"I'll Be Strong. I'll Be Wrong, but life goes on. I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world"

Hello all.
My world is a little brighter today then it was yesterday. I've worked out my emotional trauma, and worked past my over dramatic ways. Every once in awhile it all just seems so overwhelming, and I don't know what to do next. That's just the way I am and have always been I guess. Keep in mind that this is my first year working and going to school. Part time school (18 hours) and part time work (16 hours) equals full time busy life. Don't even get me started on studying and homework. After psychologically evaluating myself (late night thoughts), I realized that I go back to my weaknesses when I'm lost. I ended up writing part of a song that was pretty good if I say so myself. Maybe i'll post it after its complete. If I ever made an album out of all these songs, I think I would call it songs about him. Him being one of my weird, explainable weaknesses. Those feelings are gone though. Except for the weird random moments when I think I was wrong for letting it go. I'll try not to have any more of those and start fresh.

The world sent me a lot of messages while I was thinking about all of this last night. One came in the form of a tweet from Alfredo Flores (the member of Justin's team that totally blew me off at the concert). Though he's a jerk, he's a wise jerk. This is what he said, "We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them. Think bigger". One thing that has always held me back is this idea that I'm shy. I don't want to go to clubs by myself, because I'm shy. I stick with the people I know and don't venture out that much. I have realized that maybe she is the wrong word for it. I'm taking a speech class and doing incredibly well in it. My teacher said I was a "great public speak". It wasn't just a pat on the back either, I've aced the last couple speeches. The fake it till you make it mentality has really helped me. I'm not that nervous when doing it either. I also perform in the church choir every Sunday morning, and I have no problems with shyness then. Putting that label on myself is what has been holding me back. The time has come for me to think bigger and venture outside the wall I built around myself. I am way more then I've let myself be. Once I realize it, maybe the world will too.

Another aspect that made me get over myself, think bigger was my d365. That's my method of reading the bible. It's an app and they give you a verse and words of wisdom based on that. For those of you familiar, the story was about Abraham and how God never left his side. Even when him and his wife had given up on having a baby because she was infertile, he never lost faith. I one hundred percent believe the verse "All things come together for good for those who love the lord". I just forget sometimes. What I read was :

"In our impatience, we sometimes conclude that if what we want hasn't happened yet, it's never going to happen. So God shows up." And does WORK! I may not be able to accomplish it on my own, but my faith in a higher power keeps me going.

I still don't know what I want, but that's ok. I always go back to Taylor Swifts song from her first album A Place in This World. It kind of describes where I am. That's why it was my twitter bio for awhile.

"I'll be strong, I'll be wrong. But life goes on. I'm just a girl. Trying to find a place in this world".

One day I will find what it is i'm looking for. I believe that.

song of the day : A Place in This World by Taylor Swift

Quote of the day : We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them. Think bigger"