Top Songs of 2014

Every year I make my top songs of the year list. This year was weird for me, musically because I had to officially download all my musical legally. I'm not by any means admitting to have downloaded music illegally at any point in my life. I'm just saying that I bought all the songs that are on my iPhone in 2014, and I'm poor so i wasn't as many songs as I listened to in the past. The list changed dramatically with the release of 1989 and the Pinkprint. Taylor swift and Nicki Minaj are two woman who completely changed the game. I'm proud of their contributions to the industry. Without further adieu.."the list".

1. All of Me by John Legend : This was the most beautiful song of 2014. It was playing on every station. The original and that annoying dance version that was released later in the year. The piano part was beautiful. It constantly played in my head. And the lyrics were love personified. He loved every inch of this woman. What made the song even more beautiful was that those words were inspired by the phenomenal woman he married in 2014. It doesn't get better.

2. Rude by MAGIC! : The reggae vibe, story, and the mans soothing voice together created perfection. I love this song. I cruised to it in my car on so many roadtrips. This is particular significant for me, because 2014 was the year I started actually taking trips. I lost my fear of driving on the highway and this song was the perfect companion throughout the many journeys I took with friends and family.

3. Lifestyle by Rich Gang : This song is very different from the other two, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Can we take a moment to appreciate the beauty of the piano part in the intro that sets the tone of the entire song. This was the song I walked to class to day after day. My favorite stroll was done to this song. It's ghetto fabulous. Get with it.

4. New Flame by Chris Brown, Usher, and Rick Ross : It's lovely. I've been waiting for Chris Brown to make this kind of music again for as long as I can remember. With You was one of my favorite songs by him and this is the closest thing too it he has made in a long time. Can't wait to hear him perform this song in March.

5. Latch by Disclosure : I'll never hear this song without thinking about the first party of the year. It was a sigma function and my line sisters and I were excited to stroll. We came out late in the spring so there weren't many opportunities to. We finally had one. We did, but people started fighting in the party. So the DJ turned the lights on and started playing music that was different. The song he played was latch. The whole room froze. A lot of the people at these functions are ratched. If you can't twerk to it, they're lost. So everyone froze and we danced. Danced like there's no tomorrow. It was great.

6. All About That Bass  by Meghan Trainor : This song was so catchy and had such a strong message. I love music that empowers woman. This song took a very different approach from many other songs. It wasn't dramatic. It was more like, "I'm a bad bitch. You are too. Stop crying and slayyy. These streets are your runnway". Well that's how I interpreted it. And I'm proud to say that I'm all about that bass. NO treble.

7. Bailando by Enrique Iglesias and Sean Paul : Sean Paul is back!! When he is featured in a song, you know it's fire. Remember baby boy? This song gave me life. I love the traditional hispanic beats. It brings out my inner shakira. When this song plays, my hips don't lie. I had the pleasure of seeing Enrique in perform live for the first time this year. It was wonderful.

8. Let Me Know by Tamar Braxton and Future : When future starts singing, I'm wet. Every single time. Maybe that was TMI, but it's true. I feel like I would really love the way he do when he lovin' my body *insert monkey covering eyes emoji here*. Tamar's part is wonderful as well. This is a true R&B song. Tamar is single-handedly keeping the R&B industry alive. I'm thankful she is. This is a great track. Can't wait to hear what else she comes out with.

9. Bed of Lies by Nicki Minaj : Nicki is the Queen of Rap. There is no debate. I wasn't alive when Lil whatever and Eve were rapping. As far as I'm concerned, Nicki is the end all be all of female rap. She writes her own music. She's an artist in the crazy, unique, one of a kind way. I'm a fan of the whole Young Money team. They do things other rappers don't do. This song is a prime example. She was emotional. Anyone could relate to how she feels in this song. Her hurt is my hurt. Every time I listen to it. Obsessed.

10. Shake It Off by Taylor Swift : Anyone who really knows me musically knows that I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. Despite the masses of people who hate her lifestyle and her music, I truly enjoy it. I relate to her. I know what it feels like to be young, awkward, and classic in a world that is pushing you the other direction. I got dressed to this song. Shook everything off and went on with my day.

