"Father, Father, Father help us. Send some guidance from above. Cause people got they got me questioning...where is the love?"

Racism was a huge part of 2014 for me. Was I personally mistreated? Probably, but no particular instances stick out. The story of Michael Brown and the aftermath of it left a huge impact on me. It opened to my eyes to some new things, but also reinforced what I already know. True equality does not exist in America. Michael Brown was an eighteen year old boy whose life ended way too soon. He died in the worst of ways. Michael Brown was shot "at least" six times. Six times. Can you imagine a bullet going through you just one time? A tiny piece of metal piercing through you at unbelievable speed. I try and think about how it would feel. I know you don't have to imagine these things. You could just Google it and get the full effect, but I have no interest. My imagination is enough. I know what I need to know. That it hurts. They say you can't feel it anymore after you die, but who knows that for sure? Show me the dead person they interviewed that said they couldn't feel anything. All of these different thoughts run through my head, but they don't matter. What matters is the fact that an eighteen year old boy is dead. Not because of cancer, HIV, texting and driving, or flesh-eating bacteria, but because a grown man consciously decided to end his life.

Life is a beautiful thing. I learned that October 2012 when I watched a fourteen year old family friend die. I've blogged about him time and time again, and probably won't stop because it had such a big effect on me. He had a brain tumor and cancer that in-twined his spinal chord. Our whole community spent about a year and a half watching him die. There was nothing we can do. But that year and a half of life he lived was beautiful. His life changed mine. It showed me that life has value. That seconds count. That young people die too and that we all have to be ready. His life was stolen from him by disease like many other childens lives are. There's not much we can do to end death by disease, but there are things we can do to end death by police brutality.

That was a term I hadn't really heard before 2014. Police brutality. It's defined as, "Excessive or unnecessary force by police when dealing with civilians". The story told by officers who kill young black male all sound pretty similar. They were scared. Black men are scary, and that fear is a form of racism. Yes Michael Brown was bigger with an athletic, bulky build, but that doesn't equate to being scary does it? Lets say he really was scary. He growled or did whatever it is that scares people. Does that mean he deserved to die?  If you scare easily, should you really be a police officer? These are the questions that have been circulating around the media for months now. His death started a very meaningful conversation I am proud to have been a part of. I went to countless discussions about police brutality and participated in a "Hands Up Don't Shoot" march with the Black Student Union at the University of Kansas. I learned a lot through my interactions with others at these events. I felt helpless at every single one, but at least I was doing something. Trying to make the change I want to see in the world. I'm proud of myself for participating. My heart still hurts for Michael Brown who will never get to go to college, get married, have babies, or eat red velvet cake again. It hurts for his mother who must be torn between feeling proud of the changes her sons death caused and completely broken by the prospect of living the rest of her life without him. Children are supposed to bury their parents. Not the other way around. That has to really hurt. I will continue to pray for Michael, the family, and black men living in America. I really hope that all the conversation, hashtags, and marches that started in 2014 lead to significant change.

Someday I want to have a cute little black baby boy. I want him to be able to go out it the world without fear of being harmed by a police officer, or anyone for that matter just because of the color of their skin. It's been amazing watching artists like the Game, Alicia Keys, Beyonce & Jay Z, and many more come together and be the kinds of leaders we desperately need. I'm proud of the movement and can;t wait to see what it leads to.

Song of the day : Where is the Love by the Black Eyed Peas

Quote of the day : "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character". - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.