I Wonder Why I Never Posted This

To the 2-10 people that will read this, hello. I wonder about you all from time to time. Are you friends I shared the link with back in high school. Are you strangers that hopped on my journey along the way? Do you read to be nosey or because you care? I will never know, but I am definitely curious. Life has been relatively good lately. It's been awhile since I have been able to say that. I spent summer 2018 working, working, working, working, all day long. I originally felt like I didn't have much to show for the summer. I bought a lot of furniture and tried my hand at home decorating. I was finally able to buy gifts for people I care about. I bought a lot of organic potato chips and things that I don't need from HomeGoods. It's been beautiful. I also applied to a scholarship that I received before and was denied this time around. I applied to a swahili translator job that I did not get. I had thoughts about how I am not meeting the standards I set for myself financially. I still make under $10.00 an hour with a college degree. All of those things were heavy on my heart.

I started my third year of P. School about 3 weeks ago. The first day was absolutely terrible. I was crippled by anxiety. I woke up early, did my hair, makeup, and got dressed. My first day of school outfit consisted of a plus size, black and flowery top from torrid and black pants with a black cardigan and black flats. I arrived to class 1 hour early, because I thought it started at 9:00am instead of 10:00am. There were a handful of people who made the same mistakes as me. It turned out for the best, because I got to watch podcasts for my Tuesday class. My real life reicy forgot his drivers license and credit card at home and asked me to take it to him on his break. I didn't say no, because I was already anxious and felt like if I don't take it he will get pulled over and fall into trouble. I drove over to his work and placed the ID in his car. I also snooped in his car a substancial amount. I started eating my poptart, because I needed food to keep me going. I pulled out of the parking lot faster than I should and got in a car accident with someone who was also speeding. The accident occurred thirty minutes before my class was going to start and I had to miss my very first lab. It cost me $263 to tow my car when it should have only cost $50. I didn't know any better and let the police call a tow company for me. I had been saving that money for something important, so it broke my heart that it had to go towards towing the car.

My dad was out of the country, so he couldn't help me with any of this. The accident got me down in the dumps. I counted my blessings. I was able to use my dad's car for a week since he was out of the country. I was terrified of telling my dad that I got in an accident, because he helped me out by getting me that car. He took the news fairly well, but was stressed out about the amount of time and resources it would take to fix my car. He stayed committed to the task and ordered all the parts for it. He helped me get my car towed to the mechanic for free. He paid for everything to get fixed and handed my my new and improved car a week later. I couldn't be more appreciative of everything he's done. It means a lot to me. I am lucky to have the support of my parents.

I got in another fight with my so called best friend. It helped me realize that the friendship is irreparable. I wanted a best friend that I could talk about being in love with. Someone that I could share my joy with. She wants someone who will do the same and share her sadness. I feel like I put in way more than I got out of it. She feels like it was equal. At the end of the day when I think of my wedding day, she's not the person I want standing next to me.  I think she would find a way to make the day about her or be annoyed about something. I don't think she would try to make it as special for me as possible. Before my anonymous commenter who thinks I'm a hypocrite comes down my throat... I truly believe that I would do these things for other people. I have gone above and beyond to make events special for friends before and never complained about it. Everyone deserves a couple special days in a year.

I got to catch up with my high school friend group at a housewarming. I was really proud of my friend and how far she's come. Her place was exactly what I imagined it would be. It had a very artsy vibe and she had it fully furnished. Bedroom, dining, room, and living room. I was happy to get to celebrate that accomplishment with her and catch up with other friends.

This post is getting very long, so I'll end it on a great note. I randomly got an email from an old boss stating that there was a graduate student position open there. She thought of me and encouraged me to apply. It paid better than the job I have now, so I went ahead and applied. I interviewed the following week and will hopefully start next week. Praise God. I pray the good times keep coming.

Song of the day : Counting Every Blessing by Rend Collective

Quote of the day : “What i like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce.” 
― Karl Lagerfeld