Today was a pretty exciting day at Freestate high school. AT 7:30 we got to miss 0 hour class for the brown bag fashion show which was amazing. The art and fashion and textile classes through it. And they made all kinds of cool outfits out of paper bags. I am not lieing someone of thsoe were SO cute. There was this one zebra print dress made out of a bad and she wore black leggings and a black belt with it it looked like a read outfit. They were supposed to be animals so there was some cute lady bugs and bublebee outfits. It was all a good time. Oh and they runwayed to thriller and beat it which was great :)

Then in spanish class these tres mexicano chicas came to talk to us about day of the dead. They go to our school but they only speak spanish. It was nice though to hear what they have to say. And then I cooked this bread for my class but we didnt eat mine. 1st hour made it for every class so mine probably went to the next hour or something. It was for extra credit. Now I can officially make mexican bread. Then we got new risers in womans choir!

I did a presentation with olive and marina in history. It was nice. We beat the poor suckers who we were debating against by class vote. Everyone voted for us except for 3 guys.....one of them happened to be sean but I think he was just messing around, because they were sitting next to us while we were doing reserch and just making jokes and stuff. I think all 3 guys may have a thing for olive which is sad........not so much the other two guys but sean. and I know its bad cause shes my friend but hes cute and funny. Yesturday we talked again :) I was talking to some friends about "the attack" and then him and his friend steve allen came over to steves locker which is right next to mine. Benifts, benifits. And I kinda paused on the story cause the guy was their friend. And then by the time im done blabing i turn around and sean closed my locker and is standing in front of me. So in the cutest voice possible I go excuse me. and then he looks and me with a serious look and wont move but then he cracks that cute smile and goes just playin and walks to the other side of steve. It was nice. not romantic but nice.


Ok maybe im not over this guy thing. Samira called me a despreate woman today! Am I? .....oh no. maybe I am. I heard about a program called invisible children today. Its all about uganda. Theres this terrible man named tony something whose basically like hitler. And for 23 years hes been stealing children from their homes and making them into this rebel army. He kills so many people young and old. But familys are devestate because they havent seen their children in years. And he will never go through with a peace treaty. He always backs out. There are 3 guys who want to make a change and they own invisiable children. Its been going for like 8 years now and now their trying to get obamas attention. So go to invisiblechildren.com or something along those lines and print out a little card for the pettion that will be sent to Obama asking him to make a statment.

Song of the day:
I just called to say I love you - Stevie wonder :)

Quote of the day:
The significance of man is that he is insignificant and is aware of it.

I'm sure you'll be happy to know I've toned down the need for a boyfriend a little. I still like s.k. and the prince but ive found better things to worry about in my time. I got voted soprano section leader!! Im excited about it, but it means I really need to be on top of my music and practice more. Not to mention Im doing spanish extra credit and cooking this day of the dead bread thing for my class. Isent that nice of me? Something really weird happened to me. This guy whos a friend of s.k.'s head butted me in the hallway. He just goes rawwwwwr and jams his head right under my boob and it was REALLY awkward. I just walked away pretending it was nothing. I should have gotten some Samira the brave in me and been like GET AWAY FROM ME! Anyways now for the real topic....

How many people do you think are living their lives frozen? I bet your confuzed about exactly what I mean. Let say theres a 35 year old lady and she married her husband thinking they would travel the world together but now shes stuck with 3 kids working a lousy job and can barley afford to leave the city. Shes frozen in the begining part of her life. I think this happens to a lot of people and its really sad. The reality is that unfortunetly not everyone can have all their dreams come true. But I think that may be why so many people in america get divorces and are upset with their familys. They have diffrent commen goals or dreams from each other. Or maybe one person has a big dream and the other dosent have one at all. I got the concept of this from revolutionary road, even though I havent seen it yet but I want too and as soon as i do ill fill you in on how it worked.

Im debating wheather or not I should do another blog series called tricky topics. and talk about the big issues that no one can agree on. A.K.A. abortion, war, gay rights, free health care and all of that kind of stuff. I have my view on a lot of these things and I tend to move between the democrate and....*cringe* republican side. Dont tell my dad I said that, he would hate me. But anyways feed back would be good. Is this a terrible idea? Will I poke to many people or should I just speak my mind??? I guess we'll find out on......tommorows blog. (dont you love the suspense) :)

Song of the day:
Party in the U.S.A (still love that song) and Jesus walks -Kanye west (even though I hate him for being terrible to taylor swift that song is amazing and makes me dance and be religous at the same time! :)

quote of the day:
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. (agree, disagree)?

