"This time won't you save me, baby I can feel myself giving up...giving up"

For the longest time now I don't really know how I feel? It just seems like i'm walking through life. is that weird? I've been through a lot of weird stuff this year but a lot of happy stuff. I definitely felt alive at the Bruno Mars concert and a couple moments of my St. Louis trip but its like nothing really makes me feel like i'm living anymore. I think I need to do some more fun things or something. I don't know. It's really weird and I don't want to feel like that. I changed a lot in the last few months. I kind of lost my belief that good things happen to good people. I'm now a believer (feels so weird that i'm not saying belieber) in the idea that some people are just luckier then others. They get more, and you just have to accept it. Life is good if your them, but if your some shy, quiet girl you just have to accept the fact that you're going to be ignored and forgotten. I'm not trying to be pessimistic that's just been a lesson proved by my life.

I'm always too quiet and too shy which automatically makes people think you're boring. They don't actually want to take the time to get to know you so they just label you and it's over. I'm working on my braveness but I guess the truth is i'm a little insecure. So i'm going to fix it. Maybe this summer I can loose weight, and get extensions again and feel a little better about myself. I don't know but it's worth a try.

It would also be cool if I had friends that were on my side. My friend group has pretty much fallen to crap. There's no way to put it nicely. No one really talks anymore. There is a group of three of us that gets along better then all the others but the truth is the only thing we really even have to talk about is how much our other friends suck but after that we're just silent and it's awkward. I never realized how bad some of my friends were until I met people that showed me what friendships are really supposed to be like. I'm beyond thankful for my two best friends. I would like to fix things with my friends but a lot of them just don't care which makes it hard for me to care you know? I would love a fresh new start.

Maybe dreams do come true and Justin Bieber will show up at my door ready to save me.

songs of the day: Save Me by Nicki Minaj (I am in love with this song and I absolutely can't stop listening too it. This is how I feel. not like anyone listens to how I feel but if anyone did it would be this song).

I also heard How to Love by Lil Wayne. SOOOO GOOOD! Young Money has recently impressed me

quote of the day: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe