This post is special for many reasons. This post is special, because it's the first blog post coming from my iPad. I've had this iPad for about 2 weeks now, but after the first day I didn't really use it for everything. It just sat and looked absolutely lovely on my desk. It's engraved with my full name, and the quote "Hope is the Beartbeat of the Soul" is on there. I wish I could say that that quote held some type of significance, but I didn't know that you could get your iPad engraved for free at the time. I purchased it with my dad who knows way more about technology than I ever will. He of course was rushing me and said that the quote was irrelevant. I wanted the bible verse "All things come together for good for those who love The Lord" on there, but that was too many characters. So I looked up short quotes and went with the first one that sounded good. So when i'm doing homework and need encouragment, I'll look at my little quote for inspiration. Motivation to keep on keeping one,.
I've stopped trying in one area of my life. At this point for the last two weeks, I pronounce my love life dead. I never had the most exciting romantic life or really any significant romantic encounters, but I was born the kind of person who is in love with the idea of love. As a christian, a majority of our religion is about loving one and other. My parents have been married for 23 years, and they make each other stronger each and every day. I always wanted a variation of what they have. So I spent years and years watching Disney movies and waiting for my happily ever after. So I went to junior high and people dated and fell in love, I didn't. Then I went to high school. Surly I'd at least have the little prom date romance from the movies, nope. College. This is my huge change to meet someone that I can build something with. Nope. I can't say it's been due to lack of trying. I've falled for a pretty large amount of men over the last few years. These men either have girlfriends or baby mothers, want to just hit it and quit it, or ddidn't make me feel the way I wantt to. I like fireworks, and falling head over heels crazy in love. Not just anyone can make you feel that way.
There others who sparked that feeling in me, but I just didn't do it for them. This blog used to pretty much be stories about a dude named Prince. Jr. High me thought the world started and ended with him. He could do no wrong. Everyone knows this story. I told him how I feel, and he didn't like me so it ended. Around four years later I finally see him again, and he acted so awkward. He refused to make conversation and went through extreme measures to avoid sitting next to me. It was quite silly and made me question myself. I asked, what did I do to make him feel so opposed to my presence? The answer was that I loved him, I supported his endevors too much and cared about him too much. My love was just too terrible . Do you see how messed up that is? My love will make a person take extreme measures to avoid those sentiments sparking again. This occasion led me to the realization that love is wasted on people of this sort. They don't deserve the love I have to give. I may not have the perfect body or a charming personality, but the love I have to give is real and pure. Worth someting. I've decided ito stop looking for someone to give it to. What a waste of someting so valuble. Now I'm going to love myself and love my family more than even Romeo loved Juliet. I'm not actively looking for romance anymore. So I've stopped using my Tinder and am over all the silly boys I used to enjoy creeping on before bed. I can go to walmart in the yoga pants that have a hole in them, because I'm not out here to impress anybody. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I can learn to be completely content this way. Just me, myself, and I.
song of the day: Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz
Quote of the day: Hope is the Heartbeat of the Soul
About Me
- Forever yours, Mariam
- My name is Mariam and through this blog I'm discovering things about the world, and about myself. Through all my blogs you'll see craziness, political insight, celebrity mania, musical interest, total drama queen-ness,all about boys, and ever changing views on everything. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. You're about read the pages of my epic diary. Welcome to my world, and feel free to come back ;)
Friday, August 15, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Top Songs of Summer 2014
The time has come for my annual song of the summer list. I hope you're excited, because I sure am.
1. Rude by Magic : Hot damn, this is my jam! I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this song. I heard it for the first time on the radio, and I had to figure out what it's called. My dad stopped listening to new music around 1990, so if we played music in the house that he enjoys it would be the classics. We listening to Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson, the greats. The greatest was Bob Marley. Both my parents are huge fans. I have a love or reggae. It's so soothing and upbeat. They talk about real subjects in a calm way. It was so refreshing to hear a song like this on the radio. Magic changed the game.
2. All About That Bass : So I'm in the middle of my own personal weight crisis. I weight more than I ever have, and I started going back to the gym. Trying to be healthier, but at the same time I'm eating a lot of cake and reading in big, warm comfy chairs which isn't exactly helping the cause. It's so fun to hear that song. I dance around to it in my room all the time. "Boys like a little more booty to hold at night" is lyrical genius.
3. Loyal by Chris Brown : Every time this song came on at a club or party I danced like there was no tomorrow. Chris Brown is bae, and he has been since he sang "excuse me miss, I saved the last dance for youuuu". He can beat up people, break cell phones, yell through windows, and tattoo every single inch of his body, but i'll always think of him as that sweet little boy. Young and sweet only 17. This song isn't like that, but it spoke to the issues of this generation. "These hoes ain't loyal". Male and female hoes
4. Show Me by Chris Brown & Kid Ink : Copy and paste what I said above. Chris Brown is bae. The songs are great and you want to dance like there's no tomorrow.
