"In New York/Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of/Theres nothing you can't do/Now your in NEW YORK"

Top 10 moments in 2010:
1. Going to New York and the other places in the northeast with the family. I had too much fun on the whole vacation and getting to see my family especially my cousins. I love to travel so it was a super time



2. Going to Seattle and seeing the other side of my family. Especially going to the top of the space needle and recording my song Over and Over Again. I had too much fun there





3. Going to the TAYLOR SWIFT concert! Shes my second favorite muscician of all time second only to Michael Jackson and I enjoyed it a lot. She sang all my favorite songs, it was sureal to be in her presnce. The aura in the place was spectacular. It was just an all time great exprienace shared with my mama and good friend A.



4. Meeting Trey Songz!! That was an epic sqoon, I got to lock eyes with the sexiest man alive. Not only did I get an autograph but I got to see him in person and speak to him. Ahh, still can't believe that happened.



5. OMG concert with O. and S. That was a really good and fun time. The concert was phenominal because i've been listening to usher since I was a baby and like I said Trey songz is the sexiest man alive so the combo was just amazingg!




6. The Monster ball tour with my mama. Lady Gaga is just a really great crazy wild artist. She brings out the little monster in you and helps you realize that being diffrent is what makes you so special. Plus she had a huge awesome voice and you can jamm out to like all her songs.




7. B.o.b. concert here in town, especially when he sang Magic. For some reason that was just a really great moment for me. Me and my cousin listening to all these really good songs and seeing him have so much talent. It seemed like there was nothing he coulden't do.




8. My Sweet sixteen! I had a really great time celebrating my birthday with family and then sharing it with my friends. It was what I always imagined for my sixteenth and all my closest friends were able to come making it phenomenal




9. Christmas is always a fun time for me, because we have a party every year where we get to see family, my numero uno amiga, and cute african boys :) But I also just like celebrating Jesus, the christmas tree, and all the fabulous christmas carols



10. Every moment spent with my loved ones. I know its like I'm cheating by not picking a single event but I really just enjoyed every second I spent in 2010 with the people I love.

"I don't wannna be anything other then what i've been trying to be latley" One Tree Hill theme song :)

If you could have guessed from the title of this blog I'm going to tell you about what I think of the top 10 television shows of 2010. My opinion, not the worlds, but you should check these shows out if you haven't already. Spoler Alert (I may give away some details so close your eyes on some of these if your behind)

1. Gossip girl: I've loved this since it was a book series but the show took it in a totally different amazing direction. I love this show becuase of the true on and off crazy whirlwind romance between Chuck and Blair. I really enjoined Serena finally having to decide between Nate and Dan. Vanessa, Jenny, Juliette, and that weird european girl all just need to go because they ruined my perfect moments from this season. I'm a gossip girl addict though. (comes on Mon. on the CW at 8)

2. One Tree Hill: Sometimes I wonder if this show will ever stop teaching me these fantastic life lessons. I'm not just talking about this season I'm talking about all of them. The characters storylines were very good this year and they made me want to scream so many times in the directions they took things but hte good thing about One Tree Hill is you ALWAYS get your happy ending. (comes on tuesdays on the CW at 7)

3. The Secret Life of the American Teenager: This is a really good show and unlike most shows the storyline gets better every season. It takes you into the life of your average american teenager with some not so average problems. You sympathisize with Amy trying to raise a child on her own, You fall in love with the bad boy character of Ricky even though you know you shoulden't, You see that everyone makes mistakes through Ben and Adrianne and Their little oopsie daisy this season.
Its just a great show and for the record i'm on team Amy and Ricky

4. Keeping up With the Kardashians: Reality T.V. has really hit it big in the buisness but this family is my absolute favorite. How can you not like the family dynamic between Kim, Kourtney, Khloe', Rob, the little girls, Kris and Bruce. Scotts crazy actions make you sad and feel sympathetic. Kims romantic adventures make you realize that everyones looking for love. Khloe is the comic relief. And everyone else just makes the show greater. I love it!

5. Glee: This is a sensational show. You get Drama, singing, dancing, and the most unique of characters. Too many to describe indivisually so just know, I can't get enough of it!

