risks

Hello everyone! just for the record this is blog number 235! Thank you to all the people who have stuck through and read all the blogs so far. I'll keep it up no worries. So is life treating you good? I really really really really hope it is! And you know this whole good or bad thing is all about your mindset. If you convice yourself that your haveing a good time, eventually you will be having one. Im almost positive on that one. You know how im always talking to you readers about taking risks. Well I feel like I haven't talked to you about that one so im going to refresh your memory.

There are many ways to think of life. Some think of it as a ticking clock. The tock clicks every second, until one day time goes on without you. Unfortunetly all people must die, and no one really knows when their time will come! I'm not trying to be a downer but its just the truth. The way I think of it sometimes is you can live life the safe way, you know color in the lines. Never drive too fast, or do anything to "Crazy". Or you could live a life with enjoyment. Where you follow your heart and go whereever it leads you. If you feel like Bunji jumping you strap up and jump of the bridge. It theres some kind of talent competition you enter. Keep in mind that all those people that we admire started of just like us. The Jackson 5 started going to talent competitions all around the country from the time they were all under 18. Think about it, if for some reason michael or jackie or somebody got scared and never entered we would not have had the great music of any of the jacksons! It all involved taking a risk. Facing the possibility that those talent judges might hate you. But they got on stage and danced and sang and they judges loved them. It was well worth taking the risk don't you think?

Think of all those men out there who are deep in love. But the idea of proposing probably scares them out of thier mind. Think about it, they are asking someone to give the rest of their life to them. I hadn't really thought deeply about it until I recently saw valentines day. Ashton Kutcher plays the proposal boy. And anyways its a big deal. They have no way of really knowing if you even are in love with them. No one can read anyones mind. Yet they still by the ring and get down on one knee. Or hold a girl and walk her around the table three times. Whatever it is you and people like you do to symbolize the comitment its a big deal! None of which would be done without taking a ....risk? Get the picture here. All of the good things in life you achieve by risk. By opening that math book a few extra times and making sure you memorize for that test risking the chance of failing anyways. Purusing that dream of opening a bakery. Its all done with risks. So go out there and take some healthy risks. If it dosen't work out for the best then, i'm sorry. I've been there and I know it feels sucky. But eventually life goes on and you realize its a good thing that it worked out that way.

song of the day: Dream Big - David cook (even though archadorable should have won)

quote of the day: If you dont dream big, whats the use in trying?

Lets catch up on the world

I realize that lately my blog has been me, me, me. I'm sorry about that. I've been treating it as kind of a journal to help get my ideas out and such but I'll fill you in on what has been going on in the world lately. The Olympics' have been going on and although I haven't really watched I hear they've been pretty good. A big win for the U.S. was beating Canada at hockey. Their the best as you would imagine and its amazing that we managed to beat them at that. America has a total of 36 medals, 9 of which are gold and right behind us at second place is Germany who has a total of 29 medals, 10 that are gold. In my spanish class we have a german exchange student and her side of the class have been really competing with her on the whole olympic thing. She takes it well though. I don't think I would be able to go to school in a foreign country. We also have exchange students from paraguay and one of the boys came and played his instrument for us on friday. It was a hard, but it was wooden and shaped completely different. It also had a different sound, so it wasn't really boring classical music. It was really upbeat salsa type music that they call polka. Not Steve Erkel Polka but Paraguan polka.

It has been pretty boring in the celebrity world but a lot of them are currently putting a ring on it. Carrie Underwood is engaged to the NFL player Mike Fisher. I am happy for her. Now she has someone to sing those love songs too and weddings are always fun. Hillary Duff is engaged to a hockey player which is also good news. It seems like yesterday when Hillary was the Hannah Montana of our time. Its amazing how fast time goes by. Katy Perry has of course been engaged for a while, I don't really like her fiance though.

Recently there was this whale attack. I saw something on CNN about it. The lady was blond in a scuba diver outfit and she had her hair in a ponytail. She works for sea world and does those shows where you play with the whale and ride on its back and get it to do all kinds of things. Well the whale caught her ponytail and what happened next is kind of unsure. I know for a fact that she's dead and there were people watching it happen. I feel bad for all those people who were of course in shock and ran screaming. This whale in particular had killed 2 other people before. So their debating on whether to kill it or not. I am personally not the kind of person who really feels for animals. I don't know why but its never been in me. I think they shouldn't kill it, but they should put it back to the wild where the only thing it can eat is other animals. Cause if they do kill it what if it eats someone else in the process. I really admire those people who go into animal fields. it takes some guts.

There was also an earthquake in Chile yesterday. My prayers go out to all those people and their families. This world is turning into a scary play. Two earthquakes within two months. What exactly does this mean? Is it the fact that we aren't caring for the environment enough? Or is it something else out of our control. We also had an interesting conversation over dinner a few weeks back when we had some extended "Family" over. We were debating on who causes earthquakes, God or the Devil. I never really thought about it but within the same religions some people thing that everything good or bad is the plan of God. And then others think that if something is bad God didn't cause it it was the devil. I don't really know where my standing is but I would like to believe I believe in a God who loves his people and hates to see them suffer. A forgiving God who can see past the mistakes that we make while we are on earth. But I don't know, Its one of those things that will remain un-answered.

Song of the day: In my head - Jason Deurlo

Quote of the day: Life must be understood backwards, but... it must be lived forward.

Last Piece of news: Marie Osmonds son has commuted suicide on friday. I don't really know who's who in the Osmand family because their so many but it is top news.

dream

Hey people! So its sunday and I just got back from church but I really cant shake this dream I had last night. It was clearer than most. Oh wise one once told me that when a person falls asleep their souls are kind of floating around and if your soul happens to meet up with other peoples then their in your dream. What I remember of my dream was that I was in a museum with Olivia, Akira, and Taz. We went to go see things and inside the museum was J.D. It wasn't like a weird fairy tale dream it was really realistic. We weren't talking or anything, but we were sneaking glances as we went along the museum.

So the guy J.D. who happens to go to school was walking around with a motorcycle helmet and this bike thing and weirdly every once in awhile he would morph into prince who does not go to school with me. But long story short we wandered around and then we got outside and I Was supposed to get in a car with my friends but instead J.D. (for the moment) got in the car and hooked up this motorcycle and was going to drive off. I was desperately searching for a ride and in 2 different cars i saw janae and this blond girl from choir. I've never talked to either of those people. But then J.D. looked sadley behind. He got out of the car and then he handed me this bottle and inside was this water. Before he had given it to be he was swishing it in his mouth and it was gross because I'm even a germophob in my dreams. but he handed me the bottle and I held on to it for dear life like it was some kind of a gift.

I don't really know how I got home but eventually I did. And then I got a text from akira. The the text was very realistic and long. And it started out talking about how people who get in accidents die virtually painlessly and a lot of information. As I scrolled through all that it said, "i'm sorry to tell you but J.D. was in a car accident and is gone but he has no more pain now. blah blah blah". Then I started crying (this is not an uncommon thing for me in dreams). I gave her a call and then she picked up the phone and she was like hello , who is this? And I just started pouring tears and she was like i'm so sorry mariam. So I cried for awhile then I transported to the mortuary where they keep the bodies. Well J.D. was there for awhile and then he morphed into a dead blond girl. And there were these two men fighting for her body then suddenly I was looking through the eyes of that guy. And being chased by a gun by this other guy with a brown beard and frontal balding. He had a gun and was following us on horse and buggy. Thats when I woke up.

Is that not weird that it was so vivid. Tears were still falling as I got up. I don't know if I went to bed a little dissapointed so I was sad. Or if it has something to do with reading the time travelers wife before I feel asleep. It was all in all a weird dream. Dream analyzers are free to take guesses on what this means

J.D. who? Plan what? Prince.... Prince...Prince...... Does that say enough? I could just leave it at that and not mind, but I guess I should start with the beginging of the day and work my way to the end. I woke up fairley early for a saturday but I always feel dumb getting up early. So I stayed in bed and daydreamed for like an hour; then I started reading Push which is the book Precious was based off of. It wasen't great as I thought it would be , because is written in mispelled ghetto language. I could understand it all but it just made the book less phenomenal. I think this may be one situation where I liked the movie more than the book. The movie goes into painful detail about things and as much as I normally like that Its not that great when shes descibing certain things. I wouldn't really sugest it. But anyways I finished the whole book.



