'My hearts a stereo, it beats for you so listen close. Hear my thoughts in every note. Oh Oh"

Hey peoples,
To fill you in a little on my life daily...i've been going to school and doing homework. How fun huh? I miss summer but it's nice to be learning again and keeping busy. I have some really good teachers this week. My sentence was chosen as "Sentence of the week" in writing class. She made a huge deal about it. It was just a little humiliating. We were supposed to write a sentence using the words soul and crawled so I wrote, "His soul crawled into the light, where it belonged all along". Nothing special but it was nice of her to choose it. I don't like attention that much though so that was weird. I'm trying to get over the attention thing though. Be fearless. I'll get there... one day. I also had to sing in front of my choir class today. I kind of sucked. I get really nervous in front of people from my school because they're so judgemental. When I auditioned for that talent competition I was able to sing really loud and everything. Because I was confident in my abilities. But the people at school don't make any accomplishment seem impressive or decent. It's never good enough. Sorry for the rant. In other news....

Kim Kardashain married Kris Humphries in what is supposed to be the wedding of this generation. She had three outfit changes, and the guests were required to wear either black or white. She had the bridesmaids in white, because she's Kim Kardashian. She has absolutley nothing to be insecure about. She knew she would outshine them. Her Step-Dad Bruce walked her down the aisle but she had a little passage about her real father Robert Kardashian (Lawyer in the OJ simpson trial) in the wedding booklet. Those Kardashians have the most fun family, and they're all flawless in every way. Thats what you call blessed.

I have a new pet peeve. I absolutley hate people who judge others based on what they like. I think it's because I always like some of the things that aren't as widely accepted. I just think you can't judge a person based on what books they read and what music they listen too you know. It doesn't necessarily make them who they are. It's the same as judging a person by their apperence. It says nothing about their values, and traits they have. All humans are made differently and more into certain things then others. We took a personality test in class today. I got the "nice person" one. I always end up in the shy quiet girl section. Which I guess is what I am. It was the 2nd most common one. But it warned me against letting others take advantage of me, and caring too much about what other people think. I'm going to try to keep both those things in mind throughout the week.


Song of the Day: Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Hero's and Adam Levine

quote of the day: " The day you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you're wrong. The only things wrong with love and faith and belief is not having it" - Haley James Scott on One Tree Hill

"You and I know what it's like to be kicked down, forced to fight, but tonight we're alright/So hold up your light...let it SHINE"

Yesterday I heard one of the saddest stories possible. It was just so heartbreaking. And then I heard another one. And another one. And I realized how cruel life can be sometimes. If I were a crier I definitely would have broken down, but I'm not. Its not a new thing, I just don't like crying in front of people. Not even my own mother. I mean i'm not a robot or anything, I have had my break downs just like everyone else but I just prefer not too. Everyone handles grief their own way, and this is my way. Just holding stuff in and getting through it. I know they say its not good to keep things bottled up, but..that's just how I am. Anyways the story.

A long time ago I went to my first American wedding. It was the nicest lady right here in kansas. They were a wonderful couple so happy and filled with joy. They had the sweetest family there fully supporting them. A little after the wedding, the woman's mother passed away. They were really close. She got pregnant, around the same time she found out her only brother had cancer and it was terminal. He passed away, and she lost her brother. Through all the saddness of two huge loses, her and her husband were able to get through because of their excitement for their child. 9 months later she had the baby, and he passed away the same day. If you've been keeping up thats 3 deaths. I told you that the couple was strong right? So they dealt with all of this together. They chose to try again and had a beautiful baby boy. Unfortunetly, this isn't where the happy ending comes in. Their beautiful baby was diagnosed with cancer and is still fighting it to this day, 5 years later. But they have a lot of hope and a lot of faith that he will make it.

Around the time he was diagnosed they found out they were excpecting another child. Another Boy. Their first born was going to be a big brother. Exciting right? Everything went well and they had themselves a beautiful healthy boy. But then something went wrong, and their baby boy became their angel. He passed away a couple months later. Yup thats four losses. The whole thing is unimaginable. But they kept their spirits up and their faith helped them through. They tried again and were blessed with another boy (Don't worry, nothing happened to this one). To this day their still the same happy couple I saw on their wedding day even though they've been through all of this. We recently found out she was pregnant again. This time with a little girl. She was so excited to do her hair, and dress her up. She'd already gotten a nursery set up and her boys couldn't wait to have a little sister. Close to due date...she lost the baby. Can you imagine one family going through ALL of this.

