"People got, they got me questioning : where is the love?"

Feelings, emotions, the work. All of that is what I bring and pour out here. I'm happy in a relationship. Really happy. My boyfriend makes me happy when skies are grey. We've almost been together for a year and overcome every hurdle you could ever imagine. The things that I for sure thought would break us didn't. It gave us a strong, loving relationship that I thank God for. He's my everything. The cream to my oreo cookie. The frosting to my cupcake. My light in the darkness. The only one I never get tired of spending time with. The person I love waking up and falling asleep next to. My everything. I'm so happy I found him. With feelings of love as much as these comes a protective side that I could have never imagined. I don't want him to get hurt or messed with by other people at all. I know what he's already been through and the thought of him going through more breaks my heart. What sucks about this particular situation are the people I feel I have to protect him from are his own family members. Family is everything to me. I have a pretty tight nit family with my parents, brother, aunt and uncle. There are lots of cousins that are basically family. All my aunts and uncles are people I can be real with. They know me and love me just the way I am. I understand that this kind of relationship is hard to find anywhere else. You only get one family and those are the people you want to be with. Because that feeling is something everyone needs. Not to mention the holidays are coming up. I know he wants to be with them for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I would love for him to feel like my family is his family, but I can tell that thats just not there yet. He isn't extremely comfortable around any of my family members. It also doesn't help that we're African. There will be no dirty rice or stuffing at our Thanksgiving dinner. He'll be lucky if there is macaroni and cheese or mashed potatoes.

When I think about holidays and things like that, it becomes clear that he needs them. I get it. But every time he trusts them or lets them in, even when he thinks they're not the enemy...they become that. They prove him wrong. He breaks because it hurts more when the one who hurt you is the one that is close to you. His brother recently stepped back in to his life. He claimed that he wasn't associating with his other family members either, but I knew in my soul that that was a lie. I had the opportunity to let it play out and make him learn from himself, but everythings on facebook. I couldn't help but get the answers I need. Within the first post, it was clear that he still had a relationship with them. Because his family members are the kind of people that put everything on social media, it's easy to see what they're up to. I decided to send him what I saw, but have mixed feelings about it. Maybe I was wrong for doing that. Maybe I should have let him try it and find out what it really is for himself. Maybe I should have just not said anything and he could go on building a delusional relationship with his brother but at least feel like he has family or someone he can lean on close by. He hasn't responded to my message, and I am incredibly worried that I interfered with family stuff that was none of my business. But I would want someone to do that for me. Make me see the obvious. I lost a friend the same way trying to make her see these things about her baby daddy. Now I don't say anything. I saw that he was in town and don't know if she knows, but just didn't say anything. I let it be. I build a lot of friendships and relationships because I'm a good listener and here all the stories. But then knowing all this stuff makes me protective of them. I just don't want to cross the line or appear to be the women keeping a man from his family.

He got invited to his nieces birthday party. He wants to go. Do I want him to go? No, because his other evil family members who talk behind his back and smile at his face will be there. Also because his family members haven't said the nicest things to me. They've hurt my feelings to the point of me crying plenty of times before. There are also at least 2 women my boyfriend has sex with on the invite list. Both will likely come, because it's rare they get invited to anything at all. We should really say 2 and counting, because he was with his fair share of people before me. I just don't feel comfortable around those, excuse my language, bitches. But I would never keep him from it. I would give him a ride and help him pick out a present. His niece is the high end of what I think is the perfect age groups with little girls. They start to appreciate purses, lip glosses, and Claire's club stuff while still loving dolls and everything that makes kids kids. So if he goes, I get to pick the gift and wrap it. I will definitely be praying over the entire situation. Thank goodness for an opportunity to put my thoughts into the world. This blog gives me life.