11. Sex You by Bando Jones: The list was over halfway done when I remembered this song. I couldn't just tack it on to the end of list because I was obsessed with it all summer long. It is the slow jam of the year. I wanted to find me a thug from Atlanta after listening that sexy voice sing "Baby, you know I'm from Atlanta and they raised me like a pimp". It's a hit.

12. Let Her Go by Passenger : This song couldn't be prettier. The words. The guitar. Listen, soak it in, love it.

13. Loyal by Chris Brown and Lil Wayne : This is the song of the generation. It's sad that this is the world we live in, but it's true. These hoes aren't loyal. I can't even count all the conversations I heard this year about women with boyfriends thinking about someone else, or single women working hard to pull men with boyfriends. No one has any kind of respect for relationships anymore. Everything is fair game. I think a lot of it is just women being tired of being taken advantage of. You like someone, and it scares them off. Offer to take care of them and they're weirded out. So you turn into that girl. You know which one, "You all about her and she's all about hers". That's one way not to lose. Don't hate the player, hate the game. I couldn't be one of these unloyal women, but I don't hate their game. Not for one second. It's about time women used men the same way they've been using us for years. Girl Power.

14. Anaconda by Nicki Minaj : This song isn't on here because I listened to it all year like all the others. It's on here, because it was part of a one woman revolution. The video was just plain insanity, and the cover was Nicki's butt. Cheeks and all. We live in a generation that's obsessed with unnaturally big booties. More power to the thick chicks. Drake's face when Nicki was giving him a lap dance at the end of the video was priceless. Every woman wants to make a man feel that way someday. I'm gonna learn that little dance. As a gift for my future husband :)

15. Smartphone by Trey Songz : Everyone knows that Trey is my future husband. The list wouldn't be complete without him. This song was an absolute gem. His voice pulls at your heart strings and the concept of the song remands me of confessions era Usher. It was my favorite song on the album.

16. I Won by Future and Kanye West : We already had the conversation about what Future's voice does to me. No need to repeat it. This song has the same effect. The lyrics are so sweet. The love him and Ciara shared for a short while was beautiful but these boys aren't loyal either. It ended, but for awhile she was his trophy. Kanye's verse is great as well. I think him and Kim were my favorite couple of 2014. His shoutout to her sisters was great as well. It's nice to hear black man rapping about love, and the word choice is great. "I put an angel in your ultrasound" awwww.

16. Drunk in Love by Beyonce and Jay Z : This song was everywhere. It was everything to everyone. Great club song. It was cute to see a husband and wife freaky about each other. This couple was all over the media in 2014 after Beyonce's sister started beating Jay up in an elevator. Rumor has it, it was because Jay was flirting with his ex in front of his wife. We all learned they weren't the perfect couple we thought they were. But nobodies perfect and the two of them made millions from all of this.

18. Don't Tell Em by Jeremiah : I just like this track. No explanation. It's just good.

19. No Mediocre by TI and Iggy Azalea : TI makes my top five rappers list. He has always been one of my favorites, and I was happy to see him back with this track.

20. Blank Space by Taylor Swift : "I got a blank space baby, and i'll write your name.. " The song is so catchy. I adore it.

21. Problem by Ariana Grande and I-G-G-Y : Ariana Grande was a huge star this year. I know I'm old, because I didn't follow the hype at all. She's a little girl with a big, powerful voice. Everyone loves her. Couldn't tell you much about her except for I read an article about how she died her hair so many times it doesn't grow in some places so she wears weave and has to always wear her hair in that half up half down style. I know that her manager is Sccoter Braun. The same guy that managed Justin Bieber. Justin got pretty far on his hair, so I would put money that he had something to do with her remaining unique and consistent as well. Getting off topic. This is a good song. Yay Problem!

22. Studio by SchoolboyQ: I'm not one that gets annoyed by songs playing over and over again, but that happened with this track which is why I had to put it so low on the list. It's a really good song, but to this day I ca't listen to 103.3 without hearing it. I'm a lover of slow jams, so it made the list.

22 1/2 : The Monster by Rihanna and Eminem : This song is definitely better than Hot N**** and No Type. Even Studio, debatably. I was seconds away from posting the list when I realized someone was missing. I haven't made a list of this type without Rihanna. She has been MIA this year but I knew she came out with something. I loved this song. It deserves to make the list. So I gave it a special spot. 22 is a great number anyways, so it's okay that there are two 22s.