They are facing so many trials. So many issues. And through it all they've kept their faith, and still have hope in a happy ending for them and their boys. So think about your life. Right now. Think about the things you've been complaining about? Do they even compare to all of this? In the words of Carrie Underwood, "Sometimes that mountain we've been climbing is just a grain of sand". This story sure makes a lot of issues and problems that regular people face seem so small. I'm not saying your problems are unimportant, but i'm saying be grateful for the life you have. Live it, and live it well. It could be so much worse. And I know that doesn't always help get through things, but it might help to remember. And if you can, keep this family in your prayers or positive thoughts or whatever it is you do. Their nice people and don't deserve to go through more tragedy. They've dealt with enough.



song of the day: Lighters by Bad Meets Evil & Bruno Mars

quote of the day: A moment lasts all of a second but memories last forever

"Next Time I'll Be Braver, I'll Be My Own Savior"

Well today was my first day of school. I don't know what I was expecting but this wasn't it. Its always hard to fall asleep the first day of school, because of that semi -nervous, semi -excited feeling you have. So of course I stayed up later then planned and woke up earlier. I got dressed (I looked pretty cute if I say so myself. I wore a printed cute shirt that hangs off the shoulder a little bit, the most amazing dark jeans, and gladiators.) My hair is curly now, new change i forgot to fill you all in on. I guess I was tired of having straight hair like everyone else. I wanted a change. I've always liked curls so I figured why not make it perminent. The first day I was worried I looked like a diana ross wannabe but the next day I was used to it.

So I walk out of my car and see a bunch of people looking like their auditioning for America's next top model. I mean like face filled with makeup, little dresses, super high heels. It bugged me for half a second then I remembered exactly what I was there for...to learn. I'm not there to impress anyone, or compete with anyone. The class part was boring so i'll spare you the details of boring syllabus's and terrible get to know you games. Normally I don't mind class that much but this year I have no classes with friends. Only math and choir. Choir doesn't even count because there are like 109 people in there. I just feel weird like I don't belong. I know the people in my classes by name and a little bit of info but i'm not really close to any of them which just makes conversations less interesting. I wish people would just fast forward through small talk and just get to the real stuff. It would save time and those conversations are way better anyways. *sigh* (Nicki Minaj Voice)

I feel like this is God giving me what I asked for. I asked for a chance to meet new people and be more social. To get along and be braver and fearless. So that's what I got. I'm going to try my hardest to make something good out of what may seem like a negative situation. You can find something positive in anything if you look hard enough into it. So keep your fingers crossed for me, I hope it will be a decent year.

song of the day: Turning Tables by Adele (If you haven't listened to the 21 album yet you just have to. Every song is amazing. I'm in love with the emotion and feeling in all the songs. You just can't stop listening)

quote of the day: Life isn't about how many breaths you take, it's about the moments that take your breath away

"Excuse me you're a hell of a guy, you know I really got a thing for American guys..I mean *sigh* "

Summer 2011 is officially over. It's been good, and it's been memorable. In mostly good ways. I'm going to do a little summer recap for you all.

My top five best summer moments were:
1. Stratford, Ontario: Going to Justin Bieber's room and meeting his uncle and his dog pretty much made my life. No even going to lie. It was the highlight of my fan girl career.



2. Niagra falls. It was amazing in so many different ways. It was the first of the seven wonders of the world i've ever seen. It's just something unforgettable.




3. My day in Chicago was also extremly amazing. I enjoyed almost everything we did there but the aquarium and Navy Pier were my favorite. Navy Pier was just really good family time. I realized how much I loved them as we went up the ferris wheel and saw all of Chicago from above.





4. The Bruno Mar's "Hooligans in Wonderland" concert. You know I love concerts. We were on the floor and so close I swear Bruno looked in my eyes a couple times. It was amazing and I fell in love with his music all over again. I also got to go with two amazing friends.




5. A tie between the girl scout trip in St. Louis (despite the fighting and arguing) and going over to my best friends because we never really get to hang out that much.




