved in the decision. The problem is this is what we're taught to believe is "black love". Unlike other races, you can get a successful man but by the time you've found him God only knows how many children he's already fathered. In case you didn't know, this celebrity news story doesn't end with the engagement or those three children. Gabrielle & Dwayne had a brief break up earlier in 2013. During this break up, Mr. Wade went and fathered his third child (fourth if you count the nephew). So she gets to start her new life with her husband as the step-mother of four with two different baby mamas involved. Awww, black love. Not. It's anything but fair. I'm bitter.
It's Gabrielle's decision to chose this life for herself. Everyone knows that once a cheater, always a cheater. He cheated to get her. He cheated on her, and he will do it again. What makes this whole thing worse is that Gabrielle is publicly blaming herself for her husband affair and this new child. Like WTF? Did you get a random person pregnant? No. Did you tell him to have sex with this woman? no. She says by being too involved in her career she played a part in the affair. That comment alone set women back fifty years at least. Because she didn't devote every waking moment of her entire life to pleasing him, it's okay that he cheated? If he was so bored, why didn't he take the time to raise and be with these children he keeps on producing. The fact that they took a short break, and he was able to move on that fast says something. What those two have isn't love. With enough prayer and reflection on past mistakes, they can make a change and possibly a happy life together. But if things keep going the way they are, they are not going to last. Don't buy the dream when they sell you one. This is not the ideal anyone should want for themselves.
Song of the Day: Stupid Boy by Sarah Buxton
Quote of the day: "All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy."
These are the engagement photos they released shortly after he popped the question.
They are an extremely adorable couple. Dwayne proposed to her in front of his two sons and nephew that they are raising. The little boys held up a song that said "Would you marry us?". Awww. It was very cute, and those kids earned a right to be involved in the decision. The problem is this is what we're taught to believe is "black love". Unlike other races, you can get a successful man but by the time you've found him God only knows how many children he's already fathered. In case you didn't know, this celebrity news story doesn't end with the engagement or those three children. Gabrielle & Dwayne had a brief break up earlier in 2013. During this break up, Mr. Wade went and fathered his third child (fourth if you count the nephew). So she gets to start her new life with her husband as the step-mother of four with two different baby mamas involved. Awww, black love. Not. It's anything but fair. I'm bitter.
It's Gabrielle's decision to chose this life for herself. Everyone knows that once a cheater, always a cheater. He cheated to get her. He cheated on her, and he will do it again. What makes this whole thing worse is that Gabrielle is publicly blaming herself for her husband affair and this new child. Like WTF? Did you get a random person pregnant? No. Did you tell him to have sex with this woman? no. She says by being too involved in her career she played a part in the affair. That comment alone set women back fifty years at least. Because she didn't devote every waking moment of her entire life to pleasing him, it's okay that he cheated? If he was so bored, why didn't he take the time to raise and be with these children he keeps on producing. The fact that they took a short break, and he was able to move on that fast says something. What those two have isn't love. With enough prayer and reflection on past mistakes, they can make a change and possibly a happy life together. But if things keep going the way they are, they are not going to last. Don't buy the dream when they sell you one. This is not the ideal anyone should want for themselves.
Song of the Day: Stupid Boy by Sarah Buxton
Quote of the day: "All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy."
You stripped away the masquerade. The Illusion has been shed. Are you happy with yourself?
In yesterday's post, we established the fact that it was 2014. In case you didn't realize it, 2014 started off with a gigantic problem. My generation. Although I rarely claim them, I was born with this weird 21st century group of people. We're still trying to figure everything out, but there are endless issues with our generation that aren't being discussed. I'm going to take the liberty of doing it. The other day I saw a really cute guy at the mall. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, nothing really special but I say a sparkle in him. Yes, I said sparkle. Something inside of him shined bright and I was intrigued. All he had to do to win that moment from him was be himself. The most he did was wash his face. A 21st century girl wakes up, showers, washes their face, puts on foundation, powder, eye shadow, mascara, lip liner, lip gloss. Some will take it even further. Lately for me when I'm trying to look especially pretty, it involves some fake nail and eyelash action as well. This is all before we've even started on our hair. After all of this, you're pretty. You get a little attention now and then and life will be an easier journey because of it. You sparkle. But guys wash their face and that's good enough to us. That double standard feels so unfair! I'm not saying guys should start wearing fake eye lashes to make their eyes pop, but I'm saying guys in our generation should be able to see something in us just the way we are like we do with them. No ones forcing our generation to put on make up or anything, but it's a social norm. I know I am not alone.