The afterwards I went into my room and I was feeling musical, so I recorded songs. All of the songs I have ever written are now on my ipod. I also felt like my voice was better today. Sometimes I feel like I have a really good voice, and other times I feel like I suck. But today was a pretty upbeat voice day. And I also attempted to record myself playing the piano and singing. That went pretty well but I had to clip the mike unto my shirt. Part of the plan was I would ask prince about the programs and stuff he useds to find beats for his songs and record them that way but it never happened...Anyways so I sang and played the piano a lot and before I knew it it was 3.



So I showered and started beautifing. I wanted to look out of this world fantastic. I didnt look that good but I looked a smigin better than I normally do. I did a little eye make up and wore by black and grey striped sweater dress with the matching scarf. I then wore my miley cyrus leggings and some flats. My hair was decently straight and looked pretty good. I also smelled amazing using my good purfume just in case someone important were to get close to me ;) Anyways so I was ready to go and we headed in the car with our awesome cd that I made for my father for his birthday. It had a ton of old songs on it and we had fun listening to it and singing along. Where were you going you ask? We were going to Natasha's 7th birthday party. Shes a family friend of ours. It was in olathe. So we got ready and left and everything and we got there a late but for african people we were early. So we drove around the block and then stopped our second time around when we saw uncle Adam and his kids get out of their van.



We then got out and greeted everyone. He has crazy kids. But their very cute and sweet. So I played with them for ahwile and the other kids. Then I sat down like a mature adult when Sona got there. She was introducing me to this other girl that I was supposed to be instantly friends with. It didn't really work, she was in 7th grade. Nice but we really had nothing to converse about. So the clock is ticking then more and more people show up. We eat and then the funniest thing happens. So Sona comes up to me and is like "is chris brown and them coming?" It just made me laugh, yes Samira your part of "chris brown and them" :) It was funny but eventually chris brown (Prince, you know whatever you want to call the handsome guy) and "them" did show up. I was excited to see my friend Samira and to have someone not little to talk too. So we hung out and I knew that she really knows me well , when I was totally day dreaming and she noticed!!! I've been guy dreaming for like 4 days now and no one even noticed but she did! What a good friend.



Anyways time fasts forward and I realize I havent talked to Prince yet. I was going too today. I wasn't going to be over the top flirty but the plan was we were going to communicate and I would take advantage of the time we had. For the record we have talked before. This isn't a celebrity love type of things. Somedays we can talk for quite sometime, and other days we dont even communicate. Its a weird non-relationship between a quiet girl and a guy whos WAY out of her league. Anyways I just got an intuition that I should go downstairs and talk to him! And I didnt want to go by myself but I could not convince my friend to go down with me. She thought it would be weird! but anyways I just felt a pull from above saying go talk to A. maybe even hug A. do something! But I didnt I just sat. I was having fun though. The clock ticked some more. tick tick tick. Then Samira/Prince's brother told me my dad was calling me so I went downstairs and their my dad along with prince and mini prince (younger brother, I figure if I keep some names confidential I should keep them all that way). My dad told me to get ready and to go pack food. So I did.



Then there was this point where I was ready to go and I was on the stairs but he was communicating to someone else so I decided to make small talk with "Adera (I swear she cant spell her own name)" untill he was done. Well he didn't really finish. So I went out the door and I still felt like I should say something, but I didnt (and on the contorary neither did he!! I guess i did not look cute enough today). But anyways I sadly walked to the car and then I dont know what got into me. I got angry then just plain sad about yet another missed oppurtunity. What an epic failure. I suck! Dont be like me readers, don't be like me.



p.s. if for some weird reason prince is reading this, then yes most likley you know who you are and I feel stupid for posting this online. But anyways Im happy your reading and what I was going to say was....Hey, how are you? And a lot of other small talk until we got in deep conversations and you realized that im not just another boring african girl but i'm pretty awesome! some day you'll get to realize this but I guess yesturday wasn't the right time

p.s. if your not prince then you didnt really have to read the above paragraph

song of the day: I wanna know - Joe



quote of the day: we are never so defensless against suffering as when we love.

yes! its friday!