Music is my life and the best most fun music comes out in the summer. Here are my top five summer jams:

1. Super Bass by Nicki Minaj (listened to this ALL summer and never got tired of it. I wasn't the only one, Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez both covered it. Boom badoom boom boom haha)

2. The Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce (Queen B is just the best. Her music never gets old and it's just fun. The dress in the music video still blows me away)

3. California King Bed by Rihanna (It was nice to hear Rihanna take it slow and show off her voice. Which is AMAZING)

4. How To Love by Lil Wayne (I listened to this song for the first time not expecting much and ended up singing along too it all summer. For the first time ever he was relatable. Not just the tough guy spitting all these bad words, but a human being. Like the rest of us)

5. Skyscraper by Demi Lovato (This was the song I auditioned for Arts with so it holds a special place in my heart. After everything Demi has been through it made me increadibly proud of her)


Top Movie of the Summer:

HARRY POTTER!!! It was Epic. It was the finally. Nothing will ever top. I felt like my childhood was ending. I laughed, almost cried. It was nothing and everything. Forget the other movies. This is the one i'll remember.

Top News Stories of the Summer:
1. Starving Somalia: this is so so so sad. I can't believe this day in age we still struggle with simple things like food and water. The world needs to come together and help these people

2. The Tornado's in missouri were crazy this year. So many people died. Just awful.

3. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez going to the billboard awards together. He kissed her. They Kissed trended on twitter for like ever.

4. Kim Kardashian got engaged and is now five days away from having the most epic wedding in history. Get excited people.

5. Lady Gaga topped Oprah on Forbes list, AND Katy Perry was the first artist (besides Michael Jackson) to have 5 number one singles from the same album at the same time on the Billboard 100 charts.



Oh and on a more negative note, I lost my Uncle Sebastian this summer. He was a great kind hearted soul that is gone but never forgotten. RIP

And that my friends was summer 2011. It's been good. I'll miss it. I can only hope the year will be as great as this summer's been.

"Just the thought of you can drive me wild...oh you make me smile"

I feel lost. About everything. It's like something happened to me and I can no longer really make decisions and don't really know what it is I want and over thing every step of everything. I don't understand it. But I feel this way often. I think its part of being young. You have to figure out life and figure things out. Somethings I think I should just let it be, you know? Just let things flow and see where they go. But sometimes they don't go anywhere. There's only so much wishing, and hoping you can do. There comes a time when you need to decide what it is you find worth fighting for, and put your all in it. It could be a charity, or a person, or anything. This thing becomes your reason for living. But the more I think about it, the more I think maybe you don't need something like that. Maybe you can live for yourself. To achieve greatness on your own and such. But what are all the treasures of the world are nothing if you have no one to share it with. These are all just the random thoughts in my head.

In other news, summer is almost over. This has been the fastest summer I ever had. June was pretty much a blur because I wasn't even home for a full week. I went to St. Louis, then camp, then over to my friends in a different city, then Canada, then chicago. It was awesome and adventure filled. It's very rare I have a summer that busy so I was glad and thankful for the fun opportunities I had. I'm really sad to see it end though. But I think going back to school will be good for me. I'll be more focused on the right things and the challenge will keep me busy. I know i'm supposed to be beyond excited that it's senior year but...I'm really not. I'm more excited for senior pictures then anything else. And prom of course is what i've been waiting for since I was little. It will be fun to ride around in a limo and get all dressed up. I'm trying to think posativley about everything but right now it just feels like bleh, why can't summer last forever....

song of the day: Smile by Uncle Kracker (kind of obsessed with this. Its a guarenteed pick me up)

quote of the day: Some want things to happen, some wish things to happen, and some make things happen

"Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me/When will my reflection show who I am inside..."

"You can't know what you want until you know who you are"

At some point in every life people struggle with who they are. It's a tough question. Recently when I was filling out some college stuff they asked me to describe myself in three words. It was unbelievably tough. I have yet to complete that assignment. I was always a person against "finding yourself". I don't think you can go off to the middle of the woods for days and just magically know who you are and what you stand for. I think the whole point of life is to create yourself. To become someone that you can be proud of. To be content and learn to love yourself for who you are inside.

There are lots of people in my life who find themselves then struggle with loving themselves. Weather its loving what they look like, or what their life is like. I think its the worst thing you can do for yourself. You have to love yourself and be there for yourself. When the whole world turns against you, you should be there standing strong for yourself. No one can love you if you don't love yourself. i think that people see you how you see yourself. So if you see someone terrible and unlovable thats what everyone else is going to see too.

There is something good about everyone. No one is 100% evil. I can't bring myself to believe that and you shouldn't either. I am the kind of person who has a big wall up and I don't let very many people over the wall. It's hard for me to show exactly what I am, partly because I don't know myself. So i've always been the kind of person that doesn't judge a book by its cover. I know that there's always more then there seems to be. Inside whatever disguise people put on to the world, there's a person. A great one at that, because god makes no mistakes baby you were born that way.

song of the day: Reflection from Mulan sang by Christina Aguleria

quote of the day: Give your head permission to follow your heart

"You just see right through me but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful miracle...unbelievable instead of just invisible"

What do you do when the one you want doesn't want you back?

Good question, i've been wondering the same thing. I know I said I was over it. And I feel pretty over it. I mean i've given up on any hope of the two of us ending up together but part of me will always have a soft spot for him. It crazy how someone can make you fall head over heels for them without even trying. Its all in the smile, he's got this AMAZING smile...when he smiles I can't not love him. He's just the cutest thing. Wait what...? I didn't mean that. I'm over him. The smile means nothing. Who am I kidding...

I want to fall in love. I want to meet someone that makes me happy. That I can tell everything too. I guess you can say i'm just a little lonely. I figured out that my friends were way more awesome then I gave them credit for. I got to hang out with a couple of them and we had a really good time. We enjoyed it and I felt comfortable with them. I'm looking forward to next year a little more now that I know I don't have to go through the melo-dramas of not having the right shoes, or feeling invisible alone.

Last year I purposly made myself invisible. It was easier for me that way. I didn't have to deal with problems, there was no drama, and I learned. But this year, I don't want to be invisible. I want to be me. Not scared of what anyone thinks. Anyone that makes fun of me for listening to Justin Bieber, or watching gossip girl can kiss my butt. I don't care what they think anymore because I finally like the person that I am.

Now what i'm worried about is that it will be all talk and no action. I'm scared that when I get to school i'll revert back to the same old invisible me. But i'm really going to make an effort this year. Hold me too it.

song of the day: Invisible by Taylor Swift

Quote of the day: You don't realize how much you care about someone until they don't care about you. <<<< (real talk courtesy of boardofwisdom.com. they have a lot of cute sayings like this)

"Go on and try to tear me down/I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper"

Hi everyone!
I'm lost. What else is new? I'm always lost. But I do have one thing figured out. I found out that the whole "finding yourself" thing is over rated. I now think that the whole point of like is inventing yourself. You can be anything you want to be and you have to choose which path you're going to take. You can get yourself into trouble (like Miley Cyrus, she's smoking now?!?! Ewww), you can make something of yourself, or you could waste your entire life hiding in fear. I used to be the person that hid in fear. But recently I decided I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to be fearless, and I want to really live. I also want to be a person I can be proud of and so far I really am. I'm proud of the person I am and I like who I am.

Exactly a week ago my brother and I signed up to audition for this thing called ARTS Talent agency. I had decided in the beginning of summer that I would be the next Selena Gomez. It all started when I saw her E! Hollywood Story and realized we're kind of similar. We're both shy,and we both like to sing and act. I also realized that "making it" wasn't as hard as it always seemed. She just went to an audition, did well, and BOOM she was living every girls dream. Her own show, album, clothing line, and Bieber. Doesn't get better then that.

I did some reaserch and found out that one of Disney Channels talent agents was named Kim Myers. Then fate came calling. A few weeks later after i'd forgotten the whole fantasy I got in my car driving to the gym and I heard an advirtisment for an all ages talent search hosted by non other then Kim Myers. Crazy right? Of course I signed up right away. The auditions were for singers, actors, dancers, and models. I auditioned as a singer and an actor. I practiced like crazy as my mom laughed at me thinking i've lost my mind.

We went to the auditions, and I sang SkyScraper by Demi Lovato. It sounded really awesome. That night around 2 am I find out that both my brother and I got called back and would be given the opportunity to go to Orlando and perform in front of a ton of agents. But there was a minor problem.... it costs money and I have...no money. My dad turned the whole thing down and it hit me that I wouldn't be the next Selena. I was really disapointed but then I was proud of myself. Out of the 25 girls that auditioned with singing I was one of three that got called back. My audition was in front of about 50 parents and contestants and I performed in front of all of them. It may not seem fearless to you but for me it was a huge step in the right track.

It all probably sounds kind of crazy but I took a risk and it was worth it. I need to take more of those.

song of the day: Skyscraper by Demi Lovato

quote of the day: A smile can unlock more doors than any key.