SEATTLE

Hi everyone! It's been sooo long since I've blogged to all of you. I miss it, and all of you secret readers as well. Yesturday was one of the most fun days in Seattle so far. I woke up kind of late, then had breakfast here. Afterwards we walked to walgreens. We made copies of pictures from a long time ago. They were fun to look at because all my aunts and uncles were babies. Then we went to michaels, and lunch at Quizznos. It was yummy. When we got back we found my Uncle here. He had the day off and he was willing to show us around. My grandma was tired so it was just me and him. We have a good time together, telling stories and stuff. His life is interesting.

Anyways we started off with the...SPACE NEEDLE! It was a fun expirence. There was no line, then we got all the way up to the top. We got to see the whole city from there and it was awesome. It only took 41 seconds to get all the way to the top. We took different pictures there and then we went down to look around at the famous restraunt that spins around. Then ofcourse we checked out the gift shop (I still have my shopping buzz)

After that we saw this music expirence building (we might go in some other time) but it's a really artistic building so we took many pictures next to it. Then we went on a search to find this park spot that he knew of and we got these awesome pictures with the entire building background. It was pretty great. He came up with this pose to make it look like I was picking up the space needle. Then these spanish speakers were so amazed they came up to us and was like "show us how, show us how". They were pretty funny.

Next we went to meet his friends at a....club. OMG, I felt so cool. At 15 years old I got to go in a club. I was supposed to call it a resturaunt so he dosen't get in trouble but I was impressed. It was an african club that his best friend owns. I got to meet his friends, this guy from "Wahala in America", and these two girls. He meantioned that one of them would be his future wife...I was confused weather he was dating her, or trying to tell me he was engaged. You know me, curiosity gets the best of me I had to ask. He said he was messing around. But they were all REALLY nice. Those genuinly nice people I used to talk about all the time.

After that we walked by Lake Argo just talking for a couple hours until it got dark and the city lights started shining. It was the prettiest thing ever. One of those all star fun days.

song of the day: I like it Enrique Iglasias

quote of the day: Life is half spent before we know what it is.

Living Sleepless in seattle....just a few hours from now

Tomorrow I leave for seattle. I'm kind of excited now and kind of worried. Its a mixed feeling. I wonder what it will be like there. I think the last time I went I was four years old. That was a long time ago. It will be nice to see family, hopefully not awkward. If you want to understand my mind, it thinks of the best possibility and the worst possibility for everything. I keep thinking I forgot to pack something but thats defiantly not true. I'm 100% ready to get there. Everything' packed and under 50 pounds (a miracle). Keep me in your prayers for a safe flight! Bye bye readers.

Quotes, Quotes, and MORE quotes

Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what has changed in you or the world, that one song says the same, just like that moment.

I am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, & that a soft landing is never guaranteed.

-Sarah Dessan

Never be afraid to try something new because life gets boring when you stay within the limits of what you already knew.

As always from my favorite gossip girl moment EVER: 3 words, 8 letters, say them and I'm yours

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. =)

Quotes of the day finally gets some spotlight

I have a couple quotes I want to talk about fresh off the brand new quote website I found. The first is...

"When all is lost and the world has turned its back on you, think again. Perhaps it is you who has turned your back on the world."


I liked this quote a lot because I've been in situations when I realized that it was me who turned my back on the world. I personally feel like there's a really amazing power in hope for the world. I don't know what exactly the power is but I do know that having hope can get you through so many things so much easier then being a person without hope. When you loose your hope your turning your back on the world. Just believe that maybe your a few feet away from your perfect life, because maybe your hope will get you there. You honestly never know what's coming next but it doesn't hurt to hope that its the best.

The second quote is....

"So grab his hand and make those plans, cause every song was made for a dance, and you can only win if you take a chance."

First of all I like the part where it says every song was made for a dance. I would like to believe that the songs that I write from now on are made for a dance. Music and dancing go hand in hand. Dancers interpret the music in ways that words can't. Beats/accompaniment are really important in music. Their the part of the music that you can only feel, and everyone feels it weather they know it or not. And you can't really say what a beat is making you feel in words but you can express it... through dance.

