"This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending/No hope no love no glory/No happy ending..."

Hello beautiful people,
I have a story for you today. I took a risk again...for real this time. I decided to let myself fall and see where it took me. I was hoping that it was a risk worth taking. But its me remember? It didn't work out. My risks never really workout. I wonder if I did something terrible in another life that I'm repaying for, or maybe I just haven't stored enough karma points. Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But I really wanted it to work this time. I really wanted something, and I haven't really wanted something so bad before. But I was scared. And my fear got in the way. This sounds incredibly dumb...but... I just wanted him to like me.

For like three weeks I definitely just dealt with it, and I promised myself that I wouldn't cry anymore. Not over a boy, or anything else. I met this internet friend that never cries, because its a sign of weakness. I wanted to be strong too and thats why I avoided writting this because I knew that when I really thought about it and let myself feel I would...and I was right. I really don't blame anyone in the situation but me. And looking back would I do it again? No, because at the end of the day I think I just made a fool of myself and let my feelings get in the way of my brain.

But the worst part in the whole entire thing, is dealing with it alone. I feel like I'm a half way decent friend. I make my share of mistakes like everyone else but I try to be there for the people in my life. I really do. I listen to their problems, I cheer them on in their hard times, and I fight for them when they didn't get what they deserve. But when it comes to me...none of them are ever there. I'm all alone. Are those really friends? I don't think so. I sit and I listen to them talk about whatever, but when its my turn to need somebody to listen there's never anyone there. At first, I didn't want to tell anyone because I felt like the decisions I make are my business and my business only. But finally I shared with some people that I should be able to tell anything. They just didn't care. It wasn't a huge deal but it would have been awesome to have someone look past my fake smile and realize that I need them. So now I know, that I need to learn to fight for myself and take care of myself. Its me vs. the world and I don't know if I can win this one.

song of the day: Happy Ending - Mika

quote of the day: Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

do me a favor... be there for the people in your life because you never know when they really need you. Weather or not they show it all the time