A few things about who I am and who I want to be

Ok so I was just thinking. If I had to come up with some things about me, really truthful things what would they be. I cant really say that I know myself well. I mean even I confuze myself sometimes cause i'll agree with two totally oppisite things. I guess thats the first thing about me. Im confuzed about so many things. I havent really gotton life figured out yet. I've been alive more then 5,000 days. you'd think I would have gotten it by not but im still trying. I was born in maryland. Hyattsville. The reason I like to bring that up is becuase I wouldent be me without being born there. I lived in what now that I think about it wasnet too great of a neighboorhood. More people spoke spanish around there then english which now isent to much of a coincidence. Keep in mind that was 1994. I've been able to speak two languages since I was one. I learned swahilli and english at the same time and by two I could hold full conversations in both languages. I was a pretty smart kid. Ive always felt the most comfortable at home. I used to love playing with dolls. Barbies. And singing along to diffrent childrens vhs tape.

I grew up pretty close to my 4 cousins. We used to do all kinds of stuff together. Best of friends we all were. Then I started school. I was really quiet there. Nobody knew why. I mean I guess from first glance I would have looked lonley but I didnt feel comfortable. I dont know why. I mean kids used to be really into power rangers which i will admit to watching. I remember having a friend names ingrid who I guess you could say everyone wanted to be like. She wore dresses to school every day and always had the newest toy or whatever it is kids like. I still have my kindergarden school pictures. Anyways thats my past then I moved to lawrence. Which is a good town. I dont think i'd be the same person if I never moved here. I love it here. its a small town but its home. sure I wish I had a mall close by but thats not that big of a problem.

I attended deerfield elementry school which was good school. the best in town actually. Because most all the children came from good familys and we were all pretty smart for our age. I was a year younger then everyone else from the start. Maryland wasent too strict about which age to start school.

I'm talking about my history but thats not nessicarily who I am. I'm a girl who likes to read. I am pretty girly. I love my dresses, and makeup, and jewlary. Not to mention glitter. My whole room is pink which I guess dosent really win me cool points but I love it in there. I like to sing. and latley ive been trying song writing which is going ok. I mean those who have heard what I wrote didnt say anything bad about it. Im kind of a romantic. I like romance movies and books and all that stuff. I've never been in love with a guy before. Im a big dreamer. I guess you can say im the kind of person who is never content with what their stuck with. I always want to be better. To change. I aim to be the perfect person even though i am far from it. I play the piano and the cello. Im ok at playing both. Ive been playing the piano for much longer though.

Music is magic to me. I think its amazing how artists can draw you in an take you away from whatever issues your having. I mean without even saying a word. I guess you can say the artists I consider this talented would be Michael jackson, and many others. The songs which ive listed to faithfully for awhile would be: Love story, bleeding love, our song, Teardrops on my guitar, Hate that I love you, I'm only me when im with you, Forever, you belong with me, so small, bubbly, and many more. I didnt lie about these I took them right from my top played lists. I listen to all kinds of music. My new favorites would be Check yes juliet, Happy ending, Right now, Knock you down, kiss a girl and fire burning on the dance floor.

I love to dance. A lot of people dont that. I dance at school dances but I go wild in my room alone with my ipod. i could dance forever. I've always wanted to dance in the rain. It seems like one of the most fun things ever. I want to travel all over the world someday. I like seeing new things for short periods of time but when the time comes it feels good to be back in america. Relaxed and living the life im used too. English and swahilli speaking countrys also make the staying thing easier.

I like weddings. Partly because im a romantic and partly cause I like the stuff that dosent have to do with the actual marrige. The beautiful outfits. How wonderfully the place is decorated. Candles. Speached about how the people were ment to be. I would be a wedding planner when I grow up but they dont make enough to survive comfortably so im gonna be something in medicine instead. I also think its amazing how two people can comit to spending the rest of their lives together even though they know there will be bad times but they trust each other and have faith that they'll get through it. Its awesome.

I make a 4.0 but I dont really consider myself smart. i mean its not like I just know information like some people I have to try really hard to remember stuff. It dosent come naturally. I absolutley hate math. And depressing people. I dont like it when people are angry all the time and such. Because lifes honestly too short to be mad. I suck at all sports. Im ok at basketball though. I practiced a lot last year and got good at 3 pointers even but i would never try out for the team. I have stage fright. Theres something a little bit insecure about myself. Havent been able to figure it out but it gets worse when people are watching me.