23. Hot N***a by Bobby Shmurda: This song took over the nation completely. Couldn't go to a greek party without hearing it. Everyone and their mama can do the schmoney dance. I still can't. Look like a fool every time I try, but it was a big part of 2014. Can't forget.

23 1/2: (This one came after 22 1/2). One by Ed Sheeran is far too great to be left off this list.

24. No Type by Rae Sremmurd : This is another song that I heard absolutely everywhere. He doesn't have a type. Bad ladies are the only thing that he likes. That basically sums it up. The song thing that I heard more than the song lyrics being shouted from every rooftop in America is the ever pestering question, "Isn't bad b----es a type?" The world will never know.

25. Stay With Me by Sam Smith : Sam Smith is like the male Adele. You can hear the pain in his voice. His hurt is your hurt. And he has just one small request. He wants her to stay with him. Everyone has had that moment. They don't want rubies, diamonds, etc., just time. His voice was the best kept secret of the early 21st century. I'm glad he's famous and making music. Can't wait to hear what else he comes up with.

Honorable Mention:
The entire 1989 album. Emphasis on : This Love, How to Love a Girl, Clean, Style, Wildest Dream, and Out of the Woods.
The entire Pinkprint album. Emphasis on Win Again, I Lied, Grand Piano, Only, and Feeling Myself.
Parition by Beyonce
I Don't F--- With You by Big Sean (had so much fun doing diss stolls to this song. Memories).
Tuesday by Drake and some unknown
Wild Wild Love by Pitbull
Fancy by Iggy Azalea
Happy by Pharell
Royal by Lorde
Show Me by Chris Brown
We Dem Boyz by Wiz Khalifa
Counting Stars (because that's my brothers favorite song of the year)

Songs That Were New To Me :

1. A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope : I listened to this song nonstop throughout the year. I like making IVs to chill music like this, because I can listen to the words and not get too distracted. This song describes heartbreak in a way I'd never heard before. Losing someone is hard and this song depicts it perfectly.

2. Valarie by Amy Winehouse : Amy was vibrant and brilliant. This song depicts all of that. I like the upbeat version that she did with Mark Ronson before her death. It's the perfect song to get ready to or dance around your room to. Everyone needs to hear it.

3. Karaoke by Drake : This has always been my cousin's favorite Drake song, but our taste in music is pretty different so I never listened to it. Boy was I missing out. It's a soft Drake track and there's nothing I love more.

4. Firework by Drake and Alicia Keys : This was another track from So Far Gone I became obsessed with this year. I didn't know too many songs from that album prior to this year but discovering them has lit up my life.

5. Trust Issues by Drake : Can't tell you how many times I tweeted "My excuse is that I'm young, but I'm only getting older somebody should have told you".

That my friends is the top 25 songs of 2014. It is technically 27 and I could have gone on and on with the honorable mentions list, but I had to limit myself. The list feels incomplete without Drake, but the songs of his I listened to all came out in 2013. That doesn't mean that I didn't have a nothing but Drake day every week of 2014. He is brilliant. This concludes the top songs of 2014.

"Father, Father, Father help us. Send some guidance from above. Cause people got they got me questioning...where is the love?"

Racism was a huge part of 2014 for me. Was I personally mistreated? Probably, but no particular instances stick out. The story of Michael Brown and the aftermath of it left a huge impact on me. It opened to my eyes to some new things, but also reinforced what I already know. True equality does not exist in America. Michael Brown was an eighteen year old boy whose life ended way too soon. He died in the worst of ways. Michael Brown was shot "at least" six times. Six times. Can you imagine a bullet going through you just one time? A tiny piece of metal piercing through you at unbelievable speed. I try and think about how it would feel. I know you don't have to imagine these things. You could just Google it and get the full effect, but I have no interest. My imagination is enough. I know what I need to know. That it hurts. They say you can't feel it anymore after you die, but who knows that for sure? Show me the dead person they interviewed that said they couldn't feel anything. All of these different thoughts run through my head, but they don't matter. What matters is the fact that an eighteen year old boy is dead. Not because of cancer, HIV, texting and driving, or flesh-eating bacteria, but because a grown man consciously decided to end his life.

