"You Break Me Like a Promise. So Casually Cruel in the Name of Being Honest"

After about three months of avoidance, I'm ready to write this blog. Like any writer, or wanna be writer I built up to this moment. I played piano for an hour and went through every dramatic Taylor Swift Song I know how to play. Then I let myself listen to the ones I can't play on my phone. Last Kiss is currently playing for those who are curious. We just got to my favorite line in this piece, "You can plan on a change in the whether or time, but I never planned on you changing your mind". He changed his mind. Who is he you ask? Dave from the blog titled "If You Need More Love From Me, I'll Give You More. Just Let Me Know". It was actually the blog that ended our textuationship for good. After writing down all the thoughts going through my mind and how I felt, it seemed only right to send him the link. It could've gone up or down, but it went down. I can't say I'm too surprised. Every time I wanted to talk about what we are, what he wants to become, and how I feel about him he avoided the subject like the plague. Probably because he knew deep in his heart that he didn't want to be anything. Even though this thought completely contradicted stuff he previously said. We didn't talk about the blog, he just stopped talking to me.

As much as I wish I could say it was easy to cut that bitch off *snip, snip* it wasn't. I attempted to talk about the blog, completely change the subject, snapchat him photos worthy of the pretty titty committee, asked if he wanted to have sex, and sent a cute video of me. Some attempts got reactions and others didn't but none of them did the trick. He moved on. Away from me. I honestly don't think that I did anything wrong. He didn't give me an opportunity to show him who I am in person or see how we click. He didn't give me an opportunity to get closure and talk about what exactly I did to push him over the edge. He didn't sadly say goodbye or angrily tell me to leave him alone. He left my life just as quickly and quietly as he came into it. I didn't cry like I thought I would. I didn't sulk, because honestly who has the time? I put to practice two pieces of advice given to me by two of my three beautiful line sisters. I used the "sleep it away method". The one day I really was hurt and just slept and woke up brand new. Then I deleted all the messages he didn't respond to/said dumb stuff too up to the last good conversation and left it at that. That's what I wanted to remember. He left me with questions, but mostly lessons. I learned what I want and want I should avoid the next time. I also closed myself off more. Some things I learned about what I want in the future.

1. A man that is courteous. Courteous is defined as polite, respectful, or considerate. These are three important traits in any of lifes many relationships. If you're polite, you wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt my feelings. If you're respectful you'll be upfront with me, and if you're considerate you won't waste my time when you know that I'm not the one for you.

2. A man that doesn't have too many female friends. I'm not as secure as I thought I was. If you have ten female friends who are all unmarried, it'll make me curious and I'll waste precious moments of my life instagram stalking for MCM posts or some signs that they don't want you just like I do. It also makes me question your sexuality just a little bit. Cause if you're not into them, and they're not into you, then maybe you all are too comfortable together.

3. A man that has a freaky side. I can take nice, awkward Christian boy. There's nothing wrong with that, and I think it's cute when boys are slightly nervous. But if I want to be flirty or tap into a different side of our relationship, you should be ready to do that too. There's nothing attractive about me having to take that kind of lead.

4. A man that has good conversation skills. That's the number one thing I miss about Dave. Our conversations. We talked about everything from his friends, to my friends, to greek life, to Ferguson, and political activism. The conversations were fun and enlightening and that's something I really desire to have in a relationship.

5. A man that is close. Living in the same city is important, because then you have mutual friends or acquaintances and he doesn't get to be such a mystery all the time. If you're having a bad day, he can easily be there for you. You can actually do things together.

6. A man that doesn't need an app or a website to approach me. Once that life brings to me and is brave enough to speak and let their feelings and intentions be known.

7. A man that won't leave. The end.

Songs of the Day :

Clean by Taylor Swift
All Too Well by Taylor Swift
You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift
Forever and Always by Taylor Swift
White Horse by Taylor Swift
Last Kiss by Taylor Swift

If you're ready to let and move on to what's next, these songs will get you through it. Quickly and efficiently. They're all fairly easy to play on the piano too.

Quote of the day: "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly".