"Miss Independent, oooh the way you shine. Miss Independent"

Hello world.
It's been awhile since i've blogged for a more personal side. You know when you take long breaks in between blogs there's just so much thats happened that you don't really know where to start. The big thing in my life that takes up most of my time now is College. For those of you who didn't know, I'm a freshman this year. I'm not having the traditional college experience. I made the decision to live at home and drive to campus for classes. One of the main influences that led me to this decision was money and wanting to graduate free of loans (yes, it's possible!). I always wanted to be there for my family and the friends that are like family to me. Life is so short; I want to spend as much time with the ones I love the most as possible you know? I guess part of African culture is Family Over Everything. I would easily sacrifice things that are just for fun (partying and such) to be helpful to my parents, my brother, aunts, cousins. Younger girls need someone to look up to more then ever. If you have little sisters or cousins, you should definitely be an open, safe person for them to talk to (as long as you feel you're on the right track yourself. Don't lead them astray).

Speaking about people going astray, it's amazing how much trouble people can get into within the first couple days of the school year. In America people have had this idea that college is the time for experimenting. I see where the idea sparks from. You can't really go off doing things that could possibly have negative results when you're married with five children. College is a time where you're independent, but don't have anyone depending on you. It's one of the best times to go off and kind of find the person you want to be. All this in mind, statistics show that many people go off track this first year. My personal thinking is that I don't need to try anything that I know is bad or has negative consequences. My brother put his finger on the stove and got burned. Chances are if I do the same thing, the result won't be different. The stove will still be hot, and my finger will still be burned. I don't think you need to purposefully make mistakes to learn from them. You can take what has happened to other people and make an example of it.

A lot of these have consequences too big to bear. As far as drugs go there are many reasons their illegal. I'm not just talking the hard core stuff  like heroin, but even taking a tylenal has its consequences on your body. I know that I get one body to use for the rest of my life. I have to desire to insert anything unclean that could cause me harm in any shape or form. A glass of red wine a day is healthy. Getting wasted multiple times is not, because the more you do it the more your body suffers the consequences. I never had overbearing parents that tried to make me avoid everything the plague, so maybe that why i'm not so in awe and crazy for  drinks and drugs like most people my age. They're a part of life, and if you want to do those things I'm not judging you. It's your life to live. But I personally don't see the point in drinking if i'm using the money daddy put on my credit card to buy the beer or whatever. If I don't have my own, then i'm obviously not at the point in life where I should be doing those things. It's like a man asking his mother for a ride to the strip club. "Pick me up at 10? " Does that sound right to you? As far as i'm concerned, you can't be "independent" if you need to use someone elses money to be that way. Just food for thought.

song of the day: Miss Independent - Neyo

Quote of the day:  True individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made. 

"I've been Caifornia wishing on these stars for your heart..for me my california king"

Chris Brown and Rihanna were the it couple of 2009. Anyone who's into following these huge celebrity productions remembers that day. It was the Grammy's and both Rihanna and Chris were set to perform. It was a big year as far as music goes for them. Just a couple hits like Umbrella and With you...No big deal. Anyways, I continue to follow their dramatic saga, and this month was filled with events. Oprah interviewed RiRi from her home town in Barbados. I was shocked at how beautiful the city was. For some reason, I always considered it kind of third world in my mind. It wasn't like that at all. The people were very alive, and the palm trees were definitely worth the long plane ride it would take to get over there. Rihanna spoke of a lot of emotional topics including how she got started, loosing her Gran Gran Dolly, getting used to fame, and...the incident.

As far as the incident goes, I was really surprised to hear Rihanna say that the whole time she was worrying about him. In my opinion, this does not make Rihanna a weak woman or anti-feminist. The man she loved was obviously going through something terrible if he was going to lash out in such a monsterous, unresponsible way. She wanted him to get help and get to the bottom of his problems. Or as some would put it, sort out all his demons. She also confessed that she still loved him, and that he would always be in her heart. She talked about why it didn't work out with some of those guys she dated. She talked about working past anger and realizing that no matter how much she lashed out in her music or sense of fashion; she can't change what happened. The revelations she made on the show were really eye opening about the whole situation of domestic abuse.

