And I'm Still in Love, Cause When It's That Real It Just Doesn't Fade

"You love me and I love you, and your heart hurts, mine does too. And it's just words , but they cut deep. But it's our world, it's just us too"

Drake resonates with me in a way many other artists don't. I don't know what it is. I'm not a rich, swagged out, black man with strippers and hoes alike. I'm a small town Kansas girl with big dreams and a crushed spirit. But somehow something about the words he says brings us together. I really relate to his music. It's not a match you would have seen coming. Me and Taylor Swift is something that was just meant to happen. This was different. I spent the last week listening to his song "Look What You've Done" on repeat. I just can't get enough. Eventually I move on to the other songs on the Take Care album, but I need at least three times with that one.

I don't know why, but I just feel hurt. Maybe it's because it's fathers day, and my dad is at work. But this obviously isn't the first time, and I know that's not it. The fact that he works so far away is a big part of the respect that I have for him. He sacrifices his life to make sure this family works financially. He would do anything for me, and I love him for that. I think the tears are tears of loss and tears of fear.

Fear of dreaming too big and being let down. Never achieving it. Fear of getting stuck in a fairytale world and wasting my time. Fear of getting used like i've seen so many other young girls my age. It's so easy to get sucked into the darkness of this world, and I guess some of my walls stem from fear of that. Fear that it's not him, but me and everyone else can see whatever is lacking in me. Sometimes it's fear that what I feel is love that they'll never feel. Sometimes its fears that it's not just a phase and the world really is as superficial as it seems. That maybe only some people win and others just deal. Fear that I am that 40% strong , independent black woman that will end up alone.

Sometimes it's the fact that everyone around me seems to be so happy and know exactly what they're doing. Today I just feel lost. And Drake, he's lost too. So i'll sing to his heartache even 456789 times. I'll sing until I find myself or whatever unknown answer it is i'm looking for. When I don't have the words to say, he does. So here's to drake. To fear. To heartache, and tears. The moments that help us appreciate the good times when they come.

Sometimes blessings come in raindrops, and healing comes through tears. This may just be one of those times.

Song of the day: Look What You've Done by Drake

quote of the day : "For my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold. I shall not be shaken" - Psalm 62:5,6