The issue is that girls are taught to strive for perfection and marriage. Boys are taught to play sports and get as many hoes as possible. Some of these lessons are learned through example. Parents, guardians, etc. And others happen when they get to college, join a frat or a team or whatever and they see what that culture is like. They embrace it, and the years of lessons passed on by two really great parents or guardians disappear into the dust. It is so sad. Sure, they'll find their way when their 30 or 40. Settle down. Do more and smoke less, but that is a long time from where we are now. Speaking of smoking, almost everyone does it in some fashion. Did I mention it was 2014? We all know about health practices. The long term affects of decisions made in our youth. All of these facts are imprinted in our minds from a young age, but we'll give it all up for a few minutes of confidence. We live in a generation of people who feel like they can't be themselves without taking some kind of mind altering substance. They can't open up and be who they are unless they can fall back on the excuse "I was drunk". It's sick that we have to hide behind alcohol, makeup, or whatever other crazy clutches people are using. Why not just...be yourself? Whether people like you or hate you, its who you are. You can hide it all you want, but eventually they'll know who you truly are. If they never liked that in the first place, all you really did was waste precious time.
We are a society more comfortable posting naked pictures of ourselves on instagram than we are telling people about our interests and lives. Because the fact that we like watching the bachelor, have a cat, an acne problem, no close friends, nerdy habits or whatever is embarrassing to people these days is just too much of a burden to bare. This says so many different things about society. Not to be one to slut shame, but 1. Our standards are different than any generation before us. Sure Madonna wore the cone bra and there were always strippers and stuff, but regular people didn't post daily naked or practically naked shots. No one went to parties in underwear and stockings (a sight I've scene multiple times in recent months. Yuck.) 2. We're constantly self destructing with alcohol, drugs, and STI's. 3. This is the new normal. No one is doing anything to stop it and nothing has changed. What does this mean for my future, or your future? I don't know. I just don't know.
Song of the Day: Petty Hurts by Beyonce
Quote of the day: "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". - Jiddu Krishnamurti
The issue is that girls are taught to strive for perfection and marriage. Boys are taught to play sports and get as many hoes as possible. Some of these lessons are learned through example. Parents, guardians, etc. And others happen when they get to college, join a frat or a team or whatever and they see what that culture is like. They embrace it, and the years of lessons passed on by two really great parents or guardians disappear into the dust. It is so sad. Sure, they'll find their way when their 30 or 40. Settle down. Do more and smoke less, but that is a long time from where we are now. Speaking of smoking, almost everyone does it in some fashion. Did I mention it was 2014? We all know about health practices. The long term affects of decisions made in our youth. All of these facts are imprinted in our minds from a young age, but we'll give it all up for a few minutes of confidence. We live in a generation of people who feel like they can't be themselves without taking some kind of mind altering substance. They can't open up and be who they are unless they can fall back on the excuse "I was drunk". It's sick that we have to hide behind alcohol, makeup, or whatever other crazy clutches people are using. Why not just...be yourself? Whether people like you or hate you, its who you are. You can hide it all you want, but eventually they'll know who you truly are. If they never liked that in the first place, all you really did was waste precious time.
We are a society more comfortable posting naked pictures of ourselves on instagram than we are telling people about our interests and lives. Because the fact that we like watching the bachelor, have a cat, an acne problem, no close friends, nerdy habits or whatever is embarrassing to people these days is just too much of a burden to bare. This says so many different things about society. Not to be one to slut shame, but 1. Our standards are different than any generation before us. Sure Madonna wore the cone bra and there were always strippers and stuff, but regular people didn't post daily naked or practically naked shots. No one went to parties in underwear and stockings (a sight I've scene multiple times in recent months. Yuck.) 2. We're constantly self destructing with alcohol, drugs, and STI's. 3. This is the new normal. No one is doing anything to stop it and nothing has changed. What does this mean for my future, or your future? I don't know. I just don't know.
Song of the Day: Petty Hurts by Beyonce
Quote of the day: "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". - Jiddu Krishnamurti
Thursday, January 9, 2014
"I feel so lucky. You wanna hug me. What rhymes with hug me....?" - Top Songs of 2013
Top 25 Songs of 2013. I look forward to this blog post every year. It was a pretty great year from music. There were many new faces and artists making strong comebacks. Without further adeiu...here we go:
1. Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, Pharell, and T.I. This song was and still is a hit. The beat couldn't be more unique and made you want to dance like there's no tomorrow. It never failed to cheer me up and lighted up my life. There was so much silly controversy surrounding this song. No one will ever forget the Miley mash up with the foam finger and the grinding. Yes, the feminists hated the lyrics. I personally think persistence and confidence is attractive. He knows I want it :)
2. Hold On, We're Going Home by Drake : Nothing was the same changed my life. I adore Drake. He does beautiful things with music and this song was no different. It was great to hear him sing again.