And then I also really like the end, "you can only win if you take a chance". I think that quote goes for everything in life. If you don't try you'll never win. There's no chance of it. I think sometimes we just need to remember that simple risks are worth taking. A good motto to have is that if the worst that can happen is a no then just go for it. sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never physically hurt you. I'm going to keep those words with me next time I go to a dance. :)

"Wake-up & smell the break up/Fix my heart,put on my make-up /Wish you could only see/ I got an "I Heart ?" written on the back of my hand"

So genetics work in strange ways. I just watched the movie Because I said so for the millionth time. I like it because the movie captures relationship,family,and genetics really well. Some genetic things are really obvious to trace. The women on my dads side are all built the same. Gossiping is something all of the women in my family do but it's no gossiping it's "friendly discussion". The one thing I can't find from any of the women in my family is my hopeless romantic-ness. No one else in my family is like that.

To my family love is like some big secret that shoulden't be disscussed and is totally personal. I agree a little bit. I just recently heard my parents proposal story. I think Africans are really private people. Someone said in African culture a mother becomes a friend only after the child gets married. But anyways apperently my mom went to her best friend right after it happened and talked to her but I doubt she spoke to anyone else about it.

So what do you think? Is it ok to discuss matters of the heart in detail? I think so. One thing I envy about the kardashian sisters is the fact that their built in best friends. They talk about EVERYTHING involving their guys and on national television. So I guess I think that it's nice for people to talk about how they feel to someone. It makes the whole thing more enjoyable.

But anyways back to the genetic thing, I'm mutated. I love to talk about love. I'm in love with the idea of love and I'm not afraid to say it. Maybe the rest of my family is secretly like this...hmm...

song of the day: Half of my heart - John Mayer ft. Taylor swift (good song!)

quote of the day:Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do. (take this advice)

She never even knew she had a choice/That's what happens when the only voice She hears is tellin her she can't/STUPID BOY"

Heyy people!
So guess what I'm going to talk about today?? I'm pretty sure the song of the day gave you a hint. The song of the day is actually a really good country song called Stupid Boy. It was actually written by Sarah Buxton, who's a musician from lawrence kansas. Listen to her songs sometime. Especially Innocence. But anyway did you end up guessing what the discussion is? Its the latest scandal that even made CNN. Mel Gibson. I know what your thinking...who's Mel Gibson? He is an old actor, who now as tapes out. For once it is not a celebrity sex tape! Claps for Mel Gibson. It's actually almost worse. Its a tape of him yelling at his baby mama. And he's really degrading her. He is cussing all over the place, and at one point he says "Don't make me bury you under a rose bush". It sucks. But the thing is, it wasn't a surprise to me. You know how many guys hurt girls everyday? So many. Too many. I understand that girls hurt guys too, that it goes both ways, but man I hear waaay more stories about men who hurt a women then I do women who hurt a man. Mel gibson also dropped the n word in there. This all means Mel Gibson = Stupid Boy

It is really sad what girls have to go through in this planet though. I recently red a book called A thousand splendid suns. It is so good. Its an "adult" book. I picked it up because the main characters name was Mariam. It's about the struggles this one girl goes through in her life in Afghanistan. She's put into an arranged marriage with a guy more then 30 years older then her. It also discusses other issues women face in Afghanistan. It was an interest point of mine. I like reading about people I have some kind of connection with. Even if it's just our gender.

I also found an article in a peoples magazine, but it was a human interest piece (love those!) Anyways, it was about a soldier in Afgahnistan who discovered this 15 year old girl who'd been in labor for 3 days! The baby she was carrying died due to some kind of issue. Her husband would not let her go to the doctor throughout the pregnancy because he didn't want another man touching "what's his". So he sat and watched his wife continue to suffer 3 days later. The soldier was no doctor but she found a way to trick the husband into thinking she was and getting a doctor, who happened to be male check out the situation. He found out that the baby really was dead and what needed to happen was the baby to get pulled out, a c section. But they didn't have the equipment. The husband wouldn't let her go to the hospital, he would rather she die then some other guy be up her. Three words: What a douche. Anyways at the end what happened was the person with the smallest hands had to pull the dead baby out of the 15 year old girl. The poor girl was in so much pain.