6. Modern Family: This is the funniest show on television. I'm not even joking. Modern family is about a modern family. You've got 3 semi familys all connected through their father. Two "regular" parents trying to deal with two crazy teenage daughters and a weird son, A gay couple and their adopted child from vietnam figuring it all out, An old man with a young columbian women and his step son Manny all coming together to be a family. And make the world die of laughter

7. Pretty Little Liars: I really liked this as a book series, and it was fun watching it come to life. The story line is great and just filled with twists and turns. It made American fall in love with mystery all over again

8. Tori and Dean home Sweet Hollywood: Tori and Dean are the worlds cutest couple with really adorable children. Its fun to watch them go through the ups and downs on their daily lives and see how things turn out for them every week. It's pretty funny too

9. Tean Mom: This show is what you call a guilty pleasure. The four moms in this show are just trying to figure out how to deal with their mistakes and keep you pretty entertained. You see some of the rough moments of parenthood, you get the romantic aspects, and You get to watch Amber beat her boyfriend Gary which is hilarious every time. MTV did good with this one

10. Kendra: Kendra was a girl famous for being a playmate and Hugh Hefners girlfriend for many years. Shes a really cool down to earth lady who provides non stop laughter with the help of her Husband Hank Basket ( a football player), her baby Hank, and her friends

I know I said, I was only doing 10 but I have to give one honerable meantion: Tiny and Toya. I love this show! Tiny and Toya are both really cool sucsessful ladies and I enjoy watching them on BET. Their kids are part of a group called the OMG girlz who are pretty cool too. Its a great show

"I don't know what to say/its a twist of fate when it all broke down/The story of us seems a lot like a tragedy now/Next Chapter"

Hi everyone! Its time for me to share my 2011 favorite songs. This was a fantastic year for music. I fell in love with so many songs. I'm going to give you my top 25 (if I can lower it to such few)

1. SPEAK NOW - Taylor Swifts: brand new albums, all the songs tied for first place :) This album expressed so many feelings that I've felt and connected with me so deeply. Every song made me want to sing along and reminded me why Taylor Swift is one of my favorite singers in the whole world, if not my absolute favorite

2. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry: You have no idea how many times I sang along to this song in the car on my way back from school. It was my jam, such a fun song and kept me waiting for my teenage dream to finally come true just like katy's did

3. Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars: Bruno mars was on fire this year. He came out with all these great hit but this one touched me right smack dab in the middle of my heart. He seemed like the worlds sweetest guys, he wrote great lyrics

4. Airplanes - B.o.b: Who didn't have their status as "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now" at least once this year. Everyone could use a wish but B.o.b put it in a song for us

5. OMG - Usher : Usher reminded us who the king of our generation is with this hit. It kicked but and made me dance like theres no tommorow too many times. It was hands down the best song off his whole album and I loved it.

6. Hey, Soul Sister - Train: This was a song that was really needed for a sunny summer afternoon. It makes you smile on the inside and is a totally amazing song from 2010

7 and 8 Not Afraid, Love the Way You Lie - Eminem: Eminem came back this year, and he came back on top. His album recovery was filled with all these great songs that you couldn't help but rap along too and jam out too. These songs both stayed number one for so long, and rihanna had a great part in love the way you lie.

9. Only Girl (in the world) : speaking of rihanna, she came up with this kick but song for girls all over the world to agree with. Who doesn't want their man to make them feel like the only girl in the world. Loud was a really good album this year.

10. Need You Now - Lady Antebellum : "Picture perfect memories..." This was a country jam that hit number one. First of all that is a huge deal. Countrey like rap, is a genre that isn't as highly appriciated like pop and hip hop so country songs making number one and staying on top all summer long is crazzy. But its a good song, deserved to stay on top

11. Find Your Love - Drake : Drake took off this year and became a household name. Hes a super handsome canadian boy that people started loving back when he was on Degrassi. This song had an awesome beat and Drake did great on this. #youngmoney

12. Got You Back - T.I. ft. Keri Hilson : T.I. got out of jail and did some useful things like write this song about Tiny while he was in the big house. This song just got stuck in my head a lot and I had a lot of fun singing it and trying to play it on every instrument i could.