3. Mirrors by Justin Timberlake : It was the year of JT. He released two unbelieveable albums filled with nothing by hits. The fact that he made us wait over five years for new music made it more special. I couldn't be happier he left the big screen for his original form of entertainment. Couldn't imagine 2013 without his music.
4. If I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars : This song is just beautiful. The words are absolutely everything. Hands down one of my favorite live songs of the year.
5. Stay by Rihanna : Her voice is flawless in this song. She hasn't had a song like this since California King Bed and I was so excited about it. I'm not one hundred percent sure it was released in 2013, but it didn't make my 2012 list so we're going to say it was.
6. Body Party by Ciara : A majority of mainstream music people have probably never heard this. I know Ciara is so 2004, but this song was a hit. I couldn't wait for it to come on in the club. It was fun to sing along too. Definitely one of the best slow jams of our time. I missed this type of music.
7. Crooked Smile by J. Cole : Inspirational music has been in for the last couple of years. This just felt more real in relation to me. His line "Is it real? Eyebrows, fingernails, hair... Is it real? If it's not girl you don't care. Cause what's real is something that the eyes can't see, that the hands can't touch, that them broads can't be...and that's you" provided encouragement so many times this year. One of my biggest 2013 regrets was not seeing him in concert.
8. Loveeee Song by Rihanna and Future : This was another slow R&B hit that I loved in 2013. Futures voice is so unique and sexy. It just lights up my life and RiRi is killing the business. Nothing but hits and this particular song was no different.
9. When I'm Gone (Cup Song) by Anna Kendrick : I still haven't seen pitch perfect, but this song was absolutely adorable. I love little songs like this. They're so bright and upbeat. I also lost someone I love very much suddenly this year, so every time I heard it I would think of the new angel in my life. The long way home was her journey to heaven, and we all missed her so it certainly fit.
10. I Like It by Sevyn Streeter : This was Sevyn's first single. Not many people heard it, but I turly enjoyed it all year. I had the pleasure of seeing her live when she came with T.I. 's Kings of The South tour. I have a feeling that there are many more good songs to come from her. She's going to be great. Yay for R&B coming back!
11. Beware by J. Cole, Jhene Aiko, and Lil Wayne : Oooh, I was so mad! That hook is what got me in love with song. Lil Wayne has the best little appearances in every song, and Jhene can sannng! Good music.
12. From Time by Drake and Jhene Aiko : This was my favorite song off of NWTS. It really resonated with me and their voices were flawless together. I honestly have no words to say other than I love drake.
13. Wake Me Up by Avicci : I still can't say this guys name, but when his song plays it's like lets gooooo! I'm in the mood to jump up and down, pumping my fist like a mad woman. Admit it, it's catchy. My brother actually introduced it to me.
14. Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus : It was Miley's year. Hannah Montana is gone and Miley is half naked on a wrecking ball. I'm not a fan of her crazy antics, but I am a fan of her music. When this song comes on, I just have to sing along.
15. Cruise by Florida Georgia Line and Nelly : I like southern accents and country music. You wouldn't know it just looking at me, but it's true. I also like Nelly. Put the two together and you get the perfect cheesily awesome summer song.
16. Roar by Katy Perry : Everyone said she stole it from Sara Barellies. Whether she was involved in the whole thing or not, they are extremely similar songs. Roar was hands down better. It's like the fun version of Brave. Unpopular opinion, but we saw which one topped the charts. Numbers don't lie.
17. Bad by Wale and Rihanna : So many girls sang this part, but Wale and Rihanna were my favorite combo. The lyrics were the truth,"Bad girls ain't no good, and good girls ain't no fun. And hood girls want a smart nigga, college girls want a thug". This was arguably the realest line about our generation that was spoken this year.
18. Poetic Justice by Kendrick Lamar and Drake : The fame went straight to Kendrick's head. I hated him by the end of the year. He had that song where he dumped on everyone including Drake. That was unnecessary. Drake took him on tour when he was nobody. Literally nobody. I would know...I was there. He was 30 pounds heavier with no stage presence whatsoever. He copied everything. Anyways...enough with the rant. The song was good. Shoutout to all of us Young East African Girls
19. Get Lucky by Daft Punk and Pharell
20. All the Way Home by Tamar Braxton : Tamar finally became a star, and I couldn't be happier for her. All her singles were great, but this was definitely my personal favorite.