There are so many different things women have to go through. So many struggles. And those stupid boys just have to add on to the different struggles. If that man had just let go of his stupidity, and jealousness he could have had a healthy wife and a healthy baby. But he lost a life because of his stupidity. And mel gibson should be happy that someone loved him in this world. He should be praising his wife for giving him a child and just loving him. But instead he's yelling at her. That is the world we live in. The only solution? Women need to raise their sons to be different. To "breed" a whole new generation of men. I realize that not all guys are like that, but I pray for the women who have to deal with the ones that are.

Stupid, stupid boys.

song of the day: Stupid boys : Sarah Buxton

quote of the day:Life is hard enough. Don't go around making others lives miserable just because you can, you don't know what they've been through or what is to come for them.

"Under your footsteps/I'm everything you know/Just let me haunt/let me be your ghost"

Hey everyone! The song on the title is ghost by parachute. It's a good song but that's not why I chose it. I chose it because today the ghosts from my past all came out. Where did they all happen tonbe at the same time??? They were at......the library. It was all my fault because I needed to re-stock on my weekly books. I just finished the diary of a part time Indian kid. It was way better than excpected. Anyways, our car pulls up by the library and the first ghost I see is....well let's call him greasy. After his hair. When I was a little eighth grader I was a little stupid and fell for this guy. I stupidly admitted my live for him only to realize his faults later. It didn't end well and there he was at the library with a trashy girl. At first I managed to slip past him. But not for long. As I was walking out of the teen section I started laughing because I saw my mom And was laughing because I got caught. I was supposed to only go in and get the books on hold. As I smiled, I turned to him and he goes "hi MARY-am". I said hi back and walked to my mom. I'll admit it got me a little mad that I devoted my love to him and he coulden't even say the fake version of my name right (fake version minus African accent is: Mah-ree-um). Anyways that was ghost #1.

Ghost #2 was a friend of my families. He used to be really close to all of us. This African guy. He used to eat all his meals at our house up until he accidentally married the devil. Ok not the devil but they weren't in love. She was like mail order wife (African thing). Anyways he got married and disapeared after him and his wife had an embarassing fight in out living room.we haven't seen him in a year and there he was walking up to me and my mom making awkward conversation. It was do weird. He asked if I was in college. That's how out of touch he was. Then his ex-wife calls (ghost #3) and he shoves the phone at my mom saying "say hinto my ex-wife". Wiered huh?

Ghost #4 I feel bad about. It's this girl that's really unpopular at school. She's a bit of a strong personality. Anyways I met her downtown on the last day of school and she kind of got on my nearves. But I was nice the whole time. Anyways she was like "facebook me this summer we should hang out". I never did...only because I don't add people. But anyways there she was at the library super nice and making me feel guilty. I said hi though.

So that's the story of the four ghosts

songs of the day:ghost-parachute & Alejandro - lady gags

...

I feel like there's something I need to say. Something to post on here. But I can't find the words. Its weird. Not a problem I have faced before. I normally have an endless amount of words but their just not coming to me right now....hmm...

Which box do you check?

This is a subject that comes up so many times in life. Whenever you fill out a survey or take a state test for school your supposed to fill in the box. The box under "ethnicity" or "race". I personally don't think there's anything wrong with having those boxes on tests, because it helps them learn different things about different races to help them learn better. My whole life i've clicked the black box. Because i'm not Asian, hispanic/pacific islander, white, or other. It seemed simple before, other reminded me of an alien or something. Like green.