Rihanna got a lot of negative back lash from people for still being in love with Chris. A lot of people told her they thought she needed help and blah blah blah. Here's my view. Domestic abuse is never okay. Rihanna absolutely did the right (extremely brave thing considering how big of a celebrity she is)by turning Chris in to the cops and making him suffer the consequences of his actions. If you believe in the American system, after suffering the consequences Chris should be considered a changed man. He should get a fresh start, because after the anger managment, therapy, and volunteer work he should realize that what he did was wrong. Do we have a way of knowing that he really did? No. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Rihanna is not the same little girl he hit three years ago. She's tougher now and would never let something like that happen again. That being said, if she wants to give him another chance and follow her heart you won't hear me saying negative things about it. Maybe he really has changed.

The only evidence I have that he didn't is his new sorry excuse for a tattoo. I like many other people saw the similarities between his tattoo and the picture that was released to the public of Rihanna's abused face. He claims that it's a mexican day of the dead skull. It's all up for your judgment.

Will she go through with the second chance? Chris is currently in an open relationship with Karrueche Tran according to sources. That didn't stop him from kissing Rihanna a couple weeks ago at the VMAs. A picture says a thousand words. 

"It's a love story; Baby just say: Yes."

Close your eyes. Imagine the significant other you want to be with the rest of your life. What do they look like? They're cute aren't they? I'm almost one hundred percent positive we're not thinking of the same person. It's not even the same person for me anymore. Sometimes my "dream guy" is tough with a killer smile like Trey Songz; sometimes he's a soft, guitar playing cutie like Hunter Hayes; and other times he's the African Singer Ali Kiba. It really just depends on the day. Different people have different ideas on what's attractive. It's only natural right? One of my best friends is only into asians, and my cousin only likes black guys. I personally don't think there's anything racist about that. Does it limit your options? Yes. But can you help who you're attracted to? No. I don't think you can anyways. This dilemma has been playing through my mind for awhile, and I figured I would blog about it. Blogging helps me sort out my thoughts and emotions.

So lets say you met a guy that you have really amazing conversations with. He makes you laugh, successful, religious (whatever the whole package is for you) , but you don't feel that spark. By spark I mean the little thing where your heart skips a beat when you see them coming your way. Or how you get butterflies before a date. The part that makes new love exciting. You're just not...attracted to them. I'm a big believer in the idea that looks aren't everything, but I don't mean excluding someone because of how they look. I just mean not feeling attracted to them. Not because they're ugly or have bad features, because they just don't do it for you. Am I a terrible person for thinking this way? Can you really help who you're attracted to? Is it female intuition telling you that this isn't the one who completes your love story? Are love stories even real anymore when you're an African American women with the 45% chance of marriage statistic hanging over your head?

These are the thoughts that run through my mind, and these are the answers i've currently concluded on. I am not a terrible person, because I think there's a biological aspect in attraction. If you're dwelling on the fact you're not attracted to the person anyways, then there's probably some other things that are making you try to second guess yourself in any way possible. Can you help who you're attracted to? No. I truly believe it's a physical thing. Maybe the media and modern world give us unrealistic expectations as far as this whole subject goes, but at the end of the day everyone is attracted to someone different for a reason. Its unexplainable. Are love stories real? I want to quote one of my favorite celebrity tweet sessions of all time : Taylor swift & Selena Gomez "Real Love Still Happens Sometimes. It's not just something we make up when we're nine. I have to believe that. You do too". Weather they're real or not we have to believe, because when we lose fate what do we have left?

Song of the day: Love Story - Taylor Swift (this is old so i'll give you a new one as well). Wanted by Hunter Hayes

Twitter words of wisdom: "Real Love Still Happens Sometimes. It's not just something we make up when we're nine. I have to believe that. You do too" - Taylor Alison Swift

"2012: it ain't the end of the world"

I don't know understand the decade that I live in. Sometimes I think that I don't belong here. I see people my own age and ages that differ from me, and I don't understand. I look at my own brother who i've known since he was born, and I don't understand. These are the pet peeves I have with society today :

Lets start small. Video games. I grew up in the 90s, and didn't have a game system until I was nine. Video games were not a crucial part of my every day life. When I got video games in 2003, I played skiing along with Mario games. They were fun little activities in make believe worlds. If you ask the average person what it is their playing on their systems they'll say : Call of Duty, and Modern Warfare Three (shows how much I know. I guess their the same thing). I can't really give you any details about what the game entails. I just know that I wake up most saturday mornings to shooting sounds. When I watch my brother play, I see him with a gun talking to other people about how best to shoot their opponent. So my brother and his friends spend seven hours shooting people. When I ask what he does, he says "it's fun". We live in a society where out of all the things you could be doing : writing, reading, the television, the mall, playing a sport, riding a bike, talking to a friend, sleeping, anything....shooting people is for fun. The first person who can explain this to me is a winner.