13. California Girls - Katy Perry : It was summer, and everyone was wearing bright colors and hanging out by the beach. Especially, the california gurls. But this summer everyone got to be a california girl or at least have fun singing the song.

14. Just A Dream - Nelly : I've always liked Nelly. I was a second grader singing, "Its getting in here, so take off all your clothes my its getting so hot...". He dissapeared for awhile but he finally took the band aid of his cheek and got to work with a fabulous song.

15. We are the World 25 - EVERYBODY: When I say everybody I really mean everybody, Justin bieber, Jennifer Hudson, Celine Dion and some of the other great voices of our generation all got together to make us a remake of a fantastic song. It turned out great, I loved the new rap part added too it and it was cool.

16. Waka Waka (This time for Africa) - Shakira: Yes, I am African so this song was near and dear to my heart. It was exciting that the world cup was in Africa for the first time EVER and Shakira made a song for that excitment. The african beats were killer and it made me dance along every time, plus its great for working out. Its guarenteed to make you move faster on that treadmill

17. Pray - Justin Bieber : I'm not just saying this because I have an extreme case of bieber fever and in love with the boy, this is a good and inspirational song. He created the modern day Man in The Mirror at only 16. The proceeds from this song not only went to the pencils of promise foundation but Justin built over 100 schools off his acousitic album. I loved somebody to love and baby but this song touched a very many teenage hearts in america in a whole other way.

18. What's My Name - Rihanna ft. Drake : Both of these fabulous artists have made the list before but this is my song. Its the latest song that I can't stop listening too.

19. I Like It - Enrique Iglasias: This year was an introduction to a brand new Enrique Iglasias. He no longer is the romantic guy that brought Hero to us. He was the sexy guy with a mexican accent giving those who are 18 and over songs to rock their body too in the club. And guess what? I liked it. :)

20. Forget you - Cee Lo Green : This song took off too fast for me to realize what it was. When it came out as F*ck You, I was like great another guy saying cuss words all the time. Nothing against people who cuss but when I hear the songs with the F bomb in it it just makes the word come to mind in a bad situation and I'd rather not say that. When they came out with the clean version I listened to it and loved its jazzy feel. It was a good one.

21. Can't Be Friends - Trey songz : Trey dropped Pain, Plessue, Passion this year and it was enough to make me fall head over heals in love with the guy. This is a fantastic song, almost as fantastic as how great he looks with his shirt off. I've seen it with my own eyes, WOW! But hes a good musician and all though this song didn't make it big on the charts I like it

22. Magic - B.o.b. This was a really fun and upbeat song. I really enjoyed it and being five feet away from him made me life so it was really cool. And I liked the song even more after hearing it live

23. Your Love is My Drug - Kesha : Kesha's music is just so much fun. "Maybe I need some rehab or maybe just need some sleep". She wrote a love song like no other and worded it her own crazy way. Love her music and how upbeat it is.

24. Your Love - Nicki Minaj : Young money was doing really good this year and although I didn't think I would at first I came to like Nicki Minaj. She had a pretty great album and Your love was her first release from it. I really liked it, she one of the first really good female rappers I've actually enjoyed listening too. Can't wait to hear what she'll come out with in the future

25. Hold My Hand - Michael Jackson & Akon : This is such a great track, I would put it higher but i've only listened it to a couple times so far and it released towards the end of the year. The King of Pop shows that he can sell an album without any kind of promotion, since hes no longer with us. The vocals are really good and the song has a posative, and uplifting message


These were my top 25 songs of 2010. Honerable Mention: Lady Gaga's the fame monster was too awesome this year but the release date was acutally the end of 2009 so I coulden't add any of her hits to my list. Thats the only reason their not on here. Tik Tok was also really big this year but that single dropped decemeber. Jason Derulo and Iyaz are really great artists and if I had made this a top 30 songs they would have hands down mand me list

song of the day: The story of us - Taylor Swift

"Its alright just wait and see/Your string of lights is still bright to me/Who you are is not where you've been/Your still an innocent"