I was so busy complaining about my guy issuses and need of "The man" that I forgot to to talk about "the man for real". THIS IS IT came out yesturday and ive heard its amazing. Oprah did a show about it today and she said her favorite part was when Michael jackson was obviously upset about something and said "Im saying this out of L-O-V-E." I heard the premier was a star studded event with anyone who is anyone being there. Katy perry, adam lambert, Jennifer Lopaz, Oprah basically everyone but me and obama. The jackson family looked really pround of their brother. The Hopefully im gonna go and check it out tommorow with my momma and my brother and maybe my grandpa.

Arent you so lucky I edited this and deleted my crazy thoughts :)

the heart wants what the heart wants

Remember that guy? Shawn. Well im falling for him more and more everyday. And I know its a bad idea because im pretty sure he dosent like me that way we're not really even friends but hes just so cute. Not just physically his whole personality and being is cute, cute, cute. He talked to me today. But it was all about olive. I wanted to hurt both him and her at that moment. I dont get what she has that other people dont. But to him she must have something going for her that I reallllly dont because hes never talked to me about me before. Or really about anything. Why do I like this guy you ask? I dont know im attracted to him and he seems better then a LOT of other guys at school.

I've noticed something. The guys at lawrence public schools tend to only like white girls. Their the ones who have dates to everyting and stuff and normally the people that are with friends or going alone are non-white. I know thats a strong statment to make but its true. The sad thing is its not only the caucasian guys that go for them. Its the african americans, asians, and hispanics who are going against their own kind for something else. I understand, diversity, but really its not good. Especially when your kind of dying for a guy like me right now.....I guess i feel lonley. I want someone to tell EVERYTHING too at all times whenever. Yes, i do tell samira everything BUT she lives so far away I dont get to see her too often. And i guess im getting drawn into the hand holding, walking to class and giving hugs I just wish I had that. I know samiras thinking this is bad bad bad and I need to fight against it but im finding it hard too.

Not to mention something deep down keeps telling me that the prince is just better then all these dumb guys. And hes the one I should really be aiming for. Hes the one I really want. But im feeling down about myself and dont think that im good enough for him. Like hes too wonderful and I just dont shine. Or maybe that he dosent even like to talk to me but he just puts up with me because he has too because we attend the same events. But there must be a reason that when I talk to him the few times that i have i didnt feel like i have to lie or make myself anything other then me right? Even if shawn DID talk to me about something other then olive Im pretty sure I wouldent be free to just blab like im talking to anyone else the way i do every once in awhile with prince. Ok not that often but its happened like 3 or 4 times. and ive liked it. a lot. i dont know......nothing is making that much sense all i know is i like prince a lot, shawn is ok for f.s. standereds but neither want me. Even though i havent brought the fact that their great up neither has said that about me so is all this thoughts just a waste of time?


Song of the day:
teardrops on my guitar

quote of the day:
live a life that you love



ps. if for some crazy reason prince or shawn is reading this (dont get any ideas samira, none at all!) ....
Shawn I mean what I say about you having a cute, cute, cute personality.

And prince everything ive written about you i truley believe and sometimes I understate you because words cant really explain what im feeling about you. or at least the idea of you. and the day they do ill do my best to let you know. Oh and im only calling you prince cause i kind of have a BIG fear of you finding out and hating me ,or someone letting it slip but i think its fitting. Your pretty royal to me :)

Read the whole thing, worth your time

Time. Is it the number of hours till the bell finally rings? The number of seconds till the day ends. The number of years untill your dreams come true. Time is a measurment of life. Something we use every day. The more you have the luckier you are. Yesturday I was on my couch crying after an episode of one tree hill. I mean tears come to my eyes just thinking of it now. Theirs a new character on their and for the first 8 episodes he seemed like a slut. He couldent comit and just went girl after girl not really looking for anything in paticular.

We finally found out his story. He was in college supposed to jump into a bridge with a bunch of friends. This big group. and everyone jumped and him and this girl he didnt know were left. He has an adorkable smile so he smiled and told her this isent his thing. How he wished they could streak around campus or something. And she agreed then he said how about we do this together on the count of 2. And she was like on the count of two. And then he said yeah it could be our thing, something to tell the grandchildren about. And she laughed and said im gonna tell them about streaking around campus :). And then he held her hand and went one, two and they jumped. And that was their thing. They kissed in the water then you jump in time and their married. They fit perfectly together. Newly weds loving life. And he had a record player. and this one day he turned on her favorite song and they danced in the living room (AHH, my fantasy!!) and then they stopped and she was gonna go to her bedroom or something all smiles and she just dropped to the ground. A heart attack I assume. The ambulence came and then they show them covering her up with a white sheet. She died. After being married for such a short while.

Where were the grandchildren to tell the story too? Why did it happen so soon. the husband was left to live in a new lonley world and no longer had someone to fight with on the count of two. Theres the seen of her casket and his laying over it crying and I seriously could not stop crying. He took his ring off and put it on her finger. The love of his life was gone. There was so much left to do or say. But he didnt have the time. You know im guessing since they were both so young they didnt even think of the possability of loosing each other so soon. But what made me happy was the way they loved each other with the time they had. It may have been acting but it will touch your heart when you see them dancing and the way he looks into her eyes. He loves her and she loves him back.

