"I don't know what I want so don't ask me cause i'm still trying to figure it out/Don't know what's down this road, i'm just walking"

Hi Everyone.
Let me start by saying that i'm the most moody person that ever lived. I was really happy today for many reasosn. The first reason is that I auditioned for the musicals Bye Bye Birdie and I made it! I've always liked musicals. The first one I fell in love with was The Sound of Music. I still love those songs. They mean everything to me. So when I heard about this I figured it was worth a try so me and my friend A. tried out. We both got it! It's a cool musical that reminds me a lot of bieber fever. I don't know how many of you are on top of your history, but its based off of Elvis Presly going off to war. He was like the Justin Bieber of our grandparents time and girls screamed and cried and were heartbroken that he was leaving. I enjoy plays with substance so that was good.

The second awesome thing was I got to hang out with my friends today. And when I say friends I mean friends. I got to hang out with people that I genuinly like and mean something to me. The ones I get alonh with, and can tell anything. You're all probably thinking "thats what a friend is supposed to be". I agree, but I gave a lot of people the title of my friend who I didn't feel close too. They're aquantinces. But the people I spent my day with were really friends. And it felt nice to know that I have that. That I am not alone (by alone I mean my family isn't the only thing I have).

So I have a cute little story to tell you. There is this guy in choir who decided to bring roses and chocolates for this girl every single day of the year until she likes him. He did it for five consecutive school days. Cute huh? Of course the girl doesn't like him because thats how life works but its still nice. I also watched an awesome romantic comady called Something Borrowed. I sugest everyone sees it, but for me thats when the saddness came in. It just made me feel alone, and made me wonder if my life will ever turn out to be as great as the scenes in the movie are. But then I watched Awkward. and something stuck. They were talking about how destincy happens by choice, not fate. You make the rules. If I want a life like the movies then I have to work for it and choose it for myself. The power of positive thinking.

Well that's a day in the life.

Song of the day: A place in this world by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Actions are the seed of fate deeds grow into destiny. - Harry S. Truman

"I'm a lightweight..easy to fall easy to break/With every move my whole world shakes/Keep me from falling apart"

Well hello there long lost blog friends,
I've missed writing more then anything. My life continues to be a busy mess, and its only before I sleep that I even have time to think. I actually had a great weekend. One that was worth two blogs but i'll try to minimize it. On friday I was in a parade and got to hold a pretty diversity club banner. After, I went to the homecoming game with my friends. We went out to dinner before, which was a little awkward. Is it weird that I sometimes feel uncomfortable in front of my own people? I broke the cardinal rule and brought a new comer, my friend from Kenya. People didn't greet her as kindly as I had hoped but I can't control everything. I guess its ok. The best part of the game was getting a hello from an increadibly attractive guy, I didn't even know he knew my name. No one heard it though, and no one believed it. Am I that unlikable that its impossible someone would say hi to me? It happened. I'm not delusional. His smile made me smile. It was awesome.

Saturday was one of the most unforgettable days of my life. It started out a little boring but I was too excited to notice. I went and saw Taylor Allison Swift's Speak Now Tour with my friend A. We came together to make a really cute poster that said "TAYLOR, we would be enchanted to meet you". We dressed up as Taylor Swift with song lyrics on our arms and a thirteen on our hands. Taylor sold out Arrowhead Stadium. There were 50,000 people at the concert. You could feel the love in the air. For me it was almost a religious experience. I know every word to every song she sang. Even the surprise one from the deluxe edition she did acoustically. So I sang and danced the entire night. Her stage was phenomenal. It would transform to so many different scenes in such a short time. During back together the entire stadium was snowing with white pieces of confetti. During Haunted, she had Trapeeze artists falling from bells in the most fantastic of ways. She ballerina dancers during enchanted. And most importantly she sang her little heart out and had the voice of an angel. It was unforgettable.

There's normally this thing called the T-Party at Taylor's shows but she didn't have one for our town. Me and Akira were already looking forward to getting in. But the cocnert was so great I didn't even care. A friendly security guard gave us an inside tip on where Taylor was. So we got to watch her leave the stadium. We didn't actually see her. There was caution tape and two police officers. It was a top secret missions and before we could even notice she got into a black ford and left our town with a police escort. I'm counting down the days till her next tour. I can't wait to see her perform again! If she comes to your town find a way and go. Its spectacular.


song of the day: Lightweight by Demi Lovato (If you haven't listened to Unbroken yet, you just have too. I'm absoltuly in love with the songs on there. I know that just because its Demi Lovato you wont actually consider listening to it. But trust me her voice is stunning. The songs are good, and this particular one describes me)

Quote of the day: Faith is love taking the form of aspiration.