5. A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope : This is an old song with the most beautiful lyrics of all time. "A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather I was hoping that you and me might end up together. It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, but i'm holding you closer than most. Cause you are my heaven.." I love sad, beautiful, tragic, music about unrequited love.
6. Valarie by Amy Winehouse : I was always a fan of the late and great Amy Winehouse as a public figure, but like most people I only knew rehab. This song is so much fun. I like the remix done with the Matt Ronson bad, and it's fabulous. Listen to it while you're getting ready or driving with the top down (if you have the ability to drive with the top down, love your life and appreciate it)
7. Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz : The guitar part of this song is phenomenal. I love the way he slaps the strings. It's great. I would break out in the lyrics, but I did that enough times this blog.
8. Sexy Back by Justin Timberake : Guys, I saw him live!! I got to finally see my childhood crush. I remember how much I admired him and Britney Spears and those cheesy matching denium outfits back in the days. Times have changed, but his music is still great. The artistic songs were great, but it was nice to ave some good old fashioned JT. He really did bring sexy back.
9. I Won by Future ft. Kanye West : I'm slowly letting go of my distaste for Ye. He really is a great lyrist, and I'm a Kim K fan. I just had to forgive him to enjoy KUWTK, but that's not the best part. The best part is Future. He's such a stud. It was great seeing him perform. I was right by the stage. He has an amazing voice, and I got to meet him. He stole my heart just a little.
10. Fancy by Iggy Azalea : Iggy is no Nicki and she never will be, but I love this song. I-G-G-Y
11. Problems by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea : Her last name is just so fun to say. Anyways, this is a great song. A nice female version of Jay Zs 99 Problems. Men forget that there are 3 billion of them out there somewhere. So Amen to the message they're sending : I've got 99 problems, but you WON'T be one.
12. No Mediocre by TI : TI is one of my top five favorite rappers of all time. I like the way he wraps and the beats he chooses, and his reality show. I like his reality show a lot. But this song was great. A good way for him to return to the spotlight for a little bit.
13. One by Ed Sheeran : Ed has a beautiful voice and message to send out into the world. The British are just beautiful people in general. If you haven't heard this song, listen to it. It's a winner.
14. Main Chick by Chris Brown and Kid Ink : Please tell your lovers and friends that Kid Ink and Chris Brown had to do it again.
15. Stay With Me by Sam Smith : More beautiful music. The harmonies are one of a kind. This is a beautiful piece and another surprise on the charts. Songs like this don't often make it so high up.
16. Who Do You Love by YG : That was another club hit. I loved dancing to that all summer long.
17. Studio by SchoolboyQ : This song is so sweet. You don't hear tough rappers singing sweet songs like this very often, but that trumpet or whatever sound that is in the background makes is so sexy. Love it.
18. The Monster - Rihanna ft. Eminem : These two were a music match made in heaven. Their voices go so well together, and they've both been through so much. Each song is beautiful in the best way. I wish their tour was coming to where I live and pray those two will make an album together.
19. Paranoid by Ty$ : This song goes so hard. It's everything that's wrong with our generation, but I love it nonetheless. When it plays I can't help but dance and scream " both of my b----es drive rangggge rovers".
20. Home by Blake Shelton : I honestly don't know when this song came out, but it's beautiful. My dad gave it the stamp of approval and that rarely happens, so you know it's a good song. Those of you who refuse to listen to country are truly missing out. The lyrics are something you can't find in any other genre of music. Just pure, real, and true.
This list feels incomplete, but so do I right now. So ends the top songs of the summer. Enjoy them in the few weeks we have left. I know i'll be jamming to some of them for a lifetime.
1. Rude by Magic : Hot damn, this is my jam! I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this song. I heard it for the first time on the radio, and I had to figure out what it's called. My dad stopped listening to new music around 1990, so if we played music in the house that he enjoys it would be the classics. We listening to Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson, the greats. The greatest was Bob Marley. Both my parents are huge fans. I have a love or reggae. It's so soothing and upbeat. They talk about real subjects in a calm way. It was so refreshing to hear a song like this on the radio. Magic changed the game.
2. All About That Bass : So I'm in the middle of my own personal weight crisis. I weight more than I ever have, and I started going back to the gym. Trying to be healthier, but at the same time I'm eating a lot of cake and reading in big, warm comfy chairs which isn't exactly helping the cause. It's so fun to hear that song. I dance around to it in my room all the time. "Boys like a little more booty to hold at night" is lyrical genius.
3. Loyal by Chris Brown : Every time this song came on at a club or party I danced like there was no tomorrow. Chris Brown is bae, and he has been since he sang "excuse me miss, I saved the last dance for youuuu". He can beat up people, break cell phones, yell through windows, and tattoo every single inch of his body, but i'll always think of him as that sweet little boy. Young and sweet only 17. This song isn't like that, but it spoke to the issues of this generation. "These hoes ain't loyal". Male and female hoes
4. Show Me by Chris Brown & Kid Ink : Copy and paste what I said above. Chris Brown is bae. The songs are great and you want to dance like there's no tomorrow.
5. A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope : This is an old song with the most beautiful lyrics of all time. "A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather I was hoping that you and me might end up together. It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, but i'm holding you closer than most. Cause you are my heaven.." I love sad, beautiful, tragic, music about unrequited love.
6. Valarie by Amy Winehouse : I was always a fan of the late and great Amy Winehouse as a public figure, but like most people I only knew rehab. This song is so much fun. I like the remix done with the Matt Ronson bad, and it's fabulous. Listen to it while you're getting ready or driving with the top down (if you have the ability to drive with the top down, love your life and appreciate it)
7. Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz : The guitar part of this song is phenomenal. I love the way he slaps the strings. It's great. I would break out in the lyrics, but I did that enough times this blog.
8. Sexy Back by Justin Timberake : Guys, I saw him live!! I got to finally see my childhood crush. I remember how much I admired him and Britney Spears and those cheesy matching denium outfits back in the days. Times have changed, but his music is still great. The artistic songs were great, but it was nice to ave some good old fashioned JT. He really did bring sexy back.
9. I Won by Future ft. Kanye West : I'm slowly letting go of my distaste for Ye. He really is a great lyrist, and I'm a Kim K fan. I just had to forgive him to enjoy KUWTK, but that's not the best part. The best part is Future. He's such a stud. It was great seeing him perform. I was right by the stage. He has an amazing voice, and I got to meet him. He stole my heart just a little.
10. Fancy by Iggy Azalea : Iggy is no Nicki and she never will be, but I love this song. I-G-G-Y
11. Problems by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea : Her last name is just so fun to say. Anyways, this is a great song. A nice female version of Jay Zs 99 Problems. Men forget that there are 3 billion of them out there somewhere. So Amen to the message they're sending : I've got 99 problems, but you WON'T be one.
12. No Mediocre by TI : TI is one of my top five favorite rappers of all time. I like the way he wraps and the beats he chooses, and his reality show. I like his reality show a lot. But this song was great. A good way for him to return to the spotlight for a little bit.
13. One by Ed Sheeran : Ed has a beautiful voice and message to send out into the world. The British are just beautiful people in general. If you haven't heard this song, listen to it. It's a winner.
14. Main Chick by Chris Brown and Kid Ink : Please tell your lovers and friends that Kid Ink and Chris Brown had to do it again.
15. Stay With Me by Sam Smith : More beautiful music. The harmonies are one of a kind. This is a beautiful piece and another surprise on the charts. Songs like this don't often make it so high up.
16. Who Do You Love by YG : That was another club hit. I loved dancing to that all summer long.
17. Studio by SchoolboyQ : This song is so sweet. You don't hear tough rappers singing sweet songs like this very often, but that trumpet or whatever sound that is in the background makes is so sexy. Love it.
18. The Monster - Rihanna ft. Eminem : These two were a music match made in heaven. Their voices go so well together, and they've both been through so much. Each song is beautiful in the best way. I wish their tour was coming to where I live and pray those two will make an album together.
19. Paranoid by Ty$ : This song goes so hard. It's everything that's wrong with our generation, but I love it nonetheless. When it plays I can't help but dance and scream " both of my b----es drive rangggge rovers".
20. Home by Blake Shelton : I honestly don't know when this song came out, but it's beautiful. My dad gave it the stamp of approval and that rarely happens, so you know it's a good song. Those of you who refuse to listen to country are truly missing out. The lyrics are something you can't find in any other genre of music. Just pure, real, and true.
