"Nevermind I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you too..."

So there's something I haven't told anyone. And I mean anyone. Now when I don't tell anyone something it's for a reason. Bad things happen when I say my thoughts out loud. I wish I could tell you I was kidding but I'm not. The minute I say it out loud it becomes real. It has meaning. Someone will remember it forever. It's like I'm free to accept thats my thought and its out there for the world. But if I don't say it out loud I can just get over it and it can go away. Speaking of getting over, I think I may have finally gotten over Prince. You know the one this blog used to be pretty much devoted to? Yeah...it finally happened. I gave up on him and figured out he may be a prince, but he's not MY prince. Well he could be but he doesn't want to be and thats ok. I hope he finds someone wonderful out there that he can be the prince to, and marry, and make a million prince babies with...that's such a lie. I hope he falls in love with some perfect princess that doesn't want him back. And she stomps on his heart and breaks it into a million pieces over and over again. And then I want him to come running back to me, tears and all, just so I can stomp on him some more and teach him how it feels to be unwanted. ok, that over reacting too. Long story short, I don't care anymore. i just want revenge.

Ok back to the thing I never told anyone. You all should just pretend you don't know this, and technically this isn't saying it out loud. I don't want this to be real. I don't want to fall for someone again. I don't want to feel like sh*t again. It's not happening. This heart is closed. But anyways, so there's this guy. He's a reoccurring figure in my life at random moments. And I always thought that maybe he liked me, just a little bit. We had the worst luck though because whenever we started talking something extremely awkward would happen. More awkward then my usual awkwardness around attractive young men. Like one time we were talking and he totally had me smiling and laughing and we were both being friendly then the whole room just turned around and stared at us. We kind of stopped and something was said and he just kind of left me there and they stopped staring. It was like the world was saying you two can't happen. My cousin really likes this guy for some reason. She's the one who put the thought in my head. And I had this dream last night and he was in it. And he was saying its too late now. Weird right?

We're facebook friends and everything too. But facebook kind of made me think he may be a player. So many girls are always talking to him and he's always talking about all these girls he's getting and kissing and loving. And their all prettier then me. So thats his turn off. He most likely doesn't know I exist really. We haven't talked in a long time. And there are other reasons I can't speak of as to why I can't like him. I don't like him. My dreams like him. I'm a hundred percent serious about not wanting to like anyone anymore. Like I used to always say I want to be chased. I want someone to like me this time around. And I don't want to waste my whole life believing that fairytales come true because last time that didn't work. And it seems like the more I want something, the more I don't get it so i'm not going to want anymore and maybe good things will come to me. I hope.

Song of the day: Someone Like You by Adele

Quote of the day: " Never ignore a person who loves and cares for you, because one day you may realize that you've lost the moon while counting the stars"