Hey everyone! I am so pumped!! I just got back from an increadibly fun basketball game! Freestate was playing LHS. Now for those of you who are not lucky enough to live in lawrence kansas i'll fill you in. Lawrence has a total of two high schools. Lawrence high was the original high school thats been here for years. Their big thing is "tradition", a.k.a their school is old. Freestate is a new school that is no more than 10 years old and has all kinds of new stuff. The kids from the "west and north side" go to freestate. Recently both schools got new football fields but someone made an annonymous donation to free state giving us a concession stand, bathrooms, and a better field in general. In december, Free State's basketball team beat LHS's at freestate. Our basketball statium also happens to have a bigger student section then theres.

So anyways the basketball teams play each team twice and today was the second time for us to play LHS. At first I was iffy about going but Olivia convinced me and offered me a ride (thanks). So she picked me up around 4:45 and we headed out getting good seats. The girls game was pretty decent. LHS did a "whiteout". This means that they all wore white and when they do a white out they really do it. It was like a sea of white. We were supposed to be doing a blackout but the shirts they were selling for that were $12 and not enough people got it so we just wore school colors. We won the first game and by then the stands were packed full. A ton more people showed up for the boys game because thats more exciting but they had no where to sit. Guess who was sitting two rows down and to the right from me? Plan. :) (looking cute in his red hat)

Right before the boys started playing, LHS gets up and starts playing "Kids of america". Oh no they didn't. I'll give you the history of this too. Recently I blogged about a video that we made backwards. Well LHS had made a video before that and it was frontwards and just sucked. The song that they lip synched to was Kids of America. We posted our video on wensday and then the night of they hacked our screen and afte rthe first few seconds they put stuff about how great lhs was. Then someone hacked theirs and we got payback. So everyone was on edge about this video thing because it was yet another thing we were competing about.

So they play kids of america and are all singing along and we are just in shock at how low they've gotten. But then it gets worse. They pull up a banner that says, " Your just jealous, $ can't buy tradition". Uggggh. That sucked. But thank goodness someone got smart and all of freestate turned around like their too ugly to even watch or pay attention too. we couldn't really get back at them with that. The best payback was to win and we totally did. We beat them by over 10 points. LHS also has a dirty mouth, when theres a bad call or someone on their team does bad we just go boo. But they just say "bull shi*, bull shi*" over and over and over again. That is their favortie thing to say. The thing we both say that I think is awful is "You let the whole team down, you let the whole team down", when someone misses a free throw. It was a great game though and we won once again. As my friend put it, who owns this town? FREE STATE!

song of the day: Love in this club - usher

quote of the day: Your just jealous, $ can't buy tradition (the money thing was hinting at the fact that people that are better off go to F.S.)

Assembly

Today was the most. amazing. day. ever! I haven't had a day like this in a long time, it was much needed. You may have noticed I had a total mood change from yesturday. That heavy heart turned into a very very very happy heart. It started this morning when I got to zero hour orchestra and we didnt have to do anything. it was one big study hall!!! That went by pretty fast just hanging out with my friends. Then after that I went to spanish where we just talked and played games. then....it was seminar time! I was pretty happy because I didn't have to stay in seminar and could go hang out in ms. hunts room and just practice and watch. Help out also. When I got there there was a few of the diversity club people and Plan( very very very very very very very very hot guy) was practicing his m.j. tribute. It may have been kind of rough yesturday but today it was great. Then the rap was being practiced then guess what present for mariam dropped off by god stopped by? Jacob. :)