This list feels incomplete, but so do I right now. So ends the top songs of the summer. Enjoy them in the few weeks we have left. I know i'll be jamming to some of them for a lifetime.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
"Love me or hate me we will be boys, standing at the alter. Or we will run away to another galaxy" - *reggae music voice*
I promised to keep you updated, and I didn't. A million different things happened the last two months. I don't know where to begin. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't tell my faithful readers that I've done my fair share of things I'm not proud of. When I stared this blog, I was young, pure, naive, and so full of hope for the future. That's the best part of reading those old posts. Seeing my optimism. I still have it. Unfortunately, it's not contagious. I have these moments where I feel extremely excited or or ready to take a risk of a lifetime, and I don't have any one to do it with. When I finally felt comfortable making IVs at work, I couldn't help but spread my excitement. It also happened to be the same day I went to see the 20/20 experience, so I had that excitement as well. My coworker told me with the most serious expression on his face, "sometimes I think you're crazy". I didn't say it, but I thought to myself, "sometimes I think I'm crazy too". But that's the best side of me. The loose, free side. It's just hard to find people that understand that part. I've pretty much given up on that, convincing my friends to go on a Europe trip, and eating red velvet cake without gaining weight. Those are three things that just won't happen. Lack of complete understanding can make a girl pretty lonely at times. Lately, I start thinking of what i'll do if I end up alone because I'm too crazy, too fun, or never find the kind of spark I long for. Here's the list.
1. Logical Solutions : I'll finish my degree in pharmacy and throw myself into work without working too much. I'll keep myself busy like I do now by planning endless outings and keeping many friends so I always have something to do, shopping, concerts. You know the drill.
2. Scientific Solutions : I will hold out hope for finding my other half or just others to take that European adventure with me, and if it doesn't work I'll get...inseminated. Maybe the fact that these are thoughts I have in my head proves that I'm crazy. Who even thinks of doing stuff like that right? But then i'll have really cute half Indian, half African children as companions for at least 18 years.
3. Selflessly Selfish Solutions : Lately I've been thinking that I could see myself adopting in the future. A conversation from 8th grade has just always stuck with me. He had an adopted baby brother that he loved with his whole heart. His dad and step mom had been trying to adopt for a very long time, but they weren't successful, because the couldn't find a baby that looks like them. The child they did find ended up looking like the rest of the family, and they loved him wholeheartedly. I just always wondered if they would have loved him if he didn't look like them. I realized that it takes a lot of heart to do that kind of thing, and after contemplating for awhile I feel like I have the heart to do it. The first two possibilities were more jokes and dramatic thoughts than anything else, but this one is serious.
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. I'm only nineteen, but I feel older than that. About half the people I went to high school with have had children, are married, or are in jail. Three very adult, very grown things. I'm not saying that's what I want for myself at this time, but I'm the same age as them. That's the place in life we're in, so of course I feel grown. I feel like I know what I want, and I want to find a way to achieve that. Right now my focus is on school of course, but I'm allowed to day dream and long for things. My parents still look at my like a child playing house, and I get the feeling they always will. I guess i'm figuring out things one step at at time. This post is just a compilation of random thoughts that have been running around my head. There really will be more to come.
Song of the day: Rude by Magic : I am absolutely obsessed with this song. I think it's time for my songs of the summer list.
quote of the day: The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in The Beauty of Their Dreams
1. Logical Solutions : I'll finish my degree in pharmacy and throw myself into work without working too much. I'll keep myself busy like I do now by planning endless outings and keeping many friends so I always have something to do, shopping, concerts. You know the drill.
2. Scientific Solutions : I will hold out hope for finding my other half or just others to take that European adventure with me, and if it doesn't work I'll get...inseminated. Maybe the fact that these are thoughts I have in my head proves that I'm crazy. Who even thinks of doing stuff like that right? But then i'll have really cute half Indian, half African children as companions for at least 18 years.
3. Selflessly Selfish Solutions : Lately I've been thinking that I could see myself adopting in the future. A conversation from 8th grade has just always stuck with me. He had an adopted baby brother that he loved with his whole heart. His dad and step mom had been trying to adopt for a very long time, but they weren't successful, because the couldn't find a baby that looks like them. The child they did find ended up looking like the rest of the family, and they loved him wholeheartedly. I just always wondered if they would have loved him if he didn't look like them. I realized that it takes a lot of heart to do that kind of thing, and after contemplating for awhile I feel like I have the heart to do it. The first two possibilities were more jokes and dramatic thoughts than anything else, but this one is serious.
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. I'm only nineteen, but I feel older than that. About half the people I went to high school with have had children, are married, or are in jail. Three very adult, very grown things. I'm not saying that's what I want for myself at this time, but I'm the same age as them. That's the place in life we're in, so of course I feel grown. I feel like I know what I want, and I want to find a way to achieve that. Right now my focus is on school of course, but I'm allowed to day dream and long for things. My parents still look at my like a child playing house, and I get the feeling they always will. I guess i'm figuring out things one step at at time. This post is just a compilation of random thoughts that have been running around my head. There really will be more to come.
Song of the day: Rude by Magic : I am absolutely obsessed with this song. I think it's time for my songs of the summer list.
quote of the day: The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in The Beauty of Their Dreams
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