Hey everyone!
I'm about to tell you what you already know. 2010 is coming to an end. We only have a few days of this year left. Can you believe how fast it went? It totally sped by for me. I had a lot of resolutions last year but one of my number one resolutions was to be fearless. 2009 was the year that Taylor swifts fearless album came out and she's a really good role model for me. I loved how she spoke of stepping out in your best dress and taking on the world fearless. Its pretty great stuff for me, and I did a couple times. I managed to take some risks year and try new things. This is also a big year because I never felt like a pretty girl before. I know it sounds dumb and whats coming next will sound a little vain but i'm serious. I always felt like I could be pretty, if I lost enough weight to come in around 100 on the scale, if my hair grew past my shoulders, if I didn't have such big hips and a list of other things. But this year I learned that I am pretty, and anyone who doesn't think I am can kiss. my. fat. ass (as tyra banks put it). This is how I am and whoever doesn't love that can deal because I love it and thats all tha matters right?

That was a pretty big thing for me to finally come to like me. I never hated myself but I didn't love myself either. But 2010 was the year that that changed. I still have some self confidence issues but i'm getting better. This year, I tried to stop myself from liking a boy. Not just any boy but the one i've been caught up on this whole time. The boy who popped out of no where with his cute brown eyes, and amazing smile and turned my whole world upside down by saying less then a hundred words or so. Yes, hes magic. I tried to stop myself from having feelings for him because I thought that maybe I wasn't good enough for someone so amazing. Maybe I deserved someone more "my level". Then I realized that I deserve the best, just like everyone else. And the best for me, the one who I thought had the capability to make me happy for the rest of my life (if he wanted) was this one boy. The one i'm glad I hung unto because what exatly is this world without hope?

I've also had some sucsess this year, in my hobbys and talents. I took my piano playing skils to a whole nother level when I mastered a mozart sonata. It was something to really be proud of. I got a highest honors ribbon in the competition I entered and it felt good :) I really improved on my music. I wrote some pretty awesome songs from the bottom of my heart. I got to record in my uncles studio and it was awesome because he put background to my voice and I had a hit in my hands. I'm really proud of that song because when I was bored with a piece of paper in my hand that first time i tried to write I never thought that the vision in my head would able to come out in a song. And when I felt something, like sadness in Over and Over again I was able to turn it into something fabulous. I started writting and completed my first book, Mary and Amir and started writting the sequal too it. I sort of improved on my guitar playing abilities and learned some new notes, I plan on getting further at this in 2011. These are just a few of the things that I'm proud for acomplishing this year, and that made this year worthwhile. I may just miss 2010 :)

song of the day: Innocent by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: I'm not pushing you away, I'm holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back - Brooke Davis (one tree hill season 3 finale)

"I'm trying not to tell you but I want too/I'm scared of what you'll say/So I'm hiding what i'm feeling/But I'm tired of holding this inside my head"

title continued: I've been spending all my time just thinking of you I don't know what to do I think i'm fallin for you....

Hello guys,
This blog goes out to the lovesick. I know theres a lot of you out there. Some of you may have beiberfever (totally guilty) and others of you may have just found something extraordinary in that ordinary boy next door or a few miles away. Something that shines through that boy or girl. Maybe his smile is contagious. And his laugh makes you laugh. And he'll say the simplest words or sentences but you absolutley can't stop thinking about them. Its weird being lovesick. You end up twatching (love my new word? Learned it yesturday, it means like a twitter stocking) and fbstaking and wondering why the girl who wrote on his wall has to be so pretty or weather or not he was thinking of you when he wrote #nowplaying (fill in awesome romantic song here). This my friends is being lovesick. Those of you that are brave are probably texting them all the time or on the phone with that significant other all the time. I'm not. Its weird, because I just can't ever say what I need too.

