"The girl in the dress cried the whole. way. home. I should've known"

No one likes failure. In any kid of situation. Most everyone has hope in everything they attempt to do and thats why they do it. No one plans on bad things happening to them, and those who do are missing out on most of life. This last four months i've learned a lot about trying something followed by failing at something and I don't think I took it very well at all. Lets start with the easiest thing. I auditioned to be placed in the top choir at my school. I was secretly practicing with one of my best friends for days. We knew that getting in was what we wanted and we even practiced on a weekend. I went in my audition and got really good responses from the teachers. Last week I found out that I didn't make the choir. That isn't even the worst part.

The worst part is my score was a 115/120. Thats a really amazing score. The same score that some people that made it in got. That means that vocally there was pretty much no difference between me and them accept maybe they were prettier or the teacher liked their personality better then mine. It just upset me more then it should have. I didn't like being told that I wasn't good enough. Part of it was a mess because the women who helps choose who gets in gives really expensive lessons on the side so of course those kids would have a better advantage. It's not like she's going to pick someone she doesn't know like me over the people that put food on the table for her. I guess i'm slowly getting over it now. You can't make it into everything, you can't always win.

Speaking of not winning, I lost something else important to me. The problem with me is I create these perfect fantasies in my head and I forget that real life doesn't work that way. I forget that not all good things happen to people just because they're good and nice. Sometimes being nice isn't enough and it hurts to know that there's nothing you could have changed to get closer to what you wanted most. Part of what's bothering me is not even knowing what it was that I ever did wrong. Another thing that's bothering me is not knowing why I wasn't good enough for some of the different things i've tried out for. The hardest part is the little voice in my head always reminding me that I wasn't good enough. Life can be kind of crappy sometimes but you can't hang on to the bad. Try to find something to smile for everyday. The only thing you can do is try your best and when your best isn't good enough you just have to remember it wasn't meant to be.

Song of the day: Dear John by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: My heart is broken but what's making it worse is the fact that each and every piece is still very in love with you