My goal is to be a nice, caring, and accapting person. I want to be able to take risks and never regret not doing something due to fear. I want to be succsessful to the point where I am proud of myself and have made the life of at least one other person better because of what i did (i dont count). So thats basically all anyone needs to know about me i guess. I dont know why I wrote all this out. Ok so I know why.......but it goes back to me being a dreamer and blah blah blah. ok well you officially know a good chunk about mariam. :)

a number

How many times do you think the average person falls in love? Im kind of curious about the whole thing because as some/none of you know. I love titanic. And its just the best movie of all time. And she loses the love of her life after a short period of time with him. the part where she lets go of him and he falls into the water is the worst. I mean tears just pour at my eyes like every time. thats one of the only movies i cry in. The notebook almost got me but i stood strong. But what sucks about titanic is the woman falls in love again after him. marries and has children. She goes on with her life as if it never happened. Well thats one interpritation anyways. The other is that the child she had was his. and anyways. If the first interpritation was real then how could she do that. i mean I know hes gone but the love would have survied so she would be in love with 2 people at once. And what about those who just fall in love millions of times?

I mean im sure they dont tell their significant other about the last one but its still weird to think there could be millions of people together out there who have loved with their whole heart and are still in love with that original person but gave it up and married or is dating someone else that is all wrong for them. Anyways im blogging twice today so thats it for this.


Quote of the day:
Faith is believing in something even when there are doubts or the chances or slim.


song of the day:
Imagine- Lennon

Hello,
I got back from school about an hour ago. I rode the bus home for the first time since high shcool started. And I kinda forgot it was a new bus cause in my old bus 9th graders basically ruled and it was like home. we could talk about anything. So me and some friends do what we do best. talk about boys :) And we kinda forgot there was this junior guy in front of us who could know all these people. I figured something out about myself. The more I like a guy the harder it is to do anything about it. I worry that if I do anything i'll ruin it. And I dont want to get hurt. This year my heart has prizon bars and bull dogs gaurding it. Im not gonna let anyone close untill I 100% trust them. And no more jerks. Or guys who are just plain mean. Because I dont need them. And I need to love myself first. before I can love any other. And im getting there. But of course i still cant help crushing. so, i'm wondering if you like one person who just dosent go away no matter how much you like other people or they do does that mean they are your priorite and way more special. Thats the way i've always taken it. like theres that one guy who can always slip through the bars without doing anything but smiling. It takes my breath away. But enough about boys since im an indepnedent girl who dosent need that. Today school was nice. Ok, last thing about boys. This cute guy kept looking at me during this one assembly. And I was looking at him and sometimes we'd be looking at the same time but i dont think he likes me. hes a senior. and i didnt feel anything except the little smile that creeps on your face when you see a very cute boy. but now were done. I met some people in school today who could be more potential friends. my chemistry partners really nice and maybe 1 or 2 others. making friends in high schools a little tough especially since everyone already came with their friends. AHHH I forgot to paragraph. im sorry readers :(


Quotes of the day courtisy of flair:
Love is giving someone the chance to destroy you and trusting them not too. and I thought this was kinda cool. the word bed looks like a bed. Look closly its like the head and footbboard and the top of the e is the matress.

Song of the day:
Chasing pavments. still love that song

Tv update:
Saw the new episodes of secret like. omigosh. Amy and adrianne are really going at it and i think something may have happened between amy and ricky over the summer but who knows.

Everyone loves their mothers. though their good at wiping your tears away, holding you tight, and making the most yummilicious meals they can not be trusted with everything. I made the mistake of letting my momma see my facebook and she saw all the people she knew and we looked at pictures blah blah blah. now she still remembers and she'll talk about it on the phone to people :( . yuck. And then its embarassing cause the people think ive been facebook stalking them or something.....anyways high school was ok today. To be honast it was a humoungous blur. more later..........


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My very first day of high school

I woke up super early today and got ready. I decided to wear my white/purple/blue american eagle tank top with the flowered print and capri's. I didnt want to look like I was trying to hard because I wasent really and I wanted to be comfortable and ready for whatever was waiting. After breakfast and the boring morning stuff I rode to school with a friend of mine olivia m. (olive). We went to commons and there were a ton of sophmores already there. I stood around with my friends talking and some people were excited others were nearvous but the energy level was through the roof. It was so weird people being all smiley and excited all the time. Central was a genrerally chill school. No one was all cheerleader all the time. After awhile we all went to the gym for this pep rally thing to get us excited about freestate. Some juniors and seniors of the link crew did simon says and a couple games and people were screaming and cheering. It was definatly something I wasent used too.

