"Love me or hate me we will be boys, standing at the alter. Or we will run away to another galaxy" - *reggae music voice*

I promised to keep you updated, and I didn't. A million different things happened the last two months. I don't know where to begin. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't tell my faithful readers that I've done my fair share of things I'm not proud of. When I stared this blog, I was young, pure, naive, and so full of hope for the future. That's the best part of reading those old posts. Seeing my optimism. I still have it. Unfortunately, it's not contagious. I have these moments where I feel extremely excited or or ready to take a risk of a lifetime, and I don't have any one to do it with. When I finally felt comfortable making IVs at work, I couldn't help but spread my excitement. It also happened to be the same day I went to see the 20/20 experience, so I had that excitement as well. My coworker told me with the most serious expression on his face, "sometimes I think you're crazy". I didn't say it, but I thought to myself, "sometimes I think I'm crazy too". But that's the best side of me. The loose, free side. It's just hard to find people that understand that part. I've pretty much given up on that, convincing my friends to go on a Europe trip, and eating red velvet cake without gaining weight. Those are three things that just won't happen. Lack of complete understanding can make a girl pretty lonely at times. Lately, I start thinking of what i'll do if I end up alone because I'm too crazy, too fun, or never find the kind of spark I long for. Here's the list.

1. Logical Solutions : I'll finish my degree in pharmacy and throw myself into work without working too much. I'll keep myself busy like I do now by planning endless outings and keeping many friends so I always have something to do, shopping, concerts. You know the drill.

2. Scientific Solutions : I will hold out hope for finding my other half or just others to take that European adventure with me, and if it doesn't work I'll get...inseminated. Maybe the fact that these are thoughts I have in my head proves that I'm crazy. Who even thinks of doing stuff like that right? But then i'll have really cute half Indian, half African children as companions for at least 18 years.

3. Selflessly Selfish Solutions : Lately I've been thinking that I could see myself adopting in the future. A conversation from 8th grade has just always stuck with me. He had an adopted baby brother that he loved with his whole heart. His dad and step mom had been trying to adopt for a very long time, but they weren't successful, because the couldn't find a baby that looks like them. The child they did find ended up looking like the rest of the family, and they loved him wholeheartedly. I just always wondered if they would have loved him if he didn't look like them. I realized that it takes a lot of heart to do that kind of thing, and after contemplating for awhile I feel like I have the heart to do it. The first two possibilities were more jokes and dramatic thoughts than anything else, but this one is serious.

I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. I'm only nineteen, but I feel older than that. About half the people I went to high school with have had children, are married, or are in jail. Three very adult, very grown things. I'm not saying that's what I want for myself at this time, but I'm the same age as them. That's the place in life we're in, so of course I feel grown. I feel like I know what I want, and I want to find a way to achieve that. Right now my focus is on school of course, but I'm allowed to day dream and long for things. My parents still look at my like a child playing house, and I get the feeling they always will. I guess i'm figuring out things one step at at time. This post is just a compilation of random thoughts that have been running around my head. There really will be more to come.

Song of the day: Rude by Magic : I am absolutely obsessed with this song. I think it's time for my songs of the summer list.

quote of the day: The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in The Beauty of Their Dreams