Kids Say the Darnest Things

Adulthood is weird. It's the weirdest part of my life so far. I've always known that people put an emphasis on how honest children are. I never really stopped to think that that emphasis exists because most people aren't so honest. This is one of the first years that I've experienced how closed off people are. It's the first year that I've become semi closed off myself. I experienced some life changing news and instead of turning to my friends or texting people around me right away, I've kept it to myself. The only people that are aware are my boyfriend, aunt, and parents. I've managed to stay relatively fake in all other situations, but I am avoiding some things. People from school keep wanting to be friends and I'm not interested. Like I want to work on school stuff together and help each other out, but I hate that that means having to listen to them talk and complain about their personal lives. The experience I'm having with the classmate kind of just emphasized my decision to keep more things to myself. Everyone is carrying a burden of some sort. Sometimes the burden is too heavy for them to carry theirs and yours. Sometime they don't know you well enough to be able to give you the honest truth, opinions, or really do more than just listen. That's what I mostly do. Listen and respond with positivity whenever I can. I do this, because I know how important it is for people to have someone to listen. Everyone wants someone who can understand. My classmate and I have being a first generation American in common. To be honest, it's not something I think about that often. I feel as American as everyone else most days.  I love my african culture and it's a big part of me, because I chose to make it a big part of me. A lot of my counterparts choose to ignore their heritage. They don't speak the language or learn about where they came from, because their roots are here. I can completely understand that. I definitely relate more to people here than there. I relate to first generation africans the most though.

I got off subject but the point was I feel like adulthood is full of a lot of lies. I know for a fact my friends are going through some things and they don't really feel comfortable talking to anyone about them. It makes me sad that they don't see me as someone they can open up to. Mostly because them closing off makes me closed off too. But this is out of my control. I have to learn to be independent. I'm very friend dependent. I always like having people to lean on and share my life with. Experience things with. But at the end of the day it's my life. I'm experiencing it. No one  else is feeling what I feel or seeing the world through my eyes. So I have to be okay with experiencing it as just me.