Story of the day: Today in Anatomy class a very cute guy asked me to be his partner. Our of all the girls in that class he picked me! I was shocked but loved working with him. He's sooo cute. But he has a girlfriend. This is turning into the story of my life.

quote of the day:

"But I don't say a lot of things, and you my love are gone"

Hello everyone,
So much to talk about today..well type about. I'm going to start by saying I had an incredible time at Fall Fun Fest with the people from my church. 90 youth from Jr. High and High school came up to my church and we did a lot of fun things. We had those blow up obsticle courses, sumo wrestling, human foozball, and a ton of other activities like that. Then we sang songs, and we worshiped God. We ate together and watched Tangled (most adorable movie ever! I loved it. The duet in it reminded me to A whole new World). Then we spent the night at the church and woke up and attend service. I was overwhelmed with a strong feeling deep inside me. Its like I just knew that God was there with all of us. I got to hang out with genuine, and kind hearted people that were my age. Everyone there really had everyones interest at heart and wanted everyone to feel like part of something special. I got to see my friends from camp and catch up on bieber stuff, which was extremly fun. None of my friends at home are beliebers so it was great to geek it out with other people. I had a great time and gained faith in the human population. Its not as bad as it seems. There are still good people out there.

So something you probably don't know about me is that there's a me no one knows. Well most people don't know me. I started thinking of it as "Mariam (the real me, pronounced Mar-ee-um)" and there's "Merriam, (what I always get called by people who don't really know me)". Mariam is fun,happy, loves to talk, has a serious case of bieber fever, and is just insane but in a good way. Merriam is shy, doesn't speak much, and is "shy". When I don't really know people or just feel uncomfortable around people I know I go into that mode. I don't think i'm fake, and I don't think I have multi-personality disorder it just happens to be that way and I don't know why. I want to be me everywhere and all the time. Its my goal. It may not happen in time for high school, but definetley in time for college.

One negative thing I noticed at camp was more insecurity issues from people. This is a serious problem in society. Everyone is scared to be different, or be who they truly are. This isn't a problem with guys but it is with girls. Everyone has something different they're upset about. Something they don't like about themselves, and instead of learning to accept it as part of them they change it. Not only with plastic surgery but with hiding it any way they can. I think it ruins your self esteem. People don't feel good about how they look but they feel good about the them they created to please others. I wish there was away for people to see just how awesome they really are. If we're going to change this is our society we need to stop judging others so harsly and learn to love their imperfections.

song of the day: The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

quote of the day: Life is too short; enjoy your days, laugh at every chance, cry only if you must and never let others bring you down - The Notebook

" I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul"

Well hello there everyone,
It's been one pretty awesome weekend. Last week was super stressful, and I thought Caculus would be the death of me but I persevered and survived. I also found myself a little sad towards the end of the week, because I felt worthless to someone that meant the world to me. But it opened my eyes and I moved on (Can you believe that? I'm learning to learn and let go a lot more now!). Anyways, saturday I left for St. Louis with my mother, her friend (who I call my aunt), her three kids along with my brother. We rented a pretty awesome SUV and took off. It was a fun trip, listening to lots of music and just hanging out with my cousins. Those two little girls are so darling. I've always wanted a sister, but those two are the next best things. I've known them both since they were born and its fun watching them grow up and become real people.

I was a little dissapointed in their generation though. We were all getting beautified for the baby shower we went there for and my little cousin was wearing this adorable indian outfit. It was a sari, with the stomach showing, and a long skirt. You know what i'm talking about? It was really pretty with red embellishments. She was really excited and thought she looked great (which she did. She was the prettiest person in the room). Anyways, when she went down to hang with the other kids who were all boys they started saying "Your stomach is showing" followed by "you need to diet". It broke her heart. You could just see the joy leaving her eyes and the anger forming in mine. She's not fat at all. She barely has a stomach, but no she's not skin and bones like the girls they see on T.V. She was trying to cover up with her scarf the entire night and kept saying "I'm so ugly" every time we would go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I told her over and over again that she was beautiful, but it didn't mean anything because the boys she crushes on that really matter don't feel the same way.

What has happened to the world? When did anorexic become beautiful? And why is it? I honestly don't understand. Everyone is so superficial, and searching for perfection. MY experience has shown a pretty face does not mean a pretty heart. Thats what should matter? You're heart. And how you treat others. And who you are. But those things have dissapeared. I watch boys tweet things like "there's nothing worse then a fat girl" and ignore some sweet people because their not as great on the outside. If only we could see with our hearts. If only my little cousin didn't have to go through that. I know there are still people that think that way, but I wish there were more of them and less of everyone else.

song of the day: Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney (why can't everyone think like him)

quote of the day: Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind - Dr. Seuss