In One Tree Hill (FAVORITE SHOW), Brooke Davis wrote Lucas Scott (the object of her affection a.k.a the devishly handsome chad michael murray) a letter every day. She never sent them though. Why didn't she? Because she was scared. But one day she finally had the guts to hand him a box filled with them letters that told him exactly how she feels. And he read them, each and every one. Now in a modern day senerio, those of you with beieber fever can't really tell justin how you feel. So this one doesn't apply to you all, but I believe he reads the tweets so try that method. Now those of you who like have a non-celebrity crush on a modern day prince, it realy sucks that now when a girl trys to tell a guy how she feels in the most romantic of ways he thinks she being pathetic, or force full, pushy, or just weird.

Am I right or wrong? Times have changed but I get the urge to write these kind of letters sometime. In a way I write them on here, I share them with all of you and maybe even him. Thats the funny thing about the internet, you never know exactly whose reading what. For some reason I don't worrry about putting anything on here. I'm totally comfortable with it. I need to reach this level of comfort when it comes to expressing my feelings. But I swear my extrodinary boy never really gives me the chance, which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. Can you believe after my whole blogs long life of writting about the same boy I still don't even know if he likes me? I've had this lovesickness for a long time and I would love to know that it wasn't wasted on someone whose not even in to me. I'm lost and confused, but I do no that I feel something. Something I haven't felt with any other boy. Why do I feel this way? I don't know I just do. If only I was like brooke davis and could put this feeling in words and send it in hopes of finding out. But I'm not brooke, letters get lost in the mail but face to face you get an answer. I need to figure something out, I'll keep you posted.

Song of the day: Fallin' For You by Colbie Calliet

quote of the day: Nothings Impossible, the word itself says I'm Possible! (saw that on a bumper sticker and adored it today)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

Tommorow's Christmas everyone! I am pretty excited but it totally snuck up on me this year. I speant the first part of the month thinking about formal. After formal I was thinking about my birthday. After my birthday I was thinking about formal. And then after formal I was thinking about finals. that left virtually no time for me to think or remember that christmas is coming. I don't love Christmas because of the presents or the food although I enjoy both. I like Christmas because Jesus Christ was born. You know that its rare to hear people even say Jesus when talking about Christmas? Why do we celelbrate, by we I mean people of the Christmas faith. We celelbrate because a savior was born to take our sins and set us free. Free from what? Free from the evils of the world, and the pain that this place gives us everyday. Through Jesus, we are all able to be the perosn we always knew we could be. So thats what I celelbrate on Christmas.

We have some Christmas traditions in our family. Every year we have a huge party with the African Community and we all have fun, hang out, have dinner together. It goes pretty well every year and its a lot of fun. I hope this year is the same. I actually didn't buy any Christmas presents this year. Before I come off looking like a bad person, everything by brother had wanted my parenst provided. My mom and Dad wanted a nice flat screen tv and they bought that for themselves over Thanksgiving break. So there was really nothing left to give. I don't really do gifts for my friends, because I guess thats just not our thing. We did that one year but I ended up loosing a lot more money then I should have and getting the cheapest gift. That sounds bad, but its true, thats why I'm not a fan of the whole secret santa thing without a price limit so everyone gets something equal. But like I said its not about the gifts.

Another really good part of Christmas is....The Music!!! Here are my favorite carols

1. All I want for Christmas is You - by Mariah Carey
2. Let it Snow
3. Joy to the World
4. The First Noel
5. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Yolanda Adams version
6. The Little Drummer Boy -Yolanda Adams
7. O night Divine - Mariah Carey

My Favorite Christmas Movies:
The Santa Clause 1, 2, & 3
Four Christmases (laugh out loud funny movie)
The Nativity Story (really portrays the true meanng of Cristmas)

Those are the songs I'll be jamming out too all weekend long. And those are the movies I hope to find time to watch.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! Spend the holiday with your families weather your celebrating this year or not. Its a nice day where a lot of the distractions are closed and we can all just appriciate our friends and family and share some quality time with them.

"I really can't stay/But Baby its cold outside/I got to go away but Baby its cold outside/This evening has been/been hoping you'd drop by"

Hi Everyone!
I am so sorry its been so long. Is it safe to say December is a really busy month for a lot of people? I ended the year with a bang, I had my birthday party and am now sixtenn, yay! I did pretty decent in my finals...not physics....but I still got all A's and one B. I was dissapointed in the B but life goes on, I tired my best. My birthday was smaller then expected, there were about 8 of us. I was hoping for 10 but a lot of my friends coulden't come and I don't really have many close friends. Its sad really. But anyways the 8 of us took a limo ride around town and took a ton of awesome pictures. Afterwords we went to the hotel we would have a slumber party at, swam in the pool and hot tub. Then we went to see How Do You know which is a really good movie and we ended with heart to hearts. It was nice I just really didn't feel like I had much to say. I don't know why, I should have but I didn't. Our friend group is in the procsess of repair so we're trying to figure everything out. I guess we just need to know how we fit together.

I do hope we figure it out because it seems like latley I have no one to really talk too. I mean my cousin moved in so thats a good person to tell everything too. I also have my bestie from a diffrent city thats always around to listen bu it would be nice to know that there are more people you can count on you know? And I know I can count on my friends indivisually I have a good relationship with most of them, but I mean as a big group. Like I would like to be able to act the same as I do with indivisual friends when we're all together. But we live and we learn and we grow.

Enough about my personal life, and more about...my personal life. So I'm desperate for fame now. Not in the weird wahy I just love famous people and the hollywood lifestyle and I feel like I a bound for sucsess. I'm kind of shy at school but at home I am completly the oppisitie. I talk too much and am always saying what I'm thinking and stuff. I'm just not that comfortable at school because people are judmental and all about your apperence. Its a shallow place to be. But forget school cause I'm on break and FREE! Yay!!!!!

Plus its Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas everyone! (I promise to wish you a merry christmas again and again)

song of the day: Baby its Cold outside

quote of the day: Be the Change you wish to see in the world

"Because I've been there before & you've been there before, but together we can be alright/Nothing can come between us if you hold my hand"

Hi everyone!
How are you all? I'm really good because my hair is curly today. I like when my hair is curly. I need to curl it more often. Remember the event i've been talking about for what seems like forever? Well it was yesturday. Winter formal at my school. It was alright, yes just alright. I have a problem of making things seems like the biggest deal and getting super excited about them and then they don't live up to my expectations. I've had this problem forever, but I can't not just be excited about stuff. My nature is just always excited, nervous, or bored. Anyways enough about me and more about formal.

The them was a night in Burbon street. Burbon street is in New Orleans and its the street famous for doing the mardi gras parades, and you know home of the saints our last superbowl champians. It was pretty cool. They had nice christams clear lights and these cool old fashioned street lamps everywhere. There were a decent amount of people there. Everyone dressed up. My dress was strapless, pink on top, black on botton with a black bow on the side. The bottom of the dress bunches up and I liked it. It was formal and fit the occasion. The night before I went to do facials and makeup tips with my girl scout troup. We also did nails there, I got the most amazing color from forever 21. Its pink and sparkly amazingness. I woke up early saturday to get my hair done. It took quite the longest time. I got curls and layered my hair a bit. I also have some side bangs. It was cool. I had a lot of time to kill so I caught up on the two glee episodes I missed due to concerts (orchestra and choir). They were awesoeme AND they did a christmas episode which was extra sepcial.

After wasting time I got ready, took pictures and headed to applebees. With what was suposed to be 6 of my friends but ended up being 7. We had a good time and the food was delicious. After that we all rode together to formal and blood was pumping with excitment. It took about 1 hour for people to actually start dancing which is about out of the norm. The DJ was playing really bad songs, I'm talking old. Like sorry miss jackson from back in 2004. It continued on that way till like the last 20 minutes where she started playing some katy perry, lady gaga, and kesha. At least you could dance to those songs. Then I went without a date, by choice you can say because I didn't try to ask anyone. It just makes the slow songs all depressing and stuff. But the DJ did know a thing or two about slow jamz, of course the oldies kinds cause the guy was so old. But he played Endless Love by Diana Ross and Luther Vandross which was cool. If I had to rate the dance I would give it a 6. I had a decent time, more fun then if i'd chosen to just watch modern family or something but not a spectacular time like I had last time.

After the dance we went to a good friend of mines house because it was her birthday. She totally got sung too by the waiters at applebees which was cool. After the dance we all went over to her house and played some fun games and just chilled. Watched the proposal but I fell asleep. I was too tired. I had to leave early for church today but I had a good time. She knows how to throw a good party. Church was great today but this blog is getting too long so i'll spare you the details. After church I went to a congregation members house and checked out this awesome electric train he had. It took up the whole basment and he was super artistic about the whole thing and it was cool. A nice was to spend a sunday afternoon. well as always, thank you so much for reading!

Song of the day: Whats my name Rihanna ft. Drake, I REALLY wanted that song to be played but the dumb DJ didn't take requests :( Another song I liked which is the blog title today is firework by katy perry. But the real song of the day is the amazing HOLD MY HAND BY AKON AND MICHAEL JACKSON (his new album drops dec. 14)

oh and about music: did anyone check out TI's new album? Haven't gotten to it yet.

quote of the day: "We do not remember days, we remember moments."

"I don't want another pretty face/I don't want just anyone to hold/I don't want my love to go to waste/I want you and your beautiful soul"

Hey,
Beautiful soul by Jesse McCartney is a really good song. Just saying, and yes this proves that i've been falling for blond teen stars even before Justin Bieber. I go all the way back to the Aaron Carter days :) Anyways I've been thinking about this song a lot today and wanted to post it. It seems like everyones looking for a pretty victoria secrets fashion show type now. And no ones actually looking for someone they can connect with. Its sad what the worlds come too. Winter formals coming up and its mating season (for humans) and what it means is everyone is with someone else. People are all lovey dovey all the time and it can make a girl feel pretty lonley.

So last blog, I talked about my fear. And it really came to play yesturday but I have a story to lead up to this story first. Yesturday America lost a very great, democratic women. Elizabeth Edwards. She was 61 years old. Most people know her as the wife of John Edwards. She died from best cancer. She struggled with cancer on and off for the last 6 years. It was really sad, almost made me cry. She left behind 3 kids. One child in her twenties and two little kids. One thats twelve and one thats ten. Thats the saddest part for me. That three kids were left motherless. Yes, John Edwards is the politician that had an affair with Rielle Hunter (a younger woman) and fatherd a child with her. If you ask my mom she'll tell you that thats what killed poor Elizabeth Edwards. She was such a fighter and such a surviver. But he broke her down. The poor lady was heart broken , and the heart is what keeps us alive. Who knows if its true or not but I was thinking a lot of Elizabeth Edwards.

I coulden't even fall asleep because I was thinking about time and how theres not much left. Elizabeth Edwards was fine two days ago living life and now shes gone. It made me think of the one think I wanted to do. Something I needed to know. So I took this risk and didn't consult anyone I just did it. For some reason I think the person it involves is reading this. I wanted an answer, I saw it, and you confuzed me by taking it away. Thats really all I have to say on the subject but it felt good that the fear was gone. And it felt good to get some sort of answer. I know I just sound confuzing but i'm a little lost on the whole thing myself. Sorry this was so random but just know that last night for only a minute I pushed the fear of the unknown away.

song of the day: Beautiful Soul by Jessie McCartney

quote of the day: "The day you actually start to care could be the day I have someone who you couldnt dare to be, someone there for me. The chance you could have to ever be with me. " from board of wisdom, matched with how I was feeling

"I don't know why but with you i'd dance in a storm in my best dress fearless" - Taylor Swift

Hi everyone!
I realized something, somewhere along the line I stopped dreaming big. It really sucks dosen't it? I don't know when it was that my dreams ended and I created some fake "reality" but it was a bad day in my life. Yesturday night, I was watching 60 minutes with the family and saw the story about the guy who invented facebook (don't worry it connects with the original topic). I listened to his story and he was talking about how all he had was an idea and hope and he built an industry worth between 35-40 billion dollars. Yes, I said billion. That is a lot of money. He stuck to his guts the whole time and did what he felt was right. In '06 yahoo offered him 1 billion dollars for the company. He had a feeling it wasen't worth it and everyone said he was an idiot. Well, he wasen't. The company continued to grow and he owns every penny of it. I was super impressed. It made me start to think about my dreams and my ideas and what I want out of life. Then I realized that I let them all go somewhere along the line and started thinking of what was practical and doing things based on what would be sure to happen. I quit taking risks.

Then last night, I had a dream. The dream was pretty weird. My family, a friend, and prince were all in it. And we were all obbsessed with this wedding, in the dream weddings were like movies. People had posters of the legendary ones. It was weird, but its because I watch a lot of weddings for those of you who don't know. Anyways in the dream I was scared to talk to prince. Its a dream, you're supposed to be fearless and I was scared. Like I could feel fear. And I had walked up to him with something to say and then I ended up saying something dumb (yes I was aware that it was dumb in the dream) and he replied and I felt really embarassed afterward. Do other people have dreams like that? Dreams where they are nervous and scared. When other people dream their superheros and all this cool stuff but I dream about being scared. Not of death, or lord voldemort, but scared of a boy. Not because hes like edward cullen and can suck my blood out but because hes a cute boy. I felt pathetic when I woke up. I still do feel pathetic. But I don't know how to get rid of my fear. I have no idea on earth how. And I want too, even if gaining it up will make me hear rejection or that I'm fugly or something. I woulden't mind hearing something bad if it came from my bravery. So I'm going to work on it.

I didn't used to be unbrave. I one brave chicka untill around either grade. I used to be the best prank caller. I would say the craziest things, the most fun time was at a sleepover with my friends and we called pizza shuttle and had the guy convinced all this stuff and he was gonna come meet us to join the "crazy party". We were 11, there was nothing crazy but I came up with a random address off the top of me head. it was awesome. I would stick up for myself all the time, and do all this stuff. Then eighth grade year or maybe 9th it just stopped. I blame it on the bully in my life. Stupid Kelly, for making me loose my faith in myself. She never hurt me or anyhting she just said one thing that stuck and hurt forever. The whole "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" is a bunch of crap. Those words still hurt, and always will. But they'll be true if I keep going through life so scared. Ahh, I'm trying to fight my fear. I really am. Thats my next life goal.

song of the day: Fearless by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt be (false)

"Its the most wonderful time of the year/there'll be much mistoltoing/& hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near"

Hello Hello!
It is FINALLY december, the most hap-happiest season of all :) I absolutley love everything about december. Not only are there a ton of fun holidays to celebrate like CHRISTMAS, Hannakuh, Kwanza, New Years Eve, and My birthday but it just feels the best. Better then any other month. I love the lights on houses, the spirit people have in december, the fact that we have to school for two weeks, and Christmas music. Christmas music is some of my favorite music of all time. Some people think its cheesy but it just makes me smile inside and out. They made a sequal to my favorite Christmas of all time, Mariah Carey Christmas. Its pretty awesome. Now I have a second favorite christmas album of all time. I also enjoy the Yolanda Adams Christmas album. Just saying.

I also really, really like bell ringers outside fo stores. Is that weird? People always get really annoyed with them but I think its all part of the winter spirit. Donating your spear change and exchanging a smile with kind people. I love how they always say things like "Happy Holidays". I know a lot of people say it but theres just something special about when the bell ringers do it. I think its the fact that i've been a bell ringer. I had a lot of fun doing it, even though its freezign outside. The cold is the one thing I don't like about december but I Deal because everything else about the moneth is so cool. Anyways HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE!

song of the day: The most wonderful time of the year (done and redone by many artists)

quote of the day: There is no remedy for love but to love more - Thoreou (right when I thought the man coulden't say anything that wasen't boring I find a good quote)

"All that I want and All that I need/Is for you to be right here with me"

Hey Everyone! Well today the blog comes to you in a different form. I kept hearing a song in my head so I wrote it down and then had some fun making a quick video for it. Nothing proffessional or finished just fun. I guess its called Wishing You Picked me. I kind of know the feeling...just saying.Feedback is appriciated :)


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