"How would you like it if both of our names ended with Jackson?"

I have to write about this one before the magic has left my bones. I can feel it disappearing. Slipping away. But there are certain things I don't want to forget.

1. He fed me a carrot. Asked if I wanted some Ramen Noodles. When I said, "no, I'm fine". He said, "I know you're fine".

2. After everything was said and done, I asked him to play Into You by Fabulous and he did. That was our song in my mind, and I've never actually listened to what was "our song" with a man before.

3. I wasn't scared. For once in my life. My heart was open and ready for whatever came next.

4. He's different. He asks me if I made anybody smile today and listens to whatever story I came up with. He taught me about the 13th Amendment and how it doesn't prevent prisoners from being treated as slaves. He says indeed and knows about the law of attraction.

5. He won the best student award in middle school that I never could. That means he's always been charismatic and pinch cheeking adorable.

6. He's cheesing super hard in the picture he keeps in his room.

7. The conversations. When we're shoulder to shoulder, staring at the ceiling. Stories about him, stories about myself.

8. All the little things I can't put my finger on that I adore.

I'm in trouble y'all. If you read this blog, you know how all these stories end for me. I don't want to be pessimistic, but I've been optimistic and that didn't change the end result. Sometimes I think the world doesn't want me to be in love right now. Maybe they want me to figure out my tragic school situation first or wait for a nice christian man to come swoop me away. Right now, I want this man. I want his heart. I don't want him to go back to his ex-girlfriend. I don't want him to meet someone else. I don't want him to hurt me. I want him. All of him for all of me. Here's to hoping for a happy ending this time around.

With Love,
Hillary Duff  j