21. Say Something by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguileria
22. Chloe by Emblem3 : I don't care what anyone says. This song is about Khloe Kardashian. It was fun and I totally enjoyed listening to it.
23. Come and Get It by Selena Gomez : The indian vibe was everything. I'm shaking my hips just thinking about that beat.
24. Too Much by Drake and Sampa : Once again, Nothing was the same is just pure brilliance. I limited myself to three Drake songs. It was a tough decision. If I hadn't, songs 10-25 would just be the entire album plus the random singles he released. Honorable mention : Come Thru, All Me, Started From the Bottom, The Motion, Girls Love Beyonce, Jodeci Freestyle, Furthest Thing, The Language
25. High School by Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne
Top Ratchet Songs of the Year :
1. Red Nose by Sage the Gemeni : The most fun party song of the year. We gon Shakeeee it. They made it a compliment to be comparend to a Pitbull.
2. My N*gga by Richie Homie Quan and Young Jeezy G : When this song plays in the club or at a party, you can't make me sit down. I'll probably rap too. Like a G. Grrrr.
3. Versace by Drake and Migos
4. Bugatti by Future and Ace Hood
5. F------ Problem by A$AP Rocky, Drake, 2 Chainz, and Kendrick Lamar
6. Feds Watching by 2 Chainz and Pharalle
7. I'm Different by 2 Chainz
"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change"
Happy New Year to the wonderful people all around the world that read this blog. We're only nine days into 2014, but it feels like New Years was a lifetime ago. I rung in 2014 at an event called Ass Jamz. I know what you faithful readers are thinking, this is about to be Club Magic 2.0. Well, it wasn't. The place was packed with people my age. I live in a small town, so I recognized most of them. There was a countdown on the big screen and plenty of songs I love. I forgot what the first song I heard in 2014 was, but the second song was Bugatti by Future. I came home at a reasonable hour and thanked God for being young an alive.
The time has come for New Years resolutions. This year I cheated and started thinking them up before Christmas. When I was first thinking of them, the song Make Me Broken by Sidewalk profits was playing. The words are, "Make me lonely, so I can be yours. 'Til I want no one more that you, Lord. Cause in the darkness I know you will hold me. Make me lonely/ 'Til you are my one desire/ 'Till you are my one true love/ 'Til you are my breath, my everything. Lord please keep making me". The first thought that popped in my head when I heard the song is "what a scary prayer". The verses start with make me lonely, broken, empty, etc. I don't feel strong enough to endure any of those emotions. Then I realized that that's the point. The lord is my strength. I can endure anything. So my first and most important resolution is
1. To trust the lord without borders or hesitation. To grow stronger in my faith, bury myself in the word, and follow the teachings of my faith to the best of my ability.
Number Two kind of goes with number one :
2. To let go and let be. My problem of worrying about things that I cannot control continued in 2013. This year I want to be freed from the chains of worry and anxiety, and live a fuller life. Having more trust that God will lead me to where I need to be will help be more free spirited and less of a worrier.
3. Social fearlessness. When Taylor Swift came out with the fearless album, my young teenage self had life changing moment after life changing moment. I made it my mission to strive to be in my best dress, fearless. I feel like I've achieved it in some aspects of my life, but I'm still scared when it comes to social situations and meeting new people. I want this to be the year it changes.
4. To give my advice, point of view, and perspective without being judgmental. This year when people did something I didn't agree with or felt was wrong (making out with randoms, staying out too late, hanging out with a stranger at 4 am etc.) I either acted like it was okay or went in full on lecture mode. I want to be a person people can come to with their issues without feeling guilty, but I also want to be loving enough to tell them when their making a mistake. There are too many lives lost due to stupid, "fun" mistakes. I would hate to lose someone I care about because they were scared to come to me, or I was scared to tell them the truth. Basically I want to find a balance.
5. Moving the energy I put into pursuing and crushing on men into bettering myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I'm a twatcher. I waste a lot of time reading the tweets of different boys I have interest in. I put a lot of time curling my hair and looking cute when I know I'll see someone that I'm into. There's nothing wrong with either of these things, but I've realized the guys that I have interest in are already perfect (through my eyes). I should put my energy into bettering myself, so that they can see the same light in me that I do in them. Different approach.
