How do you measure a year in the life?

I've never seen rent, but everyone knows the song. You know, seasons of love?

The song asks :

" In daylights, in sunsets, in midnight's
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life? "

I'm a week away from completing my first year of college. It feels like just started yesterday and couldn't pronounce the names of any of the buildings. My cousin walked me from the parking lot, because I had no idea where I was. I was amazed that the chairs in college are actually comfortable and freaked out a little every time I walked by the basketball players I spent all these years watching on television. Now I can pronounce building names, don't get as awestruck (most of the time), and feel used to the way things have worked out to be. I had no doubt that by the grace of God I would finish this school year well. I didn't expect the 4.0 my first semester (yay!!!), and if you asked me in the beginning of the year if I would understand both chemistry and biology I would have doubted you. All is well at this point, and after all this studying i'm doing I'm sure the finals will be go without a hitch. I'm healthy, didn't get knocked up or incarcerated like a good percentage of other people my age did. I worried a smidgen less then usual and enjoyed the perks of being 18+. I went through the year with all the values I hold dearly still imprinted in my heart and didn't do too many things I wasn't proud of. Even when it wasn't the cool thing to do, I stood by what I know is right. I linked myself up with a Christian group. I may not have been as active as i'd like to be, but I worked on my relationship with God (which was one of my new years resolutions). When I measure all these things, I would call it an incredibly successful year. I am definitely counting my blessings and appreciative of all that my freshman year was. When you hear stories about that girl that was kidnapped for over 10 years and countless sad stories, I realize just how lucky I am to be living the life I am. It wouldn't be me if I didn't find a way to complain though.

Here's the problem. I have just been feeling really down lately. It seems like everyone's dreams are coming true, and I just don't feel that way. The people who wanted to pursue something found a way to make that happen, the people who wanted a boyfriend found one, the people who wanted to get wasted and worry about nothing did, and then there's me. I honestly don't even know what I wanted. It's really hard to feel content when you had no idea what you wanted int he first place. I spent my year pursuing grades and money to keep me in school (and get my nails done). I had 7:30 am to 7 days pretty much Monday through Friday and didn't really have time to pursue anything other then studies, work, and Braxton Family Values (my reality television life never had to suffer). That didn't leave much time for meeting people, partying, or any of the other things that other people got to do.

I know you should never compare yourself to other people, but I can't help but be down. What did they do that I didn't? How did they achieve all of their dreams and some of mine, while I didn't? Is it because I'm shy? Did I work more then I should? Is all of that not in the cards for me? Am I not rich enough or smart enough? I can't help but wonder what I didn't do and weather or not anything could have been done differently. One of my favorite twitter accounts is @tomyfuturehusband. At first, I liked the account because of my love for weddings and all the dress pictures and such she posted on there. Then I fell in love with the messages she sent out, because she wanted the same things in a future husband that I did. Then it was the scripture she posted and inspiring quotes. Whoever runs the account is a virtual role model of sorts to me. She always tells people to pray for patience. I had never thought about the concept before her, but not that's just what I'm going to do. I will work on my patience and become a person worthy the dreams that live in the silence of my heart and the ones that I don't even know about yet. Not worthy by losing weight, and being more "free". But by continuing to be a person I'm proud of and doing all that I can to be a good human being. To be a good daughter, sister, and friend. With patience and the good karma points I will save up, hopefully the dreams known and unknown to me will come true as well. I can have that moment that everyone in my life seems to have had. Until then, I'm throwing a pity party. No one can come of course, because they're too busy celebrating the fact that they got everything they wanted. Maybe i'm just a little bitter. I'll work on it!

Song of the day : Seasons of Love

Quote of the day : "Our patience will achieve more than our force."
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_patience.html#ElQtlSF5a3I44mYo.99