But then there are people who are jewish and their race is literally jewish. You can only be jewish from having a jewish mother. Direct blood line. So their community of people are a race all on their own. There's no box for that.

Than there was this girl who's parents were egyptian. In choir she said she checked the white box. Ok no she's not crazy, she's not really dark like the Egyptians we all have in our minds. She seems to me like kind of arabian vibe. But she considers herself white. Does that really make the results fair? If she's under white? Anyways one solution is for everyone to just check other, but another solution is for the boxes to just go away as it is. Because there's really no correct way to group people. The truth is on tests some people try and some people don't. So the ones who try do good, and the ones who don't do bad. It has nothing to do with race. Am I right? yesss sir. I'm right :)

song of the day: Walking on sunshine - Aly and Aj

quote of the day:you should know that nothing lasts forever. cherish whatever you have now, cause you might just lose it when you least expect it.

Read this its kinda funny....

mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"

The quote in the title isn't from a song. Its from this website of good quotes I found. It clicked with me, I found it at a great moment. I guess in a way I used to be a perfectionist and still am, but in away where I was spending time wanting things perfect not for me but for other people. I don't know if thats what every perfectionist is like. There is a big, big difference between the process that happens when I get ready for school every morning and what happens when I'm at home. I really need to start doing things for myself and not for the pleasure of other people. Especially not guys. Because as the quote says, people come to love not by finding the perfect person but seeing the imperfect person perfectly. The right person falls in love with the imperfection. I'm not saying I think that means I can walk around looking like a total slob, I enjoy looking clean, put together, and wearing nice things. It makes me happy. But now, I'm not going to try and impress any guy by appearing perfect because I'm not perfect. They would be falling in love with a fake and not me.

This summer has been full of realizations for me and I think that means that I'm finally growing up and seeing the world a little more clearly. Most defiantly understanding myself better.

In the little introduction to the blog I write about how this is my epic diary, in a way it is. Everything goes into this blog. So in away you get to watch me figure myself out, for the better.

Don't wait till its too late

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

~The above story was not written by me~

Isn't that the saddest thing ever. He never got the courage to say how he felt. That could be me. People spend their whole lives waiting for the perfect moment to say what they want to say. To say what they feel, but the reality of the situation is that there is no perfect moment. Perfect moments are created by spontaneous decisions. We wait around but none of us know weather we'll be here tomorrow or the day after. We just pray to god to have an opportunity to do great things.

Reading this kind of touched me. When will I wait till. Will it be the day when I'm watching someone truly amazing say I do to someone else? I know I'm young and no one I know is going to say I do anytime soon but the clock ticks every second. Time is passing by. Someday I WILL gather courage. I don't know where it will come from but it will be in me. And i'll know weather whoever the guy is loves me or not he knows, that there's a girl out there who likes me. It may not make a difference to him but it will make a worlds of difference to me. I guess you can say what i'm really waiting for is to make sure my feelings are real. The moment I feel real strong feelings of love, he's gonna know. Nothing will be able to stop me, because life is truly too short.

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn/Its alright because I love the way it hurts/Just gonna stand there & watch me cry..."

Hi everyone!
The song lyrics of today are from the song I love the way you lie. I like that song. A lot. Its really good. For the first time ever I feel like I actually like eminem. I've gone in and out of my rap phases but threw all of them I never liked Eminem except for in Mockingbird. But now I'm liking the new songs that he's doing. I like Rihanna's part the most and I'm hoping the rap songs continue to trade of between rap and singing like in T.I. "Got your back", In B.o.b's "Airplanes, and now in "Love the way you lie". Musical therapy is one thing I truly believe in.