6. Expressing positive feelings more and providing words of encouragement to those close to me. We live in a society with so many depressed, insecure people. When someone has cute shoes, I'm going to tell them. If they're putting in positive imput, I want them to know that. If I can play a role in helping others know their worth, I would like to do it. Drake has a line that says "I think the city that we're from just kind of ruined things. Such a small place not much to do but talk and listen. The men are jealous and the women all in competition". That describes my home situation. It doesn't have to be a competition. Girls should empower each other instead of bring each other down all the time. And you know what they say, be the change you wish to see in the world.
7. Less selfishness. Loving yourself is easy. Loving others is hard. (No explanation needed)
8. Lose as much weight as possible. No need to put a number out there that's too far out there to achieve or will limit myself. I want to look GOOD, and be healthy I guess... haha. No, it really is to be a healthier person.
These are the eight goals I've set for myself. Will I achieve them all? Not worrying about it. I will with Gods help. I don't see not achieving them as failures. I think of New Years resolutions as a step in the right direction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself. And with that, goodbye for now.
The time has come for New Years resolutions. This year I cheated and started thinking them up before Christmas. When I was first thinking of them, the song Make Me Broken by Sidewalk profits was playing. The words are, "Make me lonely, so I can be yours. 'Til I want no one more that you, Lord. Cause in the darkness I know you will hold me. Make me lonely/ 'Til you are my one desire/ 'Till you are my one true love/ 'Til you are my breath, my everything. Lord please keep making me". The first thought that popped in my head when I heard the song is "what a scary prayer". The verses start with make me lonely, broken, empty, etc. I don't feel strong enough to endure any of those emotions. Then I realized that that's the point. The lord is my strength. I can endure anything. So my first and most important resolution is
1. To trust the lord without borders or hesitation. To grow stronger in my faith, bury myself in the word, and follow the teachings of my faith to the best of my ability.
Number Two kind of goes with number one :
2. To let go and let be. My problem of worrying about things that I cannot control continued in 2013. This year I want to be freed from the chains of worry and anxiety, and live a fuller life. Having more trust that God will lead me to where I need to be will help be more free spirited and less of a worrier.
3. Social fearlessness. When Taylor Swift came out with the fearless album, my young teenage self had life changing moment after life changing moment. I made it my mission to strive to be in my best dress, fearless. I feel like I've achieved it in some aspects of my life, but I'm still scared when it comes to social situations and meeting new people. I want this to be the year it changes.
4. To give my advice, point of view, and perspective without being judgmental. This year when people did something I didn't agree with or felt was wrong (making out with randoms, staying out too late, hanging out with a stranger at 4 am etc.) I either acted like it was okay or went in full on lecture mode. I want to be a person people can come to with their issues without feeling guilty, but I also want to be loving enough to tell them when their making a mistake. There are too many lives lost due to stupid, "fun" mistakes. I would hate to lose someone I care about because they were scared to come to me, or I was scared to tell them the truth. Basically I want to find a balance.
5. Moving the energy I put into pursuing and crushing on men into bettering myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I'm a twatcher. I waste a lot of time reading the tweets of different boys I have interest in. I put a lot of time curling my hair and looking cute when I know I'll see someone that I'm into. There's nothing wrong with either of these things, but I've realized the guys that I have interest in are already perfect (through my eyes). I should put my energy into bettering myself, so that they can see the same light in me that I do in them. Different approach.
6. Expressing positive feelings more and providing words of encouragement to those close to me. We live in a society with so many depressed, insecure people. When someone has cute shoes, I'm going to tell them. If they're putting in positive imput, I want them to know that. If I can play a role in helping others know their worth, I would like to do it. Drake has a line that says "I think the city that we're from just kind of ruined things. Such a small place not much to do but talk and listen. The men are jealous and the women all in competition". That describes my home situation. It doesn't have to be a competition. Girls should empower each other instead of bring each other down all the time. And you know what they say, be the change you wish to see in the world.
7. Less selfishness. Loving yourself is easy. Loving others is hard. (No explanation needed)
8. Lose as much weight as possible. No need to put a number out there that's too far out there to achieve or will limit myself. I want to look GOOD, and be healthy I guess... haha. No, it really is to be a healthier person.
These are the eight goals I've set for myself. Will I achieve them all? Not worrying about it. I will with Gods help. I don't see not achieving them as failures. I think of New Years resolutions as a step in the right direction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself. And with that, goodbye for now.
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