Love Yourself Girl, or Nobody Will.

Hello loves,

It's been a minute. This post is coming to you from my desk at work. The last 3 months have been filled with work work work work work. I technically have three jobs, but have only been working two of them this summer. I worked 14 hour days for the first time in my life. This last weekend, I was finally able to get a break and relax. It turned into a girls weekend, because everyone was in town for the Drake Concert. One noticeable change with my friend group over the last few years has been weight gain. Some of my closest friends have maintained the same weight. They were the ones that always watched their figure and had tiny bodies. The ones that take six bites and are full. That makes me so envious. After six bites my stomach is grumbling and yelling "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?". I kill my plates. On my first date with bae, I had tacos. Ended up with food all over my face. He had to give me a napkin to clean up. Same thing happened this weekend when I was eating my chipotle. I ended up with lipstick all over my face. Even my forehead. In the past I may have been embarrassed about something like that, but this is me. It makes me who I am.

Any ways, all my friends are upset about being fat. A lot of them have been talking about losing weight for the last 3 years now. They either stayed the same or gained weight, so its hard for me to take their discussion about weight loss seriously. In my mind, they are who they are. This is their big girl body and they have to embrace it and accept it. Since purchasing clothes in the correct size and no longer trying to squeeze into anything, my life has improved dramatically. I feel better and look better. The clothes that I buy accentuate what I have going for me instead of point out my flaws. Its amazing. I feel like a whole new woman. Wearing clothes in your correct size makes all the difference. Same goes for bras. I'm still working on that because a lot of my bras are not as flattering as I would like them to be.

Photos ended up being a huge topic of conversation this weekend. My cousin has decided that she no longer wants to take photos of any kind. I asked if she would be willing to take family photos just for memory and she still said no. There is no convincing her to take them. I think its because she would like to look a certain way to people who see the photos. The reality is, you look the way you look. Hiding behind the camera does not change the fact that people see you looking that way each and every day. So by avoiding pictures and really looking at yourself, the only person you are fooling is you. Everyone else knows that you look different.

My other photo story involves an attack. We took some photos in the parking garage prior to the concert. There were many photos at a lot of different angles. We looked at the photos and decided on one that we all liked. I accidentally downloaded the wrong one. I made the post sneakily while at work, because I did not want to miss the 7pm Instagram peak time. I was really excited about my post, because it's the first one I've posted in awhile. I was wearing a black and gold sparkly dress that I have had since last December. It was good to finally get the chance to wear it and show it off. I started getting likes instantly which isn't all that common for me. Its not uncommon either. After awhile, my friend texted and said she was crying because I used the wrong picture and she did not like how she appeared in the photo that I posted. She eventually confessed that the real reason is because someone she likes follows me. But this guy had two babies on her, so as far as I'm concerned he's irrelevant. It just really upset me. I realize social media is not that serious, but just once I wish I could post a good photo with friends like a normal person. It irritated me. I made the mistake of "You will learn to love yourself" and she took it as being judgmental. This particular friend is always criticizing me for things. She asked if she would be my maid of honor if I got married. I said yes, but it's a no for me dog. I need a maid of honor who will help me wedding plan, let me be a bridzilla, and stick with me through the planning every step of the way.

Song of the Day : Crooked Smile by J. Cole

Quote of the day: Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we'll ever do.