After that we all got in lines and did some lame get to know you stuff. Like tell the other person what you did this summer and your life story under 30 secounds. Then we went into seminar groups. There was one other person from central in that class and it was evelyn a friend of mine. And there were also some people I knew from elementry and piece project there which made it all go smoothly. We played some games. And got a mini tour. Then they handed us maps and we had to go to all our classes for 5 minutes. My classes basically go good, horrible, good, bad, good bad, ok. There are quite a few clases that I dont have with anyone else I know and spanish is the worst. All the people in that class dont seem to great to me but i'll be open minded and try to get to know them. Then at the end of the day we went to the gym for some more peppiness that i felt weird about then had a picknik. it was hot dogs and chips. They were ok tasting. I was there towards the end so some of them were grossish.

I havent really made a descision about what I think of the school yet. It was an ok blurish day. It wasent tortureish and it wasent great either. I think its gonna take some serious getting used too and I've decided if I never get used too I can just hope for saturday. It will be something to look forward too. And thanksgiving break cant be that far away....right? Anyways no worries i'll get used to it. Pray for me, I could use the help. Karma will help you all in return.

Song of the day:
stat of somehting new (cheesy I know but I couldent think of any other begining a whole new world type of songs except a whole new world which is the second song of the day)

Quote of the day:
Here at freestate we have activities not games because all of us are winners - this leader girl

book update:
I got some books from the library. I'm reading the new gossip girl the carlyles book.

well im pooped out. sianara one and all

~ Mariam

summer 2009

I had a fantastic summer. A really amazing summer. It started out with me taking a europe trip right after school closed. For 14 days I was in paradise and I really enjoyed it. It was beautiful there and so diffrent. America is nice dont get me wrong but our houses and buildings are kind of plain jane. No super pretty designs or balconys, but it was fantastic. I had the time of my life and felt very independent. For the first time I was alone for two weeks and it felt great to know I could take care of myself even though I was not only in a completly diffrent country but I didnt speak the language either. After I got back home my grandmother was here so I did some stuff with her hung outh with friends watched a lot of secret life and saw movies. I basically relaxed more then i've gotten to relax in a very, very, very, very. very long time. Now skipping past the boring stuff this week samira came over and I had a ton of fun. We had a runnway (note to self 15 years from now I have full permission to publish the embarrasing pictures of us). We also went to worlds of fun and I went on a spinny ride for the first time in a very long time. I felt the cyclone same well past midnight but it wasent so bad i'll admit it was even kind of fun. Just very very dizzying. I figured i should put a little about this summer on the record. Big events.....


Jon and kate got divorced
Michael jackson died
Sonia Sotamayor stuff began and she may be the first latino on the supreme court
I gotta feeling is the number one song on itunes
Secret life is a super good show i keep up with. the second season is brand spankin new
and i figured out i can talk ghetto :) . who knew right?


All for now,

~Mariam

It is better to have love and lost, then to have never loved at all. Love is something that cant really been described because it feels diffrent to all people. To some they get butterflies, or cant stop thinking about them. To some it can be something as diffrent from their smell to the way the pretend to laugh at their jokes. I have liked sooooo many people. Some because it was convienient, some because it was a challenge, some because I was physically attracted, or I liked their personalitys. But with some crushes I've have (very few) it just feels right. i cant really explain it but I feel happy when their around, I notice myself being extra careful with my hair, what I say, or how I act. It feels good to be around them or to think about them or to say them update their status on facebook. Now your probably thinking whats the problem? You love him. Go for it. Tell him/kiss him/start flirting. But heres the problem. I figure out that ive created an allusion of that person. Reality is that ive talked to them a couple times (not too deep of stuff but just about life in general), but I dont full know 100% what this guy is like. Part of me thinks that im scared of opening up to people. men in paticular. I dont know what does it but i feel scared about opening up to them. I feel like if they do maybe i'll reck the ilusion they have created about me in their minds. the perfect me that i know that i most likley wont be. But this year the time has come to be brave. Sort of. Im gonna work on it. Its not like im gonna just walk up to someone and admit my love to them or something. Love, whos to know when your really in love? Maybe thats not what i mean. But if I were a sim I would click the express fondness button. Cross your fingers for me and maybe I would gain a bravness hidding deep inside. Anyways this wasent even suposed to be the point. The point is dont stop trying to find love just because its easier to be numb or feel nothing all. Its better to feel the power of love and liking someone and be hurt becuase that way your feeling.

Quote of the day:
Its better to have loved and lost, then never to have felt at all

Song of the day:
Liberian girl (nakupenda pia, nakutaka pia, mpenzi we) mj speaks swahilli in it