Life is a beautiful thing. I learned that October 2012 when I watched a fourteen year old family friend die. I've blogged about him time and time again, and probably won't stop because it had such a big effect on me. He had a brain tumor and cancer that in-twined his spinal chord. Our whole community spent about a year and a half watching him die. There was nothing we can do. But that year and a half of life he lived was beautiful. His life changed mine. It showed me that life has value. That seconds count. That young people die too and that we all have to be ready. His life was stolen from him by disease like many other childens lives are. There's not much we can do to end death by disease, but there are things we can do to end death by police brutality.

That was a term I hadn't really heard before 2014. Police brutality. It's defined as, "Excessive or unnecessary force by police when dealing with civilians". The story told by officers who kill young black male all sound pretty similar. They were scared. Black men are scary, and that fear is a form of racism. Yes Michael Brown was bigger with an athletic, bulky build, but that doesn't equate to being scary does it? Lets say he really was scary. He growled or did whatever it is that scares people. Does that mean he deserved to die?  If you scare easily, should you really be a police officer? These are the questions that have been circulating around the media for months now. His death started a very meaningful conversation I am proud to have been a part of. I went to countless discussions about police brutality and participated in a "Hands Up Don't Shoot" march with the Black Student Union at the University of Kansas. I learned a lot through my interactions with others at these events. I felt helpless at every single one, but at least I was doing something. Trying to make the change I want to see in the world. I'm proud of myself for participating. My heart still hurts for Michael Brown who will never get to go to college, get married, have babies, or eat red velvet cake again. It hurts for his mother who must be torn between feeling proud of the changes her sons death caused and completely broken by the prospect of living the rest of her life without him. Children are supposed to bury their parents. Not the other way around. That has to really hurt. I will continue to pray for Michael, the family, and black men living in America. I really hope that all the conversation, hashtags, and marches that started in 2014 lead to significant change.

Someday I want to have a cute little black baby boy. I want him to be able to go out it the world without fear of being harmed by a police officer, or anyone for that matter just because of the color of their skin. It's been amazing watching artists like the Game, Alicia Keys, Beyonce & Jay Z, and many more come together and be the kinds of leaders we desperately need. I'm proud of the movement and can;t wait to see what it leads to.

Song of the day : Where is the Love by the Black Eyed Peas

Quote of the day : "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character". - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

"If you need more love from me. I'll give you more. Just let me know"

My last blog post was four months ago. It ended with the words "just me, myself, and I". You all know me well enough to know that's not how it was. I did not spend the last four months focusing on myself and eliminating men from my life. I spent the last four months living, breathing, and falling for men. Tall ones, short ones, athletic ones, rich ones, and Trey Songz. Always, always Trey Songz. His place in my heart is one thing that will never change. Well, time to get to the point. In 2014, I fell in love on the internet. Well sort of. The internet on my phone. I know exactly what you're thinking, catfish. There is some truth to that thought. Before I continue, you should know that I secretly believe that I was the first catfish. The year was 2007. I was at a Christmas party. We made reindeer out of sugar cookies, m&ms, and pretzels, watched elf, and were bored. Like all little girls, our mind went right to prank calling. A friend of mine at the time was dating a boy who had a cousin. He was the perfect target. We called him and he spoke to a girl names Angela. She was 13, nerdy, and in love with Country music. All of it was true with the exception of the picture that he got of Angela. He got a little white blond girl instead of the beautiful black woman I was then and still am. We talked for quite awhile. Not every day but on and off for about two years. We were too young to actually meet so there was no problem. One day, I told him who I really was and sent him a link to my facebook. We never spoke again. I don't know if it was because I wasn't a cute blond girl or if it had to do with the fact I lied. We didn't work out. I didn't want to. It was a cruel joke. Eventually, catfishing became a sensation and everyone knows what it is. Mhissy changed the world. If you haven't seen that episode, you haven't lived.