Tattoos. They're everywhere. I'm not an old person. I think tattoos can be beautiful if they're placed in the right areas, or they have some huge significance. Yesterday, I saw someone with a deck of cards up their back. Was it cool looking? kind of. Could you notice it? very much. Is that a reason to mark something on your body forever? Not in my opinion. Rob Kardashian is one of my favorite guys in hollywood. His latest tattoo is a picture of his mother in a seductive pose. My one question is, why? I know you love your mother, but can't you think of another way to show her you respect her. Write a letter, tell her by word of mouth, anything else. Now we get to the last and worst tattoo. The naked women on mens bodies. I have one thing to say to you. In 30 years you're going to be old, fat, and married, the woman you choose to spend the rest of your life with will get to look at those naked women for the rest of her life too.

The phone addictions. I have one. The minute I bought that shiny iPhone I couldn't keep my hands off of it. In one phone I can call people, text people, keep up with people on Facebook, Twitter, AND Instagram, I can look up stuff for school and never have a conversation with a real person again... I honestly think there's nothing wrong with using your phone when you're bored or get a message. When there are real people around you who want to talk to you and build a relationship/friendship with you, you should focus on them and not what someone from your kindergarden class posted on facebook. I just think that it's a waste of what could be a beautiful moment. At the end of the day it's what's more important to you : your phone or the living breathing human being in front you?

Cussing. I'm a little sexist when it comes to this one. If it's a guy with a dirty mouth, I think its more acceptable. There's a double standard, but there's something really ugly about a girl going eff this and eff that. Girls run around calling themselves pretty b**ches. Have we forgotten that a b**ch is a female dog. You're a pretty chihuahua huh? Out of the million and one words in the dictionary, lovely, sexy, attractive,beautiful, bonita,  mamacita so many words and you chose to call yourself a female dog. There's just something weird about that to me. Unless your angry and incredibly upset so it slips out, I think you should find better more meaningful words to me.

These are my opinions. If you have any of these problems, I still love you.

"It's the start of something new...it feels so good to be here with you oooh"

Hello,

For those of you who haven't heard me speak about this a million times in the last week, today was the first day of college classes. My adventures as a freshman at KU began on thursday when I went to orientation. Most everyone went to earlier dates which is probably a smart move when it comes to getting in the classes you really want. I was in Africa, so that wasn't really an option. At orientation, I walked in on my own only to realize that everyone brings their parents. Pretty sure parents cost extra money, so I didn't even bring it up with mine. I ended up running into an old high school friend who didn't bring her parents either. We sat together and went through all the orientation stuff together as well. We heard some speeches about how great it is that we chose the school, learned about signing up for classes, spoke with advisors, and actually signed up. I was heartbroken when I found out that my math ACT score prevented me from taking some of the science and math courses I was into. I feel like my whole life goes back to that one test. It doesn't really test my competence, but there was nothing I could do about it. We also had lunch where I sat across from an attractive californian guy who through a hissy fit. It was kind of funny. Really the whole thing just felt like a bunch of kids playing college. Everyone was kind of nervous and squirmy. No one really knew what they were doing or what anything was. 

Friday was move in day for those who were living in dorms and apartments. That night there was a really cool block party. All the people could meet at the union for some drum performances and music. There were cool lights and lots of free stuff. Inside, all the clubs had booths advertising who they were and which people should go. I went with a few of my close friends and we had a good time together. The next night was traditions night which I totally missed, because I was getting my hair done. We showed up just in time for the concert though. It wasn't really a live performer, but it was a D.J. with a really unique mix that had music videos. She played all the summers hits plus blasts from the past like Love Story. People were dancing and there were glow sticks and stuff. I went with my cousin and ran into some other people. It was a really good welcome weekend. It showed me how cool it is to go to such a big school. 

Today was of course less exciting. My cousin (who I owe my life and more) took me to school and showed me where all my classes were. I made it to 2/4 on time. I got lost when it came to finding the room for the fourth one and left campus only to get back late to math. It wasn't a big deal though. I have a lot of teachers assistants who I hope will teach the material well. The main professors I have are pretty cool as well. I really want to be serious about studying this year. A lot of people don't understand, because college is supposed to be about expirimenting and finding yourself. I know my condition. My entire family is depending on me to succeed. My parents came all the way from Africa to make sure that the future generations have a better life. They worked their butts off, and I could never let them down. This means that the blog is ending now, and i'm going to read my course reading for Sociology. That pretty much sums up my first day of school!