For the first time in ever I decided that everything I write in this blog I consider public knowledge now. I mean before I understood that any random person could read it so I took precautions so that if someone were to read it they wouldn't have me all figured out. Not every secret would be out. Thats over for me now. I'm taking a step further to give up caring on what people think. That control that my self consciousness had over me sucked. I'm over it now. I know it won't happen in an instant but from now on some of those things I held so close, my "Secrets" are free. If someone hates for them let them hate. If people love me for them let them love. But I've figured out that we live in a world where people will never ever be fully impressed by what you do. No matter what good things you do they'll still see the bad as well. So I'm gonna live for myself now. Experience the element of freedom

song of the day: Love the way you lie - Eminem, and Not afraid - Eminem

quote of the day:Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

Jealousy

Jealousy is interesting. Everyone has it. You know my favorite saying for jealous. I got it from the cheetah girls. Here its goes..."Green with Gucci envy". I just love that saying. I first read the cheetah girl books in elementary and I waked around saying things like cheetalicious and mamacita for about a year. But thats off the point this is about jealousy. I have recently been made really really really jealous. You know who I Caught the jealousy bug from. Olivia P. Marshall. She needs to be arrested for this. Jealousy wasen't in my vocabulary until she brought facebook back to my attention. I now become jealous a lot from other facebook users. And of course....other reasons.... other reasons too embarassing to even post on here. Tyra Banks may be able to admit it but I for one am too modest to admit what makes me the most jealous in life....oh well...its not like your curious to know or anything. I truley am trying to quit the jealousy thing though. really I am. Most of the people I envy aren't don't even own anything gucci, so green with gucci envy dosen't exactly work for me. But the truth is jealousy dosen't look good on anyone. It's also in the ten commandments not to want something of someone eles. Its a severe sin. I must get over it....now.

K it hasen't happened but i'm working on getting over it. *I will not be jealous* I will not be jealous* I will not be jealous*

still not working. i'll let u know when it does

Akward...

Are you ever put in awkward situations? I bet you are. See to me half of the normal situations are awkard. I don't know why. I guess my mind just dosen't come up with responses for unplanned situations. So if i'm on the phone with my mom or something about orchestra then she talks about something different my mind just comes up with some weird answer making the situation super awkard. Theres a lot of people I wish I could apolagize too. I'm better in person. But one person in paticular seems to make me feel the most awkard. And no its not prince or any other guy i've ever liked. Its not even someone that crosses my mind too much. Its just someone random that makes the situations random and makes me feel awkward. Its too weird. If my life was a t.v. show he'd be that random character that keeps showing up like the guy with the white afro from glee. haha. I bet everyone has someone like that in their life. Its weird. Anyways just thought I should share.

Oh by the way, does anyone think ... in conversations makes them awkward. when you ask a question and their like ... how do you even respond to that?

Guardian Angel

Do you believe in a guardian angel? Someone who looks out for you and makes sure your ok. Maybe their your grandmother who died before you were born, or your great great great great great great great grandpa adam or something. But someone who trys and makes life a little easier and happier for you when its necessary. I feel like that exsists sometime. Just now I was feeling really low. I don't know why I just was feeling helpless. Drowning in my self pity. But then things just suddenly looked up. As if someone set some pieces for me to feel better. Let people know how much I need someone to talk to, made sure my brother didn't press my buttons too much. It might just be luck or really the course of life but its an interesting thought for sure.

...

...

[those three dots stand for everything I can never find words to describe. For every feeling I feel right now. They say so much and nothing at all]

"Every girl wants you to be her man/But i'll wait right here till its myy turn/I'm not the kinda girl who gives up just like that/Oh no" - Atomic kits

Hi everyone!
Did the song of the day take you back? To a time when things were good and all you wanted was Lizzie to finally figure out gordo liked her. A time the atomic kittens were actually a comman known group. A time when you were 8 years old and thought you truley understood the lyrics. Thats what it does for me. In my mind this song happened to be a certain blond haired, blue eyed boy who everyone liked. I was in like third grade at the time, the word individuality didn't exsist and literally everyone liked the same boy. So everyone would sing that song and think, omg someday we'll all be with him and no one will be sad. yay! Well now reality is that the boy will only pick one girl, most likley she'll be a pretty skanky girl, you know trailor trash. Everyone else is dissapointed they wasted their money on all those cute clothes when reality is all they needed to do to get that guy was get naked. Thats high school for you.