Anyways, who would have thought that seven years later I would find myself in a similar situation. Tinder got popular. Everyone I worked with was talking about it and telling stories of all the really cool matches they had. I was totally against it. Online dating was for people who couldn't get anyone in real life. It took like months for me to realize that I was one of those people who couldn't get anyone in real life. Not because I was unattractive, boring, etc. I've always had plenty of interested people, but they were never right. They weren't educated enough, they weren't nice, they were a high std risks, only wanted to hookup, we didn't connect etc. The list goes on and on. So I got a tinder with the intention of getting my confidence boosted. I was extremely selective and and it made me feel great to match with every single person I wanted. It was one big "she still got it" moment. I talked to a guy on there pretty consistently through the month of June, but he had an almost ex wife and it was messy. It ended just as soon as it started. That turned me off to Tinder completely, but I still got on for the occasional confidence boost. I was mean and never spoke back to the people who talked to me. I wasn't trying anymore. Then I matched with this guy, lets call him...Dave. Dave was cute. His pictures displayed a smile and a slight twinkle in his eye. I knew he was short, but for some reason I swiped right anyways. He spoke to me, and for some reason I spoke back. It was clear that he's an intellectual. I told him about how I believe in the law of attraction, and he didn't get weirded out. He read an article about it and knew exactly what I was talking about. So he gave me his number, and I didn't text him. I wasn't trying to meet anyone remember? He didn't forget about me. He asked why I didn't text him. I was caught off guard, but that's the shit I like. Being called out, persistence. I like those things.

So we talked and I texted him. He didn't have time to finish our very first conversation. I thought nothing of it since I was shopping with my grandma and adorable baby cousin (she's 12, but she's still my baby). I had no idea that this was the beginning of a whole six months of him being too busy for me. But lets not ruin the fairytale yet. Him & I spoke, and I still wasn't taking it very seriously. I was tired of wasting my time. So I decided to scare him away. I told him about how I wanted a double staircase, to retire at 40, and have no less than four fabulous children. Each child would have their own room and I will afford them. I have a vision and that vision scares people. But not Dave. He was pretty freaked out about the whole four babies thing and the fact that I'm legal but young. All of these thing should have lead him to never talk to me again. To make matters worse I sent him a letter. Through the mail. Anyone else would have ran for the woods as soon as they read "Dear...". But Dave has that persistent personality that I find so attractive. He did just that. Persevered. Now it's not a complete fairytale. He had this girl best friend he spends all his time with and makes time for every day. She gets all the time I don't. He gets on tinder still. Probably in hopes of finding someone that isn't young and wants one or two children like a normal person. We don't talk about these things, but I know. It is what it is. But I liked that he wasn't intimidated by my goals. He told me that he was done hooking up with randoms and was ready to build something. He said that work and his immediate family would never be enough for him and he wanted to fall in love. Call me stupid, but I thought he was saying all this cause he wanted to fall in love with me.

The entire six months, he never seriously asked me out. By serious, I mean "Lets meet at the olive garden on 6th and Monteray at exactly 6 pm on August 31st". Never like that. He used to talk about hanging out, but I said no because I hadn't fallen for him yet. It took time for me to want to. Now I really want to, but he doesn't. I told him I liked him, and I really meant it but it freaked him out. I know I'm not the crazy one. It's okay to have feelings after five months. That's not crazy. But it is crazy to "like" someone that you've never met. I see where he's coming from on that one. Since I made that big proclamation, things haven't really been the same. He doesn't like talking to me as much anymore, and I no longer just say what I think with no fear of scaring him. Now I worry about saying the right thing and doing things that will make him want to keep talking to me for longer than ten min. I really started liking Dave. But the reality is Dave is extremely busy. He's a superhero at this office and gets to wear really hot suits every day Christian Grey style. I understand busy. I'm in pharmacy school. I have something to do every night and work a lot. But if I were to fall for someone while in pharmacy school, I would make time for them. There are nights, and weekends. People who like each other are content with five min together. Just being. That's what I want. But I don't think I can get that out of this. These last 48 hours we were both free of work, school, or anything. What I wanted more than anything was to spend the time together. I was willing to catch the flu for a couple hours of the mans time. But he didn't want to. He may never want to. I've accepted it. Were there lessons learned? Yes. I can be completely crazy, daydream-ish, vain and insecure at the same time, devastating, talkative, excitable, and all the other things that make me, me. All of those things are likeable, and I don't regret revealing those things about myself for a second. That is real growth. So if we never meet and the last six months were just wonderful conversation, then I got that. Growth. And that's a beautiful thing.

Song of the day: Let Me Know by Tamar Braxton & Future

Quote of the day : "Most people are awaiting Virtual Reality; I'm awaiting virtuous reality" -Elill g