"There are places I remember. All my life though some have changed. Some forever not for better. Some have gone and some remain..."

2014 has officially ended. 365 days went by like nothing. I distinctively remember December 31st, 2013. My life was completely different. I was worried about totally different things, and I was a completely different person. Last year I had beautiful New Years Resolutions. If you scroll down far enough, you'll find them but a simplified, less beautiful version is :

1. Grow in my relationship with God : I've always been a christian, and I've always had a strong faith. I'm glad to say that didn't change in 2014. I finally dove into my bible. I read all of John, Luke, and 3/4 of Matthew. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't accomplish my goal of reading the four books of the gospel. Half way through the year, I quit. My new job prevented me from going to bible studies once a week. These things don't make me any less of a christian, but not being as active in those things was a downfall. I saw its effects in other aspects of my life. 

2. To let go, and let be : I have had a worrying problem for most of my life. For the longest time I thought it was anxiety, but whenever I seeked help from it they said that my symptoms did not resemble those of someone who clinically has a problem with anxiety. They told me that maybe I shouldn't drink 2% milk, and it would "calm me down". That's definitely the dumbest piece of advice I got. I gained a lot of confidence in 2014 and that helped me worry less. I'm proud to say that my anxiety problem has completely disappeared.

3. Social fearlessness : I'm there. Joining a sorority was really good for me for many reasons, but it's the reason I accomplished this goal. My probate was the scariest day of my life. I spent my first two years of college being really lowkey. I needed to be. I've always had to work to get money for school and study hard to accomplish my goals. There was no time for "just chilling", so when I did it just felt awkward. I was out of my comfort zone. But being in a sorority forces you to talk to all kinds of people. You gain thousands of sisters that you are forced to be open with. There's the bruhz who are inevitably a part of your life and everyone else that loves and admires your organization. My social life was on fire in 2014. I didn't wait in line to get into a venue. Free tickets to all kinds of athletic games.  I had hosts calling me and asking why I wasn't at a party as if it wouldn't go on without my presence. It's been surreal, but I've truly enjoyed it. It's like my own personal Emancipation of Mimi. 

4. To give my advice, point of view, without being judgmental : Proud to say I accomplished this one too. I am steady in my beliefs and my values are engraved in my heart. I was raised well. In previous years, its been hard for me to give advice without trying to get others to think like me. Again, my sorority helped with this. I have three completely different line sisters that I love with all my heart. They opened my eyes to many things. They changed my point of view. They showed me ways that my thinking was flawed. I'm still strong in my beliefs, but I have dropped my judgmental behaviors and learned to see things from someone elses point of view. 

5. Focusing on myself not men : Well, that didn't really happen. I did focus on myself and do a lot of great things, but I still continued to instagram stalk, got jealous of other girls with men I'm interested in, and let a couple hurt me. This is something I will continue to work on. 

6. Expressing positive feelings more providing words of encouragement to those close to me : I did this in 2014. I'm not the most emotional person, so I previously wasn't the best at complimenting people and telling them that I appreciate their presence in my life. I did that way more this year. It was great. I think people really appreciated hearing those things from me. I plan to continue. 

7. Less Selfishness and more selflessness : Yes and no. It's hard not to be selfish. School is about bettering myself, work is about making money for myself. My life is about me. I did make an effort to volunteer more this semester, and supported my little nieces who have struggling single moms. That was really enriching, but I can stand to do more of that in my day to day life.

8. Lose as much weight as possible : I gained five pounds and don't want to talk about it. Just know I lost two of the five pounds and will continue this journey.

That covered my progress on the eight goals I made for myself in 2014. It was truly a life changing year. I reached the highest height when I made strides of my lifelong dream by being accepted into pharmacy school. I was truly surprised by how lonely I felt there, how difficult it was, and how small I felt compared to the geniuses I'm surrounded by on a day to day basis. They're literally working on cures for cancer and diabetes. I am working on finishing season 10 of Grey's Anatomy, and believe me its been a struggle. Spent all month watching 15 min increments of the episodes. You see how I differ from the others? Pharmacy school was difficult educationally and in my personal life.

In other areas, I more than just survived. I strived.  I found my voice. I've written lots of blog posts about losing my voice and living a shy life. I was amazed when I was watching Maya Angelou on Oprah's Masterclass. She talked about losing her own voice and how she felt when she found it. I totally related! This year I felt confident. I talked more and laughed louder, and it felt nice. Some people liked the person I was and some didn't, but it was great. My dad didn't like it. My parents played a huge part in me being quiet. They're old fashioned and believe women should be sweet and quiet. Not stupid, unbelievably intelligent. But quiet. They see it as a form of being humble or something. All of this is besides the point. The point is that I was brave. I strolled through parties like the devastating diva I am. I got to spend all kinds of time with "locally famous" people. I haven't waited in a line since April. I enter clubs in VIP entrances. None of this matters because I live in a tiny town in Lawrence, Kansas, but it still felt nice. All of this played a huge role in my new found confidence.

2014 was beautiful, but 2015 will be better. Just wait on it.

Song of the day : In My Life by the Beatles

Quote of the Day : "Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one." - Brad Paisley