"Do you ever feel already burried deep/6ft under screams but no one seems to hear a thing/Do you know that theres still a chance for you..."

Hi Everyone!
Hope your all having a great weekend. I don't know about you but I feel like this weekend flew by. I spent a lot of my weekend contemplating. I think too much. And I'm not talking about Albert Einstien thinking too much, I mean like my brain is always thinking about where I am, where I want to be, who I am, who I want to be, hopes & fears, and that sliver of my brain thats always thinking Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber (imagine that to the tune of Black and Yellow). So I figured i'd share what I was thinking with all of you.

Where I am: In life right now i'm at a pretty good place. I'm doing decent in school but i'd like to do better. I'm excelling in piano. On a happy scale i'd be about a 6 on a daily basis just because i'm starting to hate school. I like myself and started realizing I like myself. I have not many friends I feel like I can count on, maybe 3 max but most of the time its just one and thats not the most convinent friendship.Some people just bug me,therefore i'm distancing myself from them and theres less negativity.I feel alone sometimes, but my family and God are the rocks in my life that are always there so I'm never really alone. And I have yet to study for the ACT

Where I want to Be: I want to have studied a million hours for the ACT and be prepared to ace it. I want to make straight A's, not A minuses in the picture. I want to kick butt at piano. I want to spend less time on my iphone stalking JB's twitter and more time reading, writting, and working on musical things. I want to be a genuinly good person. No talking behind peoples back, always having peoples best intrests at heart, and being ok with some peoples version of happy even if I don't agree with it. In a more long time future, I want to find someone that really lights up my world, some guy I can really relate too and have heart to hearts with. I want to be a pharmasist. I want to be very fashionable, no mom jeans for me EVER. I want to have 5 friends I can really count on. Yup, just 5. 5 people who I know actually care about me, and that I can relate with.

Who I Am: I'm a decent person. I haven't ever physically hurt someone but i've emotionally hurt people and thats not cool. I go through life in kind of a blur state and don't take everything in. I'm a decent listener and a decent friend when I want to be. I'm obsessed with fame. Finding it, and watching it live out of t.v. I'm stuborn and don't like it when people disagree with me, especially when I know i'm right. I hang on to crushes where i'm head over heels and their not for way to long. I'm fatter then I want to be (why beat around the bush?) But I like my teeth, thank you orthidontist!

Who I want to be: I want to talk about people behind their backs less, and not be so sensitive to every negative comment headed my way. I want to be courageous and able to mean new people. I want to be fearless and taking in every moment of life. I want to weight like 20 pounds less, and I want to laugh more. I used to laugh all the time, but sometimes latley it seems like I have nothing to laugh about. I want to be better at hiding my distaste when some people have opinions other then my own. And I want to be me, all the time. No fakeness.

Hopes & Fears: I already talked about my hopes but my new fear is going off to college and my family living life without me. I don't know why thats so terrible to me but I always want to feel like a part of my family. And I'm connected to them so its weird for me to think about going off somewhere and being all alone. I'm really scared of ending up friendless, loveless, and familyless. Thats my huge fear.

And that justin bieber sliver: He looked so hot in that US magazine issue I flipped through, I would kill to be selena gomez right now.

Anyways thats kind of a summerized version of where I am in life right now. I hope your all in a good place. I'm reading Janet Jacksons book True You right now and hopefully i'll find myself more by reading through her journey to finding herself.

song of the day: Firework by Katy Perry

quote of the day: The only person that can define you, change you, or affect you in any significant way is yourself