I really dont understand how just seeing a guy can make me heart turn upside down but it can. He just kind of hung around and he brought his friend. Here comes the possibly good or bad news. So For your information I think I looked hella cute today. I was wearing a new dress of mine that was black and than had this black, pink, silver, and white design on the bottom with leggings and my little coat. I felt gorgeous. That also helped lift my mood. But anyways bake to jacob. So we were practicing the song and I was singing with the other girls. At first he was at the perfect angle where he could see my and then he moved behind me with his friend onto the couch. Then suddenly this guy who was next sitting in the chair next to me, J.D., and this other dude started talking, and it seemed like they were talking about me. At first I thought I was day dreaming but Akira saw and noticed too. Then I felt someone walk behind me, and then he kind of stuck his head out like he was trying to see what I look like. I couldn't tell but Akira let me knwo that it was J.d's friend. And if Im right he was telling them that I liked him. Which means he acknoledges it. During the group picture guess who stood by me, J.D.

Math rolls by, then it is time for the big MLK assembly. I was basically shaking at that point, my heart was in a not. But I was excited all the same. I sat next to akira and sarah who both then ran to the bathroom for a final mirror check. Then guess who comes in? J.D. He walks in the rooma and is looking at me whos smiling, then he comes and sits next to me. But then before he sits his butt down he turns around (sees blond skank) and sits a seat down for me. :( But its cool because he moved from there anyways and went to sit with the boys. The assembly started and we all gave our little speeches. We had a speaker come and talk to us about MLK's message and everything. J. read a poem which was nicley and cutley read. Then the michael jackson tribute came on. It was roking in there the very very very very cute guy, plan, did fantastic. Then the rap happened. This wasn't just your average rap, mike the guy who was singing it has a record label and a cd called first paycheak. It was good.

The plan was that us diversity club girls would go up from during his performance and be like oh mike, and try to get him to touch us but I was a little shakey about the idea. This wouldn't be weird because the assembly was filled with people shouting out and stuff. It was just a fun get together. Some of the girls did go up and it started this huge ordeal where a lot of people went up and surrounded him. It was a sucsess. A few more speeches and such later, it was towards the end of our assembly and time for our song. Everyone was pumped from the rap so we got a good response. it went well. Really really well. I was proud to be a part of it. And this is all what created my fantastic, amazing, phenomenal, perfect day.

Song of the day: Lean on me - Club nuvo (we be jamin, we be jamin :) )

2/24/10

Have you ever heard the saying with a heavy heart, or her heart was heavy? Well my heart was heavy today. Ever since the school bell rang I had a weird feeling like a not in my heart. Of course I was praying and hoping it wasn't a disease and I wasn't gonna drop dead, but I figured it was my intuition. So I walk into the MLK assembly practice. Guess who's there? No Im sorry it wasn't Taylor Lautner or Prince but he was almost as cute. It was J.D. My heart totally jumped. He noticed me walk in but next to him was this stupid, ugly, blond skank!!! Any questions about how I feel about her? Anyways so we all sat in there and J.D. was making everyone laugh with his voices on the microphone. But next to him was always her. Giggling all skanky like. But I acted my part as an outsider well and acted like it was no big deal.

Getting back to the practice though, I read my little passage and it went well. Then I was waiting and looking at what everyone else was doing. Some bad news though, the step team was falling apart. But there was a michael jackson tribute and you all know how much I love those. Well, it was a little disappointing but you know what wasn't? The guy singing it. His names plan and he was CUTE! Then there was this rapper who did fantastic. I thought he was gonna suck but he had it all put together and did everything right. The beat was awesome and I just wanted to dance the whole time. We'll see how it goes and i'll defiantly let you know.

So aren't you still curious about why my heart was heavy? It was heavy because...I got on facebook and saw that J.D. was in a relationship with blondie. it made me realize that that part of my heart set for love is now shared between two men. And it felt like someone squeezed my heart. My heart feels heavy, this isn't the first time he has gone out with someone but it still really really hurts. But life goes on....

song of the day: Hey mama - kanye west

quote of the day:[A] final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works.