You know what i'm starting to think? I'm starting to think that the best guys are the ones that are hidden. The one you don't notice at first glance? I feel like there seriously must be at least 1.5 billion guys out there who are quiet and invisible and remain unseen. You know the bachlor forever types. I bet that maybe they were just never seen. It's not their fault. I came to this conclusion when I thought about all the girls that I know that are never seen or noticed by the people of their affection. Those happen to be some of my best friends and I know for a fact their the sweetest people, way nicer then the trashy girl that ALWAYS ends up getting the guy. Ladies maybe we should all be on the look out for those quiet mysterious guys, open our eyes and see a little clearer?

But going back to the lyrics, another thing is that the guy that every wants. you know the one that we're all waiting for. He didn't exactly ask to be Mr. popular. Sure it seems like a given. Their usually fairly tall, gourgeous eyed, in shape, talented in some way or another but thats just what they were blessed with. They didn't ask for this. Every once in awhile you see a guy whos totally not even enjoying all the attention. Ok...it happened once in 7th grade but i'm sure that guy can't be the only one on the planet.

Anyways the message of the day from this blogger is persavere ladies. Keep hoping for that guy if hes worth the wait. One day, he'll notice you. If your past 28 though still pining on that guy from high school I suggest you move on. Hes probably already married.

song of the day: The tide is high - Atomic kittons

Quote of the day: "Everytime that I get the feeling/ You give me something to believe in/Everytime that I got you near me/I know the way that I want it to be/But you know that I'm gonna take my chance now/I'm gonna make it happen somehow/And you know I can take the pressure/A moment's pain for a lifetime pleasure"

Theres two more lonley people who gave up the fight/Im on a ride/U know my heart is achin' & u dont have to break it..."

Hey everyone!
The lyrics above are two a newer song that isen't as well known. Its called two less lonley people and it happens to be by Miley Cyrus. I've expressed my like for teen stars awhile before. I guess the fact that they don't have mature voices dosen't bug me as it bugs other people.

Anyway I chose these song lyrics because i'm going to talk a little about...looove. I like the lyrics, the way she discribed that if they stay together as a couple there are two less lonley people. Do you think thats enough of a reason to stay with someone? So that their not lonley? I don't think its enough reason to be in a full on relationship with someone but I think its a good enough reason to be friends with someone. Lonley-ness is seriously no joke. The feeling of being alone sucks. Because when people feel alone they start to wonder what they have to live for. And everyone should have some reason to live.

Relationships, relationships, relationships. They can bring so much joy and they can also bring a lot of pain. The things that cause relationship pain are so common its amazing that people are still doing them. Everyones gone threw it, from celebrities to regular people. Lets learn from their mistakes.

1. Don't cheat! Just don't do it! If your really tired of whoever your with just tell them. I'm sure they don't want you that much either if you want to cheat on them. Take the example of Tyra Banks. Her boyfriend started cheating on her then eventually she got a sense to go to their apartment and walked in on them. Don't let that happen to you!

2. Naked Pictures/and Sex tapes. This one hits home because I actually know someone who did that a loong time ago. For starters what do you need it for? Can't you just live it, if your in that good of a relationship. Second of all, even though it feels like your in serious love you may not be in this much love forever. Then that other person will always have something on you. Its illegal, they could throw your butt in jail and i'm not talking about the picture!

3. When a guy/girl disrespects your family and your friends that probably means they will never respect you either. Take that as a sign. Anyone who starts being rude to the people around you dosen't deserve to be with you. Although it seems rare, there are nice people out there who would never do that. Hellooo I'm single! haha.

4. Don't you ever stay with someone who hits you. I'm dead serious on that one. It seems like you have no way to get out but you do. That person does not really love you if they enjoy to hurt you. If you feel like your in a realtionship where you can't get out then comment on this. I'll help you some way some how. But leave the loser. This goes for men too. I know theres some men out there with a barbaric freaky wife/girlfriend whos beating on him. Don't be embarassed. Speak up!

