"I'm in love with you, and all these little things"

Yesterday was one of my favorite days of the year. It was Christmas. No, it's not as exciting as when I was a child. But something about the magic of hearing the Christmas story and knowing that my savior came to earth to save me from my sins and the tribulations of this world never gets old. I love singing christmas carols and having sing-alongs to Mariah Carey's original Christmas album day after day. I like watching Christmas with the Kranks, Four Christmases, and Sound of Music week after week. I just like the whole feeling of it. The pretty trees, ugly sweaters, and incredible desserts never get old. Our Christmas was different from any we've ever had before. For the first time in a lifetime, we didn't invite all our family and friends over. This whole year has been a little tough, and my mom hurt her foot. She's the one who puts together this entire extravaganza. We had a few of my aunts and uncles come. One of my favorite cousins came down and any time spent together is good. My baby cousin opened her first gift by herself and it was super adorable. My cousin, my brother, and I hung out in the basement most of the evening and it was nice chatting with them. Their such boys. Lots of gaming was involved, but it was fun to hear them talk about marriage and the future. It was really a sign of them growing into little men. As always, I feel like the entire day zoomed by too fast. But i'm glad I got to spend it with the best of loved ones and everyone liked the gifts I picked out for them. I also dressed up formally despite the fact that everyone at my church can't ditch their jeans and polos for anything. I grew up dressing up, heels and all for Christmas. I wasn't about to break tradition. I looked like a fool walking in my heels though :/ How embarrassing.

So the other day I ran into the past. I'm over emotional. Feelings don't just go away easily. After all this time, they were gone. I mean every once in awhile I thought about it. But the silly thing is I ended up feeling the same way I did all those times ago. I'm more confident now and not as easily breakable. But my words didn't come out right, and I felt like a failure. But there was a moment that left me more then confused. It had me wondering weather I should have stopped trying. I'm not one to chase after someone that already turned me down. My pride is important. I have respect for myself. No man is worth losing that respect for. I wish this one wasn't so complicated. Maybe its not him, maybe its my feelings that are complicated. Being a hopeless romantic makes things deep rooted. As we speak i'm listening to Little Things about to cry thinking about all of it. It's nuts. I'll go back to my over it phase though. Lets hope i'm not turning into Gavin Degraw. Confused? He sang Not Over You. "Finally i'm forced to face the truth. I'm not over you".

Speaking of old habits dying hard, I need to get back on the religious track that I was on. I had a dilemma with going to this retreat that was going to be over the next few days all the way past new years. It was going to be getting in touch with your spiritual side, speak with religious leaders, and basically just get on track. I just didn't want to bring in the new year with people I don't know. I'm finally 18, so I wanted to wear a tight sparkly dress and make mayham. I don't know if i'll go through with these plans, but that's definitely on my to do list. This year was pretty cool though, because I joined my church's choir. I absolutely adore it. I like contemporary christian music, so it's praising God and getting singing experience at the same time. Well that's my life lately.

Song of the day: Little Things - One Direction

Quote of the day : "Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about"

New Story of The Day : Us Magazine has claimed that Ms. Janet Jackson is engaged to her billionare Qatarian boyfriend. There will be a huge wedding in his home country, and he will fly all her friends and family over there to celebrate the event. I'm wishing her all the best.