song of the day: We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift (No one is more excited about the new T-Swift single then I am. I was waiting a long time for new music and like that it has a pop feel to it. The album RED will for sure be a good one. She never dissapoints. )

quote of the day: "Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending"

Jackson Family Feud pt. 1 (Janet vs. Paris)

I still can't figure out how to space things on this so called "improved" blogspot page" so my blogs will now have different parts. Basically 1 paragraph = 1 post. Some would say that the Jackson family pretty much died with Michael (not to be harsh). Janet rocked the top of the charts, but she hasn't had a decent album since Demita Jo back in the early 2000s. The rest of the siblings are STILL singing I Want You Back on tour over 40 years later. I have never shared those views. I think there's something about that family that makes them special. There are so many big personalities. Who knew little Paris Jackson inherited her families traits. If you follow her on twitter you know what i'm talking about. The whole fued started when Katherine Jackson (MJs mom) went "missing". Paris and all the other little grandchildren went on a huge rant about how they demand to see their grandmother right then and then. Turns out she wasn't missing, but in Arizona with Janet and some other siblings that aren't relevent to this particular post. The next day Janet leaves Arizona and attempts to get Prince, Paris, and Blanket to leave what is known as the "Jackson Family Compound" (the new mansion bought with Michael's money). Paris demands that her aunt Janet leaves and tells her it isn't the Jackson family house it's their house. This upsets Janet and she starts swiping for her cell phone (very blurry video can be found on TMZ of this all happening). Then Janet proceeds to call Paris a spoiled little b**ch and slaps her. And they looked SO close at the memorial. After this whole incident, someone calls the police. This makes all the big headlines, and everyone from Sherri Sheaperd to Gladys Knight is commenting. Gladys said, " But if [Paris] called me that, she wouldn’t have no teeth. That’s the way we were brought up. You respect your elders". I personally think that crazy things happen when you're under pressure. Janet had no right to slap Paris, because she's been through a lot in the last three years and some kind of anger is to be accepted. But I also think that all the money and attention is getting to Paris's head. Maybe she should remember her roots...she was nice and quiet back then... :

"I'll never be perfect, believe me I'm worth it. So take me or leave me"

Hello World. Today I got and quit my first job. Lets take you back a little with the story. It all started when I got a message on my voicemail about a job offer that a close friend of mine suggested me first. They didn't give any details about what the job entailed or anything (ladies and gentlemen this is what you call a bad sign). Innocent little me took it as possibly fate and called the company back. Today I went to the interview, watched the litte video, and walked out with a job. At first I felt very accomplished. I thought about how I probably beat out the other girl I was applying with and tooted my own horn just a little bit. This lasted about 5 minutes. Thats when I started thinking about what exactly I was now with this awesome new job. I was a knife salesmen. I sold big scary knifes to strangers at their homes for a living. The red lights started flashing in my mind and I imagined myself sliced into some creeps afternoon stew only to make $15 a house call. The money was decent and I needed a job, but that wasn't the one. I don't really want to be an anything salesmen. But now i'm experienced with interviews and will walk into the next one with a new found sense of confidence. My life is really random. The little afternoon adventure as a knife salesmen took my mind off of what the real problem on my mind has been lately. When I went to Africa, I forgot to mention that I met a guy. Well he was more like a man. He had a successful job where he dressed business professional and got to travel all around Tanzania and Pemba. What can I say, I was impressed. What impressed me even more was the fact that he was interested in me. On the outside we were on two completely different levels of life, but we seemed to click. I spent the last month talking to the guy at least every other day. The conversations were exciting and we learned more and more about each other ever day. It was my secret joy. Then the conversation ended. Just stopped. My little long distance texting app hasn't rang in over a week. We weren't really dating, so I can't say I got dumped but it sure felt like it. I started wondering if it was something I said, or if I did anything wrong. Couldn't think of anything. I guess the time just came to move on. So that's where todays quote comes from. "I'll never be perfect believe my i'm worth it". It's his loss. We could've been beautiful. But who knows. Maybe i'm over reacting and it'll pick back up. I'm to blame as well. I didn't text him either, but a girls got to play hard to get sometimes. He's the guy; he should text first. Enough of my problems. I must got back to continuing the job search. Something that doesn't involve knifes or sharp objects. Till next time.. Song of the Day: Marilyn Monroe - Nicki Minaj Quote of the day: "Fear of Rejection. Rejection from the one you desire, from the dreams that keep you up at night, from the gates of heaven, from your expectations" - twitter