5. Be careful with sex. I really don't have to say more then that. Everyone has their own beliefs on this whole sex issue but all I can say is be careful, because it has long term ties that people don't often think about. Ties that stay with you forever. Threw break ups, through divorce. So just be careful.

I never realized how many people out there, especially girls are with bad people. I've seen it with my own two eyes and sometimes other people can see what the person themselves can't see. If you think you see someone whos in a relationship thats causing them more pain then pleasure then speak up. Really? You can make a world of a difference to just that one person.

song of the day: Two more lonley people - Miley Cyrus

quote of the day: Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

the above quote is long too but you should still read it

I'm not afraid to take a stand/Everybody come take my hand/We'll walk this road together threw the storm/Whatever weather, cold or warm..."

Hello World!
I feel like i'm not blogging as much as I used too. These last few days i've been really pre- occupied with writing the book and writting songs. The songs i've written have been ok. One of them I plan on writting a piano accompnimant for tommorow. I want to have a big variety of pieces before I hit seattle. I asked my parents for a microphone and recording computer programs again. Their exact words were "no". then I said "please?" they replied with "no". So there goes that idea. I don't want to get too into the whole writing music thing though. I don't want to set myself up for dissapointment. I like to make goals for myself that I know I can reach. I'm a big dreamer but when it comes to living my real life I keep myself in check. I don't like to be dissapointed so I make sure not to do things that set me up for that feeling.

I just finished reading the book glass which is the sequal to crank by ellen hopkins. Its a really good book series. That was the first book i've read that helped me understand addiction a little more. My brain just said addiction is something that happens to born losers. Which I Still kind of believe. I coulden't even fall in love with anyone that was addicted to drugs. Lets learn from the mistakes of others, Janet Jackson tried it and thats the one project of hers that never succeeded. But anyways I think people should really understand why some of this stuff is illegal. If all these diffrent kind of drugs were truley just a way for "stress relef" then of course the government would allow it. Spas aren't illegal are they? My point is that that stuff does things to your body that will end up killing you. What I don't understand is how do people fall in the trap in the first place?

We're living in a mean, cruel world people. The things that are on this earth at the moment are scary. Have fear. Not only fear of all the diffrent kind of mexican drugs, and cigars and all this stuff. But fear of the way the earth is poluting. The terrible disasters happening all over the world. What we need to do here is pray and ask god for help. You have to have faith because if you don't then you must believe that this earth is doomed. I know they say one person can make a diffrence but this problem is really too big. Its impossible for one person to reach all the meth users of the world. Its impossible. But what we have to do , we being whoevers reading this is be the ones to be diffrent. To do less of the bad.

Well I kind of started ranting there.... thanks for reading!

song of the day:

quote of the day: Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred.How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children out into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?


read the above quote, I know its long but its good.

"It hurt/I cried no one understood/Left me behind didn't take what look at what could have been"

I wrote a new song, literilly like 30 minutes ago. I just recorded it and decided to share. When I get a change i'm gonna try to re-record it and fix some things but here is your first look at over and over again by Mariam


Lyrics:
Sometimes I wonder how it got this far
Thinkin' maybe, it was all my fault
I was young and naive
Didn't know for sure
If love and pain
worked hand in hand

At first it was unbelievable
that someone could care so much
He was the perfect gentleman
Never once corssed the line
Who knew...that he was reeling me in
to break my heart over and over again

It hurt, I cried
no one understood
left me behind didn't take one look
at what could have been

He made me feel so beautiful
But in his heart, I was just a little girl, too easy
Someone whos mind was pretty busy
Too busy to to see the lies in his blue eyes

So now i've learned to never trust
I've closed my heart
Don't wanna feel the broken peices
Stayin away from lying faces

I still wonder if my heart will ever heal
enough to feel
Its the price you have to pay
when your hearts been broken over and over again

(Chorus)



I think i'll youtube it after I practice it more and stuff. This was just the first expiriment with it.