There was no feelings of regret, he didnt have to ask the questions :I wish she knew how I felt. I wish I had a chance to tell her how much I loved her and enjoyed the time in my life. They had done it all and said all they need too. Have you? Have you mentioned how much someone means to you latley? When was the last time you gave your mom a hug? Have you told that cute boy that his smile makes your day monday through friday? Have you said thank you for that friend who fights with you through thick and thin. Have you opened your heart and full let yourself love. To feel that guys hands around you, more protected then you've ever been. Have you given up everything you have and believe with the hope that someone wont let you down and break your heart. You need to do it. Because who knows how much time is left for you or for me on earth. Find some courage deep within and promise yourself that your gonna love another with all you heart. And your gonna take that risk because I gaurentee you, i bet it will be worth it.

p.s. watch this episode. Its worth your time and your heart to just see it and expirence it for yourself. heres the link http://www.megavideo.com/?v=SV4GI1A1. Click the red play button then the green one. Background info is that brooke the brunette is dating julian. A woman is saying she is carrying nathens baby and his fathers interviewing the woman on live telivison. And the guy, clayton is the character you need to pay attention too. He has the story relevent to this blog. You'll catch on. Samira you should watch it!

Song of the day: I and love and you

quote of the day:
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

You know what the worst thing about sundays is? The fact that monday is the next day. It kind of ruins everything because as the clock ticks you know your getting closer to school, waking up at 5:45, and hard work. The only thing you can do to keep a smile on your face is remember that chuck bass comes on at 7!

Ive been imagining a lot more then usual latley. Its kind of a bad thing because my head is in the clouds but I enjoy it. I guess if I had a deepest darkest secret it would be my fantaseys. I secretly go to bed early just so I have enough time to lie there and think about it. Im into the future a lot. And I think part of me thinks that its gonna be easier to live everyday life then and im gonna be happier then I even could be. And in those fantasys I do everything that I want to do now.

Do you ever think about the fact that what you do every second of every day affects your and everyone else in the whole wide world. Imagine if Martin Luther king never had a dream? Never believed in himself. Or if Rosa parks never gave up her seat. If obama never ran for president or married michelle. What if your parents had never met? There would be no you right? Every little move you make effects your life, and the life of other people alive now and in the future. I dont think its a good idea to over think the concept though because sometimes going with the flow is the best way to go. (Arent you so proud of my for rhyming, that was practically a rap right there. Someone call Lil wayne i wrote him a hit). :)

Song of the day:
speaking of lil weezy there must be something about the guy that make people like him. Listen to some of his stuff.
And california love by tupac. I love that song :)

Quote of the day:
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. I absolutley love that!

This is one of my favorite times for music. It reminds me of 2006. That was the year for brilliant music and they're all back. Usher my man since I was like 7 came our with a new song called papers about his divorce and its beautiful. Chris brown my adorable little wife beater has a new song out called I can transform ya with Lil wayne. and parachute is just amazing. Plus chris tomlin who makes the best christian music in the history of the world :) And im listening to this song called drop it low and I cant stop dancing.

Anyways let me snap out of the world. You know what makes me feel good inside? My favorite part of the year is coming up. About the day before thanksgiving my whole world lights up. I love the holiday feeling. My birthday and christmas are just like some of the two best days in the whole world. And their coming up soon. Ok like a month away but still im happy. I love the snow. The christmas lights on houses. Santa at the mall. Christmas songs. I hate when I have to give them up. I have them on my ipod so i cant secretly listen to them all year long!

Ok now im gonna talk a little about something thats difficult for people to understand. Sometimes that guy you love just dosent love you. I know its absolutey terrible to think about but I know this girl whos been dating the guy for a month and he wouldent even hold her hand. he said he "dosent like pda". And she had to get a friend of our to force him to kiss her. Now tell me, does that sound like love to you? What happens on their wedding day. Is the maid of honor gonna shove his face to hers?

Heres another thing though. I dont think its write to assume a guy dosent like you when you've never brought up the suject of how you feel. That just being a debbie downer. I mean some people think their "Dropping hints" but in reality their just acting normal so its hard to tell if they're into you or just being them. But if you pour your heart out and he goes "same here". drop him. And no hes not just a man of little words he dosent care enough to make an effort. sorry honey, the truth can be like a stab in the heart sometimes.

p.s. I got my hair done today and I like it. I feel like it has more volume! :)

Song of the day:
I can transform ya - Chris brown

Quote of the day:
Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness. (dosent it make you just wanna hug someone reallllly tight?)