"So am I wrong, for thinking that we could be something for real?"

This post is special for many reasons. This post is special, because it's the first blog post coming from my iPad. I've had this iPad for about 2 weeks now, but after the first day I didn't really use it for everything. It just sat and looked absolutely lovely on my desk. It's engraved with my full name, and the quote "Hope is the Beartbeat of the Soul" is on there. I wish I could say that that quote held some type of significance, but I didn't know that you could get your iPad engraved for free at the time. I purchased it with my dad who knows way more about technology than I ever will. He of course was rushing me and said that the quote was irrelevant. I wanted the bible verse "All things come together for good for those who love The Lord" on there, but that was too many characters. So I looked up short quotes and went with the first one that sounded good. So when i'm doing homework and need encouragment, I'll look at my little quote for inspiration. Motivation to keep on keeping one,.

I've stopped trying in one area of my life. At this point for the last two weeks, I pronounce my love life dead. I never had the most exciting romantic life or really any significant romantic encounters, but I was born the kind of person who is in love with the idea of love. As a christian, a majority of our religion is about loving one and other. My parents have been married for 23 years, and they make each other stronger each and every day. I always wanted a variation of what they have. So I spent years and years watching Disney movies and waiting for my happily ever after. So I went to junior high and people dated and fell in love, I didn't. Then I went to high school. Surly I'd at least have the little prom date romance from the movies, nope. College. This is my huge change to meet someone that I can build something with. Nope. I can't say it's been due to lack of trying. I've falled for a pretty large amount of men over the last few years. These men either have girlfriends or baby mothers, want to just hit it and quit it, or ddidn't make me feel the way I wantt to. I like fireworks, and falling head over heels crazy in love. Not just anyone can make you feel that way.

There others who sparked that feeling in me, but I just didn't do it for them. This blog used to pretty much be stories about a dude named Prince. Jr. High me thought the world started and ended with him. He could do no wrong. Everyone knows this story. I told him how I feel, and he didn't like me so it ended. Around four years later I finally see him again, and he acted so awkward. He refused to make conversation and went through extreme measures to avoid sitting next to me. It was quite silly and made me question myself. I asked, what did I do to make him feel so opposed to my presence? The answer was that I loved him, I supported his endevors too much and cared about him too much. My love was just too terrible . Do you see how messed up that is? My love will make a person take extreme measures to avoid those sentiments sparking again. This occasion led me to the realization that love is wasted on people of this sort. They don't deserve the love I have to give. I may not have the perfect body or a charming personality, but the love I have to give is real and pure. Worth someting. I've decided ito stop looking for someone to give it to. What a waste of someting so valuble. Now I'm going to love myself and love my family more than even Romeo loved Juliet. I'm not actively looking for romance anymore. So I've  stopped using my Tinder and am over all the silly boys I used to enjoy creeping on before bed. I can go to walmart in the yoga pants that have a hole in them, because I'm not out here to impress anybody. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I can learn to be completely content this way. Just me, myself, and I.

song of the day: Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz

Quote of the day:  Hope is the Heartbeat of the Soul