"You may say i'm a dreamer/ But i'm not the only one/I hope some day you'll join us/ & the world will live as one" - John Lennon "Imagine"

Hey everyone!
The song title of the day must be one of the most famous ones throughout the world. People all over have heard the song Imagine. It happened to be my 6th grade graduation song. That line has always stuck out to me. The one that starts "you may say i'm a dreamer...". It makes me think that of course John Lennon is a a dreamer, how on earth would he have become the music legend that he is if he didn't have a dream. I feel like one thing people should know, is having a dream is everything. Without one theres no way you can reach the highest level of sucsess because you don't know you want. But if you have a strong dream, that benefits other people in an appropriate way, I think that the chances are pretty strong of it happening. Me, along with many otheres always think Martin Luther King when the idea of a dream comes. He had a dream for himself, his children, and for America. His dream is being lived today. All because he believed in it.

I think i've talked about the Law of Attraction on this blog before. I was pretty amazed when I first heard about it. Its this theory that if you truley believe in something and think about the dream you have a lot, the world will some how make it happen for you. There are a lot of people who believe that their luck happened due to this theory. I feel like the law of attraction is kind of like a silent prayer. Your thinking without being full aware that god is listening and if you get lucky the dream you have in your head is what hes been planning for you all along.

What goes hand in hand with a dream though is persaverence. Being sure that you wont give up on your dreams when things are looking kind of tough and people are doubting you, you become your biggest fan and stick to your idea. When your dreams do come true you'll be glad that you sticked to it and made a diffrence in your life, and in hope the life of many otheres in a positive way.

song of the day: Imagine - John Lennon

quote of the day: I have a dream that my four little children will one day life in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character - Martin Luther King jr.

"I dont know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first fearless" - Taylor Swift

Dear Blog!
I've misssed you. I feel like its been forever since I wrote. I guess the last week in general has been a week full of self discoveries. It was a good week though because I got to hang out with my friend Samira, good times. We did some fun stuff and ofcourse I have a life long amount of things to laugh about now... we say the weirdest things when we're tired. I also went shopping and I just realized that i'm going to seattle in like two weeks. I'm kind of excited. Seattle will be good for me, and my music. I think i'm going to try to be more dedicated to the songs that I write. There must be a reason why I got a somewhat talent of writting all kinds of diffrents songs. It would be wrong for me to just use them selfishly. I also want to be dedicated to my story. If i'm lucky i'll finish "volume one" of my story by the end of the summer. I now have a new feeling of where I want it to go. But part of me thinks maybe the stoy is just a bit unhealthy because it makes me think about the characters and how great it would be for them to be in love and it makes me want that love more. Is that weird?

This summer from the time it began has been about being fearless for me and I drastically failed yesturday. I was dissapointed in myself. Who hasen't been scared before? We all have moments and things that we're scared of. Weather it be the future and what it holds. Fear of not succeeding. Fear of being a bad person. Fear of not being loved. And a million and one other things that people worry about every day. But i'm thinking that if you want to get ahead in life you have to be able to take risks. Put your self out there and be exposed because if you don't then life will be moving around you and you'll be in pause. I don't want to be in pause. Pause sucks. I haven't really decided what I want to do with this new fearlessness except for work on it and be a little more confident. Not cocky, confident. :)

Yesturday was the fourth of July, thats the day when we celebrate America's independence. For those you who live in the U.S. do you realize how lucky you are? For some countries like russia and North Korea the idea of freedom of speech is still unheard of. We live in a nation where you can be anywhere you want to be and everyone has an oppurtunity to be someone. Weather it be a hobo or the presidents child everyone is equal. You get so used to this lifestyle that you sometimes forget that America being this nation is a blessing. Yes it has it's problems like every other nation but hey the good parts of America definatly over shadow the bad things.

song of the day: Ridin' solo - Jason Deurulo (I love how I discovered that song before it made the top ten like years ago.)

quote of the day: All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers.