"Send me away with the words of a love song"

Life is not fair. It's not written anywhere. Nothing's promised. It can change in an instance for the better. You could win the lottery, meet the love of your life, and complete your pursuit of happiness. Things can go wrong just as quickly. They can crash, burn, and end. Today, I lost my cousin, my sister, my friend. She lived in Africa, but she was always special to me because she's my parents God child. She's my sister in christ. She was only 28 years old. Like any typical African death, it could have been prevented anywhere else. I don't doubt God's plans, and I don't question what happened. It's just that third world countries don't have any of the prevention that we have. They don't get check ups. They don't have doctors emergencies, and the medications are low quality. These are the reasons why I will never understand condemning the American health care system. Sure it costs a ton of money, but you can count on it. You pay a lot of money for something good. Health is something you can't put a price on. It's everything.

Today my heart hurts for my cousin. She didn't get to experience everything life had to offer, but she lived. She loved. And she left an imprint on my heart. I will never forget the love and kindness she showed me. Honestly, I'm speechless. I don't have much to say. I barely believe she's gone. When you're far away, it hurts more. You don't get the closure that comes with the funeral and crying with loved ones. You have to go on the best you can. I went to school, and lab more or less in a trance. Just pushing through. The pain of losing a loved one will pass with time, but my memories of dear Elsie will never leave. It's not fair, but life was never fair and it never will be. It just is.

UPDATE: Not going to lie. Yesterday I cried and cried until I felt sick. Brave face at school, but the middle those songs on K-Love about going to heaven and being redeemed start playing in the car it's tears. I'm not a crier. People know it's serious when I cry. I don't like going to people when I'm hurt, because I never know what to do when other people are crying. I don't want to be that person for them. It's not that I don't feel like I can come to you all. I'm just a tough cookie. I deal on my own.

But yesterday about 11 at night, God brought peace in my heart and I accepted it. I understood that my sister is gone, but she's in a wonderful place. She's not crying. She's not hurting. Heaven is real. I also started thinking about the things I can learn from her life. My cousin was a beautiful girl. I wanted to call her the Kim K. kind of beauty, but that doesn't do it justice. She was the nails done, hair done, everything did type of girl.  And when she was dressed up her confidence was unstoppable. There was no boy she wouldn't approach, and she would dance like no one was watching anywhere and everywhere. She had no trouble telling those she loved she loved them even when they didn't feel the same way. She had a lot of love to give. She never got caught up in the drama that so many other girls in this generation do. Sure she had fun, but she never went overboard. So to honor her, I'm going to take carry a little bit of her in me. Though I'm a bit on the lazy side for the nails done, pin curl my hair every night type thing, I will walk out the door every day making sure I feel like a million bucks. I'll do my best to love others based on the example she showed me. And I'll appreciate every precious second I'm given here on earth. You never know when it's over, so you might as well make the most of it.